“Vince? This entire apartment is a human rights violation,” the prince growled, sounding rather like one of the Illinois wolves.
My boss poked his head inside my apartment. “It’s about average, a little on the small side. Okay, a lot on the small size. I was actually expecting a full-sized bathroom or bedroom. It’s clean, so I can’t nail them on that, but this has to be below three hundred total square feet. There’s no way someone can be comfortable in here long term; I’m willing to bet the average hotel room is larger than this. The kitchen doesn’t even have an actual oven. And don’t you call that heat plate a proper stove, Miss Modesto!”
“It boils water sufficiently for macaroni and cheese,” I replied, fighting to keep my tone dignified rather than fall prey to my traitorous emotions, which couldn’t handle anyone actually caring about me.
I needed Terry. Terry could act like a human without unsettling me or dumping me off an emotional deep end.
“Ethan? Remember what I said about not kidnapping my employees? You can take her, but you have to pick up her rats today, find somewhere nearby to stay tonight, and steal her apartment key so we can get everything moved out of here to somewhere habitable. I’m seconding your opinion about a human rights violation, and I’ll go to bat with the refugee system over it. Don’t let her out of your sight unless she’s with a doctor or in the bathroom. Vince? Handcuff them together if needed. I’ll deal with my brother. Actually, my brother can deal with his heir’s issues on his own. Ethan, I don’t care what you do, just keep it legal and try to stay in the damned kingdom.”
“Try?” Ethan asked. At the same time, the prince held out his hand for my apartment key.
The fool that I was, I handed it over without a fight.
“I’m not a complete and total idiot. The congress has been inviting you to snap and run away for months. They’ll only have themselves to blame for overly pressuring you. The legal part requires you do not kidnap anyone unwillingly.”
“But kidnapping, by definition, is the unwilling relocation of an individual. Under duress.” Ethan eyed the rat cage. “Vince? I need you to take this cage to the SUV. Get movers here and take her stuff to the palace temporarily if needed, but I want this place cleared out by dinnertime. Uncle, what are the odds of having a condo placement available by tonight?”
“I’ll make some calls while we’re on the way to the vet and during their appointment. I’m sure I can figure something out. And if I don’t, use the family accounts to book her into a hotel. I’m sure your father would love the scandal.”
Ethan’s snort informed me the California king would not love anything about the resulting scandal.
I had bad news for Ethan and the rest of his family. Having anything to do with me was a scandal in the making, but I saw no way of preventing it from happening unless I informed them who I was and why I’d run away to California.
For the sake of my bruised, battered, and probably dying pride, I kept my secrets to myself.
“Is this really necessary?” I asked.
“Yes,” everyone answered, even the RPS agents.
The battered ruins of my pride finished shattering, and to keep from shaming the entire New York royal family, I put Snookums and Flamingo into their carrier, retrieved a carrot slice for each of them, and gave it to them for a snack until they earned their walnuts at the vet following their examination.
I could break down and cry later, silently and in the privacy of a bathroom under the cover of a shower or running bathwater.
Ten
You’re just a stalker right now
Snookums and Flamingo ate their owed carrot slice and did what rats did during the day. They snuggled into their fleece liner together and took a nap. As my phone could take pictures, I spent the drive to the vet taking pictures of them.
When we finally arrived, I’d gotten a handle on my rogue emotions. Unless someone did something reckless, like compliment me, I’d be able to get through the rest of the day without crying in front of someone. It would be a test, but failure wasn’t an option.
As promised, Terry waited at the vet, and he wore clothes similar to the lusty prince.
“This is my rat guy,” I announced, once certain he wasn’t wearing anything that readily identified him as an RPS agent.
“You took your time,” Terry replied, raising a brow.
I held up the cat carrier containing Snookums and Flamingo. “They wanted me to bring my babies in. Where are my new children?”
“In the back. Dr. Tomastani is keeping an eye on the babies for you. It’s been quiet today, so she should be able to see you without much of a wait.”
My boss shot a glare at his nephew. “Ethan, get your kittens registered and do their paperwork. Remember, you need to register them in Rachel’s name. They’re her cats, and you’re just a stalker right now. Ask for the licensing registration sheets so you can get their tags. Use the palace if they need an address for them. I’m hoping to have Rachel’s keys before dinner tonight.”
“Okay. That sounds good.” Armed with a cat carrier Nora had foisted onto him, Ethan went to the desk and put his kittens on the polished surface. It took him less than a minute to start gushing over his new babies, who were technically my babies.
Our babies would be almost as spoiled as my rats.
I took Snookums and Flamingo to the counter, and I put their carrier beside Ethan’s kittens. “I need to register these, too.”
“Same file?” the woman seated at the desk asked.
“Yes,” Ethan answered on my behalf.
“Okay, give me a moment to finish with the first two kittens. What are their names?”
“Doomsday and Armageddon,” Ethan proudly announced. “Doomsday is the one with the white spot on her stomach. They’re three months old. They’re fierce house panthers. They don’t have last names right now, but I’ll be working on that.”
