Bad Behavior (The Last Time Traveler Book 3)

by Aaron J. Ethridge

  She fulfilled this request with a sigh.

  “Now,” he repeated, “there are several things I want to say, and you're going to listen. Understand?”

  She nodded silently.

  “I love you,” he smiled. “Not just more than any other woman, or more than life itself, but more than you can possibly imagine; even in your wildest dreams. The idea of putting my lips to some other woman's fills me with a sense of repugnance.”

  “That makes two of us,” she interjected.

  “Not just because of such simple physical things,” the traveler continued, “as the fact that your mouth tastes like honey...”

  “And, her sweat tastes like maple syrup!” Morgan added.

  This caused Azure to punch him in the arm and Robert to shake his head.

  “Yes, Morgan,” he sighed. “Thank you for making that observation. I'm sure that really helped.”

  “Happy to be of service.”

  “It's because I'm – we'll call it a thousand years old, I guess,” he said, gazing into her violet eyes, “and, I've never kissed another woman. I lived for lifetimes without ever having felt more than a passing interest in any female I ever encountered. That all changed somewhere around the time you turned eighteen. I had never imagined a woman like you even existed, much less that I would ever meet her or that she'd be available when I did. You are the fulfillment of centuries of dreams I didn't even know I had before I met you.”

  “If you say so, Rob,” she replied, doing her best to fight back the smile that was slowly forcing its way onto her face.

  “I do say so,” he insisted. “Do you believe me?”

  “You're not the easiest man in the universe to believe,” she pointed out.

  “I'll help you,” he replied. “I want you and Azure to go with us. That way, you'll be able to see exactly what happens.”

  “That would be some consolation, I suppose,” she said, doing her best to sound nonchalant, but basically failing.

  “I also want you to know that I plan to do my very best to start a fight without kissing her.”

  “You’d better,” she replied, running her hand down his chest.

  “Even if I end up having to,” he said, “I won’t give her more than a peck.”

  “You’d better not,” she warned him. “Do you have any special instructions before we go get ready?”

  “Be careful how you setup the holo-emitters,” he replied. “You can be hot but, not nearly as hot as you are in real life. I don't want to attract any undue attention.”

  “If you say so, Rob,” she repeated, before lifting a single eyebrow. “However, before we go, I'd like to know who these other women were who you had a passing interest in.”

  “He may not remember,” Doc suggested.

  “Doc!” Morgan exclaimed, a genuinely shocked tone in his voice. “Did you just lie?”

  “Not at all,” Doc assured him. “I said may.”

  “So, you did,” the young man replied thoughtfully. “That's a qualifier.”

  “It certainly is.”

  Somehow, although Cleo could never put her finger on exactly how, this observation swept the conversation off in an entirely different direction. Just minutes later, Morgan and Robert headed for their rooms to catch a quick shower. However, the young man found himself locked out of his chamber for some inexplicable reason. Robert tried to ‘explic’ it by saying that Morgan had obviously accidentally locked the door using a pass-code that he didn't know what was. The young man refuted this, and was eventually proved to be correct after Cleo couldn't even manage to hack her way through the lock.

  In the end, Vox had to open the access panel and force the door open manually. This completely vindicated Morgan and caused Cleo, Azure, and Vox to assert that they might want to do a complete systems check before they started the next job. Robert vetoed this as they were already practically on top of their target and it would take days to do a complete check. He assured them, however, that as soon as they got back, they would work on figuring out what had happened. For one thing, they hadn't even bothered to run a check on their door locks after the ship had been infected with what Cleo called the Sturm Virus – although Robert refused to call it that – and that it was, after all, just a stuck door.

  Less than an hour after Morgan's chamber had been opened, he and Robert, along with Cleo and Azure, had been programmed with archaic Baumkuchenian, as well as the current customs and recent news items they might end up needing to know about when they spoke to the locals. Morgan and Robert then put on period clothing, complete with armor and swords. Shortly after they had made their way back to the bridge, the ladies joined them. Although they looked almost like humans wearing beautiful medieval dresses of blue and red, Robert wasn't satisfied.

