I run my hand through my hair as I try to think. Where could she have gone to? I know she wouldn’t go to Amanda. She better not have fucking went to Ryan. The only other place I know, is her home, but Dean’s there. Would she have gone there anyway?
Fuck! I don’t have a clue how to get in touch with Dean, or her Dad. What am I going to do now? I can’t lose her.
I set the flowers down on the chest and pull my keys out of my pocket. I don’t like the thought of going there, but I don’t have any other choice. He’ll know how to get in touch with Dean.
“What the fuck do you want?” Ryan grumbles, giving me his best dirty look.
I sigh loudly. This sucks. Of all fucking people he’s the only person who can help me, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to refuse.
“I need Dean’s number.” I keep my tone even.
“Yeah right. Fuck you!” He shoves the door forward, but I stick my foot out and stop it.
“Just give me the God damn number.” I say, barely maintaining my temper.
Ryan leans dangerously close. “Not going to fucking happen.” He snaps.
“What’s going on?” Some guy asks, stepping up behind Ryan. I look up and realize that I know him. He’s the one who let us in the last time I was here, with Taylor. I think his name is Cal.
“I need to get in touch with Dean.” I tell him, focusing all of my attention on him. “Do you know his number?” I ask, silently praying he does.
He corners his eyes at Ryan, before looking back at me. “Yeah, I know his number.”
Ryan throws him a look over his shoulder. “Shut the fuck up, Cal.”
Cal cocks his head to the side studying me. “Why do you need Dean’s number?”
I shake my head irritably. Why can’t they just give me the fucking number? Why does everything have to be so complicated? I don’t want Ryan knowing what’s going on with Taylor and me.
“Because, I need to find Taylor, and I’m hoping he’ll know where she is.” I finally admit.
Ryan’s lips twist up into a smug grin. I really hate that motherfucker! “So, she finally wised up and dumped your sorry ass.”
I grind my teeth together. “It’s not like that.” I say.
Cal turns around and steps away from the door. Shit! He’s not going to give it to me.
Ryan glances behind him, I guess, to make sure that Cal can’t hear us. He leans forward his cocky grin never wavering. “You better find her before I do. Because, if I get to her first I’m going to fuck her so hard she won’t even remember your name.” He reaches down and grabs himself. “She’s always wanted this.”
Motherfucker! My blood feels like its boiling. I’m so fucking pissed right now, that my vision literally blurs a little. I pull back ready to slam my fist into his smug face, when Cal steps back up to the door, yanking Ryan back by his shirt. “Here,” he reaches me a slip of paper. I glance down and my anger shifts a little. It has Dean’s number scribbled across it.
I look back up at Ryan. “You better stay the fuck away from her. She doesn’t want anything to do with you.” I put as much venom into my voice as possible.
CHAPTER 45
TAYLOR
I’ve only been at Merita’s for a couple of days, and I’m all ready having second thoughts. Maybe, if I can fix things between Dean and me, I could move away with Matt. The thought of never seeing him again, is excruciating. I shake my head at that thought. I’m just beginning to have a relationship with my Dad, after all of these years. I don’t want to be any further away from him.
Besides, every time I think about how Matt never told me he was moving away, a fresh wave of anger crashes over me. He knew for months and he still let me fall for him. He should have told me before we slept together, so that I could have made a better decision, about sleeping with him.
I never would have let myself get this emotionally involved, if I had all of the facts. I would have kept myself at a safe distance. I wouldn’t be hiding out at my aunt’s house like a little bitch.
I fall back onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling.
My phone buzzes with a text and I roll my eyes when I see it’s from Ryan. What the hell does he want?
Ryan: We need to talk.
Me: Not going to happen.
I really wish he’d get it through his thick skull that we’re not going to happen. He had five fucking years to be with me, and all he wanted was a piece of ass. Well, fuck that.
My phone rings and I let out an exaggerated sigh. I don’t even have to look at it to know its Ryan.
“What do you want?” I snap into the phone.
“Look, I know that I’m the last person you want to talk to.”
“Yeah, you got that right. So why don’t you leave me the fuck alone?”
“You’re not the only one hurting, Taylor.” He says exasperatedly. “Maybe if you’ll just agree to meet me somewhere, we can figure out a way to make Dean forgive us. I’m not the only one that Dean’s pissed at. We both fucked up.”
I sigh, as big of a douche as Ryan is, he’s right. It wouldn’t hurt to meet with him. I really don’t have anything to lose.
“Fine, I have a class in the morning, but I can meet you at nine thirty, in the cafeteria.”
He breathes a big sigh of relief. “That sounds good. I’ll see you then.”
I turn my phone off, ignoring the flashing light indicating that I have a new voicemail. I know it’s from Matt. He’s been calling me non-stop. I’m scared to talk to him. If I hear his voice I’m scared I’ll go running back to him.
As much as it’s fucking killing me that he’s moving away, I love him enough to let him go. If I try to convince him to stay, and he does, eventually he’ll grow to resent me. I don’t want that. I want him to be happy. For the first time in my life, I’m actually putting someone else’s wants and needs above my own. I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much.
