“That’s probably because you’ve been handling them from birth.”
“That’s what the vet said. If I want to keep them social, I have to handle them for at least an hour a day. I’ve been doing that. Usually, they’ll ride around on my shoulders when I’m home. I don’t let them run around unchecked. If they want on the floor, they have to wear their harnesses.”
“You have harnesses for your rats?”
“I do.”
Terry covered his mouth, and I worried I’d overwhelmed him with the dismal realities of my life. “Let’s say that I interfered and pushed for a better residency for you. If I wanted to move your rats, how would I do so without stressing them?”
“Pick up their cage, walk out with it, put it in your SUV, drive them to where they need to go, and then put them in their new location. If they have to fly, they go into a fleece-lined cat carrier together. You can just pick them up, but you have to cuddle with them first.”
“I have to cuddle with them first,” he echoed, and I worried for his sanity.
I picked up Snookums and held her out to him. “This is Snookums, and she loves anyone who will love her. But she’s a smart little rat. She knows when someone is scared of her. Go on. Take her.”
Terry reached out for my rat, and Snookums reached her tiny paws for his face.
“She wants to give you a kiss on the cheek. That’s how she greets me. If you put her on your shoulder and tilt your cheek towards her, she’ll give you a kiss.”
Terry set Snookums on his shoulder, and the instant his cheek came within her reach, my rat showered my RPS agent with her affection. “This is the strangest thing I’ve done while on duty.”
“I would have thought chasing a runaway princess around the Royal States would’ve been stranger than cuddling with a rat. See? Snookums loves you.”
“I don’t think Snookums realizes there are humans that don’t like rats, so she doesn’t know any better.”
“I am very selective about who may pet my babies. I don’t let anyone who might not like rats touch them. They will be the happiest rats in the Royal States.”
“It’s quite possible they’re the happiest rats in the world.” Terry tested his luck and pet Snookums, who basked in the attention. “What do you feed them?”
“I have a lot of stuff for them.” I hopped across my closet and dug out the box with their supplies, showing Terry their food. “I have rat feed blocks I leave in their cage if I’m expecting to work a long shift. That covers their base nutritional needs. For breakfast, they get a small salad of some fruits, vegetables, and cooked liver along with a small feeding brick if they get hungry while I’m at work. Their encouragement treats for running on their wheel are whole nuts. They absolutely love walnuts. They get a walnut each when they do their time on the wheel once a week and carrot slices the rest of the time, but if they’re extra good, they’ll get mealworms. I don’t give them mealworms often because I have to go the pet store specifically for that—but both absolutely love mealworms.”
Terry’s eyes widened. “You feed your rats cooked liver?”
“Yes. It’s good for them. It’s full of nutrients and has a low fat content.”
“That’s more complicated than I expected.”
“I could just feed them the brick or rat food pellets, but this is better for them, and they get some time with me in the morning before I leave for work.”
“Assuming there is a situation, how much should I feed them?”
“Give them fresh water every morning and evening and feed them a rat food brick.” I held up the container of bricks I’d purchased for them. “This will cover all their nutritional needs. If they’re upset, you can reward them with a walnut, but they shouldn’t have nuts often. Any vet worth their salt can help you with their diet. Their first vet helped a lot, but he really liked rats of the lab variety. He doesn’t like sewer rats as much.”
“But does he love rats as much as you do?”
“Not a chance in hell.”
Terry laughed. “Okay. I will be making a special note in your file that your rats are to be unharmed at potential risk of life, as I expect you will react violently should anyone harm your rats.”
“That would be a very fast way to convince me to light someone on fire. I will reduce them to ash if they hurt my rats.”
“I will go to a pet store and get an emergency kit for them.”
“Really?”
“We’ve learned that ensuring a principal’s peace of mind is helpful during a situation. If rescuing your rats is a realistic option during an emergency, they will be rescued. But—and this is important—that is only if it is a realistic option. Your safety comes first. Having an emergency kit for your rats will make them easier to retrieve.”
“You can just grab them, shove them into your pocket, and leave with them. They’ll stay there.” To prove my point, I plucked Flamingo off my shoulder and put her into his suit pocket. She made herself at home and poked her nose out, her whiskers twitching as she investigated the RPS agent’s scent.
“I have a rat in my pocket.”
“And she’ll stay there unless you take her out. I will reward her with a little treat for staying in your pocket until I take her out. That’s how I teach them.”
“What treat will you give her for staying in my pocket?”
“She gets a carrot slice for staying put. If she stays in my pocket for longer than an hour, she gets a little bit of yogurt.”
“Yogurt.”
“Greek, nothing sweet added to it. Rats shouldn’t have many sweet things.” I went into my kitchenette, opened the fridge, and plucked out two carrot slices from their container. “I keep sliced carrots and celery in water for them in the fridge.” I offered Snookums her slice of carrot for being nice to Terry, which she took from me with a happy squeak. While Flamingo might leave bits of carrot in Terry’s suit, I handed her a piece of carrot as well. “Flamingo now knows she’s allowed to leave, but she’ll probably stay because she knows it’s a safe place and she’ll be rewarded for being there.”
