The Cowboy's Christmas Family

by Donna Alward

Plaid shirt or sweater? Button-down dress shirt and jeans, perhaps? He got up and went to his closet, eliminating possibilities. He’d finally decided on the jeans and had tried on his third shirt when Tanner wandered into his room, his hair pushed to one side from sleep, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt.

  “What’s up, bruh?”

  Cole gave him a sour look. “I’ve been up for hours. And did the chores. By myself.”

  Tanner ran his hand over his head. “Yeah, sorry. Late night.” At Cole’s wry smile, he added, “Not that. I was on call last night, and I ended up attending a couple of accidents thanks to black ice.” He looked at Cole and frowned. “Where are you off to, anyway?”

  “Out.”

  “Clearly. You’ve got on your good jeans and from the looks of your bed, you’re trying to decide what to wear. What’s the occasion?”

  “Just, you know. Hanging out.”

  “So cryptic,” Tanner replied, stepping inside the room. “So, what are you and Maddy up to today?”

  “Who said I was seeing Maddy?” he asked, a little sharper than he meant to.

  Tanner chuckled. “I’ve seen the way you look at her. And don’t forget, I’ve been helping you pull off that secret Santa thing. So?”

  Cole sat down on the bed, letting out a sigh. “I’m just helping her set up her tree.”

  “Right. And she issued this invitation when?”

  Cole looked up at his younger brother. Cole was the older brother, but when it came to women he deferred to Tanner. His little bro never had a hard time getting the attention of the fairer sex. “Last night. We had some takeout at her place after the library thing.”

  “You dog.”

  “Careful, Tanner.”

  Tanner came in and picked a shirt off the bed, a deep red one with a fine plaid in navy and gold. “Wear this one. It’s new and it’s a good color without looking like you’re trying too hard.”

  Cole took the shirt from his hands. “Am I an idiot? I mean, Maddy’s great. But boy, is she gun-shy. Not that I can blame her. And she’s got the kids... There’s nothing simple about her, you know?”

  Tanner put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “There’s never anything simple about caring for a woman, Cole. If it’s simple, it’s not worth it.”

  “And you know this how?” Cole lifted an eyebrow. “From your three days of experience with marital bliss?”

  “Ouch.” Tanner took his hand away. “You want to know how I know? Because for me it’s always been simple and it’s never really been worth it. Not even with Brittany. Which was why it only lasted three days, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.”

  “Sorry. That was kind of a low blow.”

  Tanner shrugged. “No worries. I’m used to it.”

  Still, Cole felt guilty. No one liked having their past mistakes thrown up in their face all the time. “So you think Maddy’s worth it?”

  “I have no idea. Do you think she is?”

  Cole thought about how she’d looked at him last night, as if he hung the moon and the stars. How she’d confessed that she’d worried about whether or not she was desirable, when his blood had been pounding through his veins all because of a simple kiss.

  “She might be. She’s different from any woman I’ve ever dated.”

  Tanner laughed again. “That’s because she makes you work. Cole, you’re a good-looking guy. And you’re a nice guy. You’ve never had trouble getting female attention when you actually wanted it, and from what I can see you just sort of pick and choose, and date for a while, and then go your separate ways when you get bored. None of the women I can remember you dating was any sort of real challenge.”

  “Are you saying I’m only interested in Maddy because she’s a challenge?”

  Tanner shrugged again. “I don’t know, are you?”

  “You’re sounding like a shrink.” Cole slipped his arms into the shirt Tanner had picked. Darn, his brother was right. It was a good one. He started to do up the buttons.

  “I don’t mean to. She’s just not the kind of woman to mess with. She’s been through enough and deserves better.”

  Cole stopped buttoning his shirt and looked closely at his brother. “Shit. Are you sweet on her, Tanner?”

  Tanner shook his head. “No. But I’m not the insensitive jerk everyone seems to think I am, either.”

