Welcome Home, Daddy

by Carrie Weaver

  Minutes later, he had his answer. The confusion lifted and so did his mood.

  Guidance or endorphin rush? Either way, he was grateful for the result.

  “I’ve…got to take…a chance.”

  He could piss and moan about the crummy timing, but it didn’t change that he had an opportunity to be a father.

  His feet pounded the asphalt as he tried on the new awareness for size. A child. A gift. A life. A gift. Drew had no idea why this awesome, scary, exciting event had occurred as the result of one crazy evening. But one thing was for sure. God had a plan.

  ANNIE SAT AT THE SIDELINES on a bench and watched the high school football practice. She wouldn’t be needed unless the coach motioned for her to come interpret for her student.

  Despite longer days, a sore rear end and occasional bouts of sports-induced boredom, Annie wouldn’t have traded these practices for all the desk jobs in the world.

  Interpreting for a deaf teen at school was no less challenging than interpreting for a small child, it was simply different. Less hands-on, so to speak.

  The coach instructed the team to run laps, which left Annie temporarily with nothing to do. Her mind wandered.

  What was she going to do about Drew? Why did he pick now of all times to show up?

  And he’d been understandably shocked. But his parting threat had been the stuff of her maternal nightmares. Though she supposed she may have never been ready.

  Annie stood and stretched, admitting Drew hadn’t asked for any of this.

  The coach motioned her over and she joined them on the field. Brett watched her closely as she signed the coach’s instructions. Then it was back to the bench again.

  And back to her problems.

  Would Drew use her long hours against her if he fought for custody? The overtime provided by the football season was the only way she could prepare for surprise expenses. Otherwise, much as she enjoyed her job, she wouldn’t be away from her son like this. She seemed to have little enough time with Micah these days as it was. Luckily, Kat had volunteered to take him during practice so Annie didn’t have to pay for day care and feel guilty about him being away from home even longer.

  She was jerked from her reverie by an extremely hard hit. She’d grown accustomed to the sound of pads colliding, an occasional grunt of pain. But this had been the sick thud of a body slamming the ground.

  Anxiously scanning the field, she saw Coach jog over and kneel by the fallen player. She stood, hoping the boy was all right. Thank goodness Brett was a place-kicker and didn’t get much actual field time. It was hard not to mother the kid.

  Coach helped the player up and he hobbled off the field.

  She released a breath. The injuries never got easier. Maybe it was because she knew firsthand how quickly life could change.

  On the field, Brett glanced in her direction, frowning.

  Shaking off her worry about the injured player, she signed to him, reassuring him that everything was fine.

  Still, she was grateful when Coach ended practice early.

  The incident left her uneasy. On her drive home, rush-hour traffic gave her plenty of opportunity to worry about Drew and what he might do.

  She couldn’t just ignore the problem and hope it went away.

  And yet, she realized, that was exactly what she’d done since the night she’d spent in Drew’s bed.

  But the luxury of denial wasn’t an option now. She would get Drew’s number from Kat and call him tonight to set up a meeting.

  When Annie let herself into the apartment a few minutes later, Micah’s delighted squeal was music to her ears. She rounded the corner from the entryway into the family room. And froze.

  Micah was sitting on the floor with his blocks.

  Drew sat next to him, smiling at his son.

  His expression sobered when he glanced up and caught her eye.

  Kat rose from the couch. “Look, Micah, your mama’s home.”

  Her baby’s smile was instant and gorgeous. A small replica of his father’s.

  “Hi, sweetie.”

  Micah ran to her, and she scooped him up in a hug.

  After she kissed him soundly, she turned to Drew. “This is a surprise. But it’s a good thing you’re here. I was going to call you tonight.”

  Kat moved closer, her voice low and concerned as she said, “I left you a voice mail.”

  “I turn my phone off during practice so I’m not tempted to make calls when I’m bored.”

  “Practice?” Drew raised an eyebrow.

