by Patty Bryant
The footman opened his mouth to protest, but shut it quickly after a stern glance from Alexander. He left the room and returned with an elegant cloak made of brilliantly scarlet velvet and trimmed with dark-colored fur at the neck and hem. He held it out for her to step into, revealing its inner silk lining, but Savitri hesitated; Lady Louisa was one of the kinder employers she’d had, but that didn’t mean she could wear her clothes without permission. Besides, even if Lady Louisa didn’t mind, this was surely the wrong garment for exploring the docks.
Alexander grunted impatiently. “Well, come on! I’d like to find the silly chit before dark, and that will come early today with these clouds.”
Savitri turned her back and allowed the footman to drape the gorgeous cloak around her and fasten it at her neck. It was undoubtedly the most expensive thing she’d ever worn, and she couldn’t help sneaking out a hand to stroke the velvet’s soft nape, even with Alexander once more hurrying her along.
The carriage was drawn up close to the house’s front door, and Savitri only had to dash through a few feet of rain before she was inside. Alexander took slightly longer, since he had to shout directions up to the driver, but soon the door was closed and they were moving down the street. The rain drummed loudly on the roof, much fiercer now than it had been when she’d watched it from the window earlier. Between that and the clip-clop of the horses’ hooves, she would have to raise her voice to converse with Alexander even though he sat inches from her. But despite everything they’d shared, she found herself with nothing to say.
She turned to the window for a distraction from the tension between them, but it was useless; all she could see was the gray mist of the rain. With nothing else to do, she decided to make some conversation. They couldn’t sit in awkward silence for the entire journey.
“How do you plan to locate Penelope once we’re at the docks?” Savitri asked, then immediately regretted it. She’d been merely curious but the question came out sounding like an accusation.
Alexander took it coolly, though he was looking out his own window, not meeting her eyes. “We’ll start by asking at the Shipping Office for which captain has registered a departure for India with plans to leave soon. If there are multiple names listed, we’ll simply have to go one by one until we come across someone who’s seen her. I doubt they’ll have let her board already, so once we’ve found the right ship, we’ll need to search around its berth for nearby pubs or inns where she might be staying.”
Savitri was impressed. “That is an extremely logical way to go about it.” She’d had no idea of where to even begin their search. Once more she couldn’t stop the rush of warmth at having Alexander by her side. She was used to taking care of her problems by herself. Having someone she could trust to help her solve them was a new and welcome sensation. She added teasingly, “One would almost think you’d done this before, Your Grace.”
Alexander smiled and turned to face her. His hair was damp from the rain and one strand had fallen into his eyes. Savitri was overcome by a sudden urge to tuck it back behind his ear. She knotted her hands tightly together beneath the cloak to help resist the impulse; she’d given in to her urges once before, and it had resulted in nothing but painful memories and this uneasy strain between them.
“I already told you that you don’t need to call me Your Grace,” he said, and Savitri cursed mentally. The quiet intimacy of his voice, barely audible above the rain, and the subtle invitation to once more use his given name was not helping her maintain her distance.
She focused her gaze on the carriage wall with its richly-colored brocade. “That was under unusual circumstances.”
“Perhaps the original offer did seem strange. I want to assure you that it was quite sincere and continues to apply.” He paused, and Savitri was compelled to glance toward him. His blue eyes were bright even in the dimness of the carriage and were fixed on her. “I can’t change the way you feel, but you should know that there are no barriers between us from my side.”
Savitri caught her breath, her hands twitching in her lap, again eager to reach out for him. “It’s not that simple. You might be a duke, but even you can’t change the whole world. What would your brother and his wife think if they overheard me calling you Alexander? What would the other servants think? Because no matter how you choose to treat me, ultimately I am one of them and not one of you.”
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” he said, his voice rough with barely repressed desire. He leaned forward in his seat, every line of his body demanding that she respond with equal passion.
It was almost too much. She closed her eyes to block out the sight of him; it was her only hope of retaining her self-respect. She drew a deep, steadying breath, and said, “You should care.”
“Why?”
“Because it matters to me. Because I do care.” It felt like a weak excuse to her, and Savitri knew that her resistance would have collapsed if he had pushed even a little further. Her muscles tensed as she prepared for his insistence, waiting for Alexander to scoff or argue, but he did nothing like that. Instead he regarded her thoughtfully, then slowly sat back against his seat, saying nothing. Savitri sighed as she realized the moment had passed.
Once more the only sounds in the carriage were the roar of the rain and the faint murmurs of distant traffic. She looked down at the luxurious cloak she wore, determined that this time she wouldn’t be the first to speak. Even if it had been foolish to give in to his command to wear it, she couldn’t deny that she appreciated its warmth. The fur at the collar brushed against her cheek whenever she moved her head, a faint, soft touch that reminded her of the gentleness with which Alexander had first kissed her.
She put an abrupt halt to that line of thought and instead tried to calculate how long it would take for them to arrive at the docks. She thought it must be quite far from the Mayfair neighborhood where the Ware family had their townhouse, but the rocking of the carriage suggested they were moving at a rapid pace. She supposed the bad weather was keeping people indoors. She tried to decide if it would help or hinder their chances of finding Penelope but couldn’t make up her mind.
