Betty wiped her forehead with her sleeve, spreading flour everywhere.“How dare she.”
Sidney picked up her car keys.“I need to have a few words with that woman.”
“I’ll drive.”
Betty drove about ten miles over the speed limit on a normal day, but Sidney glimpsed at the speedometer and she was going twenty miles over the speed limit. Betty’s eyes were set on the road, her face was grim.“I’m so sick and tired of this town getting into other people’s business,” she said.“Astrid will not ruin your bed and breakfast before we even get it open. She just can’t.” Betty slammed her hand against the steering wheel.
They crashed into The Wild Ivy Inn with all the pomp and circumstance Betty’s Tahoe could manage. Betty drove straight into two beautiful white rose bushes that lined the edge of Astrid’s gravel driveway.“Hope she wasn’t overly fond of those roses,” Betty muttered.
Sidney couldn’t help but thank God Betty was with her. Betty had more gumption than a mother hen.
They slammed their doors and Astrid appeared on the front porch before they managed to knock. She stepped off the porch, her lips pinched together, and her hair sprayed so thick, a hurricane couldn’t move it.“What are you two doing here?” She peered over the hedge and saw Betty’s Tahoe smashed up against the white roses.“You ran into my rose bushes, Betty Holberg. You’re going to have to pay for those.”
Sidney held up the newspaper.“What is this all about, Astrid? How could you put such a cruel article in the island newspaper? I haven’t done anything to you.”
“It wasn’t personal. I simply felt the island deserved to know the truth about you.”
“The truth? This article is filled with lies. You defamed my name.”
Astrid raised her arms and rested them on the railing of her porch and leaned over slightly.“What’s done is done.” She spoke in such a calm manner it made Sidney want to reach up and slap her in the face.
Betty stepped up onto Astrid’s porch and leaned in close, right in her face.“Listen here, Astrid. You won’t get away with this. You might own the newspaper, and you might be from the oldest family on the island, but you can’t bully your way through people’s lives. What about Candace? She’s staying with Sidney.”
“Candace is in rebellion. The sooner she comes home and accepts responsibility the better. She shouldn’t be at Ms. Franklin’s house anyways.”
Sidney moved toward the Tahoe.“This isn’t over. I’m here. And I’m opening my bed and breakfast and there’s nothing you can do to make me leave.”
Astrid raised a hand to her forehead, as if she were deep in thought.“Are you sure about that? They tell me you’re leaving to go back to your ex-husband.”
“My private life is none of your business. And I haven’t left, yet. This story isn’t over until it’s over.”
“I’m not worried. You don’t belong here, Sidney Franklin. We both know that.”
“Let’s get out of here,” Betty said.“The woman needs help.”
They jumped into the Tahoe. Astrid remained still as a porcelain doll leaning on her veranda.
Instead of reverse, Betty put her SUV in drive, and laid her foot on the pedal. She drove straight into the white rose bushes that lined the edge of Astrid’s yard. After Betty reversed her Tahoe, white petals blew everywhere and fell to the gravel driveway, forlorn and damaged.
“Betty, you shouldn’t have done that,” Sidney said. She stared over at the fallen petals.
“Oh Astrid will get over it. She’s a bitter old woman.”
“I can’t believe her,” Sidney said.“How could she do what she did without a shred of regret? What if all my guests cancel, Betty?”
“They won’t. You put your ad in the Seattle magazine. The guests won’t even read this article. Astrid might be Queen Bee on the island,but she’s no one in Seattle.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. But you do have to come up with a name for yourbed and breakfast. Nameless and Shameless was quite the title.”
“I wish I could name it, but nothing seems right.”
“Well,you’ve got to think of something. And soon.”
Chapter Fourteen
Preparations
Sidney and Betty sat at the kitchen island the Saturday before Thanksgiving reading through recipes and magazines gleaning ideas for Thanksgiving and the grand opening for her bed and breakfast.