“They will have the last name of their owner, sir.”
Ethan, who seemed to have forgotten he was an heir to a throne, pouted. “Modesto, then.”
I had bad news for Ethan if he stuck around; his kittens would become Ambrose kittens if my parents and their goons tracked me down. The longer I kept him company, the higher my risk of being relocated to New York became.
“And the next animals?”
I opened the carrier and pulled out Snookums and Flamingo, who squeaked because I’d woken them. “This is Snookums, and this one is Flamingo. They’re wild Norway rats, they’re two years old, and I raised them from the day they were born.” I smiled and put my babies on my shoulders, taking my time to stroke them both. “They should probably get a booster of their flu vaccine.”
“They’re wild rats? They’re very calm for non-domesticated rats.”
“They know they’re getting a walnut each as soon as we leave here, as I always, always reward them with a walnut after a trip in the carrier. They’re trained, and I domesticated them from birth.”
“When were they separated from their mother?”
“I am their mother.”
“She means their mother abandoned them at birth and she took over the job,” Ethan translated. “She takes her rat parenting duties seriously. Doomsday and Armageddon are acclimated to rats. They grew up with lab rats that needed to be familiar with cats, so they should be easy to handle in the same household, but Rachel doesn’t leave her rats out unattended.”
“Unusual. Dr. Tomastani can evaluate their temperaments and make suggestions. Please be seated. It won’t be—”
“Long,” a woman announced, and she strode into the lobby wearing a white lab coat. “I’m assuming you’re Rachel, as you’re the only client with rats scheduled in for today. Did I hear something about cats?”
Ethan, grinning like an eager schoolboy, raised his hand.
“There is no way Her Royal Majesty let you get kittens, Ethan. I know you want kittens, but she’s too allergic to have them live in the palace.”
“I’m mov
ing in with Rachel so I can visit my kittens every day.”
The vet frowned, looked Ethan over, and then she looked me over. “You’re the owner of the kittens?”
“He picked them, he named them, and I hold them hostage so he is forced to visit me. Really, it’s a hostage situation involving really cute kittens who like rats. I’m okay being cruelly used so he can have kittens. He helped me get supplies for my new babies. Are they all right? Have they been nursing? Soy baby formula? Has the mother been separated yet?”
“I was warned you would go into mothering mode, but I seem to have underestimated you despite being warned. Your babies are fine. One of them is having trouble, however. It is not uncommon to lose a rat or two in a litter, but I’ve taken steps to help her. I recommend you leave her here unless you can dedicate to hourly care.”
Hourly care would be a problem, and after considering it for a minute, I glanced at Terry before giving Vince my full attention. “Is help with hourly care of a newborn rat outside of the bounds of what on duty people like you do?”
“Arrangements can be made, Miss Modesto.”
Terry’s brows shot up, and he sat down, shook his head, and somehow refrained from making any comments.
“We can handle hourly care, even if I have to run on forty-minute naps the entire night long for however long she needs. Just show me what to do, and I’ll make sure she has the best chance of survival.”
“Excellent. Kangaroo rats are pretty delicate, so I can’t guarantee any of them will survive, but I’m concerned about the runt of the litter in particular. If she doesn’t survive, I feel it’s important to remind you it won’t be any fault of yours. In the wild, only two or three of them would make it to adulthood. The mother and the other female are not in good health. I’d prefer to keep them for a few days to get their nutrition issues resolved, although if you’re willing to do hourly care of the infants, you can handle the work for the older females. I feel I need to warn you that they are fairly aggressive and do not trust humans. You won’t be able to tame them.”
Challenge accepted. “I’ll handle their care if you’re willing to show me what to do. My boss is allowing a setup for them at work, so I don’t have to interrupt my work to care for them, and I’ll make sure they are cared for throughout the night.”
My boss sighed, and I bet he doubted his choice to indulge me and my rats.
“I was already told about your preference for formula, which is ideal for most who don’t have a better option, but I have a better option for you. I’ll provide the entire supply you’ll need as part of their vetting bill.”
“You have a better option?”
“Yes. The California medical science research institutes got together and paid for a soy-based formula better for rats, as there’s often a shortage of females in medical research labs and not enough babies, so hand raising pinkies is not uncommon. We’ve been trying to improve the numbers of female lab rats, but it’s been a challenge. We’d like to establish a breeding program to improve the situation, but it’s difficult, as most labs prefer male rats and mice.”
I’d found my newest favorite person, and I wanted to cry and hug her. “You have formula made just for my babies?”
“The formula was made for lab rats, but the difference between domesticated rats and your wild kangeroo rats isn’t significant enough to bother your pinkies. I always keep a stock because orphaned rats come through my office fairly frequently. Now, your choice of soy-based formula is a good one; it’s not perfect for rats, but it’s close enough.” The vet’s attention turned to Snookums and Flamingo. “May I handle them?”
I plucked Snookums off my shoulder, gave her nose a kiss, and handed her over. “She expects to be put on your shoulder so she can give you a kiss.”
