by Lea Sims
“For the record,” he said, “I also think this is what separates us from animals—our consciousness, the soul. I believe without a soul, the human brain would be like that of an animal, albeit a highly evolved animal, but still an animal. Most animals have very limited awareness.”
“Awareness of what?”
“Awareness of good and evil, of right and wrong, of ethics, of knowledge, of history, of the universe…so many things. Animals respond to environmental stimuli. Humans seek knowledge. Animals anticipate, but humans have the capacity for hope. Animals are capable of great attachment and affection, but they do not have the ability to truly love.”
“Ohhh, I’m not so sure about that,” Delaney said, shaking her head slightly. “I’m pretty sure my dog loves me.”
“Your dog needs you—more specifically, she needs her pack. As a pack animal, you are critical to her survival and stability. Her need for pack hierarchy keeps her tied to you, but her breed determines the degree to which she needs to be in close physical proximity to you. You have a Labrador retriever, right?”
“Yes,” she said, surprised. “How did you know that?”
“Claire told me,” Drew said with a slight smile but continued on, not wanting to lose his train of thought. “Labs are possibly the most human-attached breed there is. They have been bred to be companion animals, to stay very close to a hunter in the field and leave his side only when told to retrieve. So it is very easy for us to misinterpret the need and attachment behaviors dogs display as love. Don’t get me wrong. As someone who works with dogs almost every day, I believe they have a rather profound ability to bond with human beings. And even if dogs are able to feel love, it is very limited…very one-dimensional. Both human and dog mothers are nurturing caretakers, both watch out for the safety of their offspring, both are protective. But a dog mother does not see her pup as an extension of herself like a human mother does. A dog mother watches over her pup for predators at night, but a human mother lies awake worrying about her child’s future. A dog mother trains her dog in survival skills. A human mother passes on values and builds legacy.”
Delaney was impressed. “So I guess you’re weren’t joking yesterday when you said you rescued dogs. How do you know so much about them?”
“Ahh, well…I’m a vet,” Drew said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “So I know a little bit about animals and animal behavior.” He didn’t elaborate further.
“A little bit.” Delaney mimicked wryly, though surprised and intrigued to learn that Drew had yet another quality to admire. “So all those things you mentioned, what human mothers do that dog mothers cannot do…all of that comes from consciousness?” She was still not sure exactly what he meant and what it had to do with God and heaven.
“I’m just saying that there is something—something beyond random evolution—that makes us different from animals. And I work with animals every day. They are amazing. But human beings have an innate capacity for things that just aren’t seen in the animal kingdom. Biology makes us homo sapiens, but it’s the complex and beautiful soul that makes us human. Animals do not have our potential for both self-destruction and radiant hope; they have no ability to translate knowledge and experience into wisdom. Animals don’t stare up at the stars at night and wonder what’s out there or have a driving need to know what their purpose is. I guess an atheist would say that evolution has given mankind those higher brain functions, but I just don’t buy it. Nothing accounts for how or why nature would single us out to such an extreme degree. Only a Creator could have set us apart this way.”
This was hands-down the most fascinating and enlightening conversation Delaney had ever been a part of, and she suddenly understood why. They were talking about design. This was a core competency for her. She considered all he was saying. His words gave a voice to what she had been grappling with all day. Even if there were no scientific proof of a human soul—for a distinct and separate consciousness—something inside her told her it was true. It probably took someone dying to get her to put it all on the scales of her understanding and weigh the truth of it, but somehow, she’d always known it. The idea of mankind being a random outcome of evolution had never sat well with her, probably because she was a designer. She understood the complex creative thinking it took to design something.
Still, she hesitated. Believing in life after death was one thing, but there was a domino effect that would inevitably follow that decision, and those dominoes toppled over one by one until you were at the feet of God. Reopening the case file for God was going to be very difficult for her. Acknowledging that he might exist after all meant going back to the place where she felt rejected and irrelevant to him. But then she thought of the pastor’s words earlier that day about where God was in our darkest times.
