by C. J. Valles
Then, on the countertop, I see it. A bowl of tropical fruit. I stare at it, not hungry, but thrilled by what I see. There’s a perfect, shiny red apple perched on top of the other fruit. Suddenly Ever walks into the room and sees me staring at the apple.
“This world could be yours,” a familiar voice purrs from Ever’s lips. “Any world you desire, the princess shall give you in return for your allegiance …”
Suddenly the nightmare merges with the dream, and I’m relieved—ecstatic—as I watch the image of Ever melt into the silver-haired horseman. It’s not real! None of it is real!
Picking up the apple, I take a bite—and everything falls away.
19: All I Need
It feels like I’m falling up. Then, seconds later I land where I started—several yards away from where Alex is still lying on the shoreline. A wave of self-loathing sweeps through me as I realize that the horsemen hadn’t been trying to kill me or capture me. They had been herding me … and I had fallen for it. The apple had seemed like my only way out. And it was, in a way.
This world could be yours, the silver-haired wraith said in the dream.
His implication was clear: Stay in creepy Wonderland with the pseudo-Ever—and let Victor’s side have my body. I shiver at the thought as I stare down at Alex’s unmoving form. Remembering Audra’s note, I try to recall if she gave me any other clues.
Avoid the darkness at all costs, or you may never return from it.
The darkness … it was the forest. Then it hits me. Audra had no way of knowing how I would see this world through human eyes, so how could she have known that my mind would turn everything into a crazy fairy tale.
That’s when I realize that Alex gave me a hint the moment I first found him. He mentioned the prince kissing the sleeping beauty. Scrambling to my feet, I run over to where Alex is lying motionless. I drop down beside him.
If this doesn’t work, I may try clicking my heels three times, because I’m running out of ideas. Touching his cheek, I bend down and close my eyes. Then I press my lips to his. A bolt of electricity floods me, and suddenly I feel his hands on my face, holding me to him. His fingers slip into my hair, and I open my eyes.
I love you, Wren.
I jerk back, terrified by the sound of Alex’s voice in my head. And as I stare into the crystalline blueness of his eyes, I feel a shift deep down. I thought that coming here to save him would make us even. Not even close.
“I love you,” he says aloud, making it impossible for me to ignore.
I shake my head and jump up.
“Don’t. Not the time, definitely not the place,” I warn.
Unsheathing the blade, I study it, wondering why the horsemen didn’t take it while I was busy in nightmare land.
“I tried to get us out of here while you were taking your nap, but it didn’t work.”
“Because you didn’t know how to wield the weapon with the proper intent,” he says, unsmiling.
He’s already on his feet.
“Why haven’t they come for us yet?”
“This world is not the same as yours. Time doesn’t exist. Space is fluid. I imagine you were in an oubliette, the same as I was.”
I frown, wondering why the word is familiar to me.
“Is that French?” I ask.
He nods.
“For dungeon.”
“Okay, well it felt like an alternate reality. I mean, I wasn’t locked in a cell that I know of.”
“It’s a prison of your own mind.”
“But he was there—the silver-haired one. I mean, he looked like Ever, but—”
Alex’s eyes harden into sapphire ice.
“Give me the blade,” he says sharply. “We’re leaving now.”
I shake my head.
“What? No! Wait! What about Aimee?”
He sighs.
“Wren Sullivan, trying to save the world one lost soul at a time.”
I smirk at him.
“I’m sorry. Would you have preferred I left you here?”
“You wound me.”
I blink, remembering the dream I had just before I went through the mirror into this world.
You’ve wounded me deeper than you can know, my love.
In my dreams, I’ve stabbed both Ever and Alex. Or maybe it was an altered state of consciousness, but still. When I look up at Alex, I see the same expression of shock and horror from my dream. He shakes his head.
“When I saw you those times, I assumed it was a trick …” he murmurs, half to himself. “An illusion created by the princess to drive me mad.”