“Thanksgiving’s only a few days away,” Sidney said.“Do you think we’ll need more than one turkey?”
“With all the turkeys you’ve invited, I’d say we need at least one more we can actually eat!” She laughed at her own joke, snorting a little.
“Betsy. I haven’t invited that many people. I hope Pastor Matt still comes. We had an argument.”
“You and Matt argued? That man doesn’t fight with anyone.” She thought for a moment.“Or maybe it’s the other way around. People around here kind of let him get away with a lot because he’s the pastor.”
“I feel terrible, but in this situation he’s wrong.”
“What’s he so wrong about?”
“He doesn’t want to help with Candace. She asked me to help her find an adoption agency. I asked him to help me with it and he said he didn’t want to get involved.”
Betty flipped through a couple magazine pages.“He doesn’t want to mess with Astrid is all.”
“What is it with you island people? That woman can’t get away with just acting like the girl doesn’t exist.”
“Sure,she can.”
“It’s not right, Betty.”
“Since when did people make their decisions based on what’s right?”
“Well, if they don’t make their decisions based on what’s right, what do they base their decisions on?”
“On what they know, Sidney. People do what they know. And most of the time it works out all right for them.”
“Yeah, until they have to work around their terrible pride.” She crinkled up her face.“Candace deserves a family who loves her, who supports her decisions. I’m going to see what I can do.”
“Don’t get your hope’s up. There are three types of people on this island. The church people have their own way of doing things. Don’t you go messing with them. You’ll make a whole lot of enemies.”
“Well then, what do I do?”
“No matter how many times you try and talk to Astrid, it’s not going to go the way you want it to go. She’s not going to welcome Candace back in with open arms. Candace betrayed the family code. She got herself pregnant. The one thing Astrid told her not to do. The only way to get herself out of the mess is to marry the man who got her pregnant.”
“Is that what your parents made you do when you got pregnant?”
“They gave me one choice,” Betsy said with a tinge of resignation.
“What was that?”
“Marry the man who knocked me up. And I did. Thankfully, I loved him.”
“Candace can’t do that. We don’t even know where the guy is. We’re in the 21stcentury for crying out loud. This isn’t the 1800's.”
“Tell that to Astrid Peterson. Tell that to Pastor Matt. These people aren’t going to change for you, Sidney. You need to come to terms with that now before you get too hurt.”
She sighed.“So what are you saying? Find a husband for Candace and it’ll all be fine.”
Betty turned the page of her magazine and tipped her head toward Sidney. She flashed Sidney a witty smile.“Now you’re thinking like one of them.”
~
Pastor Matthew Kellen of Faith Presbyterian church awoke on the Sunday morning before Thanksgiving, sweating. The sheets were tangled in his legs and he breathed as if he’d just sprinted around a football track. His heart raced, and his stomach churned. Darn that Sidney Franklin. How was he going to preach his Thanksgiving message on gratitude when he wanted to send Sidney off to sail across the ocean? He didn’t want to think about her words, their disagreement, her critic
ism of him. He wanted to squelch it down, focus on other things, but there it stood in the front of his mind like a movie reel. In the exact same way his mother’s words had always made him feel.
Old age was crazy. He couldn’t remember where he left the tea bags a few days ago, but he remembered, felt every wave of shame he had ever felt with his mother.
So many years ago, and yet he could still remember it had been on summer break, he could still feel the warmth of the island, and all his hopes were in full bloom. He was in seminary, doing well. His New Testament professor had asked him if he’d consider moving to England to get his doctorate at Cambridge. The professor said Matt had the potential to be a great theologian, a professor, perhaps. On Perez, no one cared about intellectual things. They were farmers, small business owners. For the first time in his life, he felt special. He felt understood.
At church, one summer Sunday morning, he met Jane. She was the new pastor’s daughter. She was a sweet girl, and was sweet on him. He tried to tell himself he wasn’t interested in her, but her pretty face and her smart intellect and her peaceful demeanor beckoned him. Her simplicity aroused him beyond comprehension. His newfound confidence gave him the gumption to talk to her after church. They made plans to see each other during the week.
