by C. J. Valles
I close my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts. But the first thing that comes to mind is Ever. Less than twenty-four hours ago, I told him I would marry him. Then I betrayed him, and now he’s gone. The strangeness of this sucks the air right out of my lungs. In my mind, I stepped through the mirror a lifetime ago to save Alex, but in reality—the reality that I have to live with—it’s been less than a day.
I saved Alex, and I simultaneously caused Ever’s destruction.
Anger burns through my blood when I open my eyes again. I need to feel angry. I’ve lost Ever, and it’s my fault. Even worse, I know that I’ve lost my grip on everything, even myself.
“There are so many things wrong with this,” I snap. “I don’t even know where to start. Alex, I said yes to Ever … and then I betrayed him by going after you. Now he’s gone, and I’m standing here—I don’t even know where here is—with you talking about sex?
“That is what you were referring to, right? Sex?” I continue, feeling unhinged. “Do you understand that the lives of almost everyone I care about are under Victor’s control? Do you have any idea how freakishly absurd this is? Every second that we’re here, I risk losing someone else I love. I have no other options—I have to give myself up. Do you understand me?”
He smiles.
“You are exquisite when you’re angry.”
“I know you didn’t just say that.”
He reaches out before I have time to pull away and brushes my lower lip with his thumb, sending a crackle of electricity through my bloodstream. My eyes search his face, and I start to wonder if Alex is crazy, truly crazy. Thinking of the torture he must have endured under Irisa’s imprisonment, I wonder if she really did break him.
“I’m not insane, Wren, and for as long as we are here, you put no one at risk. In fact, being here may be the only chance you have to resurrect Ever.”
“You are so not sounding less crazy.”
He gestures around.
“As long as we are here, we remain outside of time, immune to it. All we have is the present. Together.”
We are outside of human reality at the moment.
I shiver. I can nearly hear Ever saying the words.
“Alex, I fell in love you last year, but I love Ever. I loved him first, and I’ve never stopped loving him. I never will …” even if he’s gone forever.
Tears start spilling from the corners of my eyes at the thought of never seeing him again.
“I’m not asking you to,” Alex says gently.
I close my eyes, wishing I could force the world to stop spinning further and further out of my control.
“I am asking you to choose me,” he says in a quiet voice. “Make a willing choice to be with me if only for a few moments.”
His fingers come up and trail across my collarbone, causing heat and electricity to spread outward from his touch. I jerk away from him, angry with my body for responding.
“Don’t. I can’t think when you touch me.”
The bright blue of his eyes darkens.
“I don’t want you to think, Wren. You’re always thinking, weighing, deciding, punishing yourself—for wrongs others have committed. For once, I only want you to feel.”
He steps toward me, his eyes searching mine.
“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want to feel my touch …” he says softly, touching his lips to the side of my neck.
His kiss trails to my shoulder, and I shudder as his hands free my hair from the braid. Raising my hand to his chest, I force my eyes open and try to shake off the sensations his touch is causing.
“Stop!”
I pull back, breathing hard as I stare up at him.
“Tell me—right now—if what you said was true. Is there really a way to save Ever?”
He nods.
“Yes. I believe the closer you are to immortality, the less power the substance Victor has mined will have over Ever. When you crossed the divide, your mortality must have saturated this material. If so, you are linked to it. I do not believe Victor has the ability to destroy us, though Ever’s contact with this altered material may have forced him into a permanent state of inertia similar to what a coma is for humans. If you become more like us, I think it will reverse the damage done to Ever’s physical being.”
My eyes widen.
“Why didn’t you say that before?” I gasp. “What do I have to do?”
He lifts my hand, and it begins to crackle with electricity. In an instant, my mind jumps to the conversation with Ever a day—or forever—ago. Ever said that if we weren’t careful, then I could end up like him. Flinching, I glance up at Alex in disbelief.
