by Todd, Ian
“So, how dae we know they’ve hooked up wae McBride?” Bumper asked.
“Because the car they escaped in…a wee green Mini…wis found abandoned across in Wellpark Street, jist aff Duke Street, in the early hours ae this morning. Forensics jist contacted me before youse goat here tae say they’ve goat a thumbprint match belonging tae oor Paul.”
“That’s strange. Why the fuck wid his print be in the car if they stole it oot in Paisley, Ah wonder?” Bumper asked, looking puzzled.
“Unless he dumped it fur them efter they arrived back in the toon,” The Stalker speculated.
“Anyway…whitever…we need tae get this manky mob back inside. Oor figures ur looking the best they’ve been in aboot a year, so they ur.”
“Aye, since aw that bunch ae scum wur put away.”
“Exactly. The Chief said that if we kin nab them before they start causing havoc…and us a lot ae grief… he’d be mair than happy. He wants this cleared up before JP Donnelly gets wind ae it.”
“Christ, Colin, if the five ae them ur back oan the loose in the Toonheid, we’re gonnae hiv a real problem oan oor hauns. It’ll be like trying tae flush oot the Hole-In-The-Wall Gang up there, wae aw they empty tenements. They could be anywhere,” The Stalker said, looking o’er at Bumper, who wis sitting nodding in agreement.
“Paddy, don’t underestimate yersel here. This should be a bloody doddle fur somewan like yersel, fur Christ’s sake. Ah thought they call ye The Stalker? So, get oot there and bloody-well stalk. The main thing fur youse two tae remember is that catching these thieving scum his tae take priority o’er the other cases ye’ve goat. The allocations clerk his divvied up yer current workload awready. Ye’ll baith hiv tae work thegither oan this or this wee crowd will fuck youse and everywan else up the arses. Remember, this is the wee crew that sent yer predecessors doon the water. It’s been a long time since they’ve aw been oot here thegither, so don’t fuck up noo,” Colin pressed oan them.
Chapter Twenty Three
Johnboy hid been wondering when Skull wid be brought up. Tony hid made it clear that he wid raise it. He’d said the time hid tae be right and he’d know when that wis, so in the meantime, nowan wis tae mention Skull tae Paul. They’d been holed-up in the tenement fur three days. They’d settled oan Jenny Skid’s Nippy shoap up in Glebe Street fur their new clobber. Joe hid panned in the side windae wae a pavement stank cover. Joe and Silent hid then nipped in and haunded oot aw the denims while Johnboy kept watch. Johnboy hid goat a pair ae Levis and a pair ae Wranglers, Joe hid goat two pair ae Levis and Silent and Tony hid each goat a pair ae Lee Coopers. Johnboy hid also goat a Levi jaicket. While Johnboy, Joe and Silent wur tanning Jenny’s, Paul and Tony hid tanned the rag store beside Rodger The Dodger’s oan St James’s Road and hid goat them aw some nice woollen jumpers, polo necks and a pile ae jerkin jaickets.
“Right, which wan ae youse ur gonnae spill the beans then?” Paul asked, oot ae the blue, mid-way through a game ae Bella.
“Aboot whit?”
“Whitever it is that Ah don’t know aboot.”
“Tony?” Joe said, looking o’er at Tony.
“Right, oan ye go then, Johnboy,” Tony said tae Johnboy.
“Ah’m getting bloody dizzy here, gaun fae wan tae the other. Whitever it is, spit it oot,” Paul said, as everywan looked o’er at Johnboy.
Johnboy took a deep breath and gulped. He telt Paul basically whit he’d telt the others, citing his wet socks as proof, as well as the fact ae whit Skull hid telt him aboot speaking tae Flypast oan the night he didnae get intae the hoose. Johnboy wisnae too sure whit kind ae reaction he’d get fae Paul, although he wisnae expecting silence. Paul never moved a muscle or looked at the others aw the time Johnboy wis speaking, until Johnboy goat tae the bit aboot Horsey John and Tiny ootside the burning cabin. At that bit, Paul looked across at Tony, then at Joe and then back tae Tony, while still no saying a word. When he turned back tae Johnboy, Johnboy could see a wee flickering tick oan the side ae Paul’s face, below wan eye.
“Carry oan,” Paul said, nodding.
“That’s it,” Johnboy said, shrugging, as he looked o’er at Tony.
“None ae us wur convinced when Johnboy first telt us…” Tony said.
“Tony wis, bit Ah wisnae, even though Ah never believed it wis the bizzies in the first place,” Joe chipped in.
