“Mom, it’s fine. Please stop fussing.” Clare pulls Olivia’s hands from her already perfect hair.
“Sorry, honey, I just want to make sure you’re perfect.”
I always knew that Olivia and Clare had this bond, there was never any denying it. Olivia stepped in when Clare needed a mother, not that my sister and mother didn’t fill the role, but like my Dad had said, they will always be Grammy and Auntie and never mom. We never pushed the titles on Clare, we knew as time passed there would come a point where she felt comfortable calling another woman mom, and we were right. When it happened, we didn’t make a fuss, we didn’t have a sit down chat about what it meant, we just went with the flow. Just like this family always did.
“What do you think, Dad?” Clare turns to me. I can’t help but walk to her so that I can touch her. I hold her shoulders in my hands as I look at my beautiful daughter. I know Kate would be so proud of how she’s grown. Only thirteen and Clare already stands by her beliefs and convictions, just like her mother would have wanted.
Clare’s eyes, the color of the Emerald City are framed by thick lashes and highlighted by some shimmery makeup. Her cheeks are rosy and her lips are plumped with a clear gloss, a gloss that better not be smudged when she comes home tonight.
“You’re perfect, Bink.”
“Dad, please stop calling me that.”
“Look what I found.” Brody interrupts our conversation as he shoves a frog into Clare’s face. “It’s a frog, Clare. A frog.” he says excitedly, making Clare screech and jump back from my reach.
“Don’t put that thing in my face, Brody. Dad, make him stop.”
“But you like frogs, Clare. You help me catch them.”
“Brody, honey, don’t get your sister dirty.” Olivia comes up behind Clare, placing a hand on her shoulder.
The doorbell chimes, indicating the boy is here, and my daughter is about to go to her first dance accompanied by said boy. Maybe I should answer the door with a shotgun, maybe I should buy a shotgun. Crap, this is just the beginning. A start to a time of boys, crushes and heartbreak for my daughter. A time where her life will end if a certain boy doesn’t like her back. A time where I’m sure I’ll have to hear about it. A time I wished would just stay away, but a time I know I’ll survive because I have Olivia by my side. She has always been my strength when I’ve been weak.
Kate
We all have our beliefs when it comes to what happens to us after we pass. For some, death the is the moment when we cease to exist, our life ends. For others, earth is just a stepping stone on their journey to a better place. Some believe that once we are no longer of this earth physically, we remain as spirits. We watch over our loved ones, we guide them, and protect them from harm. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, was not giving birth to Clare or Brody, it was the moment knowing my body would not survive the crash, and I would have to let go. I would have to physically leave the people whom I loved most in the world. Being a mother, you never want to leave your child. It doesn’t matter if they are seven or seventy. A parent never wants to leave their child. I may not have been able to physically hold onto Clare and Brody when they’ve needed me over the years, but I’ve always been there, whispering words of encouragement, telling them their mother loves them.
I knew I had it right when I saw David all those years ago. I knew he was much more than a man. He was the hero in my story, the love of my life and the best father my children could ever ask for. Yes, the hardest thing was to let go of my life, to let go of my family, to see my husband grieve for me. They say everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe that. I truly believe that it was my time to pass some happiness to someone else. To pass my family over and allow someone who had seen so much darkness in their life, to see a little light. Olivia deserved to find love. She deserved to find my family. I’m content, knowing that David, and my children will always know love. My children will always know the meaning of family, and I’m content knowing that it wasn’t me who instilled in them, their convictions. I’m at peace knowing they have David and Olivia to guide them while I continue to whisper in their ears. Yes, leaving them was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but seeing them now, growing, laughing, living. I know they are loved.
The End
Love After Pain Page 21