They had gone some distance without making further conversation when Alexander cleared his throat. Savitri quickly turned to him, then wished she hadn’t; any impartial observer would see how in tune she was to his every move, to each small sound he made. Despite her best efforts to treat him like any other man, her body responded to everything he did. At that realization an embarrassed warmth heated her cheeks, but Alexander was regarding her with a seriousness that drove any other consideration out of her mind.
“What you told Beth back there,” he said, speaking slowly as though he wanted to weigh each word before letting it out. “About homesickness, and India, and embracing a new life. I was very struck by it.”
Savitri opened her mouth to disclaim those very private emotions, to make light of them, to distract him; anything other than having to bare her innermost heart to this man she still knew so little. She felt more exposed than she had the night they’d made love. That had only been her body. This was her soul.
But his expression, his wide blue eyes gazing at her as though his heart too was lying naked and vulnerable between them, changed her mind. She closed her mouth without a sound, willing to hear what he had to say.
“Lately I have been forced to realize, again and again, that I do not consider any perspective but my own. It is selfish of me and, worse, it is stupid.”
Savitri began to protest, but he raised a hand to stop her.
“No, don’t tell me that it’s not true. I know that it is.”
Savitri’s mouth curled in a wry smile despite Alexander’s sober tone. “I was going to say that it is common.”
He barked out a laugh. “Fair enough. But I do try to hold myself to a higher standard than what is common. My rank – and the many, many private tutors my parents hired – demands it. And the way I have behaved, toward you in par
ticular…. Well. I can only say that I am glad they were not here to witness it. Though perhaps if they had been, they would have knocked some sense into me, as I clearly deserve. I can only imagine what my mother would have said.” For a moment his gaze turned inward and softened, as he clearly indulged in a memory of his mother.
Savitri once more had to repress the urge to reach out to Alexander, but this time it was not a physical desire. He had never mentioned his mother to her before, but looking at him now, she was certain that his silence had come about not because he didn’t care but because he cared too much to put his feelings into words. She understood. She too missed her mother; how could she not sympathize with a loss he obviously felt deeply?
She was struck by the similarities between them. Before she had been attracted to him, of course, and she had sensed that he was a strong, skillful man who could be a useful ally in any battle she chose to fight. This was something more. She remembered the first time they had spoken to one another, in the library before everything became so complicated. He had spoken of books and learning with a joy she recognized as her own. She too knew what it was like to hold yourself to higher standards than everyone around you, to have more ambition and principles than anyone else understood.
Under the shield of her cloak, Savitri clenched her hands together in confusion. Once more she recited all the reasons why she should not, and should never have, let Alexander talk her into a relationship: he was a duke and she was a governess, and one of mixed race at that; he had no interest in marrying her, and a sexual dalliance between them would ruin her future employment prospects, if not get her thrown out without a recommendation the instant Lady Louisa found out what had happened between them. There were too many fundamental differences, differences of race and class and country, for them to ever be happy together.
But those reasons sounded weaker than they ever had before. Instead, for the first time, Savitri found herself contemplating what it would be like to be intimate with Alexander. Not physically – she’d already spent plenty of time going over those memories, particularly late at night alone in her bed. No, now she imagined hearing his secrets and telling him hers, sharing private jokes, meeting his eyes across a crowded ballroom and knowing at a glance what he was thinking. All the small shared moments that built up to become something greater, to become a true connection between two people.
To become love.
Alexander shook his head, focusing once more on her. “I’m sorry, I was lost in my thoughts for a moment there. Forgive the distraction.”
Savitri nodded politely while frantically hoping her own thoughts weren’t visible on her face. Love? That’s not possible.
Alexander sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his knee. “This isn’t the right moment for us to have this conversation. I wish we could find Penelope first, give her a scolding, bundle her back home, and then sit down together to talk. But I’m afraid if I did that something else would come along to delay me further. My household has not been particularly peaceful since my brother and his family moved in.” They exchanged a smile. “The perfect opportunity is never going to come; I simply have to seize what time I do have with you.”
“Time for what?” Savitri asked, her mouth dry with a curious mix of anticipation and nervousness.
“To tell you this: I would like to begin again. You and I, we got off to the wrong foot – no, let me take more responsibility than that. I stumbled and fell flat on my face. If you are willing to give me another chance, I want to do it properly this time. I want to court you as you deserve.”
Savitri opened her mouth to reply – though she had no idea what she would have said – when they were interrupted by someone pounding on the carriage window. “Shipping Office, guv!” came the gruff voice of the coachman. “Want me to fetch anyone?”
Alexander cursed under his breath beside her. Savitri looked around, feeling as though she had just surfaced from deep underwater. She realized that the carriage had ceased moving some time ago, but she had been so absorbed by their conversation that it hadn’t registered until now. She was tempted to put off finding Penelope for just five minutes more, enough time to ask Alexander what on earth he had meant by asking to court her, but she knew that she couldn’t really do that. A girl’s life was more important than any question, even one that gripped her mind and heart like this one.