  “Aw, Tan...”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake, I’m a grown man. And I haven’t done a lot to change people’s minds, have I?” He grinned. “All I’m saying is, think about why you’re interested. And if you really, really care for her, I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

  Cole undid his jeans and went to work tucking in his shirt. “Mom warned me off her before they went on their trip. Said she had too much baggage.”

  “It’s your life, not Mom’s. Besides, she’d have instant grandkids.”

  “Don’t even. The boys are cute, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be a dad. Hell, I’m just going over to put up a damned tree.”

  “Sure you are,” Tanner said, and then with a whistle he left the bedroom, leaving Cole with a lot to think over. Including what his motives were. Because he knew that Tanner was wrong—it wasn’t about getting bored and it wasn’t about the challenge. The reason he never stuck it out was because he was scared of getting his heart handed back to him again.

  One thing was becoming clear in his mind. There could be no more kissing. No more romance where Maddy was concerned. Because for the first time in a very long time, someone actually had the means to hurt him. He’d do better to keep his heart locked up where it belonged, wouldn’t he?

  Then he thought about kissing her and the soft sound she’d made when he’d pulled her close, and realized that sometimes things were far easier said than done.

  * * *

  MADDY WAS READY this time when Cole arrived. The boys were fed and cleaned up and dressed in adorable denim overalls and flannel shirts. The kitchen was tidied of lunchtime mess and Maddy had spun around the house this morning like something possessed, dusting and vacuuming and scrubbing the bathrooms. And yes, she’d used the playpen and the boys’ favorite cartoons as babysitters, but she didn’t do that very often and she wasn’t going to feel guilty about it.

  Right now they were on the floor playing with plastic farm animals. Maddy had made them a fenced-in area from the pieces of the set that clicked together. Liam put all the animals in the pasture, Luke threw them all out, they both giggled and then they started all over again.

  It was exactly one thirty when Cole pulled up in her driveway. Maddy’s pulse took a leap and she pressed her hand to her tummy. All morning she’d thought about last night’s kiss and whether or not she was really ready to date someone. She wanted to—it had been so amazing to actually feel like a woman again instead of a frazzled mom. Desirable, rather than an object of pity.

  And yet there was still a part of her that was unsure. She was smart enough to know it was all to do with her and her own insecurities. She’d been so wrong about Gavin; how could she possibly trust herself to get it right this time? She second-guessed everything. Even now, as Cole approached her front door, she wondered if she’d made a mistake inviting him today. If it was too much, or at least too soon... If he was really as awesome as he seemed, or simply too good to be true.

  The doorbell rang and the boys froze, looked at Maddy and then scrambled to their feet. The arrival of company was always a cause of excitement.

  Well, there was no backing out now. Maddy went to the door and opened it while the twins thumped about behind her. “Right on time,” she said brightly. “Come on in.”

  Cole came in and removed his boots, then hung up his jacket, sticking his gloves in the pockets. “It’s a bit warmer today,” he commented.

  The weather. Maddy didn’t know
if he was as nervous as she was, or if it was one of those forced to start a conversation things. “I heard we could get some more snow tonight.” She led the way inside, on the way picking up Luke, who seemed intent on getting himself in the middle of things. “You’re not busy with the festival today?”

  Cole shook his head. “No. Today is an open skate at the park and snow golf. There’s a carol sing tonight at the church. But I’m not required to be at any of them. Tomorrow, after everything’s done and collected, we’ll do the raffle draw from the shopping thing yesterday.”

  “It’s ticked along like a good watch, then.”

  “So far, so good.”

  Luke strained from her arms and held his hands out to Cole. “Hey, buddy. You wanna come up?” He took him without missing a beat and settled him on his arm.

  “Luke really likes you.” There was something both comforting and unsettling about seeing her baby so happy with Cole. “I never thought about it much, because they’re so little. But maybe they really miss having a guy around.”

