by Lea Sims
“Oh my soul,” she said, voice hoarse from the nonstop talking and crying she had done over the last few days. “I can’t believe Carter Ludlow was sitting in the back row. It nearly broke my heart to see him there.” She turned and looked down at Delaney’s upturned face, reaching down with her handkerchief to rub the tear-stained smudges from her niece’s cheeks. “He used to be sweet on your momma when they were kids. I remember him showing up at our house on Valentine’s Day one year holding a giant teddy bear that was twice his size. When Papa opened the door, it looked like the teddy bear had rung the doorbell. He couldn’t even see Carter standing on the other side. That boy followed Amelia around like a lost puppy from grade school to high school. It nearly broke his heart to see her marry your daddy.”
She sniffed and turned back to the window to watch and make note of all the faces coming out of the church.
Delaney didn’t care who Carter Ludlow was. Momma belonged with Daddy, and she belonged with both of them. She had just sat through an entire church service listening to people talk about her parents. Every word they said was true but every word was spoken in the past tense. The lilting voice of her pastor reciting the twenty-third psalm, peppering his remarks with references to Jesus the Good Shepherd, was of little comfort to a young child. They felt like a brisk handshake when you needed a long hug.
It would be weeks, if not months, before it would finally sink in that her parents were gone. The drunk driver who hit them headlong on the highway was now sitting in the county jail. Death had come crashing into her ten-year-old world like a two-minute tornado—just as sudden, inexplicable and devastating. Ever since her Aunt Beth had come to the school on Tuesday and knelt in front of her in the hallway to tell her what had happened, Delaney had been wandering around in the aftermath, dazed and deaf to all the planning that was going on. She alternated between bursting into tears at odd moments, chattering nervously to anyone around her, and staring blankly without responding when someone would try to get her attention.
Whenever she thought about the reality she was leaving behind and the one she was now being dropped into, the tears would flow like a river. And they wouldn’t stop. She stifled a little sob, stomach churning and tears streaming down both cheeks. She dabbed at them with the confetti in her hand that had once been a folded Kleenex.
Her uncle reached over to place his hand on her thigh above her knee. She jerked up suddenly, her eyes flying resentfully to his face. He was looking out his own window and did not turn to look down at her. He simply patted her leg, rubbing lightly, seeming to comfort her.
It will be okay, Laney girl,” her uncle said smoothly. “You know you’re not alone. We’re going to take very good care of you.” He turned his head and looked directly into her eyes. His inscrutable gaze took in her rumpled hair and glimmering tears. For a moment, she thought she saw tender compassion in his face. But then he shot a quick glance at his wife to confirm that her attention was still directed out the window. When his gaze slid back to Delaney, he winked slowly at her, pursed his lips silently in the form of a kiss, and brushed his hand lightly up her inner thigh.
She promptly threw up all over him.
“Most people want to be circled by safety, not by the unexpected. The unexpected can take you out. But the unexpected can also take you over and change your life. It can put a heart in your body where a stone used to be.”
—Ron Hall
There are few things a dog loves more than sticking its head out a car window. Delaney looked over at Rogue, who was sitting in the seat beside her, head hanging out the passenger side of her Jeep Wrangler window, eyes closed blissfully and ears flapping in the wind. They were making the 800-mile trek down I-95 to Savannah, listening to satellite radio and munching on pretzels, another of Rogue’s favorite things. The sun was high in the sky and the balmy June weather along the east coast enabled them to ride with the windows down for most of their journey.
The decision to drive rather than to fly home for her aunt’s memorial was finally made after Delaney had spent the better part of Saturday morning trying to figure out how to make arrangements for Rogue so that she could leave for what would likely be a week away from home. After waking Adam and politely explaining her unexpected circumstances, he had ruefully departed with coffee in hand and a reluctant promise from Delaney to contact him when she got back from Savannah, which of course she had no intention of doing. To his credit, he was interested in more than a one-nighter with her, but the last thing she needed in her life right now was a relationship. Sex was one thing, but love? Not now and possibly not ever again, as far as she was concerned. When he had walked out of her bedroom, comforter wrapped loosely around his naked body and hair tousled in a way that normally would have beckoned her back to the bedroom, the warm look in his eyes was definitely that of a smitten man. And she had no time for smitten.
