by C. J. Valles
“Mom, I missed the deadline for U of O. Remember? I got that letter saying I could reapply for winter term?”
“Wren! You are ruining your birthday present! Open it already!”
I open the envelope slowly and look down at the first sheet of paper. I let out a scream before I can stop myself.
“How is this even possible?” I gasp as I skim the letter.
I look up and see my mom beaming.
“Richard knows the president of the university.”
My smile fades.
“You mean … he got me in?”
“No, baby. You got you in. Richard just pulled some strings so that they didn’t have to defer your acceptance. … Your father and I discussed it, and your first year is paid for!”
My head starts spinning. I just got the best news and the worst news in one sitting. I could be going to school with Taylor in the fall, but my mom’s evil, un-human boyfriend was the one who got me in.
“Wren? What’s wrong? I thought you’d be thrilled!”
I force a smile and throw my arms around her.
“I am! It’s amazing. I’m just a little … surprised.”
Surprised, excited, freaked out, angry—these don’t even begin to cover it.
“Well, they made special allowances, so you should respond as soon as possible.”
“How about after prom?” I smile, hugging her tighter. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.”
“Remember to call your father and thank him, too. And Richard the next time you see him.”
I cringe. If Richard is a friend of the president of the university I’m going to attend, then how far does this go? How many part-time humans are out there, waiting to take over the world when Victor ascends the throne?
“I will,” I lie as I pull away from her.
“What time do you leave?”
“I think Alex is picking me up in about a half hour or so,” I answer numbly, my mind still in a fog.
“You’d better get dressed. And remember—I want to get some pictures before you go.” She pauses with a funny expression clouding her features, and I see a fuzzy image of Ever in her mind. “You know, I can’t help feeling a little bad that you’re not going with Ever.”
It feels like a hand just squeezed my heart.
“Mom! I feel guilty enough.”
I wince. Actually, it’s not possible for me to feel guilty enough.
“Oh, sweetie. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that he was your first boyfriend.”
Was. Like he doesn’t exist anymore.
“Mom, I still love him,” I whisper.
“I know, Wren. I know. A part of you will always love him.”
Like I still love James, she thinks with a wistful expression.
I want to tell her—again—to find James, but I can’t. I just have to trust that she’ll be true to her heart. I want to do the same, but I don’t know if I can trust my own heart anymore … because it’s telling me I love Ever and Alex.
And I know that I’m not going to have some convenient little epiphany that I really love one of them like a friend or a brother. My heart has been severed in two. I love Ever and Alex equally, even if Ever now hates me. And maybe that’s my punishment: to lose them both over and over. First Alex when he saved me, and now I’ve lost Ever because I love Alex.
“Stop frowning, you serious little thing! Make this your night. You just turned eighteen. This is the beginning of your life, Wren. Enjoy it.”
“Thanks.”
I smile as my mom starts walking toward the door. Remembering that my contact with Ever and Alex has changed me, I reach deep down and try something I’ve never thought of trying before.
“Mom?”
When she turns back, I look into her eyes.
“What is it, sweetie?”
Instead of reading my mom’s thoughts, I concentrate on trying to influence them.
Mom, find him. Find James tonight. Be happy.
“I love you.”
She laughs.
“I love you, too, Wren.”
As soon as she leaves my room, I hurry down the hall to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I get back to my room, I close the door and go over to the closet. Taking out the dress—the one that up until a day ago I was supposed to wear to senior prom with Ever—I lay it on the bed and study it, trying to figure out how I got here. Then I realize it doesn’t matter. I’m here, and there’s no going back.
Taking the dress from the bag, I slip out of my clothes before taking out the black panties and strapless bra. I hesitate, contemplating whether my regular underwear would show beneath my dress. Before I can overthink it, I slip on the black lace and satin and pick up the dress. Pulling it over my head, I hold the top up as I balance to put on the heels.
I’m almost to the door to find my mom for zipper duty when I feel a hand on my waist. As the zipper slowly rises up my back, I freeze in fear. Turning, I summon all my fear and anger into my hands, prepared to jolt the ever-living crap out of Victor or whichever horseman just showed up in my bedroom while I’m half naked.
My breath whooshes from my lungs when I look up and see Ever staring down at me. He’s dressed in a suit with the first few buttons of his shirt undone and his tie loosened. He looks desperate and dangerous. Time slows down as he watches me. The look in his eyes causes my chest to tighten with guilt and pain.
I love him. I’ve never stopped loving him—and that’s what makes this all worse. I told him the truth when he asked me to marry him. I will love him as long as I am alive.
I will love him forever.
Even if it’s not right.
Even if he hates me.
Even if I’ll die for loving him.
23: Fated
As Ever stares down at me, I can’t seem to find the strength to shut my eyes to shield myself against what I might find in his. Then the green of his eyes begins to burn brighter, and I’m hit with a jagged stab of pain, followed by a wave of desire so intense that it takes my breath away.
