I keep walking, keep checking the compass. Hours pass. Hours and hours, until the sky’s lightening again. The dog whines. He’s tired. I don’t feel tired. I just feel…strange.
I shake my head, rather violently, and my neck cracks. I wince, then massage the area. But my fingers are locking up with the coldness. I wish I had a coat or something.
After another hour of walking, my head pounds. Tiredness, now. I need to sleep, but then I think of how Raleigh tricked me, lay with me all night. My stomach twists, nausea floods me. I bend over and gag, watch my watery vomit hit the dry ground.
I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. The terrier looks at me and barks. A loud, shrill bark.
I turn, my head foggy, and—
There’s a figure.
A figure following me.
He’s in the distance, but—
Corin.
I’d recognize him anywhere.
You thought that before though. You pressed yourself against Raleigh and you thought about—
My stomach turns over, and I’m sick again, and my eyes smart, sting. I take a deep breath, check behind me. Corin’s gaining on me now. Fresh anger flares in me. What’s he even doing, following me? He made it perfectly clear he didn’t want to leave with me.
I shift my weight from foot to foot, wonder if I should wait for him or not. I look down at the dog. He looks exhausted. Well, I suppose it will give him a rest if I wait for Corin.
I kick up some of the sand, use it to cover my vomit on the ground. Then I sit down slowly, several feet away and find myself staring at my arms. I just stare at my skin. It’s smooth, unblemished, bar the knife scar. I examine more of my skin—it’s the same. Even the kavalah spirit scars have gone. And the bruises, the cuts. When did they go? A strange feeling fills me.
My dog sidles over to me, lies down, panting. His eyes look a little duller, and he rests his head on his paws.
It takes Corin twenty minutes to reach me. And he doesn’t look happy.
“You were sick,” he says. “Tell me you’re not pregnant too.”
I glare at him. “You really need to ask that?”
“I didn’t think it would be a possibility with my sister and Manning, but it is. So you’re having Jed’s ghost-baby?” His tone is blunt, harsh.
I swear at him, stand up, and turn away, feel my insides start to crumble. But I won’t let him see me cry.
I walk fast.
“Sev!” he calls after me a few minutes later, and I hear his footsteps speed up behind me. “Sev!”
He grabs my arm and pulls me back. I whirl around, anger driving through me.
“Sev. I’m sorry.”
His words catch me off guard.
“Sorry?” I repeat. “Sorry for what? Accusing me of being with Jed? Or accusing me of being pregnant? Or for saying it’s my fault Esther’s still in there? Which one is it?”
He presses his lips together. I try not to look at him, because I know that just looking at him is going to do something to me.
“All of them,” he says at last.
I snort.
He lets his fingers fall down my arm, then takes my hand. “You’re cold.”
So is he.
I pull my hand away, and I don’t miss the hurt look that appears in his eyes.
“Sev, talk to me.”
“What is there to talk about?” I stare back at him. “You’ve already said everything.”
He shakes his head. “Just…just anything, please.”
“There’s nothing to say.” I fold my arms and wince at the pain that dives through me. “You made your views perfectly clear.”
Corin steps closer. “You’re badly hurt. And I’ve been an idiot, saying all that stuff. And I thought I’d lost you earlier—you stopped breathing, you died, and now that you’re back, and I’ve just been….”
“Yeah, you’re an idiot,” I say, my voice dark.
The faintest of smiles touches Corin’s lips, and I realize I’m staring right at him—at his mouth. I look away quickly, glance at the terrier.
“You’ve no idea what it was like in there,” I whisper, and I don’t know why I even say it. “What Raleigh made me do.”
How Raleigh made you kiss him.
I bring a hand to my mouth as the nausea starts again, and I turn away.
“Torture?” Corin asks, and he says the word so lightly, as if he can’t possibly understand the severity of it.
I shrug. The recent conversion seems a lifetime ago. But Corin will never understand it. And that’s a good thing. I don’t want him to know what it was like—to feel it.