As soon as I see Ryan’s smug smile, I regret agreeing to this meeting. What was I thinking? Us spending any time together at all will do nothing more than to piss Dean off even more. I’m such an idiot.
“Hey,” he says, sitting down across from me. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“Whatever,” I say, refusing to make eye contact with him.
He reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. I quickly jerk my hand away and gape at him. “What the hell, Ryan? Why can’t you keep your hands to yourself?”
He holds his hands up in front of me. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It’s really good to see you.” He lets his eyes roam down to my chest. “You look really good.”
I push away from the table and jump out of my chair. “You are something else. You didn’t invite me here, so that we could figure out a way to get Dean for forgive us, did you?”
He doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty. “I’m sorry, Taylor. But now that Dean knows about us anyway, we can be together. We don’t have to sneak around anymore. We don’t have to lie, or pretend that we don’t care for one another.”
“Are you freaking kidding me?” I roar, causing several heads to snap in our direction. I don’t give a shit. I’m beyond pissed right now. “What about Dean? He’s your best friend. Don’t you even care how bad we hurt him?”
He shakes his head. “Of course I care, but eventually, he’ll get over it. Besides, he didn’t seem too worried about our friendship, while he was beating the shit out of me.”
“We…You…I can’t…” God, I’m so pissed I can’t even string together a sentence. I’ve heard enough. I cannot stand the sight of him right now. He’s an even bigger douche than I gave him credit for.
I ignore his pleas, and step around him stalking out of the cafeteria.
Motherfucker!
CHAPTER 46
MATT
I hold my breath, silently praying that Dean will answer. I’m getting ready to give up when I hear a rough Hello.
“Is this Dean?” I ask, stupidly.
“Who wants to
know?” He grumbles into the phone.
“This is Matt. I’m Taylor’s…roommate.” I roll my eyes at that. We are so much more than roommates.
“What in the hell do you want?” He snaps. Okay so we’re getting off to a rocky start, but I didn’t expect anything less. He’s obviously hurting.
I clear my throat. “I was wondering if you might know where Taylor is.”
There’s silence for several seconds. “Why would I know where she is?” His tone is bitter. “What did you fucking do?” He growls.
“I didn’t do anything. It’s just…”
“Just what?” He cuts me off. Yeah, this isn’t going well at all. “If she’s your roommate and you don’t know where she is, that means she must have took off. So, I’ll ask you one more fucking time. What did you do?” He drags the words out slowly, as if I’m too stupid to understand Basic English.
“She found out that I’m planning on moving to Houston after graduation.”
“Why would that upset her?” Oh boy, I really don’t want to get into this with him, but what choice do I have? She took off without as much as a goodbye. I can’t live without her. She’s mine. However, she’s all ready in a mess with the whole Ryan thing. I don’t want to rock the boat anymore. I remain silent, trying to figure out the best way to let him know that Taylor and I are more than roommates.
“Oh,” he says in a deadly calm. “So, she was lying about that too.” He mutters.
“No.” I say quickly, before he hangs up on me. “When she told you that we were moving in together, nothing was going on with us. I swear.”
“But it is now, right?”
I drop my head. “I fell in love with her. I want her to move to Houston with me, but she took off.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Taylor.”
“Do you have any idea where she could be? I have to find her.” I don’t even try to hide the desperation in my voice.
“Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good idea where she is, but I’m not going to tell you.”
What? “Why not?” Fuck, I sound like a whiney little bitch.
“Because, I know Taylor. She needs time. If you want her back, you have to give her space. If she cares for you, she’ll come back.”
“But, what if…”
Click. Motherfu… Did he really just hang up on me? I throw my phone across the room and drop down onto the sofa.
This sucks!
CHAPTER 47
TAYLOR
My heart is hammering in my chest, as I watch Matt. He’s walking across campus, reading a book. I jumped to the side of a building just in time, before he could see me. I wonder what would have happened if he had seen me. I wonder if he would have tried to talk to me. Damn, he looks so good.
It’s been over two weeks since I’ve seen him. He stopped trying to call and text me. I really miss him.
I clench my hands into fists, fighting all of my bodies urges, to run over to him and wrap my arms and legs around him. I can’t do that. He’s leaving in a week, and I absolutely refuse to ask him to stay for me. He deserves better than that. He deserves to be happy.
I draw in a shaky breath, and start moving across campus in the opposite direction.
“Taylor…” I hear my name and glance back over my shoulder. For a second, I actually think that I may be hallucinating.
Dean is walking towards me and he’s…smiling. I think that must be the most beautiful smile that I’ve ever seen.
“Dean,” I whisper, still not believing my own eyes.
He stops a few feet away from me and buries his hands in his pockets. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
I bop my head up and down a couple of times. “Sure.” He turns around and I follow him over to a bench beneath a large oak tree. He sits down and motions for me to join him.
I drop down next to him, feeling too ashamed to even make eye contact. “So, you and Matt huh?”
This gets my attention. I snap my head up and gape at him.
“He called me.” He says, answering my silent question.
“Why did he call you?” I’m so confused. I’m still shocked that Dean is here and he’s actually talking to me. And for some reason Matt called him.
