A few more slow thrusts and something breaks loose inside both of us. She’s pushing back against me, I’m thrusting deep in her, my balls are smacking against her pussy, and her tits are swinging so violently they’re rubbing against the bed. “Remy, oh my God, Remy!”
I can imagine how she’s feeling. The sound, the invasion, the rough blanket abrading her nipples, the way my balls flip up and meet her clit; she’s surrounded by sights and sounds of fucking, and she’s watching it play out in that mirror in real time. It’s a lot for me, someone with experience. For her it must be mind-blowing.
“I need something,” she whines, grasping the blanket in her hands as she stretches out against the mattress. I hold her hips, not letting her go too far. “I need something to push me over,” she pants. “On the edge and can’t go.” Tatum’s face is a mask of frustration.
I’m on the edge and can go, but know I need to take care of her first, make sure she gets hers. My hand caresses her ass, hoping a few well-placed touches will send her over the edge, but she pushes back against it. “What do you need, Tatum?”
Our body heat is making it hard for me to hold onto her. The sweat making my grip clumsy and I accidentally grip harder, digging my nails into her flesh. She makes a noise deep in her throat. “Sorry.” I sheepishly let out.
“No, don’t say you’re sorry.”
Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I can see that turned her on. “Tate, did you like that?”
Her eyes are hooded as I do the move another time, this time her eyes close and she licks her lips, her face becoming a mask of pleasure. “Yeah.”
I won’t put marks on her, I refuse to do that even if she likes it, but there is one thing I can do. Using my free hand, I caress her ass again, before I lightly tap it with the palm of my hand.
Her thighs spread wider in reaction, and her eyes widen in the mirror, gazing at me in surprise. “Do that again.” The words are ripped from her throat, almost like she doesn’t want to ask for it, but she can’t help but ask for it.
“Tell me if it’s too much.” I grit my teeth, smacking her ass, once, twice, three times as her body bows tighter. On the fourth smack, her orgasm hits out of nowhere. She throws her head back, body tight, saying all kinds of shit as moisture slicks my package and makes its way down my balls.
Grabbing hold of her hair and her thigh, I pull her tighter into me, punching my cock into her with rapid strokes. On the down stroke of the fifth thrust I feel myself let go, bury my head in her neck, and scream my pleasure.
No one has ever made me feel the way she does, which is what makes my decision such a shitty one to make.
*
We’re lying side by side, both catching our breath and basking in the afterglow that’s ours. I’ve never had this with another person before.
“You asked earlier what I wanted to do to my parents?” I run my hand up and down her arm, hoping to lessen the harshness of the sentiment I’m about to share. “I wanted to kill them. Straight up murder them for what they did to Cash and me. We were forced into shitty situations, to make awful decisions that no kids should make.”
“Were you scared of them?” she asks, her voice soft in the dark of the night.
“Terrified. Completely and totally terrified. I don’t think anyone knew the depths of my fear. I’m not even sure I knew the depths until I started exploring it. I thought I was over it.” My voice is strained as I try and keep my emotions in check.
“But after tonight you’re not?” she finishes for me.
“After tonight, I’m not so sure, Tate. They shouldn’t be able to affect me this way, but fuck if I’m not that same terrified little kid I was back then. And now they know who you are.”
“They don’t know who I am, Rem, and I can take care of myself.”
She says she can, but I saw what they did to the people they brought back to our house when we were little. They’d beat them and steal from them, leave them for dead so they could get their next high. They find out who she is? And I have no doubt they’ll make a play.
“Why don’t you tell my dad? That’s what your family is here for. When things like this happen.”
But I can’t. I can’t subject the family of my heart to the family of my blood, and that leaves me in a fuckin precarious position. It leaves me with no choices but bad ones.