In the pastor’s home, Matthew found a peace he’d never known.
After a few afternoon outings together to the beach, to a picnic in the park, he held her hand. It seemed simple, beautiful. She was gentle and her eyes were warm.
They started spending more time together. They started studying together. Eventually, they became inseparable.
Jane came to him one Sunday afternoon right before the summer’s end. They’d gone to church that day together, eaten lunch, and then Jane asked to go for a walk.
They sat quietly on a fallen log in a large meadow. The sun gazed down on them, the flowers were in full bloom. Jane reached for his hand and looked up at him with her brown eyes, her full lips, a deep sadness set across her face.“I’m pregnant,” she said.
In that exact moment, those two words split his world in two and all his dreams crashed down upon him like a ravaged fortress.“Oh my God, what have I done?” he said, burying his face in his hands.
Matt was absolutely terrified for the first time in his life. It struck deep inside him. A weight, a responsibility he’d never known before pushed at him. And he panicked. His heart started to race, his mind refused to be still. He didn’t know what to do.“Don’t tell anyone. Not yet. Not until I can figure out what to do.”
Jane cried. She couldn’t seem to grasp that Matt was so upset.“It’s not going to stay a secret for very long” she said, looking down at her small frame.“We can figure this out together.”
“We’re too young.”
“So what are we going to do?” her brown eyes stared at him with a raw feeling of hopelessness.
He walked her home in silence. He had wanted to go to England and study Theology at Cambridge, he’d wanted to get off the island. The air thickened around him and he couldn’t breathe. That night he climbed into bed, and wrestled with his new reality for hours.
He didn’t have many choices. He needed to face this like a man and do right by this girl. Did he love her? Maybe. Maybe not. Did it matter? No.
In the morning, he called her and they went on another walk. He told her he’d marry her and take care of her. They could go to seminary together on the mainland. Stay in student housing. It would work out. No one would ever know she got pregnant.
“Do you love me, Matt?” she asked, her eyes big and weepy.
He rubbed her arm.“Of course I love you. Would I have slept with you if I didn’t?”
She laid her head on his shoulder and let out a sigh of what seemed like relief to him. Inside, he cringed, feeling the dream snatchers and their icy fingers clamp around his heart, as the excitement of his youthful aspirations blew away with the summer winds. He didn’t love Jane. He liked her a great deal. And he liked being with her, but he hadn’t been ready to settle down yet, to start a family. And he’d wanted to marry someone from another place. He wanted his world to get bigger and all of a sudden it seemed as small as an orange.
A few days later, at dinner, he told his parents that he’d proposed to Jane and they were going to get married within the month. He wanted to take her back to school with him.
Eloise, his mom, set her fork down on the table and laughed out loud. She was red-headed, astute, and quite direct.“You’ll do nothing of the sort,” she said.“The last thing you need to do is get married to a girl from this island.”
Matt’s father, Benjamin, stayed quiet. He studied Matthew for a moment and then swallowed slowly.“Is she in trouble?”
Matt pinched his lips together.“Not if we get married.”
Eloise picked up her napkin and squinted her eyes.“She’s pregnant? You got that girl pregnant? Matthew, didn’t we teach you better than that?” she asked.
Matt stared downward, counting the squares on the table cloth.“Yes ma’am,you did. That’s why I’m going to marry her. This is not her fault. It’s mine. I’m going to do the right thing.”
Eloise started grabbing the dishes. Her face grim and set with undeniable anger. Matt’s insides squirmed and his face flushed in shame. He knew she was disappointed. His father nodded quietly.“You’re doing the right thing, son. It’ll work out.”
Matt wished his dad’s words sounded more hopeful, more believable. Duty, and obligation, kindness and understanding, but very little passion, very little courage to do the thing no one expected. His mom, she had gumption. She had nerve.