“Yeah, said that you took off on him.”
I drop my chin and my face heats. “He wanted to know if I knew where you might have gone to.”
He’s looking at me with this odd expression. Like he’s waiting for me to admit to something. That’s when it hits me. He thinks I lied to him about Matt.
I begin shaking my head frantically. “Dean, I didn’t lie to you about Matt. We didn’t get together until after we moved in together.”
“I know. He told me.” He cocks his head to the side, studying me intently. “Do you love him?”
Wow, that came out of nowhere. I bite down on my bottom lip, and slowly nod my head. “Yeah, I love him.”
“Then why don’t you want to go to Houston with him?”
Why? He makes it sound so uncomplicated. “There are tons of reasons.” I tell him, feeling a little overwhelmed.
“What reasons? Tell me.” He presses.
“Well, for starters, it’s so far away. Dad is finally starting to live again. I don’t want to be further away from him.” I corner my eyes over at him. He’s watching me curiously. “And you. I want you to forgive me.” I practically whisper, feeling embarrassed.
He nods his head a couple of times. “Oh. I forgive you, Taylor.”
My mouth literally drops open at his admission. “You do?” I’m completely and utterly shocked.
He gives me crooked smile. “Yeah, but I’ll never forget.”
I drop my head and begin chipping at my nail polish. “I know. I don’t blame you. What I did was terrible.”
“Yeah, it was, but I blame Ryan more than you.”
I cock a brow at him. “You do? Why?”
He gives his shoulders a half hearted shrug. “Because, he was old enough to know better.”
“I was too.” Why am I trying to kick myself? I’m all ready down.
“I know you were, but I’d warned him to stay away from you, and he didn’t listen.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive him?” I ask, forcing myself to look at him.
“Hell no! He and I are done. But me and you…” He gets this sad look on his face. “Eventually, we’ll get back to where we were, before you dropped that bomb on me.”
Why does he have to be such a good guy? I bury my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry. I’ll never lie to you ever again. I know it will take us while, but I will earn your trust back.”
He gives me a playful punch on the shoulder. “I know you will.”
He stands up and looks down at me. “It looks like your list of reasons to not go with Matt, just got a little shorter.” I smile up at him. Yeah, I guess it did.
He starts to turn around, but stops and looks back at me. “Oh, and one more thing, Dad has a date Saturday night. It looks like he’s finally living again. He doesn’t need you to take care of him. He’s a grown man. So you can strike him off that list, as well. See you later, Taylor.” Without another word he walks away from me.
CHAPTER 48
MATT
I pull my truck around to the back of the apartment complex. It will be easier to load my stuff out the back way. I still can’t believe that graduation is over. I kept hoping that Taylor would be there, but she wasn’t.
I shake my head as I open the door to my apartment. I scratch my head as I look around at all of the boxes stacked everywhere. This is going to take forever. Oh well, I can’t keep putting this off.
I begin packing the boxes one by one outside and load them into the back of my truck. The movers came and took all of my furniture yesterday afternoon.
Every time I walk back inside to get another box, my eyes drift to the front parking lot. I keep hoping that Taylor will show up. It’s a little pathetic, actually. Especially after what Dean told me. He told me that i
f she cared about me, that she’d come back. I could have sworn that she felt that same strong bond binding us together, but I guess I was wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.
If she’d just call me, I’d stay, for her. I’d do anything for her. My chest feels like it’s going to burst open and launch my heart right out of my chest. I think a small part of the pain, may be from all of the heavy lifting, but the majority is the thought that I let Taylor slip away from me. I’ve barely slept in two weeks.
I swipe the back of my arm across my face, wiping away the sweat, as I slam my tailgate.
I breathe in deeply as I look around at the empty apartment. I never realized how big it was until now, that it’s empty. As I walk through it room by room, I keep recalling all of the fun that Taylor and I had here, in the short period of time that she lived here.
I should have told her right off the bat about my plans of moving away, but I’d been selfish. When I finally admitted to myself that I was developing feelings for her, I had to have her. I don’t regret it. I’d do it all over again, if I could, well except I’d tell her my plans up front. Maybe, if I’d been honest with her, I could have talked her into moving away with me. I know she would have gladly agreed to move away with me, that night she showed up at my apartment, looking like she was broken. She’d been wound up so tight that night. That was the first night that I actually wanted to be with her.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and stare down at it. I wonder if she’d answer my call. I shake my head and rub my neck roughly, probably not. If she wanted to be with me, she would be.
Life really is a bitch. I can’t get Taylor to speak to me, and Dad still won’t stop trying to talk to me. I haven’t told him I’m moving away, and I’m not going to. He can burn in hell for all that I care. When I get to Houston the first thing I’m going to do is get a new phone number. Who knows, maybe if I have a different number, Taylor will answer her phone if I try to call it. Hope blossoms in my chest at that thought. I miss her soft sultry voice. It feels like years instead of weeks since I’ve spoken to her. If I’d known she’d run like that, I never would have left that evening. But, I’d been aggravated, and I needed a few hours to try to come up with a plan. So that I could convince her to my way of thinking.
Finding Myself In You Page 14