  “I told you to turn the hot down,” he pointed out, wrapping his arms around Cleo. “If I didn't know that it was impossible, I'd say you'd turned it up.”

  “So, you like me better this way?” she asked playfully.

  “I like the red dress,” he smiled, “as it goes with your current complexion. But, I greatly prefer green skin. Not to mention that blue eyes, though beautiful, are no match for violet.”

  “You look weird,” was Morgan's much more direct observation.

  “Why, thank you,” Azure chuckled.

  “You know what I mean,” he said, shaking his head. “Normally, you're perfect. Absolutely, totally, and in all other ways perfect. So, obviously, any deviation from that is less-than-perfect. I mean; you're still scalding hot but, in my fantasies...”

  “Yes, thank you, Morgan,” Robert interjected. “We get the idea. Cleo, do you have a camera hidden on you somewhere?”

  “I do,” she nodded.

  “Good,” he smiled. “You know what you're supposed to do?”

  “I do,” she assured him.

  “Prefect. Now, let's get this show on the road. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can get this over with.”

  With the press of a few buttons, the traveler dropped the ship into real-space above Baumkuchen. He then cloaked the vessel and put it down in a clearing in the woods not more than half a mile from the castle that was their immediate destination. As they made their way down the dirt road they were following, a number of questions formed in Morgan's mind. Which, obviously, made their way directly to his mouth.

  “The ship is huge,” he said aloud.

  “Compared to a rowboat,” Robert mused, “yes, it is.”

  “It never leaves prints on the ground.”

  “Nope. Never.”

  “Why?”

  “I don't like leaving time-clues behind me in the past,” Robert explained.

  “Right... I actually meant; how?”

  “Gravity generators,” the traveler replied. “They make sure the ship doesn't weigh enough to leave any prints, depending on what the terrain is like.”

  “That's amazing! Why doesn't it ever blow away in the wind?”

  “It's not weightless, Morgan. It just doesn't weigh a lot most of the time. Plus, the inertial dampeners pretty much lock it in place – barring an explosion or something like that, of course. We also use both the generators and the dampeners to aid propulsion in real-space.”

  “Again; how?”

  “The inertial dampeners reduce our momentum when the ship is throttling up and maintain it once we've reached our current cruising speed. The gravity generators push against gravity wells that we're flying away from while, at the same time, pulling us toward any wells near our current destination.”

  “Wild!”

  “It's all about field mechanics, man.”

  “Well, that explains that,” Morgan nodded. “Now, who are we supposed to be?”

  “Let's see,” Robert said thoughtfully. “I'll be Sir Richard of the Lea. Cleo will be Lady Marian Fitzwalter...”

  “Kind of like Maid Marian?” the young man suggested.

  “Exactly like Maid Marian,” the traveler nodded. “Azure will be Lad
y Joanna Sedley. And, you'll be Sir Miles of Twine.”

  This made both the girls giggle.

  “Most of those names are kind of familiar,” Morgan pointed out. “I mean, Marian Fitzwalter is definitely a character from something.”

  “She's from Robin Hood, you loony,” Robert laughed. “She is Maid Marian.”

  “Oh, so when you said exactly like...”

  “I was being literal,” the traveler pointed out. “Literally literal.”

  “Who is Sir Richard of the Lea?”

  “Another character from Robin Hood,” Cleo smiled.

  “It seems to me,” Morgan observed, “that Rob should be Sir Robin Hood. After all, Maid Marian was his girlfriend.”

  “I find that name too hard to remember,” Robert asserted.

  “I don't see how,” Morgan laughed. “I mean... Oh... I see... Either way, what is Joanna Sedley from?”

  “The Black Arrow.”

  “What's that?”

  “A book written by Robert Louis Stevenson.”

  “The Treasure Island guy.”