  Cole gave Luke a bounce, the expression on his face unreadable. “It’s more likely that he recognizes me as the guy who got sprayed with food last night. It was a real bonding moment.”

  Liam pulled on her pant leg and she picked him up. “Do you want something to drink? I made a pot of coffee not long ago.”

  “Coffee sounds good,” he replied, and they went to the kitchen.

  She held Liam on her hip as she took out two mugs and spoons. “How do you take yours?” she asked, getting cream out of the fridge.

  “One sugar, no cream,” he replied.

  She added his sugar, then just cream for herself, and suggested they go into the living room. Once there, she put Liam down on the floor. “Go play with your cows, sweet pea.”

  He scrambled down and Luke pushed out of Cole’s arms to follow. Careful to not spill, Cole let him down and they ran back to their farm. Before long they were bouncing cows, horses and sheep through the pasture, making entertaining noises.

  “Nice farm,” Cole said, taking a seat at the end of the sofa and sipping his coffee.

  “Thanks. It’s one of their favorite toys. Sometimes they add dinosaurs to the mix.” She grinned. “I was thinking we’d wait until nap time and then bring the tree in. Probably easier when they’re not underfoot.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “I found the stand and decorations this morning, though.” She sat back against the cushions. “I’m looking forward to the boys seeing it, actually. Last year they were too little.”

  A chicken went flying and dinged Luke in the head, and he started to wail. “Liam, gentle. Luke, come here, Mommy will kiss it.” Luke toddled over, Maddy kissed his forehead and the crying ceased immediately.

  “Wow, like magic,” Cole said drily.

  “Wouldn’t it be nice if a kiss could always fix up hurts?” Maddy sighed. “It’s a lot simpler when you’re a kid, that’s for sure.”

  “Isn’t that the truth.”

  Maddy felt the need to change the subject, so she took another sip of her coffee and asked, “How’s your parents’ trip going?”

  They chatted for the next twenty minutes about their families and the festival and basic small talk. When it was nearly two, Luke came over with a board book and crawled up on her knee. “Buh,” he said, holding it out.

  “You want me to read you a book?”

  “Buh,” he repeated.

  She looked over at Cole. “Yesterday was busy and they’ve been up since seven thirty. It’s just about nap time.”

  She started reading the little book and when she got to the end and gave it back to him, he handed it to her again.

  So she read it a second time. This time Liam came over and climbed up on the sofa beside them. Both boys were mellowing out substantially, and when Luke asked her to read it a third time, she laughed and obliged. By that point, Liam had leaned back against Cole and his eyelids were drooping. Luke’s were nearly closed, his head doing an unstable bobble now and again.

  “Come on, bubba. Let’s put you to bed.” She cradled him in her arms and walked softly to their room, where she gently put him down and covered him up. “Have a good sleep, Luke.”

  He stared at her for a moment. One thing she did appreciate about the boys was they’d learned to be patient right from the start, that sometimes they’d have to wait or soothe themselves. There wasn’t a peep out of him as she went back to get Liam.

  His eyes were wide-awake now, though he still leaned against Cole’s strong body. Maddy reached for him and he came willingly, curling his hands around her and tucking his face against her neck. She rocked back and forth for a few minutes, crooning softly. Cole smiled up at her. “He’s out.”

  “They’ve been so busy lately, they’ve been sleeping really well. And when they’re busy, I’m exhausted,” she joked. She swayed back and forth a few more times. “I’ll be right back, I hope.”

  She tucked Liam in and made sure the thermostat was set to a comfortable temperature, and then shut the door and went to join Cole.

  “There. They should be good for ninety minutes or so. Should we get this set up?”

  “By all means.” Cole put his mug down on the table. “Where do you want to put it?”

  “Right in front of the window.” She smiled. “I generally just move that chair a bit to the right and move that speaker, and it sits right in the middle.”

  “Well, let’s do that first and then bring it in.”