“Is that why you wanted to have one night with me? Because I’ll become like you?”
“I don’t want one night with you, Wren. I want forever. But if I can have only one night, then it’s still more than I could have asked for, and I would gladly submit myself to an eternity of pain.”
I shake my head.
“Alex, don’t. Don’t say things like that.”
“It’s the truth,” he says, gently touching my cheek.
“That’s my only choice, then?” I ask with barely any volume. “To stop being human?”
I realize I was willing to jump off a building when I thought Ever was gone, but the thought of betraying him and losing my humanity—not to mention my virginity? That’s … an impossible decision.
“I said closer to immortality,” Alex says, taking my hand in his.
Electricity sizzles between us as he lifts my hand to his lips, causing my skin to glow brighter.
“Ever must have told you. Becoming like us would be a risk if I were to lose control, but that isn’t what I’m seeking.” He bends down, his lips brushing my ear. “I only need to bring you close enough to weaken the material’s power over Ever. To do that, I need your mind to open to me.”
When he pulls back, I stare up at him, breathless, shivering, and unable to move. He’s talking about something I have no experience with.
“Are you … I mean, have you ever had—” I sputter before my voice fails me.
“Sex, you mean?” he says dryly, finishing my unspoken question.
No matter what the answer is, I know his knowledge of sex is eons beyond mine—even if it’s just because he’s existed for eons longer than I’ve been alive.
“Yes, I have,” he says before I can retract my question.
I swallow. Of course he has. As I stare at him, his eyes glow brighter.
“But how?” I ask, too curious to be embarrassed by my question. “Did you turn someone into an immortal … like Persephone?”
My stomach drops as I realize Alistair and Persephone must have been watching my mom when Victor took her—does that mean they suffered the same fate as Ever? Could things get any worse?
“Only someone like you can withstand the transition,” Alex says evenly. “There is no impact on normal humans; their minds do not have the same capacity.”
I nod, feeling shaky and out of my depth. I want to wake up from this nightmare of going from terrible choices to impossible ones.
“Wren, in some ways I am more inexperienced than you are.”
This makes me laugh.
“Uh, yeah. That’s a little tough to imagine.”
He smiles and nods.
“You’re right. Physically, I am more than familiar with most human experiences. Yet I can only imagine that, like most other experiences, one in particular would be incalculably more pleasurable with someone who consumes me at every level. However, I would never put my own gratification above your happiness, and if I can resurrect my old enemy, it would end your suffering. I ask for only one thing if we do succeed in bringing Ever back.”
I wince.
“What?”
“Your decision.”
My decision. Meaning he expects me to make the single most unbearable choice. A decision that will tear me in two. But I nod—because I have to choose. I’ll choose one of th
em, and another piece of me will die.
“Do you trust me?” he asks.
I laugh miserably as I remember asking him the same thing—right before jumping from the castle wall in his world.
“Considering you just saved me from hitting the pavement, you could say I trust you with my life.”
He reaches out for my hand.
“May I?”
I nod, still confused as I hold out my hand.
“I’m sorry for this,” he whispers.
Before I can react, he draws his blade and reaches out lightning fast—cutting my arm. Staring down at the thin red line across my skin, all I can think of is the waking nightmare from Alex’s dimension in which I reached out and cut Ever’s arm. Only it wasn’t Ever.
“What the hell, Alex?”
He slices the blade across his own hand, which makes his skin glow, not bleed. Then he presses his hand to my arm before his wound disappears. Pulling away, I glare at him.
“If you were human,” I growl, “I’d be so worried about blood-borne pathogens from Health Studies.”
“Now you and I are linked, and this blade is infused with mortal blood.”
“Which accomplishes what exactly?” I ask, rubbing my arm.
“Victor’s downfall, of course.”
“Blood on the blade is supposed to end Victor’s reign? Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?” I mutter sarcastically.
“Not just blood. Your blood.”
“Oh, good. Magic blood.”