“Are you really telling me if I grab them from their cage and put them in my pocket, they’ll stay there?”
“They will. But the longer they’re in the pocket, the better the reward they expect when you let them out. They’ll hide if there are loud noises, and I’ve taught them jackets are a safe place for them to hide. If you’re here, just grab a walnut for each of them and put those in your pants pocket while you put them in your jacket. Then give them the walnut when they’re somewhere safe.”
“How long did it take you to teach them that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t exactly have a lot else to do after work, so I teach them tricks and how to behave.”
“Have you ever been evaluated for animal empathy?”
I stared at him. “I’m a flameweaver, Terry. Rats are smart. If you teach them they will be rewarded, they’ll do a lot. I’ve been giving them walnuts for the hardest tasks. They love walnuts more than life itself. They will also do a lot for almonds, too.”
“You’ve been spending the past few years training your rats?”
“And in rat terms, they’re ancient, but their last vet seemed really optimistic they’d live for a few more years—which is a great accomplishment for these guys. In the wild, they’re lucky if they live a year.”
“I see I’m going to have to find an expert on rats to make sure they get good veterinary care as they get older.”
“They won’t live forever, and when they die, I’m going to look for a new pair to get. Not lab rats, though.”
“Not lab rats? Why not?”
“They’re bred to get cancer. I don’t want to lose my rats to cancer. Wild rats are less likely to get cancer, but I have to get them as babies. That means I have to find a rat nest and raid it right after the babies are born.”
Terry sucked in a breath. “You’re seriously considering raiding a wild rat nest to get new pets.”
“Well, yes. Snookums and Flamingo are great. I just have to get them as newborns before they’re taught wild rat habits. I’m not sure I want any New York rats, though. Those are much, much larger than these guys. I’ll just have to raid California and get more rats that way. Or catch a wild pair and breed them, and then keep the babies and let the pair go afterwards. That could work! Maybe I could team up with an exterminator and take a pair before they’re killed? Do you think that would work?”
Terry drew in a deep breath. “You want more rats, don’t you?”
“Having a pair of babies would be good, so I won’t be as sad when Snookums and Flamingo pass away.”
My RPS agent closed his eyes and sighed. “If you want more rats, you have to live in a larger apartment.”
“And find some wild rat babies.”
“I will cut you a deal. I will find you a pair of female rat babies, but you have to move into at least a two-bedroom apartment somewhere close to the archives. I know you’re not eligible for a driver’s license here, but I want you to limit your commute as much as possible.”
“If I’m at the archive, then I can’t be found as easily.”
“That’s right. If you’re in a good apartment, then it’s easier to protect you—and I can get somewhere nearby so I’m accessible should you need me, as I can’t be with you all the time.”
“But a two bedroom will be really expensive, Terry.”
“Rachel, do you remember how much you have in your bank account?”
“Uh, vaguely?” I replied, toeing the line of lying, as I’d refused to look at the balance and hadn’t paid much attention when Terry had plundered my accounts in New York for a share of the family’s wealth.
“You have no idea how much money you have.”
Damn it. “I told you I want to make my own way!”
“Three million dollars, Rachel. You have three million dollars in liquid funds plus additional investments, and that was what His Royal Majesty of Montana wrangled from New York at first request. He opted against pushing his luck, as he figured he wouldn’t be able to get anything else out of New York. You can afford a nicer apartment.”
“Oh.” I blinked. “I really have three million dollars?”
“Yes. Plus interest, as it’s an interest-earning checking account. You also have an additional million dollars of seed money that His Royal Majesty asked North Dakota to invest on your behalf. I have no idea how much those accounts have in them; I haven’t been monitoring those. North Dakota can liquidate your funds at any time.”
“I have investment accounts with North Dakota?”
“His Royal Majesty of Montana made the request; His Royal Majesty of North Dakota has been in similar shoes to yours although different circumstances. It was to make certain you would have funds if New York did fully sever you from the family accounts.” Terry glanced at Snookums, and he fixated on her, likely enthralled by how she took her time and savored her carrot slice. “They really like carrots, don’t they? I’ve never seen anyone look quite so happy to be eating a carrot before.”
“Maybe a rabbit?”
“Maybe. If you get a larger apartment, I will take care of locating two baby wild rats for you. In exchange, you’ll follow some important guidelines meant to protect you while I try to get a handle on this bounty situation.”
“And you think I can stay under the radar for three months?”
“I think so, but I can’t make any promises. Following my guidelines will make it more likely you’ll dodge notice.”
“Rat babies would make it hard to want to leave them home alone. They need to be fed frequently when they’re newborns. I’ll have to smuggle them into work and keep them in my pocket in a nest, so they can be fed every three hours. I’ll need the pinkies shortly after they’re recovered so I can hand feed them. And it’s hard to nurse them. But I know how to do it, since I had to feed Snookums and Flamingo when they were babies. But I’ll sneak the pinkies into work.”
“Or you can live close enough you can skip home to feed them on your breaks.”