But Esther…what if she’s being tortured too, in her mind-conversion now? And I hurt her. Raleigh made me hurt her. And she screamed. And even when I made her punch Raleigh, I felt the pain it sent through her hip. I shouldn’t have done that.
I shut my eyes briefly.
“It’s all right, Sev. You’re not there now.”
I turn back. “But Esther is. You were right. And—and Corin, I should’ve told you. I tried to connect with her. But I couldn’t. And I can’t body-share with Enhanced. You can only do it with your own people.”
The look on his face hardens. He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple move. “Conversions can take days,” he says. “We don’t give up. She’s not lost yet.” But then the light in his eyes changes. “How bad is her hip? Or would they have fixed that before converting her? Do you think we can get her out? Or rather—me. Can I get her out? Because you’re right, Sev. We can’t risk them catching you again.”
I shrug and immediately regret the movement as it hurts more this time. “My mother and Three are in there too. You’re not the only one with family there.”
“One person for a multi-rescue mission.” Corin shakes his head, then lets out a bitter laugh. “That’s stupid. Utterly ridiculous. It would never work. Even the two of us wouldn’t stand much chance.”
I bite my bottom lip. “Well, there are two other people who could help.”
“What?” His eyes narrow.
He’s not going to like it, and for that reason, I almost want to shout the words at him, to make him hurt like he hurt me with his words.
“Jed. No, Corin, just listen. He’s a spirit. He can do stuff. And he’s not at the wild, unpredictable stage yet. He says he’ll degenerate soon—or I think he said soon—but he helped me escape, got me the key for the Pajero. And I think he stopped the drone from detecting my heat signature.”
Corin exhales hard. “Fine. Who’s the other person?”
I pause for a moment. “Rahn.”
“Rahn?” His eyes widen until they’re the biggest I’ve ever seen them, and he takes a step back, as if I’ve pushed hm. “He’s a spirit too?”
“Yes. Degenerating fast now, it seems.” I nod and remember the gun, the Fort-17. Then I frown. What happened to it? When Rahn relapsed into angry spirit mode—or whatever it was that happened—did he drop it? Why didn’t I look for it? I curse myself. “He was pretty angry with me.”
“With you? You’ve seen him?” Corin looks around, then steps closer to me.
His hand hovers above my shoulder for a moment, before he makes contact. Lightly though. But I step away.
A line appears between Corin’s eyes as he looks at me and then at his hand in the air.
“Did he hurt you?” he asks after a moment.
I shake my head and stare at his hand as he returns it to his side. Why did I step away? It’s him—it’s really him this time. Corin, who I love. Or did I just think that when I’d died—because I thought it was over then? Thought there was no chance….
No… I do love him.
But I don’t want to get hurt, and maybe that’s why I haven’t said it, haven’t made it real. Because then I’d be exposed, raw, vulnerable. And if something did happen to Corin, then my pain would be so much worse if I’d made my love for him concrete, made it a certainty.
I don’t want to be vulnerable, don’t wan
t to get hurt.
“Rahn was just angry,” I say. “It was the Turning, that’s why he was stronger then. But he wanted me to send him to the New World. Said he was in pain.”
“No one wants to not reach the New World,” Corin says. He exhales hard. “Do you think we’re going to see him again?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Jed’s the only one I’ve seen regularly.” I wince when I realize how that sounds. “And Rahn’s been dead for a while. This is the first time I’ve seen him in his spirit form.”
Corin just nods. “Well, if either turns up we can ask for their help to get Esther out.” But he doesn’t sound as though he likes this plan.
And Three. And my mother… We need to get them out too.
“But you think we need to get away, somewhere safe?” Corin’s voice is low.
I nod. “A drone’s going to detect us sooner or later, if it hasn’t already. And I can’t go back there, not to Raleigh.”
“You won’t.” His voice is dark. “I won’t let him get you again, Sev. I mean that. I really mean that.”
His eyes brim with emotion, then they lock onto me. His face flushes, and my hands feel moist as I look at him. I wipe them on my shorts, feel my heart speed up.