“Pastor Jason’s message today was very persuasive,” she said hesitantly. “I’ve never heard anyone explain God the way he did.” She paused to give him a lopsided smile. “Although you could give him a run for his money when it comes to unpacking a difficult subject.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Drew shook his head. “Jason is an amazing teacher. And yes, his explanation today was powerful. I’ve heard him teach that message with the chess piece only one other time, and it had a huge impact on me.”
“I would really like to believe what he said today about God,” Delaney whispered, suddenly serious and staring down at her hands. “Both of you have given me a lot to think about.”
“Maybe that’s your problem,” Drew suggested. “You’re thinking too much, Delaney. There’s one thing I can tell you for sure. The most learned theologians could sit here with you and give you intellectually satisfying arguments about God all day long. In fact, I would point you to C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity if you’re looking for a place to start, but that pursuit will only take you so far. You can’t just understand God with your mind. At some point, you have to encounter him as a person. He can’t just be explained. He has to be experienced.”
She shook her head so adamantly, that his eyebrows shot up in surprise and he chuckled at her. “He’s not afraid of all your questions, you know. Or your doubts. And if you really want to know where Elizabeth is right now, Delaney, the only one who can truly answer that question to your satisfaction is God himself,” he said. He pointed to the cell phone sticking out of the side pocket of her purse and joked, “He always takes our calls.”
“Huh.” Delaney said flatly. “I’ve always gotten a busy signal.” She glanced back out the window and studied the trees flashing past them in the late afternoon sun.
Watching her, Drew heard the bitter edge to her voice and wanted so badly to follow that rather revealing statement with a few questions, but he felt a tug on his spirit to leave it alone. He didn’t want her to shut down, so he decided to lighten things up a bit. “So, tell me about your dog. Claire said her name was Rebel, I think.”
“Actually, it’s Rogue,” Delaney said, turning back to him and lighting up at the change of subject. The unabashed delight that had suddenly transformed her expression took Drew’s breath away. His eyes flickered over her animated face, taking in her wide blue eyes and creamy skin, the delicate arch of her brows, and the way her thick blonde hair framed her face. She was undeniably lovely. And all he had to do was mention her dog to put that look on her face.
“Well, she was close,” Drew quipped drily and they both laughed. “How did you come up with that name?”
“Honestly? From X-Men,” she answered, surprising Drew again. “She’s my favorite mutant.” Drew found that statement revealing. Rogue was the mutant who couldn’t get close to or touch anyone. Interesting.
“I’m a big fan of Wolverine myself,” he replied, smiling to himself. Then suddenly, he said, “Hey, when do you go back to New York?”
Delaney was caught off guard but thought about it for a second and said, “Well technically I took the week off, so I�
�m not due back to work until next Monday. There are some decisions to make and stuff to take care of here, so I’ll be here a few more days. Why?”
“I’d like to show you where I work…tomorrow if you’re available. You can bring Rogue if you like.”
“We’d love to.” She was about to ask him where “work” was, but she looked up and realized the town car was pulling into the Refresh Station parking lot.
They both got out of the car and thanked the driver, and Drew gave him a tip and invited him to services at Refresh on Sunday. Then he turned back to Delaney. “I told Ms. Claire I’d bring you out to the house so you didn’t have to ride alone, unless you want to drive yourself,” Drew offered. “Oh, and she said to bring the dog. She’s got a huge fenced-in yard that Rogue can run around in while we’re out there.”
“Oh that sounds good,” Delaney said politely. “I’d actually like to drive myself out but I’ll definitely bring Rogue with me. I’m going to go freshen up and change at the hotel and then head out there. But I really appreciate you offering to drive me. I just want to have my car so I can leave when I’m ready. Honestly, I’ll be lucky not to fall face first in the bed as soon as I walk into my hotel room. I’m whipped.”
“I understand completely. I’ll see you out at Claire’s. Oh, and don’t eat anything, Delaney. You’ll want to come hungry.”
