Before she could reply, two dorky looking guys approached us. I know that sounds mean, but dorky is by far the most accurate word in the English language to describe them. One had short hair with girl bangs. The other was wearing a yellow turtleneck.
“How are you two doing tonight?” Girl-Bangs Guy said.
I smiled. “Not bad. We’re here celebrating a friend’s birthday.”
“The big twenty-one?” Turtleneck Guy elbowed me, and I flinched.
“Not quite.” I shot McKenna an Are you kidding me? look.
“Are you from here?” Girl-Bangs Guy said.
McKenna pointed to herself and then to me. “She lives in Brooklyn, and I’m visiting from San Francisco.”
“Frisco? That’s so cool! I’ve never been to Cali,” Turtleneck Guy nodded enthusiastically.
I cringed at the double offense of Frisco and Cali in the same sentence. It took all my will power not to kick McKenna.
“We live on Staten Island,” Girl-Bangs Guy said. “We were in the city for a conference today.”
“A conference?” I wondered what kind of event would attract this pair. Maybe a comic book expo? Video games? Computing hacking?
Turtleneck Guy nodded. “Yeah, it was an all-day thing.”
McKenna took a sip of her drink. “What was it for?”
“It was a self-help conference,” Girl-Bangs Guy said with a smile.
I nearly spat out my drink. Oh God, I’m the one who needs help right now.
“It was really good,” Turtleneck Guy said. “Look at us now, talking to you two gorgeous women.” I couldn’t stop staring at his upper lip, which now glistened with beer.
McKenna smiled brightly. “Excellent. Good for you.” Then she held up her left hand. “But unfortunately I’m married, so it’s probably best if you guys chat with women who are available. Good luck to you both.”
Before they could reply, she grabbed my arm and pulled me away.
“Nice escape,” I said when we were out of earshot. “That was almost Andie-ish in its execution.”
She laughed and finished off her drink. “Let’s just say my tolerance for alcohol isn’t the only thing that has gone down since I had a baby.” I think she might have been slurring her words a bit, or maybe my ears weren’t functioning properly. However you wanted to slice it, the wine, the shots, and the mixed drinks had clearly begun to kick in.
And were about to kick our butts.
Just then, Andie reappeared. She held her arms open when she saw us. “Ladies! Ladies! Looks like you could both use another drink. Am I right? Am I right?”
McKenna and I exchanged glances and started giggling.
“Did I miss something?” Andie said.
“Nope. Just glad to see you,” I gave her a hug, and McKenna followed.
“Have I told you guys lately how much I mean to you?” McKenna slurred.
Andie laughed. “How much you mean to us?”
I hiccupped. “You know what she means.”
“This is going to be ugly,” Andie said. “You guys are way out of practice.”
I nodded and poked her shoulder with my finger. “Have I told you lately how smart you are?”
• • •
“Chop chop, ladies, time to get a move on.” Andie stood at the foot of my bed and clapped her hands.
I didn’t open my eyes. “What time is it?”
“Eleven.”
“What time did we go to sleep?”
“Four.”
“Can you come back in three hours?” I cracked open an eye. McKenna was lying comatose next to me. “I’m sure my couch is missing you.”
Andie sat on the foot of the bed. “No can do. We have a lot on the agenda today. I’m calling the shots this weekend, remember?”
I finally opened my eyes all the way and looked at the ceiling fan. “Can you please never, ever, say that word again?”
“Oh my God, I feel disgusting.” McKenna pulled a pillow over her head.
“Ditto. Now will you please go away?” I weakly waved an arm in the direction of Andie’s voice.
Andie stood up and put her hands on her hips. “OK, fine. I’m taking a shower, and when I get out, you two are getting up. Do you hear me?”
“I hate you right now,” McKenna said. “And I hate your stupid birthday powers too.”
“You two are embarrassing yourselves.” Andie stomped her feet as she walked out of my bedroom.
“I want to die,” McKenna said, her head still under the pillow. “I haven’t drunk that much since…since way before I was pregnant. Actually, have I ever drunk that much?”
I slowly sat up and held my head in my hands. “I’m dying too. I haven’t gone out on the town like that the whole time I’ve lived here.” I turned to look at her. “Did I just dream it, or did we dance on the top of a table at some point last night?”
She removed the pillow from her face and started laughing. “Oh my God. I think that really happened.”
I winced. “I didn’t make out with anyone, did I? You know my history of making out with randoms after a few drinks.”
“I don’t think so, although you were chatting up that guy in the purple vest.”
I squinted at her. “Did you just say I was chatting up a guy in a purple vest?”
“You were.”
“Why, exactly?”
“God knows. I remember chatting with some guy for a while too, but then, for some reason, I think I starting talking about breastfeeding. He bolted shortly thereafter.”
I laughed. “You brought up breastfeeding at a bar?”
She covered her face with the pillow again. “I’m never drinking again.”
I swung my legs to the floor. “Don’t tell Andie that. It will just fire her up for tonight.”
“I really hate that girl sometimes.”