“Can I—” Corin starts, but then he swallows hard, and he looks so…so different. Vulnerable. Nervous. He steps a little nearer to me. “Can I hold you, Sev?”
Hold me.
And I think of Raleigh. I shudder. But it’s Corin. I know it’s him. If anything, his outburst earlier proved it.
“I’m sorry. I am,” he says.
I nod slightly as I lean into him. His arms go around me. My cage. My cage against the world.
I tip my head up, look at him. His eyes. Those dark pools. Untamed life. We stare at each other for a long time.
Then I stretch up and kiss him. Kiss him lightly. The slightest of kisses. Our lips barely brush, and I want it that way, because with Raleigh it was desperate. No. When I thought he was Corin, it was desperate, us pressing our bodies against each other. Him kissing my lips, my neck, my collarbone. His hands all over me.
And now Corin’s lips match mine, small touches, gentle. He’s letting me lead, following my pace, and I like that. I like it a lot, because I’m in control now.
He’s a better kisser than Raleigh.
I don’t know where that thought comes from, but it startles me, and I jolt back.
“Are you okay?” Corin looks at me. And I know he can sense that something’s wrong.
A thousand emotions swirl through me. I just nod.
Corin leans back further, looks at me properly. He offers me his hands, and the look in his eyes—it makes me want to cry. Because I don’t want to talk about it, not with him. And now, just looking at Corin is painful. And there’s a battle inside me, because I want to kiss him again. I really do.
I take his hands slowly, then look down at them, at us, joined. But I don’t want his hands all over me. Not yet. Not so soon. And maybe I’m being silly. It was nothing really. But I think of how rough Raleigh was, how he pulled at my shirt, how his fingers kneaded my arms as we kissed, how he squeezed one of my breasts, and I feel sick. Betrayed. Violated. And I don’t want to feel like that when I’m with Corin.
So, we stand here, holding hands instead.
“What is it?” Corin’s voice is low, his eyes on me. Dark pools of hope that I want to reach up and fall into; I’m obsessed with his eyes now. “Are we okay, Sev?”
“What?”
“You and me… Us?” His voice wobbles—actually wobbles. “It’s just so much has happened—at the Zharat cave too. Made it all happen…quickly. And…and I understand if…if you don’t know what you want now.” He looks at the ground between our feet. “Or if you don’t want me. Just—just let me know. Because I love you…because I don’t want you feeling trapped or like we have to be together because we were before. And we don’t—not if you don’t want it. I’ll still look out for you—I won’t abandon you, not unless you want me to and—”
“Corin.” I say his name slowly, the slowest I’ve ever said it, and I’m not sure why. But it sticks to my tongue, and then I lean closer. “I want to be with you.”
He lets out a heavy breath, relief on his face, and I stretch up and press my forehead against his—I just manage it. I breathe deeply. His hands, in mine, shake. The distant smell of smoke clings to him, and it’s comforting. Makes me realize that it is really him here—as if I’ve constantly got to be reassured.
But Raleigh never smelled of smoke when he pretended to be Corin—because he wouldn’t want to risk his health. Even though he drinks.
Then I scold myself. Mustn’t think of Raleigh.
I slouch as I relax. My eyes find Corin’s again. My mouth tingles, and I stare at his lips, transfixed. Then I look into his eyes. Those eyes. And there’s so much in them. So much that speaks to me. That connects me. That draws us together, unites us, makes me sure that, together, we can do anything.
And I know. I know. The doubts that were in me evaporate. I have to tell him, have to tell myself.
“I love you, Corin.”
His smile captures me, and everything inside me swells, threatens to burst.
“I think that’s the first time you’ve said that,” he whispers, and he squeezes my hands a little. “And I love you, Sev. You’re…you’re everything to me. Gods, I shouldn’t have said what I did. I know it’s not your fault. And…and it was knowing that you’ve seen Jed—that you’ve had his company, even though he’s dead, when I wasn’t there… It just…” Hurt fills his eyes for a second, but he blinks it away. “I was such a….”
