It would be a challenge fitting everything in my current apartment, but I’d sleep curled into a ball if necessary. My rats deserved new things. When I found the store’s rodent cages, I drummed my fingers on my legs while investigating my options. I picked a small cage perfect for carrying around and setting on a desk, with a sturdy metal bottom without wire racks, which could hurt tiny paws. After a thick layer of bedding and nesting materials, it’d make the perfect home for my new babies.
I picked two of them, one for work and one for home.
That was when everyone realized I’d vanished on them, and a herd of RPS agents, a pair of royals, and the store owner joined me in the aisle.
“As I thought she would, Miss Rachel knows her business just fine. Would you like an explanation on why she’s made excellent choices, or would you prefer to put your foot further into your mouth, Your Highness?”
I had no idea how Nora knew Ethan, but I adored her for her ability to stand up to the man.
“I think I’ve tasted my foot sufficiently for one day, Nora.”
“Then go calm yourself. Go look at the kittens. They’re in the back. Just look for the cage with the rat nesting box in it. It’s on the bottom.”
Ethan obeyed, which amazed me so much I stared at the older woman with her graying hair. “He really listened?”
“He better listen, that boy. I’ve turned him over my knee and spanked him a time or two growing up, and he knows it.”
“Oh.” My eyes widened. “You can’t be that old.”
“Aren’t you just a charming young lady? I really am that old. My husband is an RPS agent on His Royal Majesty’s detail.”
That explained a lot, although I had no idea why she’d been spanking Ethan. Then again, royal children weren’t much better than unruly animals, so putting a young prince into the care of a pet store owner made a great deal of sense to me. “Was Ethan an unruly hooligan then?”
“Not quite an untamed beast of a child, but close. His Royal Majesty asked me to put some fear into the brat, as he didn’t like to listen to his parents.”
Some things, I expected, hadn’t changed. “You really sent him to look at kittens?”
“He’s always liked cats, but his mother is allergic, so no cats are allowed in the palace. His father is allergic to dogs.”
“And him?”
“He’s not allergic to anything and loves animals. Since his parents are allergic, the poor dear keeps getting barred whenever he wants to get a pet, but there are some parrots living at the palace he visits.”
Well, had I been a better person—and not a New Yorker—I might’ve filed that away for future reference rather than use it as a way to lure a Californian prince into my domain. “He’s on a mission to adopt a kitten, isn’t he?”
“No is an allowed word, as I expect you wouldn’t appreciate frequent invasions of a prince and an entourage of RPS agents.”
She had a point, and I focused on my boss, who seemed resigned to the situation. “Sir?’
“I haven’t been this afraid of a question since I took my firstborn child to a pet store for the first time. I thought my days of this sort of terror were long over, but no. It’s not. How can I help you, Rachel?”
“Do three bedroom apartments exist in San Francisco?”
“Yes, and it’s possible to make arrangements to get one for you; it’d likely be a condo, however. There’s a condo complex next door to the archive that probably has an empty unit. The royal family can arrange for you to take it over, especially when I make a lengthy proposal for your hire. Since housing is the government’s problem, we can make your accommodations a part of your hiring agreement, so you’ll be able to use your paycheck for things other than rent. It benefits us, as you’ll live close to the archive if there’s something we need quickly. That’s unfortunately common.”
I foresaw many problems with the proposed arrangement, and it involved the entire immigration system. “Will the refugee system allow something like that?”
“They will if they don’t want the royal family leveling human rights violations at them for overworking refugees at unfair wages. With your test scores, we should be bribing you with honey to want to stay, not trying our best to drive you out of the kingdom.”
“I’m not sure honey would do the trick, but a trip to the pet store for rat supplies is a good start. Should I be worried about the kitten?”
“Ethan has always wanted a kitten. If you don’t like cats, it’s okay to say no.”
“My rats are never out of their cage unsupervised, and I don’t mind cats. If he needs a place for his kitten to stay, I don’t mind.”
Nora made a satisfied huff. “He’ll like that, and it’ll get him out of the palace. It’ll make those lazy RPS agents earn their keep, too. Harris, you make sure to vet this lady’s new home well, and you keep an eye on her as His Royal Highness’s Keeper of Kittens.”
One of the agents, whom I associated as working for my boss, nodded.
Some titles were worse than others, and I thought I could handle becoming a keeper of kittens. “Can I be the Rat Queen, too?”
“I feel you meet the basic requirements for such a title,” she replied with a smile. “Let’s get your new kitten’s supplies, shall we? And should he try anything, I am selling the kitten to you, and you are granting him visitation rights. I recommend you make him beg to remind him he is not the ruler of all things here.”
“Maybe you should be ruling over California.”
Laughter rang out, and my boss laughed the hardest. “Ethan suggested that last time the congress tried to marry him off. They’re going to be trying again, probably this week, and I expect a disaster.”
“Aren’t those men in the suits supposed to protect him?’
“Unfortunately, they can’t protect him from legislation to ensure the continuance of the royal line. Since he has refused to pick a consort, the congress will be attempting to choose one for him. While I disagree with this tactic and expect it will cause a disaster, I’m also not in a position to block it. His Royal Majesty isn’t moving to block it at this point in time, either.”
