by Lyn Gardner
“Jesus, come here,” Brodie said, and pulling Devon into her arms, she held on tightly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I forgot how scary it can be.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Devon said, breaking out of the hug. “I’m such a coward.”
“No, you’re not,” Brodie said, resting her hands on the woman’s shoulders. “You’re gay in a world that isn’t always that accepting; in a world where people like you and me lose friends and family every day because the homophobic idiots can’t get past their own righteousness or misguided beliefs. Cassidy, I’ve been out for so long, I sometimes forget how terrifying it is to live in that stupid closet.”
“I hate that word,” Devon mumbled.
“I know you do,” Brodie said, smiling. “So…apology accepted? We’re good?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” Devon said, and sniffling back the last of her tears, she looked around. “So, what are you doing out here anyway?”
“I came out to calm down. In case you hadn’t noticed, your sister has been less than pleasant all night, and I thought she and I had gotten past that.”
“Past it?”
The quiet of the night was interrupted by the sound of a door slamming, and both women looked toward the house to see Kate marching down the walk. “Gina’s washing, and you’re supposed to be drying,” Kate said, pushing a dishtowel into her sister’s hand. “That was the deal.”
“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry, I forgot.” Devon took the towel, giving Brodie a half-glance before she headed back to the house. “See you inside, Brodie.”
Brodie waited until Devon got to the porch before she pulled out her cigarettes and lit one.
As soon as Kate saw her sister go into the house, she whipped back around and took a step in Brodie’s direction. “What the hell are you doing?”
Brodie’s nostrils flared, and she took a deep, slow drag of her cigarette. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m having a fag.”
“Don’t be cheeky. You know what I mean.”
“Actually, DI Monroe, I haven’t a clue.”
Kate leaned in close and spoke through clenched teeth. “Leave my sister alone.”
Brodie tipped her head to the side. “Sorry?”
“I said, leave my sister alone.”
“What the hell are you talking about, and where do you get off telling me who my friends can be?”
“She is my sister,” Kate said, jamming her hands on her hips. “And I don’t want you teaching her any bad habits.”
“Bad habits?” Brodie said, glancing at the cigarette. “Cassidy hates fags.”
“Her name is Devon, and I’m not talking about the bloody cigarette. I’m talking about clubbing, and about…and about…sleeping around.”
“Jesus! Is that why you’ve been such a rude cow all night?” Brodie said with a laugh. “You think I’m going to take Cassidy out and show her how to pick up women?”
Kate opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again just as quickly. “My sister is straight, and you aren’t to touch her!”
Brodie wanted to die, and it was all she could do not to cringe at her mistake. Minutes earlier, she had called Cassidy stupid for believing Brodie would ever out her, and now Brodie had almost done just that. Brodie took a slow drag of her cigarette as she gathered her wits. “I know she’s straight. It was a slip of the tongue, and Cassidy is my friend. I’m not interested in her in that way.”
“Well, that’ll be a first.”
There wasn’t a muscle, bone, or tendon in Brodie’s body that didn’t stiffen. “What in the hell are you talking about? And where do you get off saying that to me? You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” Kate said, waving her hand in the air. “Hell, even the bloody waitress at the restaurant said you liked to…liked to…”
Brodie’s face flushed as her hands turned into fists. All evening she had tried to be the gracious guest, tried to converse, tried to assist, and now she knew she’d been doomed from the start. She was being judged, and Brodie hated being judged. Kate had just pushed a button, and Brodie had every intention of pushing back.
“What? I like to shag? Is that what all this is about? You have a problem with me because I like sex?” she said, leaning in toward Kate. “I have an idea. Why don’t you try it sometime? It might make you a bit more flexible.”
Brodie stopped Kate’s slap attempt inches from her face. Gripping Kate’s wrist, Brodie pulled her close and allowed her temper to overflow. “What? Did I hit a nerve, Detective Inspector? Can’t you handle the fact I like to fuck? Standing up or lying down, in a loo, in a car, or in a bed…I like it. I like the taste of women. I like the feel. I like the scent. I like it all, and I won’t apologize for that—ever. I’ve never fucked your sister, and I never will. She’s my friend, although I doubt you know what that means because ever since the night in the restaurant, that’s all I’ve tried to be with you and look where it’s got me.”
Brodie let go of Kate’s wrist and glared at the woman. “And now, I’m going back inside to say goodbye to my friend and to Gina, and then, perhaps, I’ll go to a club and live up to my bloody reputation.”
***
When Brodie had returned inside to say her goodbyes, Gina had seen the fury in the woman’s eyes, and pulling her aside, she suggested they meet for dinner. Brodie agreed, and on Wednesday night, Gina met Brodie at an Asian fusion restaurant a few blocks over from her club. The food was delicious, and the waiter was attentive, but the conversation was stilted.
“This isn’t working, is it?” Gina said as she picked up her glass.
Brodie smiled. “No, but then again, I’m not all that surprised.”
“You’re not?” Gina said before taking a sip of her wine.
“I’m not sure why you asked me out on a date when you’re interested in someone else.”