  Annie went to set her purse on the coffee table near the couch, but thought better of it. Instead, she headed to the breakfast bar that separated the living area from the kitchen. It gave her the time she needed to collect her thoughts.

  “Football. My student is on the team.” She busied herself picking up scattered toys, while she balanced Micah on her hip. Drew probably thought her apartment seemed cluttered. She’d tried to brighten her hand-me-down furniture with colorful pillows and funky accessories, hoping to achieve the impression of eclectic decorating rather than single-mom-on-a-tight-budget.

  “Here, let me help you.” He stood, taking the toys from her and putting them in the toy box in the corner. “Your student? Are you a teacher? I thought you said you were a photographer.”

  Annie’s face grew warm. “Um, I wasn’t exactly truthful with you back then.” Being a photographer had sounded more exotic. She’d figured a man like Drew would never be attracted to her very normal self, in her drab, monochromatic interpreting clothes.

  “And yet you expect me to believe you about Micah now?”

  Kat stepped in front of her. “It’s my fault. I put her up to the date. I encouraged her to go outside her comfort zone and live a little. Her hair, her makeup, her clothes, all my dumb idea. The…half-truths were mine, too.”

  Annie gently nudged Kat out of the way.

  “The lies were mine. I was an adult, I knew what I was doing. And I decided to play the game. As it turned out, the consequences were greater than I could ever have anticipated. I’m sorry, Drew.”

  He sighed. “I wish I could believe you.”

  Annie refused to glance away. “I wish you could, too.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  ANNIE WAS BARELY AWARE of Kat slipping quietly out the apartment door. It was vitally important to make Drew understand. “Please listen to me. Let me explain?”

  He flinched when she touched his arm. But he didn’t turn away.

  “I’m guilty of a lot of things. Hiding my head in the sand and believing what was most convenient at the time. I should have tried harder to find out what happened to you.” She glanced at Micah, who seemed intent on removing his favorites from the toy box. Nodding to her…their son, she continued, “I thought I was doing my best for him. I was…wrong.”

  “What about before? I was almost a year into my tour in Iraq when I was wounded. Why didn’t you contact me when you realized you were pregnant? That’s what makes me question if I’m the father.”

  “Stop saying that.”

  “Believe me, it’s not easy for me, either.”

  Taking a deep breath, she forced herself not to glance at Micah again. Instead, she recalled those frightening months after she’d discovered she was pregnant.

  Somehow, she managed to speak. “I was ashamed and afraid, and wasn’t able to face you. It took all my strength to get up every day. I was so sick I couldn’t think of anything except keeping my health insurance and delivering a healthy baby.”

  “Couldn’t or didn’t want to?” Despite the accusation, his tone was soft, as if he’d begun to understand how difficult it had been for her.

  “Maybe a little of both. I can’t change what happened. But I will try to make it right if I can.”

  In the next instant, she was startled by a crash, followed almost immediately by Micah’s cry.

  She rushed toward where he lay crying by the breakfast bar, near an overturned stool. But Drew’s long stri
de carried him there faster and he picked up her son and tried to cradle him.

  Micah screeched and batted at him, his big brown eyes brimming with tears and pleading for his mother.

  “Give him to me.” She reached out and Micah flung himself into her arms. “Where’s it hurt, sweetie?”

  He rubbed his chubby knee, his sobs subsiding.

  “Thank goodness it wasn’t his head.” Gingerly, she touched the spot. “There’s no bump. He must not have hit it hard.”

  Drew crowded her, reaching for Micah again. “Let me see. I have some first-aid training.”

  Micah clung even tighter.

  She pivoted away from Drew. There was no way she would let go of her child when he was hurting and needed her.

  “I’ll keep a close eye on him. I think it’s time for you to go—we can continue this discussion later.”