Lexie was heading out of town on Monday for a meeting with a client and therefore unable to keep Rogue for her, so Delaney briefly considered swallowing her pride and asking Danny to take her, but she really couldn’t see Danny saying yes to that request. She could board her, of course, but Delaney had a very deep distaste for seeing dogs in cages and kennels, and the thought of her dog in a kennel all day every day for at least a week, only being let out once or twice a day for a short walk, was unacceptable to her. She finally decided she’d have to take Rogue with her, but she also wouldn’t put her dog in a travel kennel and force her to sit in anxiety in the belly of a plane.
That left only one other option—to get her car out of storage in New Jersey and drive to Savannah. Danny had balked at the idea of her buying a Jeep after they got married. He didn’t think they needed a car since few people ever needed them in Manhattan. But his real reason was that he believed a Jeep to be an unsophisticated and impractical vehicle for their lifestyle. “We’re just not Jeep people,” he said, trying to appeal to her high-end sense of style. “Well you may not be, but I am,” she replied with her arms crossed and mind made up. Danny had laughed out loud when she said that to him, but it was true. She knew she was a walking contradiction. While she had worked hard to leave the memories and relationships of her deep South childhood behind, the influences were a little harder to scrub off. She couldn’t quite rid herself of her lilting Southern drawl, elongating vowels and clipping consonants in ways that amused her team. She smiled freely and said hello to New Yorkers at the corner bodega or passing by her on the street. They, in turn, would stare blankly back at her in confusion. She would drag Danny all over Manhattan looking for good fried chicken or a homemade pecan pie.
And she loved Jeeps.
She had worked hard in high school at the local movie theater to buy her first one, a banged up yellow Renegade. She and her collie Monday rode everywhere in it, usually with the top and doors removed. That Jeep got her all the way through college before it became too old and too expensive to maintain. Like most people who lived in Manhattan, she had lived without a car of any kind until she got married. But when she took her job at Muse four years ago, she got it in her head that she wanted a Jeep in her life again. Danny had thought she was crazy, but he relented. They had an unspoken agreement that because they both made big salaries, they should be free to decide how they used their expendable income.
When she had considered the idea of taking the Jeep down to the funeral, she knew it would be a long drive both ways, but the more she thought about it, the better she felt about it. Time on the road with her dog was exactly what she needed right now. She needed some time to think, to process, and to decompress. It had been over a year since she’d even taken a day off work, and she had plenty of vacation days coming to her. She called Callie, explained where she was going, and had her move anything that was not absolutely necessary off her schedule for the next week. One of the best things about her job was that with all her tech, she could work from anywhere. Whatever work couldn’t wait until she returned c
ould be done from her laptop.
If she was honest with herself, she’d also admit that the decision to drive meant it would take at least a day to get there, prolonging her return to a place she had no desire to see again. She’d never actually said the words “I’m never going back there,” but it was certainly how she felt. She’d turned down her aunt’s invitations to come home for the holidays, always making some excuse around her job or Danny’s that prevented it. They did fly her Aunt Beth up to New York for their small wedding four and a half years ago, and she’d come up to New York one other time when Delaney had first moved to the city, but that was it.
Now she was on her way back to the epicenter of everything she’d avoided dealing with her entire adult life. Her plan was to get there, pay her respects, avoid any drama, and get back home as soon as possible. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was an unreasonable expectation. She was her aunt’s only living relative. She would need to settle her aunt’s affairs and make some decisions about her estate. She had no desire to go through her Aunt Beth’s house, belongings, or finances. She would rely on attorneys and estate planners to do all of that, and hopefully, Claire would be willing to help.
She put in a call to Claire Sheffield. She had promised to check in with her and didn’t want her to feel unsupported in the planning process. After a couple of rings, Claire picked up the phone.