A twinge above my left eye warned me I’d be felled with a skull-splitting headache given a few more minutes of the conversation. “Which of those bodyguards belong to him?”
My boss pointed at two of the men, and while they were younger than their colleagues, stress lines marred their brows.
“Excuse me for a moment.” I abandoned my cart and approached the RPS agents. I eyed the other bodyguards, wondering how I could possibly free Ethan from the clutches of evil people attempting to marry him off against his will. “Hi. I have a question.”
Then, since I’d abandoned my dignity, I got closer than I liked so I could whisper, “You can hide him in my new condo, and I’ll pretend he isn’t there, then you can smuggle him out of the kingdom to safety.”
Like Terry, the RPS agents had been trained to keep their expressions neutral in all circumstances. They exchanged looked before one replied, “We’ll keep that in mind, Miss Modesto.”
“Or you can call Montana for assistance.”
That caught their attention, and once again, they glanced at each other.
“I’m Vince,” the self-elected speaker of the pair whispered. “Should the situation escalate, we’ll ensure his wellbeing.”
“Would you like a key so you can smuggle him into my condo? I might be a refugee, but I’m not blind or dumb. That is a man who doesn’t want to get married just because some old, toupee-wearing congress wants him to get married. Like, seriously. Maybe a refugee, but really not blind or dumb.”
“We’re aware of your immigration record, Miss Modesto,” Vince replied. “Your concern is noted.”
“Would you be offended if I hid him?”
“If you have his permission, we’re not in any position to complain about what you do to him, ma’am,” Vince replied.
“I like you,” I announced before turning and marching
back to Ethan’s uncle. Then, because I’d already gotten away with so much, I said, “You should help him hide from the toupee-wearing freaks of California’s congress. You can distract them while His Royal Highness flees to safety.”
Nora locked gazes with my boss. “I like her, and I think Ethan should take her home with him.”
“She’s not an option, Nora. She’s a refugee.”
“Those old fogies will surrender at the first application of pressure at this point. I’ll go in there and teach those old farts a thing or two about how to treat young men and women.”
I hadn’t known her long, but I believed Nora would. “Since they won’t let me anywhere near the toupee-wearing fogies, would you record it when you go in and take over the kingdom? I don’t follow politics, but I’d follow politics to watch that.”
“You don’t follow politics?” my boss asked.
“No. Should I?”
“You’ll need to. I’ll adjust your schedule and see if we need to adjust the time frame of the first contract. Ideally, we’ll push through a permanent hire. You’ll need to be up-to-date on politics for when His Royal Highness needs assistance with current research matters.”
I recognized that for what it was; my parents constantly needed information about current events to know how to respond to a situation, and they’d ambush their royal researchers at all hours whenever anything important happened. Once upon a time, when I’d deluded myself into thinking I might have a chance competing with my brothers, I’d done the research for them to prove I had the intellect and wit to handle the job. I’d even kept a watch on the key situations, so I’d know what to research in advance, especially on the international level.
I knew Europe and kingdoms abroad better than most places within the Royal States.
Europe sounded nice in the face of a royal mess.
Aware I had a bounty on my head but relieved a short walk to work and keeping to myself would limit my chances of discovery, I gave in to the inevitable. If they needed me to follow politics, I’d follow politics. When my parents and their goons finally caught up with me, I’d be ready. Somewhat. “I’ll start doing some research to catch up.”
“There’s a research room with a television upstairs in the archive, so I’ll assign it to you as your office; that’ll let you track the news while you’re working on other tasks, and you can keep a cage with your baby rats in it. That’ll also let you handle them. That’s important for domesticating them, right?”
“Yes, that’s right. I’ll take turns handling them all, and it will help tame them. It’s very helpful they were taken from the wild so young. It depends on their species. Norway rats are easier to tame than roof rats. I expect they’re roof rats.”
“They could be nutria. There has been an invasion of them lately.”
“Nutria?”
“Giant rodents, a new invasive species.”
Crap. “Norway rats can get pretty big.”
Nora held her hands two feet apart, much bigger than I expected for a rat. “Nutria get to be about this big. That’s excluding the tail. They can weigh up to twenty or so pounds. Comparatively, your Norway rats weigh in at maybe half a pound each.”
“I am now praying for a roof rat. I can’t handle eight monster rats.”
“Oh, I’m sure you could, but it would be a challenge. You hand reared two Norways, so I’m sure you could handle nutrias. It’s just another option of species. California also has kangaroo rats, big eared wood rats, the occasional Australian swamp rat, and dusky-footed woodrats. Roof and Norway rats are just the most common.”
“Did you just say there are kangaroo rats here?”
“Yes. They’re one of the smallest of rat species here, and they look more like a mouse than a rat, but they are, technically, rats.” Nora pulled out a phone and showed me a photograph.
The rat was so cute I wanted to melt, find the nearest nest of them, and cuddle them for the rest of the day. “I want one. How big do they get?”
“Almost four inches long.”