Pulling her close and kissing her on the forehead, I enjoy the last few hours I have of normalcy. As soon as she goes to sleep, my normal will completely change, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get it back again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Tatum
It’s cold when I wake up, and immediately I can tell that Remy is no longer in bed with me. I’m definitely not cuddled up to him in the way I fell asleep against him last night. I fight against the instinct to open my eyes. As soon as I do, I know I’ll have to face the fact that he’s gone. Even after we shared what we did last night, he left. As much as I wish I were surprised, I can’t bring myself to be. This is what he told me he’d do. He’d be a dick and push me away. This time it’s up to me to be the mature one, to keep his stubbornness from messing up our lives. I’ll do it, but damn he’s going to feel my wrath. No matter how mature I may have become, I still have a fucking temper, and he’s totally going to feel it.
“Damnit, Remy.” I sigh, as I fully awaken. “Why are you doing this? Why are you going to make me get angry?” I ask the empty spot next to me on the bed.
It’s no longer warm, which means he left like a thief in the night, taking my heart with him. I knew as soon as he mentioned his parents knowing who I am that he would try to protect me. And by trying to protect me, he would pull away and sacrifice us to keep me safe. Which is total bullshit and everything he warned me he would do.
Grabbing my phone, I fire off a text to him.
T: I know what you’re doing, Remy, and while I appreciate you being worried about my well-being, this is bullshit. This is what they want for you. They never want you to be happy. They want you to live your whole damn life questioning yourself. I love you, and you love me. That’s all we need.
Five minutes later, I can see he read it, but didn’t respond. Talk about pissing me off? Now I’m totally pissed. Glancing at the clock, I realize I’m late for work, but I give no fucks. If I’m late, then Remy’s at the shop, and if he’s at the shop, I can give his ass a piece of my mind.
*
As I pull into my family’s shop, I see Remy standing there talking with Jagger and Tyler. The me who knows she shouldn’t embarrass a guy in front of his friends thinks twice about giving him a piece of my mind, but the me who’s pissed and wants to punish him for being a dick doesn’t care.
I park out of the way and get out, marching toward the trio. My trusty combat books make loud slaps against the concrete. The pound of them makes me feel good, and I hope he can hear me approaching, can feel it in the way I’m glaring at him.
“Morning, Tate.” Tyler waves at me, a warm smile on his face. Any other day, I’d sit down and have a talk with Tyler, but today I’m on a goddamn mission.
I bypass the smile and the greeting, heading straight for Remy. “You son of a bitch. How could you leave?”
He folds his arms over his chest, shooting me a glare. I know this Remy, I’m well acquainted with this Remy. This is the one who questioned me in a truck last year after I stupidly slept with another man. This is the one who turns into someone else to protect his heart from the world. But he doesn’t need to protect his heart from me, if anything, he should be looking to me for comfort. But no, that would make too much sense.
“Maybe I thought better of what happened.” He hissed, grabbing hold of my wrist.
I try to pull out of his hold, fighting against the tears of frustration I feel building behind my eyes. To my utter humiliation, my bottom lip trembles. Even though I know this is a self-defense mechanism, I’m hurt and pissed. Regardless of how he feels, he shouldn’t be trying to hurt me to push me away. I th
ought we were beyond that. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” He drags me to a corner of the shop, blocking me from view. “This isn’t going to work out between us, not the way you want it to.”
“It will,” I argue, my voice louder than I mean for it to be. “But you’ve got to stop protecting me. You swore you wouldn’t do this again, promised me our love was enough to keep you from running.”
“I lied.” His voice is flat, devoid of emotion.
Before I know what I’ve done, my palm kisses his cheek, the force pushing his face to the side. “You lied when you told me you loved me?” I ask in disbelief.
I can see him fighting with whatever it is he wants to say, and I get the feeling he’s going to break my heart. I hold my breath, waiting to hear what he’s going to say. His eyes give him away as they soften.
“Not about loving you, Tate, but I lied to both of us when I told you we could be together. There’s no way in hell we can be together. Not with the past I have.”
“I don’t care about it.” I grab hold of his waist, threading my fingers into his shirt. “I don’t care what they come at me with, I’m ready. Nothing’s going to make me leave you. Don’t you understand? Love isn’t about the easy, Remy.”