“...bit the mair Ah thought aboot it, the mair Ah thought it wid be easy enough tae check oot. When Baby goat hame leave, Ah goat him tae nip roond tae Flypast’s.”
“And?”
“Flypast mair or less telt Baby exactly whit Johnboy said Skull hid telt him. It wis fucking weird, Ah’ll tell ye. Ah felt the hairs oan the back ae ma neck staun oan end when Ah wis listening tae Baby.”
“Ah’m finding aw this hard tae believe and take in. Johnboy?”
“As Ah said tae the others, Paul, Ah never knew Skull hid went back tae Flypast’s that night, so how wid Ah know whit he’d telt him or whit time he’d left tae go up the road hame that night?”
“Fuck!” Paul cursed, clearly stunned, looking at each wan ae them.
“We wur the same, Paul. That’s why we’re sitting here. If Horsey John and that wee humphy bachle ae a midget wur involved...”
“So, who wis the third wan then?” Paul asked suddenly, realising the implications.
“Aye…good question. Who wis the third basturt who sent that pair ae wankers doon tae torch the place?” Joe asked quietly.
Silence.
“Listen, Ah know this is gonnae sound even mair weird, bit Ah clocked Skull…er, mair recently,” Johnboy said.
“Ye never telt any ae us that, Johnboy,” Joe said accusingly.
“That’s because ye never believed him in the first place, ya numpty, ye,” Tony said tae Joe.
“Fuck aff, Tony, ya Atalian prick, ye. Ah admit Ah hid ma doubts tae start wae…who didnae? Bit Johnboy knew fine well that Ah accepted whit he’d said, didn’t ye, Johnboy?”
Johnboy telt them aboot clocking Skull, sitting in amongst the Garngad crowd, during Basil Brush’s blockbuster. They aw gied Silent dirty looks when Johnboy telt them that he’d been trying tae catch Silent’s attention, tae confirm that it wisnae another wee baldy basturt that looked like Skull.
“And it didnae look as if he’d found his Celtic tammy,” Johnboy added, his voice trailing intae silence.
Nowan spoke fur aboot five minutes. They aw sat and stared at the sizzling wax cloth, bubbling and then curling intae itsel, efter Joe threw some mair ae it oan tae the fire. Everywan wis thinking and wondering who the third basturt could be.
“Ma money is definitely oan The Big Man,” Joe finally said, breaking the ice.
“Ah’m no convinced he wid be intae that. He never sussed oot that it wis us that tanned his loft and fucked aff wae his big Horseman Pouters. If he hid, it wid’ve been mair than Skull that wid’ve goat toasted. Ah couldnae say the same aboot they Murphy basturts though,” Tony mused.
“Well, wan thing’s fur sure. It wisnae the fucking bizzies that done it,” Paul said, looking at Joe and then accusingly o’er at Tony.
“Well, it wisnae only me that thought that the polis hid done it,” Tony retorted defensively. “Remember, we heard them talking aboot it when we wur tanning The Gay Gordon, when that sergeant wan and Crisscross wur sitting in the bizzy car ootside the pub. If that wisnae a confession, Ah don’t know whit wis. And then there’s the fact that they shipped oot they two sergeants alang wae Jobby and Crisscross no long efter it happened? That proved the point as well...at least it did at the time.”
“Aye, well, Ah always knew it wid come oot in the wash. Whit we need tae decide is whit we dae next. They basturts ur no gonnae get aff with this wan,” Joe said, raising the temperature back tae normality efter Paul’s frosty look at Tony, who’d always argued that it hid been the bizzies that hid done the damage.
“We need tae go and speak tae Flypast oorsels,” Paul suggested tae Tony.
“Naw
, Ah’m no sure we’d get much mair than whit Baby goat oot ae him. He said Flypast kept backing aff. Ah think oor next move is tae speak tae that wee dangerous dwarf.”
“Ah say we talk tae Flypast,” Johnboy said, still wanting tae clear up that sanity business ae his.
“Naw, forget Flypast. Tony’s right.”
“So, whit dis speaking tae Tiny mean then?” Johnboy wondered oot loud.
“Get a grip ae the wee prick…that’s whit it means,” Joe said, slinging a few mair bits ae lino oan the fire.
“There’s no way he’ll gie us the time ae day. We’ll need tae squeeze it oot ae him. Bit if we dae that and get nothing, they Murphys will no hauf wipe the flair wae us,” Paul murmured, staring intae the burning flames.
Silence.