From Alexander’s expression, he too was tempted to ignore the coachman. He looked longingly at her, sighed, and then turned to shout out the window, “No, I’ll be going inside myself. You remain here with Miss Booth.” He glanced back at her and added in a quieter voice, “I’d ask if you wanted to come with me, but I’m afraid that it’s not the most appropriate place for a woman. Besides, I’m sure Penelope isn’t actually here. I’ll be more in need of your help once we’ve found her.”
Savitri nodded. Alexander shot her another look, one she couldn’t read, and departed.
She hadn’t particularly wanted to go with him, but as soon as she was alone she realized how much she had relied on his presence to stop her from giving in to the worst of her worries. Now, with nothing to do but wait, her thoughts began to go in endless loops. In her morbid mood, she couldn’t help but compare them to buzzards circling overhead.
Was Penelope all right? Had she been injured or attacked? Whatever had happened, wherever she was, surely the girl was scared out of her wits. Had Savitri failed in her duty by not noticing Penelope’s evident distress or her plans to run away? Would they find her in time to save Penelope’s reputation? And what had Alexander been talking about? A duke did not court his nieces’ governess.
The rain and the walls of the carriage muffled most of the noise from outside, but she could still make out faint cries and thumps, all the bustle of a busy dockyard. Savitri focused as hard as she could on that, hoping it would put an end to her mind’s panic. She tried to pick out Alexander’s voice, or any indication that he might be returning soon, but she knew her mind wouldn’t be at rest until he was once more by her side.
CHAPTER NINE
Alexander hadn’t had reason to interact with the dockyards much before today, but one didn’t spend the majority of one’s life as a duke without knowing how to get things done.
The first thing that confronted him, as he stepped out of the carriage, was an imposing gate topped with a sign reading East India Docks. Despite the apparent attempt to keep out unwanted visitors, crowds swarmed through the gate unimpeded. Every class of Londoner was present, from busy carpenters recognizable by their tar-stained clothes and loads of lumber to rich merchants strolling beneath umbrellas held by footmen. Unfortunately not one of these many people seemed likely to have the information he required. Certainly there were no young blonde noblewomen visible.
Alexander made his way through the gate to a row of offices and sheds backed by taller warehouses. He believed in starting at the top rather than wasting his time working upward through interminable ranks of bureaucracy, and so he headed toward the largest and best built of them.
The front door was slightly ajar, and Alexander pushed through without knocking, pausing in the small front room to shake the rain off his overcoat. He was interrupted from proceeding further when a man burst out from the nearby hallway. “What took you so long?” he began loudly, then sputtered to a stop when he saw Alexander instead of whoever he had expected.
The man was middle-aged and somewhat portly, with bright red cheeks and a flattened nose. His clothes were well made but they had been worn frequently and for hard labor; the elbows had begun to fray. His eyebrows lowered and he peered at Alexander suspiciously. “Who are you, then? Visitors aren’t supposed to be in the Dockmaster’s Office without permission. Where’s your ticket?”
Alexander didn’t bother to answer his questions, instead asking one of his own. “I presume I have the pleasure of speaking to the Dockmaster himself?” It wasn’t hard to guess the man’s identity from his appearance and attitude.
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br /> The man nodded but didn’t lose his hard expression.
“Very good. I am Alexander Ware, Duke of Clermont, and I have reason to believe that my niece may have visited these docks today. It is imperative that we find her as soon as possible.”
The Dockmaster didn’t look particularly impressed at Alexander’s title. “We don’t get many duke’s nieces around here,” he said. Still Alexander noticed that the Dockmaster’s shoulders did relax slightly, as though he was willing to discuss the matter despite the ironic note in his voice.
“She’s taken it into her head to run away to India. She was born in Calcutta, you see, and is determined to return.” Alexander wondered if he should have brought Savitri with him after all; she would have a better understanding of Penelope’s reasoning than he did. “She’s only sixteen,” he added with a shrug.
That finally seemed to reach through the Dockmaster’s impatience. He snorted and stepped back into the hallway, gesturing for Alexander to come with him. “I’ve got a sixteen year old daughter myself. They lose their heads at that age.”
Alexander followed, stepping into a small, cluttered room where most of the space was taken up by a large desk covered with loose papers. “We think she’ll be looking for the first ship to depart for India. Do you keep records of that here?”
“We do,” the Dockmaster said, frowning, “but this isn’t a good time of year to sail eastwards. Most of our ships won’t leave until December.” He flipped through some of the papers on the desk, but Alexander suspected he was just busying his hands and not actually looking up information. “We do have one ship leaving next week. It’s not a passenger ship though, and I can’t imagine its captain would be willing to take on a young girl alone. Could your niece have been in disguise? Dressed as a boy, perhaps?”
The idea hadn’t even occurred to Alexander before and he had no good answer for the man. Beth might have been able to tell them, if they had taken the time to examine what Penelope had packed to take with her, but he and Savitri had been in too much of a hurry to consider it at the time.