Jullien raised a disbelieving eyebrow and turned around in his chair to face Nykyrian.
Kiara held her breath, unsure of what would follow. No one spoke to a prince unless acknowledged beforehand. As Nykyrian had pointed out, their caste system was set in stone.
"Did I speak to you?"
Nykryian responded to him in Andarion.
Jullien's eyes narrowed and for a moment, Kiara thought he might call his guards to arrest Nykyrian. "You are one of my subjects. I demand proper respect!"
"Titana tu."
Kiara didn't know what Nykyrian's deadpan response was, but by the amount of color suffusing the prince's cheeks, she knew it wasn't polite. She prayed Nykyrian calmed down before Jullien's guards attacked him.
"Giakon," Jullien sneered.
Nykyrian rose to his feet, his entire being coiled to strike.
"Your Highness," Kiara interrupted before the tensing guards launched themselves at Nykyrian. "I would be honored to perform on Triosa. If you could contact my manager, I'm sure something can be arranged." She offered Jullien a false smile.
Jullien glared intensely at Nykyrian. "Very well, mu Tara. Unlike your fritalla, I have no desire to further embarrass you." Jullien stood, his eyes locked on Nykyrian's face.
Nykyrian didn't move until Jullien and his guards had been seated far away from them.
"What was all of that?" she asked him.
"Nothing."
She was aghast at his answer. "Nothing? You lecture me on the higher order of Andarion etiquette and then you insult their crown prince? We're both lucky they didn't arrest you."
"They wouldn't have lived long enough to regret that mistake."
Kiara paused as she noted the bitter undercurrent in his voice. There was history there. Then she remembered the bit in his files . . .
"You went to school with him?"
Nykyrian didn't answer as the waitress brought out their food.
Kiara wasn't willing to let this go. "Nykyrian? Why did you attack him that way? What did he do to offend you?"
"He was born, and I don't want to discuss it." He indicated her plate. "We should eat and get back."
"You're locking me out again, aren't you?"
His grip tightened on his silverware. "In spite of Jullien calling me your girlfriend, I'm not a woman, Kiara. I'm a mercenary assassin and I really don't want to talk about my feelings."
The wall around him was back in place. She could almost weep in frustration. They'd had such a pleasant day.
Now it was ruined.
Sighing, she ate in silence while she pondered everything she'd learned today.
But what disturbed her most was how easily Nykyrian could shut her out and retreat back into himself. As if she wasn't even here.
How she envied him that ability, because all she could feel was him, and it hurt to know she could be so easily dismissed.
Nykyrian searched his mind for some way to ease the awkward tension between them. He wanted to go back to the playful Kiara who'd fed him her disgusting treat.
But he didn't know how. I suck at human relations. He always had. Jayne and Darling said he was too brutally honest. Syn called him socially awkward.
It was easier to stay silent and just observe others.
And yet, he wanted to know how to make her happy again.
Why bother? She's just a client.
No, she was much more than that.
She'd made love to him. Most of all, she'd touched him in a way no one ever had before and she made him feel things he'd never even dreamed possible.
Damn you, Jullien, for ruining this.
One day he was going to kill that bastard . . .
After they finished eating, they picked up her clothing packages in the hangar, and made their way back to Nykyrian's fighter and then his house.
Kiara remained silent as she entered the house first and patted the lorinas on their furry heads.
Syn appeared relieved by their taut silence as he helped unload the fighter. The only words Nykyrian spoke to her were to tell her where to store her purchases. Other than that, he quickly changed and made his way out to the bay to work on Syn's ship.
In angry, irate jerks, Kiara pulled her clothes out of the bags and boxes, and set about putting them away. As each second passed, she became angrier and angrier at herself for caring what Nykyrian thought anyway. She was acting like some lovesick teenager. If he didn't want to talk to her, fine.
So what if he kept her at a distance? It was his prerogative.
And yet it wasn't that easy. She wanted him to let her in. She wanted . . .