  It took no time at all to adjust the furniture, and then Maddy retrieved the tree stand and skirt while Cole went out to the doorstep and brought in the bushy tree. Needles dropped as he moved it across the floor, and more still as she got on her hands and knees to hold the stand and help him guide the trunk into the hole. As he held it steady, she tightened the wing nuts until they were tight and the tree was straight. “How’s that look?” she asked.

  “Good. Tanner...” He stopped talking abruptly, and she sat back on her knees and looked up at him.

  “Tanner what?”

  “Tanner will be jealous,” he said, brushing his hands together. “It’s a great tree. Nice and full all the way around.”

  “Hand me that tree skirt, will you?”

  Cole handed her the wedge-shaped folded fabric and she spread it out. She loved this skirt. It had a creamy gold satin background, with appliquéd holly and berries and stars all over it, bordered by a rich red fringe. She smoothed it out, tied the ribbons at the back to hold it in place around the stand, and slid out from beneath the tree.

  “Wow. That didn’t take any time at all,” she said, hopping to her feet. “Thank you so much. It would have been a real circus trying to get that in the stand by myself. And I do still love a real tree, even though the new artificial ones are so practical.”

  “Me, too. Dad suggested one of those pre-lit ones a few years ago and Mom had a fit. We’ve always had a real tree.” He smiled at her. “Dad has a chipper. We just chip it up and send it back to nature.”

  Maddy admired the tree, imagining how good it was going to look with the decorations on. “Know what one of Mom and Dad’s neighbors do? They have a tree-burning party. They set up a bonfire pit in their backyard and invite everyone to bring their trees over, and they have drinks and food and light it up. It’s really fun.”

  Cole reached for his coffee, which had to be lukewarm at best right now. “Is that what you’re doing for Christmas? Spending it with your family?”

  Maddy sighed. “Probably. I’ve been meaning to ask my parents if they want to come over Christmas morning and watch the boys open their presents. Dinner’s at their house, so we can have breakfast here.” To be honest, the thought of Christmas morning was both exciting and, well, depressing. Maddy loved the holiday, but she had a hard time rustli
ng up a lot of Christmas spirit. It was all about making it good for the boys. But the holiday was pretty lonely on her own.

  Now the task of decorating the tree was before her and she blinked. Last year it had been a real production, with the four of them in the living room, carols playing, the perfect little family. As she stared at the green branches, her vision blurred. It was time she faced a truth she’d been putting off. The past and her rosy memories of it had been a lie, and she needed to accept it and, more importantly, move past it. The anger and bitterness were eating her up inside. That wasn’t good for her, or the boys, and she had to start getting on with her life.

  Maybe Christmas was the perfect time to do that.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  Cole’s soft voice interrupted her thoughts. She quickly swiped a finger beneath her lashes. “Actually, yes. I think I am.” She turned to him and smiled, feeling lighter than she had in months. “I’ve had such a hard time letting go. Holding on to the past, you know? And then getting angry about it. I’m tired of being angry, Cole. I think it’s time I start over.”

  “That sounds very healthy,” Cole replied, but he didn’t smile. His expression was completely sober. He could have no idea how much she appreciated him taking her seriously and not giving her a patronizing smile or some platitude.

  She blinked away the remaining moisture in her eyes. “You know, I think I’m just so hurt that nothing is going to be the way we planned, and I dealt with it by being mad and passing blame. But it doesn’t make sense to live my life mad at someone who isn’t even here, does it?”

  Cole shook his head. “Not really.” He sighed. “You know, I think we’re more alike than either of us realized.”

  “We are?” She was puzzled. Cole never seemed mad or angsty or any of the things she’d felt over the last months. He was always so together.

  “I was in love once.” He gave a dry chuckle. “It seemed like everything was great, and then she was just...gone. I’d like to say I’m over it, but I’m more gun-shy than I care to admit.”

  “Roni, right? I seem to remember you being in a relationship for a couple of years.”