I reach up slowly to touch his cheek, remembering that day on the cliffs overlooking Oregon’s stormy coastline when I had touched his face. Then, in a movement so fast I don’t even see it, Ever catches my hand in his, pulling me against him as his lips come down on mine with a hunger so intense that I shiver. He lifts me into his arms as his lips part mine. A second later, the sound of the doorbell jolts me, and Ever sets me down.
“Tell your date that I will never give up on you … and I am far more determined than he can comprehend,” he whispers.
A second later I’m standing alone in my room, gasping for breath as I sink to the floor, the blood-red material of my dress pooling around me.
“Wren! I think your date’s here! Are you ready?” my mom calls.
Hearing her rush down the stairs, I pull myself up and glance in the mirror on the back of my closet. I look confused and guilty—and I’m glowing even more than I was before. Picking up the small black clutch that I borrowed from my mom, I look at the clock. Alex is way early, which is not a mistake.
Loving two people means I’m always hurting one of them.
By the time I reach the landing, Alex is standing at the bottom of the steps talking to my mom. He turns toward me, and the look in his eyes makes my heart beat faster. I blush as he stares at me, hoping my mom doesn’t notice that I can’t help staring at him the same way. I walk down the stairs carefully, and Alex takes my hand when I reach the last step. A burst of electricity courses between us.
You are more beautiful than I could have imagined.
Looking up at him, I give him a wry smile, about to make a comment when I remember that my mom is standing next to us. Alex slips a white rose corsage onto my wrist, and I laugh before running into the kitchen to find the white rose Mr. Hannigan let me take from his garden. Coming back to the living room, I reach up with shaking fingers and attach the rose to Alex’s lapel with a pin from my mom’s sewing kit.
Great mind
s think alike, he thinks dryly.
Smiling, I stifle a laugh.
“Come on! Say something, you two! You kids are making me nervous!” my mom laughs.
I can’t help laughing, mostly because my mom is referring to Alex as a kid.
“Forgive me if I’m speechless at the sight of your beautiful daughter, Caroline.”
My mom beams up at him.
“You are forgiven, Alex. She is beautiful.”
“Mom!”
“What? Now stand together so I can immortalize this moment. My little girl—all grown up. Smile!”
Alex’s arm slips around me as my mom takes several shots with her phone. She sets it down on the front table and goes over to the closet before returning with a black embroidered shawl my dad got for her in Italy.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
She nods, and I’m aware that I’ve gotten too much tonight. My eighteenth birthday—still alive and human, acceptance to a school here in Oregon, my first year of school paid for … and Alex. I’ve gotten everything I could have wished for. Everything except Ever. My mom walks us to the door, and I hang back as Alex opens it.
“What time do you want me home?” I whisper to my mom.
She touches my cheek.
“You’re an adult now, and you’ll be in college in a few months. You need to practice making your own decisions. Just be safe, and make sure to text me so I don’t worry about you.”
I nod, suddenly terrified by the abyss of adult responsibility. There’s been something comforting about knowing that my mom would provide the answers and boundaries to my life. Now I just have to hope that some of her wisdom has rubbed off on me.
“Have fun!” she calls as I step outside and take Alex’s hand.
Waving, I turn and start walking with Alex, pausing when I see the car across the street. The color is almost indefinable. Not silver, not gold, but a molten combination of the two. Still, as beautiful as the car is, it’s not as flashy or over-the-top as I would expect from Alex. I raise an eyebrow.
“No red Ferrari?”
“I decided that tonight an understated, classic beauty would suit you best.”
He opens the door and takes my hand, carefully guiding me into the seat. The door whooshes shut, and he appears in the driver’s seat a few human moments later. Looking toward the house, I see my mom watching us. Alex turns toward me.
“For perhaps the first time, I truly understand Ever’s anger. I can’t blame him for wishing ill upon me.”
Without another word, Alex touches the dash, causing the car’s engine to purr to life. As he pulls away from the curb, I turn and look out the window, my breath catching when I see Ever watching us from down the street. The car’s engine revs, and we’re catapulted off of my street in seconds.
“And this is the price I pay for stealing you,” Alex says darkly, staring out the windshield.
“Price?”
“Finding myself in Ever’s position, afraid I’ll lose you to another.”
What can I say to that? I barely know what I want beyond the happiness of those I love—every single one of them—and my own survival. On top of that, I have to worry that my decisions will affect every other person who will suffer if Victor wins this world.
I know that if I had to make the choice right now between Alex and Ever, I couldn’t do it. Ever isn’t Rosaline, and Alex isn’t Juliet—because I’m not like Romeo. Unlike Shakespeare’s character, I didn’t see Alex for the first time and instantly forget about Ever like Romeo did with Rosaline. Ever and Alex take up different pieces of my heart, and I can’t imagine choosing to sacrifice a piece of myself, even if I know, in the end, I will have to.
When we reach Portland proper on our way toward the hotel where prom is being held, my phone buzzes. I look down at the picture Ash just texted of Josh with a French fry sticking out of his nose. I laugh and hold out the phone to Alex.
“Charming,” Alex says, glancing at my screen.
Everyone else went out together for dinner in the city, but I wasn’t ready—I’m still not—to flaunt the proof of my betrayal in front of my friends. Checking the time on my phone, I frown.
