one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
ECCLESIASTES 4:9 – 12
It’s funny, but I have a hard time these days just writing “Joni.”
I always want to write “Joni and Ken.”
No, not as though it were stamped on a wedding napkin or written on a house mortgage document. It’s more visceral than that. Thirty years have passed since Ken and I began our journey together, and God has used every trial — every hurt and heartache — to entwine us far more intimately than we ever dreamed on the day we married.
And the more devastating the trials, the more He has wrapped us both around Himself. God has used depression and chronic pain and cancer — far more than even quadriplegia — to bind us tighter than ever. To each other. To Him.
That’s the “cord of three strands” the Bible speaks about. Husband, wife, and the Lord Himself. If the man and woman twine their lives around each other in marriage, that is good, and they’ll be stronger for it. But if both of them twine themselves around the living God, that’s best of all. It’s a union that will hold through anything that life — or even hell — might throw at them.
It’s a beautiful picture, but we know it isn’t true for everyone. It’s especially difficult for couples dealing with a serious disability. So many of these marriages just don’t survive the test. The fact is, we live in a society that doesn’t know what to do with suffering. We do everything we can think of to escape it: we medicate it, mask it, surgically remove it, entertain or drug it, institutionalize it, divorce it, or even euthanize it — anything but live with it. Suffering, however, isn’t about to go away. And marriage only magnifies it.
It’s why we hope this book has inspired you. A visceral inspiration. Because nowhere else — and with no one else — will you have quite the chance to experience union with Christ than through a hard-fought-for, hard-won union with your spouse. And although Ken and I don’t pretend to be experts, we’ve learned enough to feel confident about passing on a couple of encouragements …
If I were sitting next to you this very moment … wherever you are … I know what I would say to you. I would say, “Oh, please pray for your partner.” Hands down, it beats any how-to marriage manual or nationally renowned couples’ conference. Pray that your husband or your wife will eventually join you in prayer. I don’t mean a stiff formality carried out on Sunday or before bed or at meals. I mean praying anywhere at any time about anything. Out loud. With hearts engaged. And doing it together. When husbands and wives join hands and talk to God, tight and uncomfortable trials suddenly become a “signal”: Aha! We should pray about this! It’s trials that really press you into the breast of your Savior.
The cord of three strands.
Next, realize that your enemy is not your spouse or even the disability or the bankruptcy or the disagreement or whatever it is that is troubling you.
The enemy is Satan himself.
He hates marriage, and he has hated it since the very first such union in a fragrant, misty garden called Eden. This fierce adversary will do everything in his power to suffocate married love. So be alert! Keep casting yourself on Jesus Christ, steadily relying on Him, even when you don’t feel like it.
And when things feel overwhelming? That is the time to make yourself ask for help. God never intended for marriage partners to be isolated from other believers. Besides, asking for help keeps you humble, and we all know that humility keeps the Devil at bay.
Oh, how I wish I could park my wheelchair near you and whisper even more uplifting and hopeful words into your heart. How I wish Ken could flip open his journal and show you what his buddies wrote to urge him on. But the best word of all to leave you with? The Word of Life — Jesus Christ. His words, and His alone, will bring healing to your weary heart, strength into your tiring routines, and peace for your tangled thoughts. His Word will be that sharp-edged sword that will convict you when pride puffs you up. Or be that soft blanket that comforts you when pain leaves you feeling wounded.
A picture is always worth more than the words sitting on a printed page. And we’ve got one for you.
A complete and authoritative lexicon on marriage is summed up in a two-minute video on YouTube.14 Nothing fancy or flowery. Just an elderly man with gray hair and glasses, dressed in a plaid cotton shirt, shooting pool and the breeze as his wife, Jean, sits looking on, slumped in her recliner wheelchair. The scene is in their assisted living center.
Dr. Mounce, former president of Whitworth College, speaks tenderly of his wife who deals with severe dementia. “Marriage has a way of getting better,” he says. “In a sense, the best life is a life that’s invested in someone else. It’s not a life invested in yourself … love is placing the welfare of another in front of your own.”
The camera captures him tenderly feeding Jean. “When we first moved here, we moved into an apartment, and at that time she was failing a bit. As things got worse and I could no longer do her care, she moved into the health center. That was almost two years ago, but I’m with her most of the time. So we read and go out, like yesterday, for a ride in the car.”
Dr. Mounce plays a baby grand piano with Jean, again, sitting and looking on.
But the next scene is what grips me most. Robert is reading the Bible by Jean’s bedside. Entertainment Tonight drones in another room, and a glow from the fluorescent light above the bed softens the scene. He continues. “Jean sometimes says, ‘I want to go home.’ And I have to tell her that home is where we are together. Home is movable. So when we’re in her room, we’re home. When we’re in my apartment, that’s home. Home is together.”