Dr. Tomastani took Snookums and placed her on her shoulder, and she presented her cheek to my baby, who stood on her hind paws, grabbed the woman’s cheek, and offered rat kisses and nuzzles. “She’s exceptionally friendly. You’ve done great work with them. Is your other rat this friendly?”
“Flamingo is a diva who likes to groom herself, but she’ll offer kisses every now and then. She likes being handled, but she’s not as affectionate. Snookums is more outgoing. I’ve handled them the same amount, so I’m assuming Flamingo is an introvert while Snookums is an extrovert. I respect their general boundaries on affections, so I reward Flamingo for when she does show affection to reinforce her good behavior, but I don’t discipline her for not being affectionate. Snookums doesn’t need reinforcement for cuddling and views cuddling as the reward. I usually introduce Snookums first, as she’s charming. I don’t let anyone who is afraid of rats handle them, as I don’t want to teach them there are people afraid of them.”
“Wise. These rats would make excellent ambassadors for children seeing rats for the first time. Would you mind if I gave you a call about it? I’ve never seen wild Norway rats this well socialized before.”
“Sure, I don’t mind. It wasn’t hard socializing them. I just make sure I handle them every day, and I reward good behavior.” I reclaimed Snookums and cuddled with her, returning her to my shoulder and going through our kissing ritual. “I don’t care if I can get germs from kissing my rats.”
“People kiss their dogs all of the time, and don’t care if their dog just licked their ass, so I’m not going to judge. If you want to kiss your rats, that is your choice. Come with me and bring your kittens with you. You may as well bring the beggar prince along, too. Otherwise, he’ll annoy you for a play-by-play of the examination. That means everyone may as well come in, and the room will be rather cramped.”
“Hey, Mr. Rat Guy. You coming?”
“I am going to hide in the safety of the lobby and pretend you didn’t invite me into that insanity,” Terry replied.
I took that to mean Terry thought I’d be safe enough in the company of two royals and their RPS agents. I suspected he wanted to keep an eye on the doors in case anyone out for my ten million bounty showed up.
My poor life choices, which involved every single interaction with His Royal Highness of California, would really get my ass shipped back to New York and forced into a job I didn’t want, thus sharing Ethan’s current problems, and being coerced by New York’s congress into marrying someone to continue the royal line. Worse, because I hadn’t been born the right gender, they’d want someone who’d sufficiently impress other kingdoms doing the actual ruling while I served as an ornament.
I’d be expected to continue New York’s proud tradition of prejudice and excessive displays of strength.
Fighting my own kingdom every step of the way didn’t appeal. At all.
I wondered if I could truly disappear, vanishing without a trace and disappearing into the history books as an unsolved mystery. Maybe I could hide out in California, keep my door open for Ethan, and pretend we were allowed to make all the bad choices we wanted.
Maybe Terry could offer enlightenment, assuming I could get a chance to speak to him alone.
Dr. Tomastani led us to an examination room, which had enough space for four of us before the vet declared everyone else had to wait in the hall. Vince won the brief debate with the other RPS agents, which interested me.
“Would you prefer your rat guy?” Ethan asked. “We can bring him in if you’d like.”
The prince needed to stop being so kind. My peace of mind would never recover from his courtesy and base consideration of my comfort. “It’s okay. He’s probably relieved to have some time off his feet. He was raiding rat nests this morning to find me babies.”
“Let’s start with the kittens,” Dr. Tomastani said, giving the examination table a pat. “Have either of you had a cat before?”
“No,” we answered in unison.
“Since you’re already used to caring for rats, Rachel, a lot of this might bore you. While you’re their owner and general caretaker, it’ll do His Royal Highness some good having to care for someone other than himself for a change. And that
’s not a smear against you, Your Highness. Your upbringing and your parents’ allergies aren’t conducive for having pets. This is an excellent compromise, although I expect you won’t be seen much at the palace with a pair of kittens you have an open invitation to visit.”
“You’d figure a damned grown man could decide for himself if he had kittens. The palace is huge. I could’ve moved out of the royal wing and to someplace where their allergies wouldn’t have caused me so many problems.”
I sighed at the bitterness in Ethan’s voice, having worn his shoes, taken them off, and thrown them away while doing my best to burn every bridge along the way.
It hadn’t worked.
“I can understand your frustration. As patient confidentiality applies even here, unless there is a court order to reveal the address of your kittens’ home, the secret is safe with me. I will handle most communications about the pets with Rachel, which will help limit the various ways the monarchs can find out what you’re up to.” Dr. Tomastani glared at Vince. “And you’ll keep your mouth shut, and you’ll have the rest of his agents do the same. As far as you’re concerned, you should consider approaching Rachel and her pets as though they don’t exist. If you are interested in his wellbeing, that’s how you do it. You preserve her anonymity. I know how royals work, and they’re nosy on a good day. If you preserve her privacy, you preserve his.”
“We’ll take that under advisement, ma’am,” Vince replied.
“I like Vince,” I told Ethan in a false whisper.
“Strangely enough, I like him, too. It helps him be an efficient head of my detail.”
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