“We’re really early.”
Alex smiles.
“Dinner first? I was thinking of stopping off somewhere.”
“I keep thinking you immortals will get tired of watching me eat.”
“I will never grow tired of watching you.”
Alex pulls over, and I glance out the window at an empty alleyway. When he opens my door and offers his hand, I step out and wobble slightly in my heels. Studying the heels, he shakes his head.
“You won’t be needing those where we’re going.” He kneels down in front of me and takes my foot. “May I?”
Not waiting for me to answer, he slips off the heel, and I laugh.
“And I thought Cinderella was supposed to lose her shoe at the end of the night.”
He removes my other heel before turning and scooping me up. Before I can argue, everything goes black. Gasping a breath of air, I open my eyes and feel a combination of excitement and terror as I look out at the ocean and realize where we are.
West Street Beach. The same place where I nearly drowned. The same place where I thought Alex had betrayed me. The same place where I thought I had lost him forever. The same place where I met him in my dreams. He sets me down in the soft sand and gestures toward a table, set for one, with a white rose at its center. I shake my head.
“How?” I whisper.
Then I remember: infinite time and money make anything possible. Well, anything but happiness or peace, Alex said once.
I walk barefoot to the table, where Alex pulls out my chair. Taking a seat, I look toward the water as the sun makes its way toward the horizon.
“I wanted to bring you here under better circumstances than the last time. I also assumed that this would surpass your expectations for prom dining.”
Looking across the table at Alex, I feel my heart skip a beat when I see dinner in front of me. It hadn’t been a second ago. As my eyes scan the meal, I feel another jolt of déjà vu. This is the same dinner I had that night at the edge of the world in Tierra del Fuego. The exact same dinner.
“Apologies for not designing a more original repast.”
“Alex … thank you.”
“Never thank me,” he says in a sharp tone. “I deserve neither your gratitude nor your forgiveness. Your love, however long I have it, is more than I’ve earned.”
His eyes soften, and he gestures to the food in front of me. Smiling crookedly, I raise my glass of sparkling water and take a sip, toasting to someone who doesn’t need water, food, or air.
“I’m not even going to ask how you managed to get dinner here from the edge of the Earth.”
I set down the glass and taste the gnocchi, closing my eyes as I remember the night in Tierra del Fuego. When I look up again, Alex is staring at me so intensely that I nearly lose my nerve to eat. Nearly. But the food is too good to ignore. Just to be safe, though, I purposely avoid picking up any of Alex’s thoughts.
The sun continues to sink slowly toward the horizon as Alex watches me eat. Listening to the waves crash, I look out at the water and try to savor this moment. Guilt, despair, and indecision will return soon enough. The present is all I have. When I take my last bite, Alex sets down a white dish with a thin slice of chocolate cake, topped with a candle. Reaching for it, I smile.
“Happy Birthday, Wren.”
“Chocolate, otherwise known as the perfect way to end any meal.” Taking a bite, I suppress a moan. “That is delicious.”
When I look up, Alex has disappeared. Then I see him standing next to me with his hand extended. He pulls me up, his arm coming around my waist as he touches my cheek. Bending to touch his lips to mine, he kisses me softly.
“I agree. Delicious.”
Blushing, I pull away and walk toward the water, remembering the feeling of the sand under my knees as I stared up at Alex last
year, so certain he had betrayed me. Instead, he saved me. Looking over my shoulder at him, I feel a shiver run through me as I remember another day on this same beach nearly half a lifetime ago … the day I nearly drowned.
Turning back toward the water, I close my eyes. I remember it now. My parents hadn’t made it in time that day. I remember seeing them on the beach—the look of panic in my mom’s eyes—right before I went under for the last time. There had been no lifeguard so late in the season, and I had felt the undertow pulling me farther out even as the crashing waves slammed me into the sand. Then everything had gone dark.
The next thing I knew, someone was pulling me from the waves.
Suddenly I remember opening my eyes and seeing my rescuer for a single second before my parents’ faces came into view—my mom completely hysterical, like that day in the hospital after I first locked eyes with Ever.
“It was you,” I gasp.
I look over my shoulder, and Alex is right behind me. I turn slowly to face him.
“Yes.”
“You were the one who saved me that day … here. When I was ten.”
I shake my head at the impossibility of it.
“And here I thought I had wiped that memory from your consciousness. That was my error—in assuming you were merely human.”
I step back.
“Were you watching me this entire time?”
Alex laughs.
“Had I been watching you, do you think I would have allowed Ever to reach you first?”
“You mean … it was just random?” I demand skeptically.
He gestures down West Street Beach toward Aliso.
“Fate, chance, destiny, luck? Take your pick. That house you woke up in last year after the dance? I’ve owned it since well before you were born. This beach during winter is refreshingly devoid of humanity, and on that particular day I happened to be enjoying a moment of peace when I came upon a nearly drowned girl and her desperate parents.”
“But why did you save me?” I whisper.
Alex turns toward the horizon and remains silent for several seconds.
“I don’t know. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to gain power, to win—to remain free. I can’t say why I pulled you from the sea that day.”