“If whit Johnboy his telt us is true…and Ah’m no saying that it’s no….then Tiny’s bound tae squeal like a stuck pig if we kin get a haud ae him oan his lonesome and drag it oot ae him,” Tony said, wae a shrug ae his shoulders.
“Aye, bit whit happens then? As soon as we leave the wee fuck-pig, he’ll scamper back tae whoever it wis that put him up tae it, tae let them know that we know. If it’s The Big Man or the Murphys, the come-back wid be swift.”
Silence.
“Aye, bit wid that really matter? Wid we no want whoever wis involved tae know that we know whit the score is?” Johnboy asked, looking roond the faces.
“Well, that aw depends oan whit we’re gonnae dae aboot it? We either find oot and dae fuck aw or we kin make a full comeback fur Skull. We’re no stupid wee boys noo. Ah know whit Skull wid be saying if he wis here and it wis wan ae youse we wur talking aboot,” Joe reminded them, putting whit they wur aw thinking oot oan tae the table.
“That wee fuck-pig is the key here. If we kin get a haud ae him and put the frighteners oan the nasty wee fucker, at least we’d know fur sure,” Johnboy suggested, trying tae lighten the conversation a bit, as he wis worried aboot where it wis heiding.
“If that wee limping midget wis involved, he’s deid as far as Ah’m concerned. Remember the promise we made, sitting in the close beside Sherbet’s?” Joe reminded them.
“Right, well, that’s settled it then. Tiny, it is. How ur we gonnae get a haud ae him?”
“Ah say we nip up tae the stables and tie him up in wan ae the stalls and torture fuck oot ae him till he spills the beans,” Joe suggested.
“Too noisy, wae aw the hooses roond aboot it, so it is. The wee basturt wid scream the place doon. We widnae want tae get caught before we even get started. We’d need a bit ae time wae him oan oor ain, well oot ae earshot ae anywan that wis oan the go,” Tony replied, eyes shining like two black diamonds.
“Ah’ve clocked him a couple ae times o’er the past week, oot and aboot, up the tap ae Parly Road and Glebe Street, oan a horse and cart. He’s definitely oan the go ootside the yard,” Paul said, hitting a bit ae the burning lino wae a well-aimed spit.
“Bit ye don’t know where he goes tae?”
“Naw, bit Ah don’t think he’s doon this end. Wherever he goes tae, is further up.”
“Okay, here’s whit we dae. Fae the morra, we’ll keep oor eyes oot fur him. That means, whitever we dae, we always heid up by the stables. If we clock him oot and aboot, we’ll follow him. If he stoaps anywhere fur any length ae time, whoever clocks him first, will need tae gie the rest ae us a shout. We’ll get a haud ae the wee poisoned basturt eventually. So, furget aboot nabbing him inside the stables, Joe. As Ah’ve jist said, it’s surrounded by hooses and we widnae want tae be staunin there booting the wee basturt’s hee-haws when Shaun Murphy or wan ae the twins walks in, noo wid we?” Tony said wae finality.
“Right, Johnboy. Whit did ye dae wae that bagful ae paper? That wee pile ae wax cloth isnae gonnae last us long. We’ll hiv tae work oot whit we’re gonnae dae aboot keeping the fire gaun,” Paul said.
“The files! Fuck, Ah furgoat aw aboot them,” Johnboy shouted, nipping oot intae the lobby and returning wae Fanny’s bag.
“Is ma name in there as well?” Joe asked.
“No only yours, bit everywan else’s is, apart fae yersel, Paul. Here ye go...catch,” Johnboy said, flinging o’er a file tae Joe, Tony and Silent, before settling back wae his ain wan, while Paul started skimming through Baby Huey’s.
“Whit dis neglected mean?” Silent asked oot ae the blue.
“It means nowan loves ye, apart fae us,” Paul answered sarcastically. “Why?”
“Look,” Silent said, passing the open file across tae Paul.