“Corin.” His name is a whisper.
But I can see him now. The real him. Under all his confidence, arrogance, and his bristly exterior, there’s insecurity about his relationships with those he trusts, those he values most. And I know it’s been there since his parents were killed, and maybe it got bigger when he found that Rahn was secretly Enhanced for years. Because he’s scared. I can see it. And stressed. We both are.
I squeeze his hands this time. “I only want you, okay?”
He nods. His bottom lip shakes. “But you were engaged to him. You were around him all the time—”
“I was engaged to you too,” I remind him. “For what? A minute?” My smile gets sadder, even though I try to hold it up. “But, Corin, Jed sold me to Raleigh—I haven’t got any feelings for him. You have to trust me.”
Corin frowns. “You said he didn’t know though—that it wasn’t really Jed’s fault. That Raleigh tricked him. It sounded like you were making excuses for him. And the way you said it, your voice was soft.”
“Corin. Stop. It’s you—you. I want you. Just you. Not Jed. Not anyone else. You.” I kiss him again, holding his hands down by my sides, but I keep the kiss soft, sweet, short.
Short, because—
My vision blurs.
“Sev? What is it?” Corin’s voice sounds strange, echoing and—
And then he swims away. Everything swims away.
Access granted.
I am in the Dream Land.
Somehow, I am in the Dream Land.
The bison is here. I recognize him immediately.
The Dream Land.
Oh Gods—I’m back, I’m—they let me back. And Death knows the truth—all the truth? He believes me? And now they all know. And I’m no longer exiled and—
And I’m in the Dream Land.
Oh Gods.
This is a warning. It has to be. That’s how the Dream Land works.
But it’s not quite right. Seeing dreams are supposed to start from the moment the Seer is in in real life. But I’m not this close to the city, I know that. And Corin and the dog aren’t in this vision.
I frown. Little details aren’t always right. Is this a little detail?
I turn slowly. There’s no one here. It’s just me, me in the desert, with the city in the distance.
I’m within sight of N
ew Kitembu.
There are some rocks nearby, and I creep toward them, trying to keep low and—
And I see the men coming. Loads of them. Enhanced Ones. They are an army, hundreds of individuals moving as one. And they’re coming. They’re coming for me and Corin, I just know it.
One of us was detected.
And then they’re right by me. Too soon, too quickly, and—
“There’s one!”
The shout is loud, shrill, and it fills my ears.
Run.
I run.
My heart pounds, adrenaline fires through me. I run as fast as I can, snake between rocks, in and out. My feet throw sand up.
Their shouts are behind me, filling the sky, filling everything—reaching for me with their tendrils, trying to lasso me and yank me back.
My foot catches something hard, and I’m thrown off balance. My arms jerk out, and I change direction, risk a glance behind me. Angry faces, running toward me.
I force myself to run faster, try to look ahead, glad that my body’s not hurting as much here. But I need cover, need something. A weapon? But there’s nothing—nothing visible. Just the rocks on the sandy land. Nothing else.
The bison in the sky catches my eye, and I beg him to tell me something.
But he doesn’t.
I run harder, feel my breathing get more even. A runner’s breaths. The Enhanced shout more and more.
I look ahead, see Corin.
He’s by the copse—we’re at the copse already, and then the dog…the dog’s barking, going mad and—
A gunshot fills the sky.
Run, the bison says. Do not let them catch you.
I gasp as I open my eyes, feel my breath flood into me. Corin’s face hovers above me for a few moments—apparently on its own, just his head—before I see the rest of him.
“What is it? Was that—”
“Dream Land,” I say, panting. Out of breath. Can’t breathe. My head, my chest.
Corin frowns. “I thought you were exiled.”
I struggle to sit up. My head it’s—something’s not right. So much pain. It’s not normally like this after a Seeing dream, is it? I breathe hard, look at Corin. “They…let me back… Death must’ve believed me… We’ve got to…got to go…they’re coming….”
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