Ken and I are nowhere near the age of Robert and Jean Mounce. Nor have we been married as long. But my heart leaps in recognition when he says, “Home is movable … Home is together.” It’s the goal of any marriage, and perhaps the singular indicator of a successful one. And although Ken and I probably don’t meet all the family-counseling criteria for “a happy marriage,” this I know for sure …
Home is with him.
Home is with Ken Tada.
If you asked Ken, he’d say the same. Home is wherever we are together.
It’s why this book was written. For many people, maybe most people, I think all of our lives are spent looking for and wanting to go home. But what if it were as close as the hand of your spouse? That would make for a contented and complete marriage.
What you hold in your hands is a record of the arduous journey it took for Ken and me to smile at each other and say with all our hearts, “There’s no place like home.” And it’s our prayer that this modest little book will provide a few signposts to point you in the same direction.
Hang in there, friend. Life will not always be this hard, or marriage so difficult. There is coming a Day when something so grand and glorious will appear that it will supersede even marriage. Heaven is on the horizon for us all, and what we do down here on earth — every little drastic obedience — all of it will one day have a direct bearing on our capacity for joy and for worship and service in heaven. If you stick close to Jesus and honor Him through the toughest of times, you have a better chance of casting more crowns at His feet. And one day, when you touch His nail-scarred hands to say thank You, you’ll have every confidence He’ll know you mean it. He will recognize you as the one who persevered, who took up your cross daily to redeem the hard places in your marriage, just as He once took up His cross to redeem you.
The Day is soon coming when you will see the stunningly glorified version of your spouse. No, you won’t be joined in marriage in heaven, but God will have used your earthly life together to prepare you to be friends, yes, to be sisters and brothers — s
pecial and unique — for all of eternity. So get a jump start on eternity with that friend now.
Take a deep breath, and let it—whatever that irksome it is in your marriage — let it go. Make a covenant. Renew the vows. Get out the candles and china. Order the roses. Dim the lights. Walk under the stars. Quit resisting and start affirming. After all, loving that one to whom you said yes, well … it’s just another way, maybe the best way, of loving and serving God.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Larry Libby and I have written more than a few books together, but this one is different. As you’ve already discovered, it’s written from a third-person perspective. An outsider looking in. A muse on our shoulders, capturing moments and insights we might miss if I were holding the pen, which would be a feat in itself, given my quadriplegia. In preparation for this book, Ken and I threw everything at Larry we possibly could — articles, messages, blogs, interviews, e-mails, radio transcripts, out-of-print books of mine, you name it.
After his wife, Carol, sifted through and organized everything, Larry, with skill and finesse, was able to shape the material into an artful exposé of “life with Joni and Ken.” Thank you, Larry, for the wonderfully natural way you write — I’ve learned everything I know about cadence and clarity, style and substance, from you. And a special thanks to Carol, your biggest cheerleader.
Ken and I are just as indebted to our good friends at Zondervan. This team of experts bent over backward to make this book a unique offering on the bookshelf. It was John Sloan, my longtime editor, who convinced Larry and me that a third-person perspective would make Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story read more easily. It didn’t take long to convince us. And a special thanks to Scott, Alicia, Bob, and so many more — ever since they published the Joni book in 1976, Zondervan has felt like family.
We especially thank the fine team at Wolgemuth & Associates, who championed the idea of Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story long before a word was written. Robert and Bobbie Wolgemuth, Andrew and Erik Wolgemuth, Susan Kreider, and we can’t forget Austin Wilson — this amazing, well-seasoned company has gone to bat for Ken and me time and again. They worry about book stuff … we just write.
We are exceedingly grateful to the staff of Joni and Friends, led by our president and COO Mr. Doug Mazza. Our headquarters at the Joni and Friends International Disability Center is the most peaceful, pleasant place in the world you’d ever want to work. And, I might add, write. I bless my coworkers who kept me in their prayers. I thank my executive assistant Judy Butler, who kept my schedule clear, and longtime secretary Francie Lorey, for happily serving as my “hands” at the keyboard. (Francie, Dragon Naturally Speaking will never, ever replace you!)
If Ken were sitting next to me right now as I compose this paragraph, he’d want to pay honor to two exceptional friends — Pete Lubisich and Jan Janura. During my bout with cancer, these gentlemen were there, ministering to and mentoring him with daily phone calls, notes, and prayers. Ken is a richer man for their friendship. Every guy should have companions like Pete and Jan.
Most of all, we thank the many couples who are hanging in there, despite dealing with tough disabilities. These are the men and women who inspire us greatly. They attend our Joni and Friends’ Family Retreats, serve on our staff, and lead by example. And here are just a few of our favorite “quad couples”: Jess and Sib Charles, Jerry and Joan Borton (OK, Jerry, so you’re not quite a quad), Curtis and Carol Hoke, Tom and Marla Horton, Mike and Renee Bondi, Doug and Lynn Wheeler, Chuck and Alice Heidel, Don and Elaine Scholes. And so many more. These couples know what adversity tastes like. They experience the weariness of day-after-day routines. Yet they persevere and hold fast to Jesus. We are honored to be in the fellowship of sharing in Christ’s sufferings alongside them.