“Listen tae this. It says here…” Paul said, looking up at everywan efter reading fur a minute, “…that ‘despite protests fae Smith’s grandparents, who hiv hid sole guardianship ae the boy since November nineteen sixty three, when his parents unfortunately died in a car accident, Mrs Snatch believes that the boy is extremely neglected. This neglect is principally due tae the fact that the grandmother leaves the hoose early in the morning and disnae return until mid-morning due tae her duties as a cleaner at Toonheid School in Kirkintilloch. The grandfather also works as a slaughterhoose man and frequently works away fae hame. Whilst there is nae suggestion ae emotional or physical abuse, truancy and an unreasonable excuse fae baith grandparents as tae the reason Smith is no attending school, is impacting oan the personal development and educational needs ae Smith, despite frequent visits fae Mrs Snatch. Mrs Snatch his frequently visited the grandparents’ hame, tae find the boy still in bed when he should be at school, mixing and socialising wae his peer group. Mr & Mrs Davidson hiv been warned oan a number ae occasions and hiv appeared in front ae the local Education Truancy Board, in order tae answer these concerns and ur fully aware ae their legal duty tae ensure Smith’s attendance at school. Baith grandparents hiv resisted attempts by the department tae take the boy into temporary care and hiv shown hostility tae department staff who hiv tried tae enforce the board’s recommendations. Mrs Snatch believes that the boy will respond tae a mair controlled care regime, thus ensuring a brighter future and his recommended a Care and Protection Order.’ It’s stamped here, ‘CP approved September the Twenty Sixth, Nineteen Sixty Five under The Education Scotland Act Nineteen Sixty Two,’ whitever the fuck that means.”
Everywan looked at Silent tae see how he wis reacting.
“Ah wisnae neglected!”
“Snatch? Fuck, she sounds well-named, that wan,” Joe said.
“They telt me that ma granny and granda didnae want me because they couldnae look efter me,” Silent sniffed, taking the folder back aff ae Paul and peering doon at it.
“It says here that Gucci is above average intelligence. How’s that fur making up stories?” Joe said laughing, haudin up Tony’s file, allowing everywan an excuse tae look away and gie Silent a wee bit ae time oan his ain tae digest whit his file wis saying.
“Aye, they’ve obviously goat it wrang here as well. It say’s here that although McManus keeps it quiet, he is a well-known homosexual and is well-known tae associate wae priests’, Tony replied tae laugher fae everywan except Silent, who wis still peering doon intae his file.
“Dis it fuck, ya wanker, ye. Gie’s that o’er here,” Joe shouted, throwing Tony’s file back o’er tae him.
“Ah cannae bloody believe that,” Silent said in wonder, shaking his heid, bit being ignored.
“Here, it says here that ma ma is a…is an habitual complainer because she complains aboot everything. She’s also violently aggressive towards Corporation officials. It says that staff hivnae tae visit the hoose oan their ain…ha, ha. It also says here that we’re always skint, despite ma da working,” Johnboy said tae everywan.
“At least they’ve goat her doon tae a T, eh? Ah widnae want tae cross that mad maw ae yers. Remember that time, doon at the bizzy station? Ah thought they fucking bizzies wur gonnae shite themsels, right there and then,” Joe said tae mair laughter.
“Ah bet none ae youse ur psychos though,” Tony added wae a grin splashed across his coupon.
“Let me see,�
� Paul said, as him and Joe crowded roond behind Tony’s back tae hiv a gander.
“Tony, it disnae say ye’re a psycho, ya daft tit-heid, ye.”
“Aye it dis…look.”
“It says, ye’re a psycho when ye’re angry. That’s no a real psycho, ya daft basturt, ye,” Joe, the psychiatrist, said knowingly.
“Ah cannae believe they lying basturts telt me that ma granny and granda didnae want tae know me, the dirty basturts that they ur,” Silent said oot loud, still being ignored.
“How the fuck wid somewan like you know whit a psycho is or no?” Tony shot back at Joe indignantly.
“He’s right, Tony. A real psycho is somewan who goes aboot being a psycho whether he’s angry or no. Ye’re only hauf a psycho, according tae that report,” Paul mocked him.
“And ye’re hauf a tit. Ah cannae believe ye’re agreeing wae Jessie-boy o’er there, the wan who wis an altar boy, hinging aboot wae priests, daeing fuck knows whit.”
“Listen, don’t take it oot oan me, ya hauf psycho, ye. It’s no ma fault they think ye’re only hauf aff yer heid.”
Oan and oan it went. The biggest laughs came when they wur reading o’er the Garngad Uglies’ files. At wan point they wur aw bent o’er in hysterics, jist aboot pishing themsels. Seemingly, Freckles’ uncle, Wan-bob Broon, who they aw knew well, hid been a fucking cattle rustler. Imagine, a cattle rustler fae Glesga? They kept throwing page efter page oan tae the fire tae keep it gaun, until they ran oot. Then the bag belonging tae ‘Miss F Flaw’ followed the files. They kept Baby’s file tae show him when he turned up, as they wur expecting tae see him oan hame leave anytime soon.