Kiara wasn't even sure. She just knew that he'd somehow changed her, and it wasn't fair that after all they'd shared, he would cut her out so easily.
I'm nothing to him.
And that was what stung most of all.
"So what did you two do today?" Syn helped Nykyrian jerk open the panel on his stabilizer.
Nykyrian picked up a socket wrench. "Grabbed some clothes for her and your part." Unwilling to elaborate beyond that, he changed the subject. "Did you find Driana's address?"
Syn nodded, his stare probing Nykyrian in a way that always made him want to throw something at the man. "I also found out some interesting tidbits about you and Driana."
Nykyrian narrowed his gaze. He definitely wanted to throw something at Syn. "You weren't supposed to go into her personal file, or mine for that matter."
Syn shrugged and unwrapped the new part. "You know me. Couldn't resist."
Nykyrian held his breath, waiting for Syn to build up enough courage to ask him the next question.
Sure enough, he found his courage. "So how did she end up married to Aksel and not you?"
"You know the answer. I was already engaged to The League." Nykyrian loosened the plate's bolt, his mind whirling with memories he didn't like to think about.
"Yeah, but from what I read--"
"Enough!" Nykyrian roared. "I don't want to think about this anymore. It was a long time ago." And what had happened between them still tore through him with serrated talons. The parting words Driana had sneered at him were forever carved into his heart. "Leave it alone."
Kiara stroked Ilyse's ears as she drew a ragged sigh. A few weeks ago, she'd known exactly who she was and what she wanted out of her life--to retire after a brilliant career and marry a nice, loving aristocrat her Father approved of and start a family.
Now, she wasn't sure of anything. Instead of dreaming of her polite, sweet man, she was haunted by the presence of someone who lived his life on the edge. A man more lethal than anyone she'd ever met.
One who saved people even when it flew in the face of his ruthlessness.
Why was she so attracted to someone who didn't seem to care about her at all? Yes, he'd slept with her, but that wasn't love. Men wanted sex, and she'd made a mistake by sleeping with him.
Why am I so stupid?
With a trembling sigh, she pushed herself off the bed and continued folding her clothes. She didn't understand why Nykyrian did anything.
Why did he buy her so much, then push her away?
He'd been so tender last night that she'd convinced herself he cared for her . . . that he needed her. Then the morning had dawned, and again he was distant.
Clenching her teeth against the miserable pain in her heart, she pushed the button to open the closet door.
A flash of light from the windows caught her attention and she looked out of the clear wall next to the closed-off bathroom to see Nykyrian and Syn working on Syn's ship.
From inside the closet, Syn's voice was muffled, but clearly audible as they talked, and for once, they spoke in a language she could understand.
"You are out of your fucking mind," Syn snarled, tossing a tool up to Nykyrian.
Nykyrian caught it with one hand and leaned back into the engine well. "Stay out of it, Syn. Kiara's my concern."
"No, she's all of ours. My God, with one word, she could destroy you. Hell
Nykyrian grimaced as he tugged on a part. "So could you."
Syn made a sound of disgust. "You know better than that. Be reasonable. We've worked too hard for what we have for you to just toss it away because of some harita. If all you want is a piece of--"
Syn barely had time to dodge the tool that flew past his head.
Nykyrian jumped off the ship and grabbed Syn by the collar of his shirt.
Kiara held her breath, afraid of what he might do.
"Don't ever insult her again." he snarled, his hands tightening around Syn's shirt. "It's my life I risk, not yours."
Anger clouded Syn's face and for a moment, Kiara feared they might begin fighting. "Goddammit, don't do this. You're all I've got. She's not worth your life, don't you understand? You saw what Mara did to me. How quickly she turned. Do you really think for one minute that the princess"--he sneered the word-- "would be a bit better in the end? She'll betray you before the end of it. Mark my words. Dump her now before it's too late."
Nykyrian shoved him back. "I've had so many people dictate my life for me. I'm tired of doing what I'm told. I thought you of all people would understand what it's like to want something and then once you get it, not let go."