He reaches around his waist, grabbing my hands and unclenching them from his shirt. “It isn’t easy, Tate, but I’d never be able to protect you.”
“You would.”
“From them I would, but not from me.” He reaches out tilting up my chin. “Once I unleash on them, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put it back in. If they hurt you, that’s the end of it.”
“You’re throwing away what we have on the chance that you could hurt me? I don’t understand.” I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth. “Why are you willing to give up on us so easily?”
“Easy? You think this shit is easy? I’m trying to protect you.”
“That’s bullshit!” I scream at him, my voice getting higher and louder. “You’re protecting yourself. Poor Remy who had shitty parents, God forbid he get something good out of life. Why the hell would he want the love of someone who cares so much about him, she was willing to go against her family, if that’s what it took.” I beat my hands against his chest, pushing him away from my body. “Why do you keep doing this to me? To us?” I sob, hoping like hell I can get through to him and can make him understand this sacrifice isn’t wanted, it isn’t needed.
“Tatum.” He grabs hold of my hands.
“Don’t touch me.” I let the tears flow, let every bit of emotion I’m feeling out, because I’m sick of holding it in.
“Is everything okay over here?”
My brother’s voice is my lifeline. I wipe the tears off my chin, stop them from dripping off my jawline. “No, it’s not okay. He’s a piece of shit, and I want you to take his cut and his tattoos, wreck his bike, and leave him without a family.” I hiccup a breath. “That’s what the old Tatum would say, the brat. The new Tatum, the one who loves him, even though he won’t love himself, is begging you to help him. If anyone needs it, it’s him. His parents are back in town and he’s scared.” I reach out and grab Drew’s hand, needing the touch of someone familiar to ground me. “Just help him, I’m going home. I can’t stand here and watch him throw everything he’s worked so hard for away. I’d rather go home and cry in my own bed.”
“No, let me drive you.” Drew stops me from leaving. “You’re in no shape to drive, and I’d never forgive myself if something happened.”
I nod because there’s nothing else I can do. There’s no way I can argue with any of them, and right now I can’t even convince myself to look at the person I gave myself to last night.
Blinded by my tears, I make my way to my SUV, waiting for Drew to drag himself up into the driver’s seat. “How are you going to get home?” I ask, closing my eyes as I curl up into a ball next to the passenger side door.
“You let me worry about that, Bug. Right now I’m worried about you.”
I’m worried about me too, but I don’t say anything. I can only watch as the memories of my life pass me by.
*
Hours later I’m still in bed, trying to forget what the hell happened. I keep trying to decide if I’m stuck in some crazy, fucked-up alternate universe, or if Remy and I broke up earlier this morning. After the most amazing time together, and he just threw me away. I hate myself, because as soon as I got home, I put on his hoodie and curled up against the pillow he used last night.
I’m weak, and I’m at the end of my rope. I wish I understood why he’s done this to us, and maybe in a way I do, but no matter what I’d never give him up if the situation were reversed. My brain fights against common sense though, because I know I don’t come from the same family he did, and my thoughts are different than his. Either way, I’m upset. Basically, I have to get over what’s happened, and him.
Truth is, I know I won’t get over him, and I’m done fooling myself. Remington Sawyer is it for me, and I have to decide if I want to keep fighting.
Beside me, my phone beeps. My silly heart jumps, thinking it’s Remy apologizing. I try not to let it bother me when I see that it’s Addie.
A: Hey girlie! Don’t know if you’ve seen the news or not, but they’re calling for possible ice tonight. I’m going to stick around CRISIS in case they need help. If you want to come out here, that’s cool, just let me know what you want to do.
T: I’ve had a shit day, I’m staying home, and drinking that bottle of wine we smuggled from Mom’s house the last time we went over for dinner. I’ll check in tomorrow.
A: Wanna talk about it?
T: Not even a little bit. Be safe.
A: You too, and if you need anything, call me or text me.