Lab rats were bigger, and lab rats won prizes for being wretchedly adorable. My Norways were bigger than most lab rats, which were the domesticated, often stunted version of my babies. Long-term captivity, cage life, and lab environments hadn’t done Rattus norvegicus any favors. “Are they prone to cancer?”
“No, not like lab rats are.”
“Do exterminators catch them?”
“If they move into populated areas, yes. It happens.”
I grabbed my phone, dialed Terry’s number, and shifted my weight foot to foot.
“What’s wrong?” Terry demanded.
“Mr. Rat Guy, California has kangaroo rats, and I desperately need one.”
“You need therapy,” my RPS agent replied.
Damn. While it was true, did he have to be so blunt about it? “I will concede to that under one condition: are my new babies roof rats or Norway rats?”
“They are neither roof nor Norway rats.”
I kept bouncing, wanting to clap my hands in delight. “What are they? The pet store lady, Nora, told me California has a lot of rat species. Please tell me they aren’t nutria.”
Terry chuckled. “They’re not nutria. They would’ve been euthanized because nutria are destructive and are the size of small dogs. I got the lecture.”
“Tell me, please?”
“You got lucky, as it was a kangaroo rat nest. They’re not common in the area. The exterminator doesn’t usually see many of them here.”
I squealed. “Really?”
“Really. Any idea how long you’ll be?”
“Soon. I will make them leave. Don’t let anyone take my babies. Guard them with your life.”
“I’m going to research local therapists, and I am going to campaign for you to attend sessions.”
“Guard my babies, and I’ll even consider it.”
“Deal.” Terry hung up.
“I’m the luckiest woman alive,” I declared. “They’re kangaroo rats!”
“The cages you picked are suitable for their feet, but you’ll have to be careful with their wheels and other toys.” Nora went through my cart, looking over my selection. “These are good for your Norways, so keep those. I’ll get some things for your kangaroo rats, then we’ll get kitten supplies, and we’ll have you checked out in no time.”
True to Nora’s word, she dumped a lot of new toys and wheels into my cart, promising my new babies would be happy with them before dragging me to the kitten aisle.
Then she challenged my boss with a glare and said, “We’re going to need another cart, Hadrian.”
My boss went to the front and retrieved another cart.
Within five minutes, it overflowed with cat supplies, including several beds, two litter boxes, enough toys to promise I’d never be able to walk without stepping on one ever again, a scratching post, enough litter to last through a siege, and cases of wet food suitable for kittens. “This should do it. Let’s go see which kitten has captured His Royal Highness’s attention.”
It occurred to me I might be able to relocate His Royal Highness of California using one or two kittens with a smidgeon of help from Terry and a good distraction. Terry, the kittens, and his SUV would do the trick.
“Maybe he should get two and keep them in my new place. It can be his rebellion against the monarchy.”
“I like the way you think. Ethan, darling! Which two do you like? The lady here has agreed to allowing you to keep two of them at her home, and it’s good for your kitten to have a friend.”
Ethan crouched in front of a window, staring into a cage with six young kittens. “The black ones. Nobody likes black cats, so they won’t get adopted, right?”
“While house panthers have a harder time being adopted, they’re not hated, Ethan. They’re a good choice. They live for affection, and they’re protective of their rodent charges. They’re three months old and started keeping company with rats from the day they were born. They’ll both be sma
ll, too, so they might be able to be out with the kangaroo rats. Don’t expect your kangaroo rats to be as comfortable with handling as your Norway rats, Rachel. They’re fragile.”
“I’ll be very careful with my babies,” I promised. “What is their lifespan?”
“With your rat parenting skills, they should live up to five years. I’m surprised they were found in a building, unless the building’s floor had exposed ground. I selected the tunnels with ball ends because they’re burrowers, so this will be more comfortable for them. I can help you set up a natural habitat for them later, but this will do for now. They can bury their tunnels in bedding to make them happy. It’ll be a little more work to clean their habitat, but I expect you won’t mind that.”
I wanted to be like Nora when I got older. “You know everything, don’t you?”
“I need to know about species of animals local to us. People come in all of the time asking questions and wanting to learn how to care for wild rescues. I usually encourage them to return the animals to the wild, but I get customers like you from time to time.”
“Insane? Crazy? Willing to hand nurse baby rats because they were born and abandoned in your laundry?”
“Yes.”
“At least it’s a nice kind of crazy.”
“You’re not crazy,” Ethan said.
“Oh, you poor fool. Deluded, blind fool. You realize I have tricked you into driving me around so I can pick up my baby rats, right? Also, I need to pick up my baby rats. My rat guy is guarding them for me, and I can’t leave him there all day. I’m sure he has work to do or something. Who knows what rat guys do all day long, but I’m pretty sure it’s not stand around at a vet office waiting for a crazy chick to fetch her new pets.”
“I’ll go get the kittens. They’re girls, by the way. Same litter. One has a white spot on her belly, so you’ll be able to tell them apart.”
“The estrogen levels in my home will be alarming. Any men foolish enough to enter my domain will be surrounded.”
Ethan redirected his attention from the kittens to me. “For someone who has to be exhausted and hungry, you’re a fountain of energy and excitement.”
Cold Flame Page 15