  “That's him.”

  “Why her?”

  “I like her character,” Robert explained. “She's brave, resourceful, loyal, etc. Needless to say, that reminds me of Azure.”

  “Why, thank you,” the blue maiden smiled.

  “You're very welcome.”

  “What about Miles of Twine?” Morgan asked.

  “Well, first off,” Robert chuckled. “It's funny.”

  “He was a funny character?”

  “No, Morgan... Well... yes, kind of. But, what I mean is that, Sir Miles of Twine is funny.”

  “In what way was he funny?”

  “It's Miles of Twine. Miles, Morgan, of Twine.”

  The young man shook his head in silence.

  “He was from The Adventures of Robin Hood,” Robert laughed. “The TV show from the nineteen-fifties.”

  “Never saw it. Was it any good?”

  “Yes...”

  After several seconds of silence, Morgan burst out laughing.

  “I got ya,” he chuckled. “Sir Miles of Twine. You were saying it weird.”

  “I'm sure I was.”

  “Either way, have we got fake invitations or something?”

  “We don't.”

  “Have we been added to the guest list?”

  “Nope,” was the traveler's simple reply.

  “Then, how do we get in?”

  “Right through the front gate,” Robert explained. “It's an open banquet.”

  “Say no more,” Morgan smiled. “According to Doc's programming, that means we don't need an invitation, provided that we're obviously of the noblesse – and these clothes make that more than obvious.”

  “They also look really good on you, Morgan,” Cleo observed. “Especially the armor. I don't know why, but it really works with your height.”

  “I don't know,” Azure said. “I mean; Morgan obviously wears it well but, it makes Rob look even more masculine than usual, and he's never exactly a slouch in that department.”

  “I couldn't agree more,” Robert replied with a wink.

  “Either way,” Cleo said, rolling her eyes. “I think we can agree that the armor looks really good on both of them.”

  “There's no question about that,” Azure agreed.

  “Well then, you're in luck,” the traveler said. “Because, as I'm sure you know, the custom is that young ladies walk on the arms of their escorts. As we're getting close to the castle, you had better take ours.”

  Each of the young men offered his lady his arm, which was graciously accepted. The four approached the castle gates as two very handsome couples. As they drew near the massive structure, Morgan couldn't help but think that it looked exactly like something from the height of medieval architecture back on Earth. Either that, or a Disney castle from a movie that hadn't been made yet.

  Its thick stone walls were interspersed with tall square towers at regular intervals, from the tops of which fluttered flags informing all those who beheld them to whom the castle belonged. The young man recognized the design – three white birds of prey on a field of red – as the crest of the family Sharp. In point of fact, there were several hundred family crests from Baumkuchen that Morgan would have instantly recognized, thanks to the programming Doc had given him. However, due to Robert's explicit instructions, the young man was kept from knowing what the real name of the planet was. Although, he did know that the locals didn't refer to their planet by name, believing, at the time, that it was the only place in the universe where life could be found.

  Beyond the walls, the young man could make out the slate-covered roofs of a number of multistory structures that made up the living and working quarters of the castle's many residents. One tower, set on the corner of one of the larger buildings, caught his attention in particular. It rose a least three stories above the next tallest tower and the young man felt the view from its windows had to be absolutely stunning.

  Everything about the scene struck him as somewhat romantic. The sky was a beautiful dark blue, dotted with puffy clouds of white that were drifting lazily along on the warm and gentle breeze. Several probably ancient, and certainly stately, trees grew on the grounds surrounding the castle; well out of bow-shot range, but still within easy walking distance. Morgan knew that they couldn't actually be, but he thought they looked a good deal like live oaks.

  Another visually interesting aspect the region had to offer at that moment was what could almost be described as a sea of well-dressed people strolling, strutting, sauntering, and – in some cases – riding, toward the open gates of the castle. Robert had certainly selected the road less traveled when he decided to park the ship where he had. Whereas the main thoroughfare leading to their destination was quite literally overflowing with people, their short journey had been made in complete seclusion.