It was all Gina could do to swallow the wine in her mouth, and setting down her glass, she shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Brodie snickered. “Does Cassidy know?”
“What?”
“Oh, sorry,” Brodie said, shaking her head. “Does Devon know how you feel about her?”
The blood drained from Gina’s face. “Oh, God. Please don’t tell her. You can’t tell her.”
“It’s not my place to tell her. It’s yours.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s my best friend’s sister, and she’s straight. Kate would never forgive me if I made a move on Devon.”
One of the most essential parts of any friendship is the ability to keep secrets. Confidences revealed over drinks, dinner or work are held close, never to be disclosed to others for the friendship is too valuable, and Brodie valued Cassidy’s. It wasn’t a conscious decision to keep her circle of friends small. It was just part of the territory when you’re someone who likes sex without any commitment. So, when it came to people who she could depend on and who’d be there for her no matter what, Brodie only had her family…and Devon Cassidy.
Brodie inwardly sighed as she looked into Gina’s sad blue eyes. “That’s a tough problem to have.”
“Yes, it is,” Gina said, studying her dinner companion. “So, I have a question for you.”
“Okay?” Brodie said, picking up her goblet of wine.
“Do you like Kate as much as I think you do?”
Brodie stopped the glass a millimeter from her lips. She felt her cheeks begin to heat, and after taking a healthy sip of the Chardonnay, she placed the glass back on the table. “That clear, is it?”
“Crystal, except Kate doesn’t have a clue.”
“Sounds like you and I have the same problem then.”
“Not exactly,” Gina said. “I’ve got a crush on a woman I can’t have, and you’ve got a crush on a woman you can.”
“Oh, you’re daft. Kate hates me.”
“Kate may feel a lot of things for you, but hate isn’t one of them.”
Brodie snorted. “You didn’t see her outside the house. She was livid. So much so, she almost slapped me in the face. If that’s not angry, I don’t know what is.”
“Try jealousy.”
“Jealousy?” Brodie said, rocking back in her chair. “How in the hell could she be jealous of you and me? We only just met.”
“No, not of me,” Gina said, giggling. “Look, a few weeks ago, she went back to that restaurant where you had dinner with her.”
“I know. The waitress told me she stopped by.”
“And that same waitress is probably the one who told Kate you were out clubbing.”
“So?” Brodie said with a slight shake of her head. “Wait. Are you saying she’s jealous because I was getting some and she wasn’t?”
“No, I’m saying she was jealous because it wasn’t her you were getting it from.”
Brodie burst out laughing, the sound of which echoed in the restaurant causing several patrons to look her way. “Gina, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’ve slipped off your trolley.”
“No, I haven’t. I’ve known Kate for a long time, and after you and Devon left on Saturday night, I hung around. Once everything was cleaned up and she was done slamming every bloody cabinet door in the kitchen, she opened another bottle of wine, and she and I had a bit more to drink. When Kate drinks, she can become somewhat chatty, and she also has a tendency to let her guard down.”
“And?”
“And all she was doing was talking about you. She went on and on about you being attractive and being able to pull any woman you want, which led to her going off the deep end about your clubbing activities, and that led to an all-out explosion when she brought up the number of women you’ve probably slept with. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was somewhere along the lines of you being able to fill a bloody stadium with all the women you’ve put on your team…so to speak.”
Brodie did nothing to hide her amusement at the analogy. “Well, when you put it that way, I sound positively dreadful. Don’t I?”
“Except, Kate doesn’t see you as dreadful, and that’s what has her so wound up.” Gina grinned when she noticed Brodie’s eyebrows slowly becoming one. “Brodie, you’ve gotten under Kate’s skin, and whether she’ll ever admit it or not, that’s exactly where Kate wants you to be.”
***
“You’re home early.”
Brodie came to a stuttered stop when she saw Cassidy standing in her lounge. “What are you doing here?”
“You said you wanted to add some gadgets to turn this place into a smart home, so I thought I’d make a list.”
Brodie scraped her fingers through her hair and headed for the kitchen. “Devon, it’s late. Go home.”
“Okay, what’s wrong?” Devon said, closing her iPad.
“Nothing’s wrong. Why?”
“Because you just called me Devon, and you never call me Devon.”
Brodie sighed as she yanked the cork from the bottle of Cabernet on her counter. “I’m just tired, and I’m not in the mood for company. Okay?”
“It seems like that’s not the only thing you’re not in the mood for,” Devon said, glancing at her watch. “It’s Friday night, and you’re home before eleven?”
Brodie carried her wine into the lounge, and after kicking off her shoes, she sank into the sofa. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Anything I can help you with?” Devon said as she sat down next to Brodie.
For over two hours, Brodie had sat at the bar in The Loft, nursing her scotch while she turned down offers for free drinks, invitations to dance, and several propositions to meet in the loo. Her mood had nothing to do with Gina’s hunch that Kate liked Brodie more than she was saying and everything to do with the woman sitting next to her on the sofa. A woman who was as brilliant as she was beautiful, and a woman who was living a solitary life…out of fear.
Brodie swiveled and tucked one leg under her. “I want to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest when you answer it.”