“Hi Claire. It’s Delaney.”
“Hello, dear,” came the warm reply. “How’s your drive coming? Are you getting close?” Claire had been a bit surprised that Delaney was driving down, but she was secretly glad it had worked out that way. It might mean she could talk Laney into staying a little longer. She hoped to spend some time with her while she was here. The distance between Elizabeth and Laney was something she and her dear friend had discussed many times, and she knew there were things that Elizabeth Lowell wanted her niece to know. Claire hoped to honor her friend by making a connection with her rather estranged niece.
“We’re making good time,” Delaney said looking over at Rogue. “I think we’ll be pulling into Savannah by five o’clock or so.” She had made all her arrangements and been on the road by Sunday at four o’clock in the afternoon, drove south six hours, and stopped to spend the night in Richmond. She and Rogue were on the road again this morning by nine, stopping only for gas and snacks along the way. “I know the service is Wednesday afternoon, but I didn’t think to ask you when we spoke yesterday, Claire…is there somewhere I should go when I get there? I’ve booked a room at the Indigo downtown because they allow big dogs, but I can check in any time tonight if you need me to come straight to Shady when I get there.”
“Ohh,” Claire said, surprised. “I guess I just assumed you’d be staying at your aunt’s house. You know you don’t have to stay in a hotel, honey. No one is staying at the house.”
Delaney had anticipated this. “I appreciate that, Claire,” she said lightly. “I hoped to visit some SCAD friends while I’m there, so it will be easier to stay in the city. I don’t mind driving out to Shady Oaks or anywhere else in Templeton.” Her answer wasn’t entirely truthful. She had graduated from the Savannah College of Arts and Design but she didn’t keep in touch with anyone that still lived in Savannah. Like her, most SCAD grads took jobs elsewhere. But it was a convenient and believable answer, and it meant she didn’t have to explain to Claire why she had no intention of setting foot in, much less sleeping in, her old house.
“Oh well, that makes sense,” Claire answered. “But we won’t be coming to Shady Oaks except for the graveside service anyway, so it’s probably better that you’re staying in town.”
“Is there only going to be a graveside service?” Delaney asked, confused.
“Oh no, no!” Claire exclaimed. “We’ll have the memorial service at Refresh and then drive out to Shady for the burial. Then I’m hosting the reception afterward, so you can just come here.”
“I’m sorry, Claire, I’m not following you. What is…Refresh, did you call it? Is that a church?
Claire Sheffield drew in a surprised breath. “Oh, wow. Yes. Refresh Station. It’s a church in downtown Savannah. We’ve been going there for a while now. Didn’t your aunt tell you?”
Claire’s mouth gaped open in shock. Skidding right past Claire’s question, she exclaimed, “That’s gotta be at least thirty minutes from my aunt’s house! She drove into town to go to this church every Sunday?” She had a hard time processing this news. Her aunt had been at Shady Oaks Community Church her whole life, along with Delaney’s mother. It was so close to her house that you could walk to it in good weather. And pretty much everyone in Shady Oaks went there.
“She sure did…and on Wednesdays for prayer team and Friday mornings for Connect and every other Saturday for our outreach to Savannah State students.” Claire’s voice was full of tender warmth for her friend. “Elizabeth would have been there every day if she could. She had even thought about selling her house and moving closer to the campus.”
Delaney thought for sure she had stepped into an alternate universe. “Wait, you said ‘we.’ Do you go to Refresh, too, Claire?” She was a little mystified by this turn of events. What kind of church name was “Refresh”? It sounded like a laundry detergent or a minty mouthwash.
Claire chuckled. “Yes, honey, I go there, too. Elizabeth and I attended a Joyce Meyer conference about six years ago, and we both had…well…kind of an awakening there. We met some women from Refresh at that conference, and Elizabeth and I eventually found our way there one Sunday. It’s a beautiful story I can’t do justice to over the phone, but I promise to share it with you when you get here. I guess I’m a little surprised your aunt never mentioned it to you. That church has been everything to her—to us—for the last six years.”