I stare at him speechlessly until he takes me by the shoulders, shaking me gently.
“It was a dream. It’s not possible that you could have been there—” I whisper.
“How long?” he demands. “How long have I been gone?”
“More than a year …” I whisper. “Ever said you were never coming back … that there was no way to save you.”
“And he asked you to marry him.”
Alex’s tone is hollow, like he already knew. I nod once quickly, and suddenly everything starts spinning. I can’t tell if it’s this world or me that’s out of control as I feel tears running down my cheeks.
“Wren, you are the only one who would have come here for me. And Ever may have reached you first, but you and I are meant to be together. If I believe in nothing else, I believe in that.”
A year ago, I would have argued with him until my last breath. Now, though, I don’t even trust myself to speak. Everything—everyone—I love is balanced on the edge of a blade, ready to fall into oblivion. Every choice I make will hurt someone I love. When Alex reaches down and touches my hand, his eyes are shining again.
“It’s time to go. I have much to discuss with my opponent. After all, surrendering myself to the enemy surely was not intended to give him the upper hand.”
I blink. Ever had pretty much said the same thing—that Alex’s choice to sacrifice himself had been a selfish one. But Ever had been only half right, or I wouldn’t feel the way I do about Alex.
The three of us aren’t a triangle. There is no unrequited love, and no side is unequal. That’s the problem, though. I can’t love both of them equally, but I do. The same way someone can love the sunlight and the moonlight, one a shadowy reflection of the other, but both beautiful. I grip Alex’s hand in mine, willing him to understand the truth.
“I came here to bring you back, but there is no happy ending for us.”
His eyebrow arches.
“Have you developed a supernatural power of foresight in the time I’ve been gone?”
Alex’s tone is playful, but I know this conversation is far from over. When he saved me, he allowed me to avoid choosing between the two of them. He severed himself from my world and made the choice for me.
Now, though, I’m not sure of anything.
Feeling at prickling sensation at the back of my neck, I shiver as a cold wind blows over me, calling my name. Then I hear a low rumble. Looking up, I see the sky has turned vengeful and black again. Looking in the direction Alex is staring, I see the wave, the impenetrable tower of water from my dream, coming to swallow us.
“Wren! Give me the blade!”
“What about Aimee?” I scream over the growing roar.
Alex closes his eyes, and for a second I think he’s checking out mentally the way he did back at the castle. A second later, Aimee appears in front of us.
“How did you—” I mutter, truly impressed by his magic trick.
“It doesn’t matter,” Alex snaps. He holds out his hand. “The blade. Now.”
Pulling it from my belt, I hand it to him and watch, hypnotized, as the tower of blood-red water surges toward us. When Alex stabs the air violently, a black seam appears the same way it did that day on West Street Beach.
“Wren! Take our hands—and don’t let go!” he yells.
I grip his hand in one of mine and take Aimee’s in my other hand, looking back as the wate
r crashes toward us. Then all three of us step forward simultaneously toward the blackness. Feeling a tug, I have to grip Alex and Aimee until my hands hurt so they’re not ripped from me. Then I see nothing. I feel the nothingness.
A sudden jolt of electricity shocks me awake, and I cough and gasp, my eyes still squeezed shut. When I finally blink, the first thing I see is Alex staring down at me, his face etched with tension, his hand still on my chest. Slowly, with his help, I sit up. An instant wave of familiarity washes over me as I look down and see what I’m wearing. A filmy, floor-length white nightgown.
“France?” I whisper hoarsely.
“For old times’ sake,” he smiles crookedly.
He hands me a cup of liquid, and I drink it without question. Shivering, I look up at him.
“You were Iago back then to me …”
“And what am I now?” he asks quietly.
I give him a miserable look.
My biggest source of regret and guilt.
“Ouch,” he mutters dryly.