Syn shook his head, his lips in a tight line. "C'mon, you know better than this. Since when are women reliable? They leave the first time anything gets difficult."
Nykyrian snorted. "That's not true."
"Isn't it? She'll never leave her career to be with you and you know it. And you can't live out in the open. If you try, you know how long it'll take before a League assassin cuts your throat and hers just for good measure."
Nykyrian slammed his hand into the side of the ship. The hollow sound echoed in the bay. "I've spent my entire life listening to people tell me why I can't be loved and how I'm nothing but a worthless piece of shit." The bitterness in his voice tore through Kiara. "I always told myself that I didn't care, that I didn't need anyone else."
He raked his hand through his hair and leveled his gaze on Syn. "It was a lie, you know. I do care and I want Kiara. If it costs me my life to be with her, it doesn't matter. I've already lived past my prime, anyway. I get up every morning with more pain in my joints than the day before. If I have to die, I'd rather die knowing someone cared about me, just once. Is that really too much to ask?"
"For us? Yes. It is. We are the gutter and the gutter is all we'll ever be. Don't reach out for the stars. They'll burn you until there's nothing left."
"Then let me burn."
Kiara slid down the wall in the closet as a thousand thoughts went through her.
But above it all was the one that mattered most. Nykyrian cared for her.
Even though their relationship made no sense. Even though it was ludicrous and unorthodox . . .
And in that moment, she realized her own truth. She loved him. That was why she'd slept with him. That was why his moodiness hurt her.
She cared. Every part of her wanted what only he could give her. No other man had ever made her feel so safe. So desired.
And somehow she was going to breach his defenses and show him that she wasn't like Syn's wife. She would never betray him.
Your father will never allow you to be with someone like Nykyrian.
Neither would her dance company.
Reality crushed her. And yet she didn't want to listen to any of it. There had to be some way to work this out. And by all that was holy, she was going to find it even if it killed her.
And it bloody well might.
CHAPTER 20
Nykyrian stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Maybe Syn was right--maybe Kiara would be his death. But then, death had been something he'd craved most of his life, anyway.
Orinthe had asked him once why he didn't kill himself. He'd never had a real answer to that question. Maybe it was sheer stubbornness or just blind stupidity.
He didn't fear death, but neither did he welcome it. So here he was, waiting ambivalently until it came for him.
With a tired sigh, he wrapped the towel around his hips and opened the door.
He froze.
Kiara lay on his bed in a filmy black negligee, her hair combed out around her. His blood raced at the sight as he went instantly hard. He steeled himself, trying to remain distant while knowing it was absolutely futile. "I thought you were downstairs."
She smiled warmly. "Obviously not."
He reached to retrieve his clothes from under her. Her silken hand covered his. Nykyrian's flesh burned at the gentle touch. He wanted her body wrapped around his more than he'd ever wanted anything. His gaze traveled from her hand, up her supple arm, to the beauty of her face. Her soft, amber eyes sparkled in the dim light of the room in an open invitation for him to kiss her.
"I'm sorry for what happened earlier today," she whispered. "I think we both need to work on our communications skills."
"I tried that once."
"And?"
"Darling told me that I could never hold a job as a suicide counselor or hostage negotiator. He said my failure rate would become the stuff of legends."
She laughed.
Nykyrian pulled his clothes out from under her. She lifted her hips in a way that made him ache. Trying not to think about that, he dropped his towel.
Kiara's face turned bright red before she averted her eyes from his body.
Pulling on his clothes, he studied her profile. What was it about her that made him feel so much at ease? That soothed the ache inside him? All he wanted was to crawl into her arms and stay there for eternity.
There was so much he wanted to tell her and so much he feared telling her. He took a deep breath. Either way, there were things she had to know. He owed her that much.
Kiara looked back at Nykyrian when the bed dipped under his weight. He was fully dressed, right down to his gloves, and staring at her with a strange look she couldn't fathom. She sat up, wondering if he'd tell her what was on his mind.