“I’d feel much better if they’re in a nest in my pocket.” I went to their supplies and dug out the large plastic egg I’d used to protect my babies in my pocket when they’d been young. The holes had made sure they could breathe, and the sealed egg had kept them warm and in my pocket where they belonged. “I used this.”
“You really carried your baby rats around with you in your pocket so you could feed them at work.”
“Well, yes. They were my responsibility, and they’d been abandoned. I couldn’t just let them starve.”
“I would bet everything I own and the entirety of my career that you’re a leech. Only a leech would go to these extremes for baby rats.”
“Nonsense.”
“Rachel.”
“What? It’s nonsense. Anyone with a grain of compassion would do it.”
“That’s… not really true.”
I frowned and claimed my rats from Terry, putting them on my shoulder so they could finish their treats. When they finished, I kissed their little noses, pet them, and returned them to their cage. “If you’re going to get me wild pinkies, I’ll need to get baby formula.”
“Baby formula?”
“You know, the powdered milk they give to babies when the mother can’t breastfeed for any reason? Baby formula. Rats and mice have that because they’re biologically closer to humans than cats or dogs. It’s better for them. But it has to be a certain type. Soy-based is better than milk-based for baby rats. They like it more, and it has a better ratio of fat content. It’s important they like the formula, because it’s critical they eat enough when they’re little.”
“Powdered baby formula, soy-based. All right. I’ll make sure I have that on hand when I recover the babies. Along with a vet who is good with rats. I can’t believe I’m going to go on a hunt for wild infant rats.”
“And here you thought having a rat on your shoulder giving you kisses was the strangest thing you’d done while on duty.” Smirking, I fed Snookums and Flamingo their dinner. Once they were finished eating, I’d clean their cage before settling them for the night.
Then I’d start keeping my end of the bargain, looking for a new apartment closer to work.
“You’re worried. What’s bothering you?”
Damned leech. “New Yorkers call leeches like you cheaters, Terry. Snooping cheaters.”
He smirked. “It’s part of my job to address your concerns. You’re concerned, so I’m addressing the problem.”
“I was thinking about having to move. And how I’d find an apartment that’d accept me as a tenant. They’ll take a look at my refugee status and laugh. The landlords know we’re not paid jack shit.”
“Tell them you’re working at the archive. That will help.”
“It will? Why?”
“Your boss is a royal, for starters.”
Oh, no. “He’s a what?” I dug out my boss’s card and handed it to Terry. “This man is a royal?”
“Before you panic too much, and yes, I noticed that spike of unadulterated terror, while he is a royal, he keeps to himself, doesn’t give a shit who is also a royal, and tends to ignore rank altogether. The only thing he wants from you is your work. I will tell you this, though. If you wear dark eyeshadow and dark lipstick with your bright outfits—or with a good leather coat and black jeans, you’ll amuse him. He likes rebels. That’s probably why he didn’t want you wearing funeral attire.”
“You knew who my boss is?”
“It’s in your immigration record, Rachel. Don’t worry. Your immigration record lists you as a low-powered flameweaver with exceptional intellect. He wants you for your brains, and he likely wants you rebelling under his watch, because a little rebellion is good for morale. He’s worked with refugees in the archive before, usually several years into their stint like you. His attitude is meant to light a fire under your ass.”
“I’ll light a fire under his ass,” I muttered.
> “I would avoid that. He is a royal, and he has the talent to go with it, and I’m not sure which one of you would win.”
“What’s his trick?”
“He’s a shocker.”
I shuddered, recoiled, and crossed my fingers to ward against evil. “Between the two of us, we’d destroy San Francisco.”
“Only a block or two, but it would be spectacular. I would rather you didn’t get into a dispute with him. He’s aggressive about demonstrations.”
“Really?” I’d tangoed with a few shockers in the RPS, but I hadn’t met a royal-ranked shocker before. “Is he a waveweaver with lightningweaving, or is he a pure shocker?”
“He’s a hybrid airweaver.”
“That’s rare.” I considered California, which had a mix of royal talents as far as I knew. “Is he a Californian?”
“Yes. He’s the king’s brother.”
Crap. He wasn’t just a royal, he was as close as it got to the top without being a main line prince. “Fifth in line to the throne after the princes?”
“Thereabouts.”
“Is he a good candidate to be kidnapped and questioned?”
“No.”
“You’re going to say no about any of them, aren’t you?”
“I could be swayed regarding one of the princes, but you’d have to have a very good argument.”
“I’m listening.”
“You’re supposed to be presenting an argument to me, not having me tell you the circumstances I’d consider to be acceptable.”
“It’d be a lot more efficient if you just told me what circumstances would be allowable to commit an act of royal kidnapping.”
“If you flirt with one of the princes, and he follows you to a remote location without his RPS agents, I can’t really say anything about your activities. It’s important you know that you can’t injure any of the princes during your kidnapping attempts.”
“I don’t know how to flirt,” I admitted.
“I never said it would be easy.”
I sighed. “You said that just to get my hopes up so you could crush them and force me to be realistic, didn’t you?”
“It’s so nice having an intelligent principal.”
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