My eyes widen at the realization that our strange new connection wasn’t severed when we returned to reality—or my version of reality at least.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
For whatever reason, Alex, like Ever, now knows what I’m thinking, which is just wonderful. Now I have less than zero privacy. Jumping up, I feel awareness buzz through me. Ever! Why isn’t he here? Did he write me off after I left? Does he hate me now? I knew my decision was going to cause him pain, but I never thought saving Alex would mean I would lose him … forever.
“He doesn’t know you’ve returned,” Alex says quietly, interrupting my dread.
“What do you mean?” I gasp. “Ever knows—”
“Everything?” Alex asks dryly. “Not anymore.”
I nod, unable to speak. Ever has known everything since the moment I first saw him.
“How much time did I lose?” I ask, looking around for some indication of what time of day it is.
Alex shakes his head and puts an arm around me. Before I can protest, we’re suddenly in the garden outside Madame Rousseau’s chateau only feet from the stone pool that I had been standing in front of when Alex first brought my memory back—after kidnapping me.
“You haven’t lost any time,” Alex says gently.
I frown.
“How is that possible? It felt like I was gone for days, maybe weeks.”
The sky above us is a beautiful, bright blue, and the sun is making the pool’s surface glimmer. I watch as Alex walks toward the water.
“Time isn’t the same there,” he says, looking back at me.
A tingle goes down my spine as I walk closer to him.
“But if you were gone a year here, then … how long were you trapped there?” I whisper.
He stares down at me, his unnaturally blue eyes burning with intensity.
Forever, his voice echoes in my head.
“Too long to surrender my second chance with you,” he says aloud.
I close my eyes, suddenly afraid I know exactly what happened when I crossed over into Ever’s world. I severed my connection to Ever … and forged a new one with Alex. Every shred of strength I had leaves me, and I feel my knees buckle. I don’t fall, though. Alex catches me and holds me up, looking down at me with so much love that I hate myself more than I thought possible. I am betraying everyone I care about, one by one. Every time I try to save one person, I end up sacrificing another.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” Alex says, his voice tinged with desperation. “Tell me you feel nothing for me.”
“I—”
Looking down, I swallow. Four little words: I don’t love you. I want to say them. I need to say them. But I know it’s a lie, and so will he. Alex touches my chin gently and tilts my head to face him. Feeling tears on my cheeks, I watch as he bends toward me. My heart races. I kissed him—twice—in Ever’s world, but if I kiss him again here and now, I know it’s different. Because this is reality. This is my reality.
“Don’t,” I beg him.
He takes my cheeks between his hands, causing an electrical current to buzz through my veins.
“Then say it. Say, ‘I don’t love you, Alex.’”
“I can’t,” I choke.
“Why not?”
I close my eyes, feeling my tears sizzle and evaporate under Alex’s touch. When I open my eyes again and look into his, I understand that we are the same. Conflicted, adrift, selfish, and damaged. I have no excuses this time. This isn’t a momentary lapse of judgment. I have to face the fact that I … still … love … Alex.
“Because I love you, you jerk. Are you happy now?”
He lifts me with one arm and cups my cheek with his other hand.
“I am, perhaps for the first time in my existence.”
The sapphire blue of his eyes darkens as his arm tightens around my waist.
“Et tu es tous que j’ai besoin,” he whispers.
I translate in my head. And you’re all I need.
“Alex …”
His lips brush my ear, and I reach up, placing my hands on his chest, like I can push away my feelings.
“Wren, please.”
He pulls back and looks into my eyes for several seconds. I should say no. I should hate him. Instead I hate myself for wanting him to kiss me. Closing my eyes, I surrender—not to him, but to myself. A burst of electricity surges through me as his lips touch mine, followed by sharp pang of desire. I don’t know anymore whose it is, his or mine, and I don’t care.
Slipping my hands into his hair, I gasp when his lips begin to part mine. My breathing speeds up, and I grip him to me, wrapping my legs around him. A second later we’re in the grass, the blades prickling my back through the cotton nightgown. When I open my eyes again, I see Alex holding himself less than an inch above me, braced easily with one arm as his other hand comes up, his fingers tracing along my lips.