Devon’s brow wrinkled. “Okay, but I’m always honest with you.”
Brodie hesitated for a moment. “First, you should know that I had a date with Gina the other night.”
“What?”
Devon not only raised her voice, but her spine lengthened to the extreme, and that was precisely the reaction Brodie was looking for. “Relax,” Brodie said, holding up her hands. “Nothing happened, Devon. It was just dinner.”
“It wouldn’t bother me if it did,” Devon said, dismissing Brodie with a shrug. “You’re both adults.”
“Liar.”
“Brodie, you can date whoever—”
“Do you like her?”
“Brodie—”
“I asked you not to lie to me, now damn it all to hell, tell me the truth. Do you fancy Gina Parker or not?”
“It doesn’t matter if I fancy her, Brodie,” Devon said quietly. “If you like her—”
“I don’t.”
“What?”
“I mean, yeah, I like her, but…shit…” Brodie unfolded her legs and flopped against the back of the sofa, scrubbing her hand over her face as she came to terms with what she was going to do. It wasn’t in her nature to break a confidence, but Devon was her friend, and Gina was only an acquaintance. Brodie turned to face Devon. “I’m fairly certain I already know the answer, but I need to hear it from you. Tell me the truth, Cassidy. Do you or don’t you fancy Gina Parker?”
Devon’s eyes began to mist over, and when she spoke, it came out in a whisper. “I do.”
“Then why haven’t you told her?”
“She’s Kate’s best friend.”
“So?”
“I wouldn’t want to cock up their friendship.” Devon reached over and taking the wine glass from Brodie, she took a sip. “Look, I know you hate that I’m living in a bloody closet, but making a fool of myself with Gina is sure as hell not the way to come out of it.”
“Actually, I think it is,” Brodie said with a twinkle in her eye. “Because she likes you the same way.”
Devon locked eyes with Brodie. “What?”
“When I was over for dinner at Kate’s, I kept noticing how Gina was watching you, so when we met for dinner, I asked her point-blank, and Gina admitted she likes you…and more than just as a friend.”
It took several seconds for Brodie’s words to sink in, and when they did, Devon chugged down what was left in the glass and then scrunched up her face as the dry red sucked every ounce of moisture from her mouth.
“Hey, slow down,” Brodie said, placing her hand on Devon’s leg. “You keep drinking like that, and you’ll be spending the night here.”
“Not unless you have some beer. This shit is nasty,” Devon said, handing Brodie the empty glass. “And you don’t know what this means.”
Brodie’s face creased into a smile. “Well, if you play your cards right, it means you could get lucky come tomorrow night.”
“Sorry?”
“Gina’s having a bit of a problem with the computer at her club, so I offered your services. She’s expecting you to show up tomorrow night.”
“Did you tell her about—”
“I didn’t tell her a thing. That’s up to you to do.”
“Brodie, I’m not sure—”
“Damn it, Devon. If you want her, then go for it because I’m telling you right now, Gina definitely wants you.”
***
Twenty-two hours later, with her heart pounding and her palms damp, Devon walked into G-Street. Gina had owned it for years, but until tonight, Devon hadn’t set foot in it or any other gay and lesbian club for that matter. She had never been willing to risk being recognized, being outed unintentionally to someone who knew someone else…who knew Kate.
The only woman Devon had ever been with she had met on the Internet in a chat room where false names and false faces were the norm. The relationship only lasted a few months, fizzling as reality took the place of
what Devon’s imagination conjured through the woman’s written words. Disillusioned, Devon had left the chat room, and even though she still dabbled in social media, the appeal of using it as a dating pool had been lost, further limiting Devon’s practically non-existent social life.
The strangest feeling washed over Devon as she stepped inside, and she paused. In an instant, her nerves were gone, and her heart rate slowed as she looked out across the crowded club. It was filled with women just like her, and Devon’s distress morphed into comfort. They were just like her.
Outside, the February temperatures were hovering just above freezing, but inside the club, layers of clothes were not needed. Unzipping her bulky, blue parka, Devon tossed it over her arm before making her way to the bar. She hadn’t dressed to impress, preferring her well-worn jeans and a baggy thermal over the styles worn in clubs filled with patrons on the pull, yet heads turned in her direction as she zigzagged through the throng. She was oblivious to the stares and once-overs as she passed women of all shapes and sizes, for Devon was focused solely on one of the bartenders.
Gina’s grin was instant when she looked up and saw Devon standing at the bar. “Hey there!” she shouted.
“Hi, Gina,” Devon said, raising her voice to be heard over the music and chatter. “Brodie said you were having some computer problems.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” Gina looked around and dipped her head to her left. “I’ll meet you over there. Give me a second.”
Devon made her way through the sea of women, and by the time she reached the end of the bar, Gina was coming out from behind it. “The office is just down here.”
The walk to Gina’s office gave Devon yet another opportunity to admire the woman in front of her. She had stolen glances before. Clandestine glimpses of adoration bordering on lust, she had consumed each like grapes on a vine, savoring every morsel in case another chance didn’t come her way. At the moment, however, since they were the only ones in the hall, Devon wasn’t savoring morsels, she was enjoying a feast.