Finally, I thank my wonderful life partner, Ken Tada. He diligently prayed for Larry Libby and for me, always encouraging, always there with “a pat on the back.” I guess he is the real inspiration behind Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story. Because the “untold” part of this book is actually all about Ken.
In many ways, it is his story.
Thank you, dear Ken.
Resources for You
For a complete list of other books written by Joni Eareckson Tada, or for more information about her greeting cards, which she paints by mouth, visit the website of the Joni and Friends International Disability Center at www.joniandfriends.org. Or you can write Joni and Ken at:
Joni and Friends International Disability Center
PO Box 3333
Agoura Hills, CA 91376, USA
818-707-5664
The mission of Joni and Friends is to communicate the gospel and equip Christ-honoring churches worldwide to evangelize and disciple people affected by disability. Premiere programs include Wheels for the World, Family Retreats, the Joni and Friends television series, and a radio outreach aired on more than one thousand outlets across America.
The Christian Institute on Disability is the educational and training arm of Joni and Friends, partnering with Christian universities and seminaries around the world to develop courses of study in disability ministry. Through a network of volunteers and Area Ministry teams, Joni and Friends works on a local level to accelerate Christian ministry into the disability community around the world.
If you have a disability in your family, we urge you to prayerfully consider attending a Joni and Friends Family Retreat near you. The ministry holds over twenty Family Retreats across the United States every summer, with additional Family Retreats in developing nations.
If you have benefited from Joni and Ken’s story, let them know by writing Joni and Friends today. We would love to hear your story and learn how we can pray for you. You’ll also be encouraged by reading other books written by Joni Eareckson Tada. Joni and Friends is here to serve you!
NOTES
1. “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore,” lyrics by Bob Russell (1942).
2. “For the lonely: 150 songs for sobbing on Valentine’s Day,” Pop & Hiss: The L.A. Times Music Blog, February 13, 2009, http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/valentines_day/ (accessed August 6, 2012).
3. “Volare,” lyrics by Franco Migliacci and Domenico Modugno (1958).
4. “Sweet Hour of Prayer,” lyrics by William W. Walford (1845).
5. “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God,” lyrics by Martin Luther (1529).
6. “Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine!” lyrics by Fanny J. Crosby (1873).
7. Second Corinthians 10:5.
8. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), 17.
9. Ray Bradbury, The October Country (New York: HarperCollins, 1999), 1.
10. First Corinthians 2:2.
11. “Higher Ground,” lyrics by Johnson Oatman Jr. (1898).
12. Quoted in Steve Israel, ed., Charge! History’s Greatest Military Speeches (Annapolis, Md.: Naval Institute Press, 2007), 205.
13. “All the Way My Savior Leads Me,” lyrics by Fanny J. Crosby (1875).
14. “Thoughts on Love and Care,” YouTube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro2bork7XIE (accessed August 22, 2012).
About the Authors
KEN TADA recently retired from thirty-two years of teaching and is currently the Director of Ministry Development for Joni and Friends. He is also a member of the Board of Directors and, in 2001, received the FamilyLife Ministries Robert McQuilken Award honoring “the Courageous Love of a Marriage Covenant Keeper.” Ken is an avid fly fisherman and helps to lead Wild Adventures, a fishing ministry for men.
JONI EARECKSON TADA is founder and CEO of Joni and Friends, an organization that accelerates Christian outreach in the disability community. Joni and Friends provides practical support and spiritual help to special needs families worldwide and equips thousands of churches in developing disability ministry. Joni is the author of numerous bestselling books, including Joni, When God Weeps, Diamonds in the Dust, A Lifetime of Wisdom, and A Step Further, winner of the Gold Medallion Award. Joni and Ken hav
e been married for over thirty years. For more information on Joni and Friends, visit www.joniandfriends.org.
LARRY LIBBY is an author and editor who has written a number of books, including Someday Heaven and Who Made God? He and his wife, Carol, live in Washington.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
ZONDERVAN
Joni & Ken
Copyright © 2013 by Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.
EPub Edition © FEBRUARY 2013 ISBN: 978-0-310-31470-7
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
* * *
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Tada, Ken.
Joni & Ken : an untold love story / Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada with Larry Libby.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-310-31469-1 (hardcover)
1. Tada, Joni Eareckson. 2. Tada, Ken. 3. Christian biography — United States.
I. Tada, Joni Eareckson. II. Libby, Larry. III. Title.
BR1725.T2A3 2013
277.3’08250922—dc23 2012035718
* * *
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Quotations marked AMP are taken from The Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved. Used by permission (www.Lockman.org). Quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked LB are taken from The Living Bible. Copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois. All rights reserved.
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