He reached his hand out and toyed with several of the curls laying on her shoulder. "You have the most beautiful hair."
"You know you can take your gloves off to touch me. I won't protest."
To her amazement, he did.
She smiled again, taking his hand in hers. When she opened her mouth to speak, he placed a finger on her lips to silence her.
"I have some things to tell you and I need you to listen."
She swallowed, curious about his grave tone.
He stared at her for the longest time as if he wanted to memorize her face. "I'm not what you think. No," he said, cupping her cheek as she started to protest. "Listen. I've done a lot of things in my life that I regret. But I've never raped a woman or hurt a child." He looked away from her and his hand fell away. "I'm hollow inside, Kiara, and I've always been that way."
Kiara wanted desperately to bring his warm touch back to her skin. To tell him she didn't care about his past, that he could never do anything to drive her away.
Not after what she'd heard earlier. She understood him now and she wasn't afraid.
Nykyrian sighed, his gaze still focused on the wall. "I used to tell myself what I did was right, that the killings I performed protected governments and innocent lives. That I was on the right side, only taking the lives of people who'd earned their death sentences." An angry tic beat a determined rhythm in his cheek. "Then I learned the bitter truth."
When he didn't elaborate, she ran her hand down his back and prompted him. "What happened?"
"It was a mission like hundreds of others I'd done. Only this time it was a family they wanted swabbed. Father, mother . . . child."
Horror filled her. "Why?"
"To save the order of Tondara. The family had been exiled after Prater took office. Since they had blood ties to the former leadership, The League was afraid that insurgents would rally to them and overthrow Prater's authority."
"You killed them?"
He met her gaze and she saw the truth there. "I thought I could. I killed the father and then went after the mother and child. I didn't realize how small the child would be. How innocent. She looked up at me like I was the monster everyone had called me and for the first time, I saw myself in her eyes for what I really was and I hated it. And her mother . . ."
Kiara brushed his loose hair back from his face. "What about her?"
"She didn't ask me to spare her life. Only her daughter's. In that moment, I knew my life was over. I couldn't kill them. Even though I knew what The League would do to me if they caught me, I couldn't kill a woman who was so loving."
"And that's a good thing, Nykyrian."
He shook his head as if he disagreed. "That night, I decided that my days of being a mindless pawn were over. No more would I be a tool for The League . . ." His green-eyed gaze locked with hers. The heat of that look scorched her. "That's when I became Nemesis."
Her smile faded as his unexpected words hit her like a blow. "What?"
"I'm Nemesis."
Kiara's mind went numb. Over and over, she had heard newscasts informing the public of the grisly killings performed by Nemesis. This was a creature who took pride in inflicting pain on others.
For a moment, she thought she'd be sick. "You rip people into pieces. You . . . you eat pieces of them before you dump their bodies. How could you?"
Nykyrian looked away. Without another word, he left her alone in the room.
Kiara sat on the bed, trying to make sense of all this. She just couldn't accept what he'd told her.
He was Nemesis.
And yet some part of her had known that. It was what her mind had tried to tell her when he'd carried her into Syn's flat. The familiarity of that action had tugged at her mind. She knew he was being honest with her and it horrified her.
Dear God, what had she involved herself in? No wonder Syn was so afraid of her. With this knowledge, she could hand Nykyrian over to the authorities and end the entire Sentella.
All of their lives were now in her hands.
Nemesis. The most feared creature in the entire Ichidian Universe, and she'd slept with him . . .
An image of Jana flashed through her mind. The way Nykyrian had protected, then soothed the boy before taking him to safety. Images of his past replayed through her mind. The cruelty and abuse . . .
Was it any wonder he'd grown into a mercenary assassin?
But Nemesis. Of all the things to be . . .
Nemesis.
Kiara took a deep breath to slow the frantic beating of her heart as she focused on the most important fact.
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