Well, there it was. May as well bite the bullet and get it over with. “Claire,” Delaney said with a deep sigh. “It’s probably better if we don’t dance around the truth here. You’ve been my aunt’s best friend for a long time, so you must be aware of the limited relationship we’ve had since I moved out.”
“I am.” Claire offered nothing more than that.
“If my aunt didn’t tell me about this change in her life, it’s because we don’t—haven’t—spoken very often since I’ve lived in New York. I’ve been busy with work, and I’ve just gone through a divorce. So much has kept us from connecting.” Her statements sounded hollow even in her own ears. They were excuses, and she knew it. Delaney was surprised to suddenly feel ashamed and awkward. Why did she feel that way? She didn’t owe this woman an explanation. “But it is what it is,” she said somewhat tersely. Her sudden irritation at Claire was unreasonable, she knew it, but she didn’t like having to defend herself to anyone.
“Delaney, you don’t owe me an explanation,” said Claire softly, as if she’d read Delaney’s mind. “I don’t want you heading down here fretting over what I’m going to think or what anyone else is going to think. I don’t know all the details about why you and Elizabeth had grown so far apart, but I do know that your aunt loved you very much and I’m glad, for her sake, that you’re coming home. I can’t wait to see you, hug your neck, and stand next to you while I say goodbye to the dearest friend I have ever known.”
Delaney blinked in surprise, another sudden sting of tears in her eyes. What the heck was wrong with her? She had been cross with Claire and now she suddenly felt teary-eyed for the second time in two days. She struggled for a few seconds to lock that response down. She was also poignantly aware that the woman on the other end of the phone was being utterly gracious. Claire’s kindness was sincere and unmistakable. She felt both uncomfortable and comforted by it at the same time.
“Thank you for that, Claire,” she whispered quietly into the phone. “And thank you for all you are doing for my aunt, for being such a good friend to her. Despite how estranged we were, I truly do want her to be honored as she deserved.” Her heart
squeezed in her chest as she said those words aloud.
“Elizabeth Lowell wasn’t just my friend, Delaney. She was my sister…my Kingdom family. I could never do enough to truly honor her for everything she was to me. I thank God every day for loving me enough to bring Elizabeth into my world. She has been there for me through some of the most difficult moments of my life. There literally isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”
As Claire spoke those words into her ear, Delaney felt an unusual and beautiful peace wash over her. The love in Claire’s voice wasn’t just sincere. It was powerful. Had she ever felt that way about anyone in her life? Had anyone felt that way about her? She and Lexie were good friends, but Delaney couldn’t imagine either of them making the kind of declaration about each other that Claire had just made. She was suddenly and inexplicably envious of the kind of devotion Claire Sheffield was testifying to. She was skeptical of it and wasn’t entirely sure she could trust it, but she recognized the undeniable ring of authenticity in both Claire’s words and her voice. And she was drawn to it, despite herself.
“I would love to hear more about your friendship, Claire,” Delaney said in response, surprising herself. “I hope we can spend some time together while I’m in town.” After confirming the need to be at the church that evening to walk through the memorial service plan, Delaney said goodbye to Claire and hung up.
Claire Sheffield got off that call with tears glistening in her eyes. God had just opened a little window of opportunity for her. She knew that the greatest pain in Elizabeth’s heart was not that Delaney had stepped so far away from her, but that she had abandoned her belief in God and stepped so far away from Him. Delaney’s name had been engraved in Elizabeth’s prayer journal ever since the girl went off to college, and over the years, prayers for her protection and salvation had been at the top of Claire’s prayer list as well. It pained her greatly to know that it had taken Elizabeth’s death to bring this girl anywhere near her sphere of influence, but Claire was determined not to waste the opportunity. Standing in the middle of her kitchen, dish towel in hand and water running, she raised her hands to heaven and asked God to help her. She kept her head bowed for a long time, praying and listening to His Spirit. This would not be an easy task, but she was not daunted by it.