He went into the kitchen with his plate, set it down on the counter. His mom stood in front of the sink, washing dishes with intense vigor, almost as if she were trying to scrub her disappointment away. She closed her eyes and spoke. Not looking at him.“Do you love her, Matthew? Really love her?”
He shrugged, leaning against the counter.“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. Just about what the right thing to do is. And the right thing is to marry her. We both know that.”
“That is ridiculous. Duty without love will only bring more duty. You and Jane can make some hard decisions about what your choices really are. But you don’t have to marry her.”
“What choices do we have, Mom? Her father is the town minister. This will ruin her reputation, it will ruin her family’s reputation.”
“You can give the baby up for adoption. And if you’re so worried about her reputation, then do it away from the island. But don’t marry her out of duty. The important thing is to make the best decision for Jane. Do you think you’ll be a good spouse if you just get married for a baby? Jane deserves a man who will love her.”
“I’ll love her, Mom. I will. I’ll do right by her.”
She waved her hand and shook her head as if they were speaking different languages.“It’s okay to give up grand dreams if you move toward something because of love, because of something better. Even if you’re the only one who thinks it’s better. But, if you decide to simply do your duty to this young girl, for your pride, because of her reputation, or for your reputation, you’ll only end up doing far more damage than you’ve already done.”
Those last words stung him to the core of his very self. He grabbed his bag and stumbled out of the kitchen. With one look back,he spoke to her.“I knew you wouldn’t understand. You never do.”
He ran to Jane’s house. Everything was simplerthere. No one asked him to be courageous or bold, no one asked him to think about his options. He could be a quiet and gentle young man. Jane let him be who he wanted to be. Jane didn’t challenge him.
~
Years later, on a clear afternoon day when his mom was nearing the end. She took his hand.“Are you glad you married Jane?” she asked.
They’d never talked of it after he’d made his decision. His mother chose to support him and loved Kell, and loved Jane with her whole heart. But in the back of his mind, was alwa
ys nagging doubt. He wondered if his mother approved of him, if she secretly shook her head in disdain? Once in a while, only once in a while, he’d give himself permission to think of what his life could have been had he chosen a different path. But, it never brought much relief. It only made him frustrated and made his heart feel as if it were constricted. Almost as if he couldn’t breathe.
He started to assure her that he never doubted it, that he was so thankful to God for bringing Kell into the world and he didn’t doubt God’s mercy or his providence. However, as he looked into his mother’s dying eyes, he could see her strength and her capacity to hear the truth and not shy from it, and no longer condemn or judge it either. She was a woman who could hear the truth and let it be. This is what he wanted. This is what he was still unable to attain.
He had swallowed and gripped her hand and dared speak the truth.“I’m not sure. Sometimes an image passes through my mind and I wonder if I would have been happier as a theologian in England.” He shook his head and squeezed her hand.“I try not to think about it much. It’s the life I chose, the life I have. Regret serves no purpose.”
His mom closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, summoning up the strength to say a few more words.“Matthew, regret is one of the places where we meet God face to face. If we ignore what we wish could have been, we rob God of his power to bring beauty out our ashes.”
He sat with her a few more minutes. He prayed the Lord’s Prayer with her. She mouthed the words. And then she slipped off into sleep. She never woke.
~
Now, he thought of her words again. Did he regret making the decision to get married? In so many people’s eyes it was a perfect match. He went to seminary and became the pastor he’d promised God he would be. He’d lived a simple island life. Had he chosen the easy way, the way of the coward? Would it have been better to put Kell up for adoption? The thought of it was ludicrous. He was his father. It was right that he and Jane got married. He pushed his glasses up his nose. No, he didn’t regret the decisions he made once he found out Jane was pregnant. But there was still a place in him that regretted getting her pregnant in the first place.
An Ordinary Love (A Christian Contemporary Romance) (Sidney's Sanctuary Book 1) Page 18