Delaney remembered quite well how amazing Claire Sheffield’s cooking was. She and her Aunt Beth were always exchanging recipes. When her aunt had traded her iPad in for new pots and pans, it was because she and Claire were taking some classes at the culinary school. “Oh, I will.” She turned and walked across the street to the parking lot and unlocked her car. When Drew realized that she was hoisting her stilettoed self into a lifted Jeep Wrangler with big knobby sport tires, he stood on the Refresh Station sidewalk and laughed out loud.
Are you kidding me right now, God?
“Let’s teach that loving isn’t always loving. Like when you loved the hamster so much that it died. Some adults do that too.
Too much, the wrong way.”
—Deborah Ainslie
Drew Hemming sat lightly rocking on the swing that hung from Claire Sheffield’s back porch, with his boots propped up on the porch railing. He sipped a hot cup of coffee and took the last few bites of his lemon meringue pie. Inside the house, the rooms that had been packed with guests just a while earlier were slowly beginning to thin out, as couples and families began to make their way out to their cars. Claire’s rich and often booming voice could be heard above the din of departing guests, thanking people with laughter and tears, grateful for their presence and consoling words. He knew he needed to step back inside and help Jason and Lisa clean up so that Ms. Claire could get some rest, but for the moment his attention was focused on the captivating woman who was playing with her dog in the middle of Claire’s back yard.
A slow appreciative smile crept across his face as he watched her. She had changed into jeans that were rolled up to mid-calf, and she wore a simple white T-shirt and a Mets baseball cap. At the moment, Delaney was standing barefoot in the lush green grass of the lawn, throwing a tennis ball to Rogue, who had already fetched and returned it to her at least thirty times, and not one time had she needed to coax the dog to come back to her or to drop the ball. They were quite the pair. Drew couldn’t help but admire the training he saw in Rogue and the strong but loving way Delaney handled her. She could give his own staff some lessons about how to command that kind of respect and devotion from a dog. He was very impressed, and it took a lot to impress him in that regard. In his experience, most people did not understand the relationship humans needed to have with animals, especially when it came to dogs. Delaney obviously did.
After a few minutes, Delaney threw the ball a final time, and when Rogue had streaked like a charcoal blur across the massive lawn to pick it up, Delaney whistled, then turned to slip her feet in her sandals and walk back to the house. It was her signal that they were done, and she did not look back over her shoulder or call the dog again. Rogue came jogging up from behind, ball in her mouth, and followed Delaney through the little latched gate and up the brick-paved walkway to the back porch. Rogue came bounding up the wide plank stairs and made a beeline for Drew, dropping her ball in his lap and thumping her tail against the porch railing.
“More? Seriously? You aren’t worn out yet?” Drew teased Rogue, rubbing her head and ears vigorously with both hands. She was a gorgeous dog. Her eyes shimmered like two burnished gold nuggets set against the silkiest blue-black coat Drew had ever seen on a black lab. Her strong, stocky build and the shape of her head and tail told Drew that Rogue was as purebred as it gets, which meant Delaney had paid a pretty penny for her. He found that curious, given her earlier statements about rescuing dogs. Most dog rescue advocates were ideologically opposed to paying for a pure-bred dog when there were so many dogs surrendered to shelters every day. As a vet, he had cared for both the mixed-breeds and the pedigreed, and he loved them all, but he shared the concern that way too many dogs were overbred, discarded, and dumped in shelters. He glanced up at Delaney, who was giving him an apologetic look because Rogue refused to take her chin off Drew’s knee. “She sure is a gorgeous dog,” he said to her. “Have you had her since she was a puppy?”
She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes in laughing suspicion, “Are you trying to figure out if I blew a couple of paychecks on a purebred dog?” He raised his eyebrows in mutinous challenge but said nothing. She laughed and said, “As it happens, she was a Christmas gift from my husb—errr, ex-husband. Literally. She jumped out of a box from under the Christmas tree with a half-eaten red bow around her neck, and it was love at first sight. But…she is the only purebred dog I’ve ever had.”