“I missed you more than you can imagine,” he whispers.
When he pulls me to my feet, I gasp, still dizzy from his kiss. Slowly, I turn in the direction he’s staring. At the top of the hill, Madame Rousseau is standing at the kitchen door, peering in our direction.
“What?” I frown, not understanding why this would upset him.
Then realization hits me a half second before I hear Ever’s voice behind me.
“Why did you do it?”
I shiver. When Alex said that Ever didn’t know I was here, what he actually meant was that I’ve been invisible to him. My mind has been invisible to him since I crossed the divide into this world. But Madame Rousseau’s mind isn’t invisible to Ever, which means he just saw me through her eyes. He saw me kissing Alex. Not just kissing Alex—making out. Oh … no. By the time I turn to face Ever, he’s not even looking at me. He’s looking at Alex with a kind of revulsion that I’ve never seen on his features.
“Were you so desperate for her body that you gave up her soul to Victor’s cause? How did you convince her? Did you tell her it was the only way? What did Victor promise you? Part-time ownership?”
My eyebrow goes up as I try to make sense of Ever’s words. Then I remember what Ever said about my thoughts becoming invisible during the times I thought of Alex. Suddenly it clicks in my head. Ever doesn’t think I’m me anymore. He thinks Alex gave me up, and I’m like my mom’s boyfriend Richard—possessed by something from his dimension.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t destroy it now,” Ever growls, sounding half out of his mind.
When Alex steps in front of me, his stance defensive, my mind flashes back to more than a year ago when Alex appeared in the restaurant with Ashley. Ever had done the same thing to protect me, from Alex. Taking a deep breath, I step around Alex to face Ever, fully aware that one look into his eyes could kill me—if Ever wishes it.
“You really think I signed myself up for demonic possession?” I ask incredulously.
Ever’s expression transforms from disgust to confusion. Then he just stares at me.
I can’t trust my voice, so I just swallow and nod. He’s wearing my engagement ring and the matching pendant on a chain around his neck, the stones of the infinity symbol glowing brightly against his bronzed chest. Lifting my hand to the neckline of the nightgown, I pull it down and see that my tattoos are back—both of them. A familiar copper sun encompassing the pale blue infinity symbol, both etched in my skin.
Ever and Alex—and me. All three of us connected, forever, or as long as I stay alive.
I didn’t think it could hurt so much to be standing between them, these two perfect, otherworldly creatures who think I’m either this world’s salvation or its downfall. Ever is studying me like he’s never seen me before, and as I start walking slowly toward him, it feels like I’m being ripped in two.
Wren, don’t.
Hearing Alex’s voice in my head, I stop. He’s right behind me, and when he takes my hand, Ever’s green eyes glow with rage and grief. A growl erupts from his chest, and my eyes widen as a green light glows all around him, growing brighter by the second. Suddenly Alex’s arms wrap around me, his body shielding mine as the blast wave concusses everything around us. When I finally open my eyes again, Ever is gone.
And now I know for sure: my world is split in two.
I belong nowhere.
20: Last Girl in the World
I don’t fear Victor anymore. Because now I know that I am far more dangerous to myself than he ever could be. A sob escapes me, and I feel Alex’s arms wrap around me.
“I’m sorry, Wren,” he says gently.
I hiccup.
“Why are you sorry?” I gasp. “You got what you wanted.”
He pulls back and looks down at me.
“No. I never want to see you unhappy. That is why I gave myself up, and I suppose when you came to free me, I regressed to my selfish inclinations. But it also is why I will always love you more than he ever could.”
Sniffling, I frown at him.
“Ever is cursed to be more committed to his cause than he ever could be to you.” Alex’s words cause me to flinch. “His war with Victor is his existence, whether he chooses to acknowledge it or not. And if he felt he had to, he would destroy you.