“Trust me,” he smiles.
“Okay, you’ve said that way too many times—and in the movies, the person who keeps saying trust me is the one you shouldn’t trust. Every time.”
He laughs.
“True.”
But right now he’s the only person I can trust.
“Now for the part of this that I’m going to enjoy,” he says.
Before I can stop him, Alex kisses me again. A sharp wave of pleasure—combined with guilt—floods me as his tongue skims the inside of my top lip. I grip the front of his shirt as his fingers trace lightly across my hip. Lowering me onto the plush white rug in front of the fire, Alex seems to float above me without a trace of exertion, the blue of his eyes burning brightly in the firelight as he watches me. In this moment I realize that no matter how hard I try to escape the truth, I can’t.
I love Alex. I love Ever. It is my curse, and there is no magical solution. The moment I make a decision, it will break me.
Shivering, I force myself to imagine that this is the last time I will see Alex—that these are my last moments with him. Suddenly desperation courses through me. I’m not ready to lose either of them, but I’ve already lost Ever, and unless Alex is right and there is a way to bring Ever back, then I’ve already lost everything. Closing my eyes, I remember the moment before I stepped through the mirror—the hope I felt as I stepped into the blackness.
This is not the end. It can’t be.
I open my eyes, and Alex watches me silently as I touch his brows, his cheekbones, his lips, his jaw. The blue of his eyes flashes and then darkens as I reach up and touch his chest. When my hand skims the bare skin at his collar, electricity surges between us. Without warning, he grasps me around the waist, and a second later I’m in his lap on the couch. I shiver as his hands drop to my hips and he pulls me closer. My hands slip into his hair as I lean forward to kiss the edge of his jaw.
“Wren …” he whispers.
His hands tighten around me, and my eyes close as his lips brush mine. His touch is different this time, his hands pulling me toward him until I gasp for air. When his teeth sink into my lower lip, I whimper at the spike of desire that shudders through me. Then he kisses me in a way that makes my head spin, and I see all kinds of images flashing through my mind. I see the night in Tierra del Fuego; I see myself on the sidewalk a few blocks from my house as I approach him; I see myself staring up at him the night of the dance in Laguna Niguel.
Electricity is streaming through me as Alex suddenly pulls me from his lap, leaving me on the sofa by myself in an instant. My eyes search the darkened room, and finally I see him at the far end, watching me. I take a ragged breath.
“Forgive me,” he says with an edge to his voice. “This experiment has tested the limits of my restraint.”
My heart hammers in my chest as I watch him. When I finally understand what I’m seeing, it scares me. His muscles are tense, his jaw is clenched, and for the first time, Alex looks forced to his limits—his normally bright blue eyes dark, nearly black with hunger.
27: Resurrection
I’m sitting with my legs crossed on the couch facing Alex, my lips still puffy and my entire body humming with awareness. Awareness of what we just did. Looking down, I blink at the sight of the ring on my left hand. The gleaming white rose has turned a soft, glowing pink. But the rose isn’t the only thing glowing. My hands, my arms—and probably the rest of me—are glowing even more than before.
“Am I still human?”
“Yes,” Alex smiles. “You remain human, and I remain heroically unfulfilled.”
Reaching out, he touches the inside of my wrist, and I jerk back. I’m about to make a smart remark when I remember why I let things get so out of control. Because it might save Ever.
“How do we know if it worked?” I whisper.
Closing my eyes, I see the gleaming golden blade pierce Ever’s chest.
“We’ll know soon enough if—”
Before Alex can finish, he’s hurled backward full force into the window across the room. I scream, and by the time my eyes refocus, Ever is standing between us. I watch as Alex rises from the floor like he didn’t just suffer a high-speed impact into solid—and apparently unbreakable—glass.
“Oh my god,” I whisper.
Rising to my knees on the couch, I stare at Ever like he’s a ghost.
“You have your answer now,” Alex says wryly. “It worked.”