“She’s the prettiest black lab I’ve ever seen,” Drew said. “Heck, she may be the prettiest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“And she’s super smart,” Delaney said, admiring her dog with a proud smile. “I am definitely pro-adoption when it comes to dogs, but I’ll be the first to admit there’s something pretty magnificent about a dog as close to breed standard as Rogue is. There is an untainted beauty and pride in her. I think even she knows she’s pretty spectacular.”
“I have to tell you that in all my years of working with animals, I have seen very few people handle a dog better than you do.”
She blushed at his praise. “Wow…thank you. I’ve spent a lot of time with her, for sure, but honestly, she’s got the right temperament for training. Just being a lab puts her ahead of the game. They are eager to perform and please. But Rogue is by far the most responsive to training of any dog I’ve ever had.” She dropped down on the swing next to him and watched him with her dog. He had immediately taken the tennis ball and put it on the windowsill, then rubbed and scratched Rogue long and playfully. She was looking up adoringly at Drew, panting hard to beat the band, and begging him with her eyes to not stop scratching. Delaney shook her head in mock disgust. Little traitor. You’ll give your heart to anyone who’ll pet you longer than a second.
The screen door from the kitchen creaked open, and Drew and Delaney looked up to see Claire’s flushed, round face poking out at them. “Can I get either of you anything?” she asked, then pushed the screen door open a little wider to toss a chunk of ice onto the porch for Rogue, who tore herself away from Drew’s ministrations to dive on it eagerly. As she lapped at it, the chunk of ice slid away from her across the plank floor, and the more she licked it, the faster it moved, like a hockey puck being navigated toward a goal. They all laughed as Rogue chased it under the table at the end of the porch and then flopped on her side to stick a nose and paw under the table in an attempt to fish it out.
Drew jumped up from the swing and said, “No, Ms. Claire, you come sit with Delaney for a bit. I’ll help the clean-up crew.” She was about to protest, but Drew put up a hand and gave her his best don’t-argue-with-me look, so she he
ld the door open for him to come inside, then walked over and sank down wearily onto the porch swing.
“Oh my goodness,” she sighed, slipping off her shoes and looking down at her feet. “My dogs are barkin’.”
“It’s been a long day,” Delaney agreed, and then turned slightly on the swing to look at Claire. “Thank you for everything you did to make this day special for my aunt, Claire. The service, the preparations…all this food. All of it was wonderful.”
“Honey, I wouldn’t have done anything less.” She laid her head back on the swing and closed her eyes, rocking steadily for a few moments. For a long stretch of silence, they both sat on the swing taking in the balmy breeze of the early evening, Claire with her eyes resting and Delaney staring out across the oak-lined backyard, each thinking about the events of the day. It was as if both of them needed a moment to exhale. Without opening her eyes, she said to Delaney, “So, when are we going to talk about what happens next, do you think?”
Delaney sighed heavily. “There are a lot of decisions to make, I know. I will meet again with my aunt’s attorney on Friday morning to talk about how to close out her bills and legal affairs. He wants to walk through her will with me at that time.”
“What about her house and belongings?”
“Well, I need to see what her will says, I guess. She may have left some specific instructions about all of that. Knowing her, she wanted some of it to go to charity. I’m assuming the majority of it has been left to me, so I’ve already put in a call to an estate sale company who can oversee the pricing and sale of her house and belongings. They’re local.”
Claire continued to rock the swing with her eyes closed. “Is that how you prefer to handle it?”
“It is.” Delaney did not want to elaborate.
“But you’re going to want to go through it all first, right?” Claire rolled her head toward Delaney and opened one eye curiously at her. “I figure between the two of us, we can probably sort through it all in a day or so.” Had she not chosen to turn and look at her in that moment, Claire would have missed the look of revulsion that had briefly hardened Delaney’s face. It took her by surprise and she lifted her head and sat up fully in her seat, waiting for Delaney to answer.