  The similarities between their own attire – as well as that of countless others in the crowd – to Earth fashions in the middle ages (well, to the fantasized medieval garb that one would often encounter at conventions and the like) made the young man reflect on how many common threads there were woven through the history of the universe and all its many peoples. Of course, that's not how Morgan put it.

  “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “it's a small universe after all.”

  “It is if you have a spaceship-time-machine that can move way faster than light,” Robert nodded.

  “I mean,” Morgan explained. “This place could be ancient Earth.”

  “Not exactly ancient,” Robert disagreed. “That is to say, not ancient from when you lived there. Which I assume was the time frame you were using as a reference.”

  “It was.”

  “Well, in real time, when and where you grew up is: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. At least, from the point of view of the people here and now.”

  “Am I Luke?” the young man asked.

  “You are,” the traveler asserted. “But, I've got an ever bigger shock than that for you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Luke, I am your father,” Robert replied, doing his best Darth Vader.

  “That's not what he said,” Morgan pointed out, before chuckling. “Although, it's funny that you say that because, I can't actually remember much about my...”

  “You're getting of topic,” the traveler interrupted. “In what way is this place like ancient Earth?”

  “Are you kidding me?” Morgan replied. “In every way.”

  “That knight over there,” Robert said, nodding toward a man in the distance, “is riding a giant chicken.”

  “Okay. Not in every way. But, I mean; the plants are all the same...”

  “No, they're not,” the traveler pointed out, “and we've been through this. The Larch.”

  “The clothes are the same.”

  “You don't know any more about fashion than you do about botany.”

  “The people look like humans.”


  “Okay,” Robert nodded. “You're right about that. They do look like humans. But, they're not.”

  “Name one difference.”

  “They don't have hearts.”

  “You're full of it,” Morgan asserted.

  “No, I'm not,” the traveler chuckled. “They are one of the few species that ever lived that don't have a central organ to pump their blood. Their vascular system works a lot like our digestive system does. Every one of their veins and arteries is covered in muscle tissue that contract the vessels themselves.”

  “So they don't have heartbeats?”

  “Technically no,” Robert replied. “Although, they have very strong pulses because you can actually feel the muscles moving, not just the blood flow.”

  “That's nasty.”

  “Maybe to you.”

  “Why do they look human, though?”

  “There are a number of different successful formulas for advanced life, Morgan,” the traveler explained. “Humanoid is one of those. A head, chest, two arms, two legs, some hands and feet in there. It's a system that works.”

  “What about skin color?”

  “These people need vitamin D, just like you and me,” Robert smiled. “Due to where they grew up, Cleo and Azure needed to be green and blue, to hide from prey and from predators respectively. Which is really great. Because green and blue chicks are crazy fine.”

  This assertion caused the young ladies to shake their heads in mock-disapproval.

  “Don't bother trying to deny it,” Morgan smiled. “You know it's true. Either way, people with similar bodies tend to design similar clothes?”

  “Basically,” the traveler nodded. “Although, it is a bit of a coincidence that the current fashion on this planet is somewhat medieval, which is basically where they are technologically and politically as well. My point is; there are definite patterns of development. This falls into one of the more common ones.”

  “Do they ever invent monster trucks?”

  “Indeed, they do.”

  “I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the universe is an awesome place!”

  “That it is, Morgan,” the traveler agreed. “That it is.”

  Within minutes, they reached the throng trying to make its way inside the castle. They merged with this group and quickly found themselves in a spacious courtyard filled with people. There were entertainers juggling, performing simple tricks of legerdemain, and fencing. In addition to this, several orators were telling tales of the history of the local lords and lands. A small stage was setup, in front of which a crowd of children sat watching a play acted out by marionettes. Several groups of servants stood around large stalls filled with food and drink that were offered to all comers without charge. Something about these attracted Robert's attention.