  Drew grasped her arm. “You just said you wanted to make things right, then you try to shut me out. I’ve missed the first year and a half of my son’s life. His first words, his first step. I don’t want to lose any more time with him.”

  Guilt and her promise warred with her maternal instinct. The result was simmering resentment.

  “His first ear infection, his first temper tantrum.” She ticked the items off on her fingers. “Oh, yeah, and you missed close to a thousand dirty diapers. But beyond that, you’re forgetting one important detail. You were halfway around the world and would have missed those things, anyway. You were in no position to be a hands-on father.”

  He opened his mouth.

  She held up a palm.

  She kissed her son on both cheeks and wiped at his tears. “I think you’re okay. Mommy’ll get you a snack, all right?”

  “Cookie.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, you little manipulator, I’ll get you a graham cracker.”

  “You can’t stall and hope I’ll go away,” Drew interjected.

  “I’m not stalling.” She threw the words over her shoulder as she went to the small kitchen and returned with a graham cracker and a juice box. “I’m putting our son first.”

  Annie placed the snack on the coffee table and kissed Micah as she set him on the floor. When she was sure he was okay, she flicked the remote and brought up one of his favorite movies.

  Then she turned and almost collided with Drew’s very solid form. His close proximity only reignited her irritation.

  She resisted the urge to poke him in the chest to get him to back off, but only because it might draw Micah’s attention. But she didn’t back down. “Before you tell me that you would have been here if you could, why don’t you tell me why you never contacted me. Unplanned pregnancies happen all the time. Yet you didn’t seem too eager to get in touch with me. I’ll bet you just figured no news was good news. Let sleeping dogs lie and all that. If you even thought of me.”

  His guilty flush told her all she needed to know.

  “Uh-huh. Just what I figured. So don’t get sanctimonious with me. I was gathering the courage to call you when I ran a Google search for your name and found that Web site. And you know what? I cried for you. Because I thought you were a great guy and it hurt like hell to realize Micah would never know his father.”

  Annie ran out of breath.

  Drew cleared his throat. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “It seems you’ve said enough.”

  “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I did think of you. Lots. But a pregnancy never crossed my mind. We used protection….”

  “Obviously it failed. You said you wished you’d been there, but you have no idea what it was like. Maybe it would help if you understood a few things.” She went over to the low bookcase that doubled as an end table and pulled out a large, leather-bound album. She nodded toward the easy chair that flanked the couch. “Have a seat.”

  Drew opened his mouth, but seemed to think better of protesting. He went to the sofa and sat. She got the impression he didn’t much like taking orders in civilian life.

  Tough.

  She opened the photo album to the first page. “These are the ultrasound pictures. I was alone and scared and pretty much sick most of the time. I threw up after every single meal for three months. After that, it seemed like a reprieve that I only threw up in the evenings. For eight months.”

  Tracing the blurred figure with his finger, he murmured, “This was Micah?”

  “Yes. But it’s the next page I really want you to see.”

  He flipped it over and stared at the photo for a long moment. When he looked at her, his eyes were bright with emotion. “He was so tiny.”

  “He was a month premature. He was sick and so alone in that nursery. I held him every chance I got, terrified it might be the last time. So when you talk about the things you’ve missed, be aware that some of it was pure hell.”

  Drew stood and reached for her as if he wanted to pull her into a hug.

  A part of her longed to accept the comfort he offered. But she couldn’t. The stakes were too high. She’d lost her head with Drew once and didn’t intend for it to happen again.

  Raising her hand, she said, “Don’t. I just wanted you to understand.”

  “I had no idea.” His voice was husky. “But you’re wrong about one thing. I wouldn’t have missed it. I could have taken compassionate leave to be there for both of you. You never gave me the chance.”

  Annie flinched at the note of pain in his voice. But she couldn’t continue to beat herself up, wishing she’d done things differently. “So here we are, back where we started. This isn’t getting us anywhere. Micah’s hungry, I’m tired.”