He looks to Ever and smiles.
“You’re welcome.”
Ever starts walking toward Alex, then stops, turning to face me. Tears of relief pour down my cheeks. I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him, but it’s like I’m frozen.
When I’m with one of them, everything makes sense. But now that they’re both here in front of me, nothing makes sense. Looking from Ever to Alex, I force myself to remember that I made my choices. I gave up my right to want anything from Ever. I chose to go after Alex. I chose to kiss him. And now, after how far I just went with him, even if it was to bring Ever back—
“Enough!” Ever snarls at me.
I frown in confusion before reality hits me. I clap a hand over my mouth. If Ever can read my thoughts again, then that means he just saw my memory of—oh no. No, no, no, no. Before I can move or say anything, he’s in front of me with his hands on my shoulders, his eyes burning with a combination of rage and hunger that terrifies me. Without thinking, I let the fear flow through me into my fingertips, watching in horror as Ever is blown several feet back by a jolt of electricity. I stare blankly at him until Alex starts laughing.
“Underestimate her at your peril, my friend,” Alex says in a mocking tone.
Suddenly Ever is in front of me again, his arms wrapping around me. Then everything spins, familiar flashes of color swirling all around me. It’s like I’m in one of Ever’s paintings—only the colors are more vivid than the paint could capture. When everything stops spinning, I look around and flinch. Even in the darkness, I know exactly where I am. Pain swells in my chest. There’s soft music playing—a slow song, one from my favorite playlist. Ever used it at the party last year. Spinning around in the dark room, I see Ever standing in the open doorway. Behind him, the calm water of the Indian Ocean is shining in the moonlight, providing the only light. I was here twenty-four hours ago, but in my heart, it was several lifetimes ago.
“Why did you bring me here?” I gasp.
“Because tonight was supposed to be ours, Wren.”
&n
bsp; When he starts walking toward me, candles begin lighting throughout the room. I hold up my hand, and he stops.
“Don’t. Ever, it’s over. We’re over. I made mistakes—I accept that. And I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me. I am sorry, though. So sorry. For so many things. I wish I could go back.” I shake my head. “But if I fixed one thing, then another would break.”
Like taking back what I did with Alex? It’s better to live with the regret than to lose Ever. It’s better that he hates me. My chest squeezes at the thought, and I can’t help the tears from running down my cheeks again. Ever’s green eyes scorch me until I’m forced to turn away.
The pain in my chest is too much. I want to scream, I want to punish myself … I want to disappear, melt, cease to exist. Because all my existence seems to do is hurt the people I love the most.
“If you cease to exist, then so do I,” he says softly from behind me.
“Ever, please. Hate me,” I gasp. “Tell me you hate me.”
“Never,” he whispers in my ear.
Bracing myself, I turn back to face him, instantly stunned by his beauty the same way I was the first time I saw him. As I crane my neck to study his beautiful features, I realize I had nearly forgotten the true extent of his beauty. Studying him from head to toe, my eyes catch on his white dress shirt, slashed down the center by Victor’s blade. Before I can stop myself, I reach out and touch his chest through the tear. The heat of his skin burns me, but I don’t pull back. There’s a smooth line—a scar. The wound is nearly healed, but not quite.
As I trace the line with my fingers, I think about close I came to losing him. And maybe that’s why I need Ever to hate me. Because it will be easier, when I have to give myself up, if he already hates me.
“Alex said you would kill me to prevent Victor from taking control,” I whisper as I look up at him.
Ever’s muscles become rigid, but I keep talking.
“And after an endless war, I can see why you would want freedom …”
When he takes my face in his hands, I freeze—caught between fear and relief at feeling his touch again.
“I have accepted that Alex may have a piece of your heart,” he says quietly. “But I will not let him tell you lies. Wren, I will love you until time ends … and I know you feel the same. I wouldn’t sacrifice you for anything.”