I won’t need anything. That bottle of wine has my name on it, and I’m going to drink it down. Tonight I’m saying fuck Remington Sawyer. Fuck love. Fuck my heart. Tomorrow, I’ll fight, but first I have to lick my wounds.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Remy
For the first time in a long time I’m not excited about the alarm waking me up. No matter how disheartening life was before, I knew I always had a chance to make it right with Tatum. There was always that hope in the back of my mind. This morning, I know that hope is gone. I know without a doubt it’s gone. I broke both our hearts yesterday, and I did it in front of everyone. I’m expecting Liam to come for my patch today. I won’t stop him when he does, because I’m the most deserving recipient of bastard of the year, ever.
There’s a knock at my door, and I think about acting like I’m asleep and didn’t hear it. Whoever is there, though, won’t allow me to; they bang on the door harder. Why delay the inevitable? I get up and put some sweatpants and a shirt on.
“Yeah?”
Jagger comes in through the doorway, worry apparent on his face. He’s been a good friend, and I’ve appreciated every moment we’ve spent together. Realizing this may be one of the last times I’m allowed to talk to him, I step aside and let him in. “Just making sure you weren’t letting life pass you by hiding in here.”
“I know you’re trying to be my friend right now, but I can’t handle it. I feel wrung out and hungover after what happened yesterday. Life as I know it is over and I have to figure out how to continue on.”
Jagger has a seat on the couch against my wall, giving me a sad smile. Obviously he knows I’ve fucked myself and he feels sorry for me. “I think we all kind of feel that way. Watching the two of you go at it like you did broke all our hearts, Remy. You gotta know that.”
“It’s embarrassing I let it happen.” I run a hand through my hair, pushing it in front of my face to hide my embarrassment. “It’s stupid that I still let my parents have that type of hold over me at my age.”
“Not stupid,” Jagger argues, surprising me with what he says next. “It’s understandable.”
He’s quiet for a long time as we sit there, staring off into space. Finally, his voice cuts the silence. “Did anyo
ne ever tell you about my family? The reason I decided to join up with Heaven Hill?”
I think back, trying to remember any of the stories I heard about Jagger before he came to the club. “No, now that you ask me, the only thing I know about you besides the club is that you’re a damn good singer.”
“My parents were holy rollers. They liked to beat me and Christine in the name of God, Remy. There was a woodshed Dad would take me to, until I was old enough to beat him back. But the years before that, I was embarrassed that I let it happen, humiliated by the way he made me feel. It didn’t even make sense, the way I shook when he’d walk through the doorway of our house. The way my anxiety would mount and how I’d puke every night before I went to bed. In the end, I had to save myself. I went so far to save myself that I left Christine. I left her when I turned eighteen, straight up rode my bike out of that house and never looked back. She was my flesh and blood – I left her and figured she’d be better off without me around.” He stops talking, getting up to pace. By the set of his shoulders, the way he stands up straight and the strain in his voice, I can tell how much it’s costing him to tell me his story. He doesn’t like to talk about this, but he’s opening himself up to me and being the unfailing friend he’s always been for the past year.
“Christine forgave me, because she’s a good woman, and we’re close now. But she didn’t have to. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Remy. Don’t push away the people who care about you in the guise of protecting them. What you do is you hurt them, and sometimes it’s a pain they can never forgive. Do you want to ruin your chance at forever love with Tate? Think about this really hard, my man. She was willing to fight yesterday, she proved that by coming to you. The question is, are you willing to fight for her?”
He gets up, leaving me with my thoughts, and for the first time, I’m questioning my good intentions.
Tatum
It’s cold when I wake up the next morning. I shiver as I come to awareness, and hear nothing running in the apartment. In my eighteen years, I’ve been through enough icy winters in South Central Kentucky to I know we’ve probably had a significant event. Body shaking, I realize I have to get up and see what’s going on. Wrapping the blanket around my body, I get up, walking to my door and opening it. The floor is freezing, and I realize the power is out. Judging by the temperature of my apartment, it’s been out a while.
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