  “I’ll go. For now. I’m in the reserves and don’t know what the future holds. If we can’t come to some sort of understanding soon, I’ll have no choice but to talk to an attorney.”

  Once again, his threat hung in the air long after he’d let himself out of her apartment.

  DREW SAT IN HIS truck, the engine idling as he decided whether stopping in at the Davises’ house was such a good idea.

  He thumbed through the photos in his cell phone until he came to the one that made him catch his breath every time he looked at it.

  It was taken at Orion and Beth’s anniversary dinner when both men went home on leave. Orion had joked that it made them look like the Huxtables from The Cosby Show. All Drew saw was a couple who had loved each other through the ups and downs of a long marriage and still actually liked each other.

  Drew missed his mentor every day, but today especially. The big, gentle bear of a man had time after time shown the amazing ability to laser through the B.S. to the core of any problem. And Drew desperately needed that clarity now.

  So he sat parked on the street outside Orion’s house, where his widow, Beth, lived with their teenage son. Their two adult daughters always seemed to be dropping by, and Beth babysat her granddaughter, Libby, after school each afternoon. It made for a busy, sometimes boisterous household.

  It had only been two weeks since Drew’s last visit, but already it seemed a lifetime ago. Especially since he couldn’t give Beth an answer yet to her question. But if he couldn’t talk to Orion, talking to Beth was the next best thing.

  Taking a deep breath, he shut off the engine and got out of the truck. He made his way up the walk past the blooming bougainvillea.

  The smallest occupant, Libby, opened the door wide.

  “Hey, munchkin. Is your grandma home?”

  “You bring more presents?”

  “Not today. Soon. Would you get your grandma?”

  “Sure.” The door shut as Libby went to find Beth. At least that’s what he hoped she was doing.

  He couldn’t help but grin. She was a cute kid, with chubby cheeks and sparkling brown eyes.

  The door opened again a few minutes later and Beth’s welcome soothed him.

  “Hello, Drew, what a wonderful surprise. Come in. I was helping Damian with his homework.”

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

 
“Heavens, no. You saved me. It’s algebra and I’m not much help at all.”

  He followed her to the large, homey family room, with the foosball table in the corner and two overstuffed brown love seats.

  “Would you like a soft drink or iced tea?” Beth asked over her shoulder.

  “No, thank you. I just came to talk, if you have a few minutes.”

  “I’m always available to talk.” She laughed as Libby scampered into the room, filched a cookie from the jar on the counter and left just as quickly. “Well, almost always.”

  They sat on the couch and Beth waited, but Drew wasn’t able to get any words out. Would she think less of him when he told her about Micah?

  “I take it you’ve been thinking about your future?” she prodded gently.

  “Yeah.” That was an understatement. He’d spent more than one sleepless night wondering if Orion’s faith in him had been misplaced. And that was before learning about Micah had thrown him for a loop.

  “Did you come to a decision?”

  His life had taken a sharp detour since he’d last talked to Beth. He couldn’t just blurt out that he had a son. Or the details of how Micah had been conceived.

  “I’m still not sure. How do I know if this chaplain thing is right? I mean, really know? It’s not like there’s been a lightning bolt or even a gut feeling.”

  Her laugh was musical. “I bet your gut is churning. You’re not sure you’re up to the task. You think almost anybody would be better than you.”

  He released a breath. “How’d you know?”

  “That’s how Orion felt before he took the plunge. Then seminary convinced him he’d never cut it. He only changed his mind later.”

  “I can’t imagine him being unsure of himself. He was the best.”

  “Yes, he was.” She glanced away.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make things harder for you. I shouldn’t have come—”

  She grasped his arm. “No. Thank you. I like being reminded. I feel closer to him.”

  “How can you be so kind when you’ve lost so much?”

  “Because I’ve been given so much.”

  Drew didn’t know what to say. Her quiet faith humbled him. Her goodness and gratitude made him feel guilty.