I laughed. “Me too. She’s the best.”
• • •
An hour and a half later, we were finally showered, out of the apartment, and reluctantly accompanying Andie on her quest to eat at the world-famous Katz’s Delicatessen on the Lower East Side. Still dragging, McKenna and I were each nursing a huge cup of coffee from Connecticut Muffin as we emerged from the subway and entered the cavernous restaurant.
After ordering at the counter, we found an empty table and sat down to wait for our food. McKenna put her hand on her forehead and groaned. “I haven’t been this hungover since the last time I was in New York.”
“You mean when the three of us came here right before your wedding?” I said.
She nodded. “You two are bad news.”
“Hey now, it wasn’t me.” I pointed to Andie. “She’s the one who kept buying all those drinks.”
Andie pretended to hand me a platter. “Do you want some cheese with that whine? You grandmas really need to suck it up.” She unzipped her hoodie to reveal a blue Honey Tee that said BEER GOGGLES ARE THE LONELY GIRL’S CUPID.
“Did you steal that from my living room?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I was just helping reduce the clutter. You have like fifty boxes of Honey crap in there.”
“Not for long, thanks to Paige. Soon it’ll be like a real business.” I clapped my hands like a little kid.
McKenna narrowed her eyes at Andie. “How is it possible that you feel so good right now? Were you secretly drinking less than we were?”
She shook her head. “I’m dating Nick Prodromou, remember? My alcohol tolerance is at an all-time high.”
I nodded. “Ah, yes, I forgot. Nick can drink like no one’s business.” I’d gone out for drinks with Nick a few times when we were coworkers at the San Francisco Sun, and I’d always paid dearly for it the next morning. It was a good thing he was such a blast. It was the only thing that made the day-after suffering worth it.
Our number came up, and the workers behind the ancient counter handed us our pastrami sandwiches, which could more accurately be described as towering piles of meat held together by a couple of slices
of plain, un-toasted bread.
“Tell me again why we’re here?” I stared at my plate.
“This place is legendary. I can’t believe you’ve never eaten here,” Andie said. “It’s been here for more than a hundred years. Just look around.” She gestured toward the walls, which were covered with photos, old and new, of people, famous and not so famous, all tucking into towering piles of meat held together by a couple of slices of plain, un-toasted bread.
I looked back down at my plate. “This is more food than I normally eat in a week.”
“I’m going to barf.” McKenna put her face in her hands.
“You look terrible,” I said to her. “You’re really pale.”
Andie sat up straight and pushed her hair behind her ears. “Focus on what’s in front of you and eat, ladies. I promise it will make you feel better. By the way, did you know this is where they filmed that famous scene from When Harry Met Sally?”
My ears perked up. “You mean the one where Meg Ryan fakes the orgasm?”
Several people turned around, and McKenna laughed and put her hand over my mouth. “Shhh, Waverly, you’re totally yelling.”
I lowered my voice. “Oops, sorry. I’m still talking in my drunk voice.”
Andie shook her head. “You two are totally JV now. It’s really quite disappointing.”
• • •
After lunch, we debated what to do next as we strolled through the Lower East Side. Given that it was the weekend before Christmas, we’d already decided to avoid the shopping zoos of SoHo and Times Square.
“I don’t think my stomach can handle a ferry right now,” McKenna said in response to my halfhearted suggestion of a river tour.
“Actually, I have a bit of a stomachache too,” Andie said.
I poked her shoulder with my finger. “It’s no wonder. Why did you insist on eating your entire sandwich? That thing probably weighed more than you do.” McKenna and I had barely made it through half of ours before giving up.
Andie looked at me. “I couldn’t just leave it there. That would be like walking off the field in the eighty-fifth minute of the World Cup final, with the score tied.”
McKenna laughed. “You’re insane.”
“I’m a champion,” Andie said. “And wasn’t I right? Were those sandwiches not totally amazing?”
McKenna and I both nodded.
“You were right,” I said. “Very tasty.”
“Like amnesia on bread,” McKenna said. “For a few moments there, I forgot all about how sick I feel.”
Andie put a hand on her heart and took a little bow. “Of course I was right. You don’t question the master.”
I lifted my arms and one leg in Karate Kid fashion. “Got it, Mr. Miyagi.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.” She approached a card table on the sidewalk that was covered with T-shirts. “Hold up for a minute, ladies. I need to buy Nick one of these.” Nick’s trademark was his collection of T-shirts with witty sayings. The first one I ever saw him wear said EVEN AWESOME NEEDS TO SLEEP. He’d been wearing it at the office and proudly called it “a crowd favorite.”
The three of us started plowing through the pile, looking for shirts that were funny but not offensive—or at least not too offensive. It’s a fine line.
“How about this?” I held one up that said I’D RATHER BE QUILTING.
Andie gestured for me to give it to her. “I like it, hand it over.”
“Check out this one.” McKenna held up IT’S NOT A BEER BELLY, IT’S A GAS TANK FOR THE SEX MACHINE.
“He already has that one,” Andie said.
I looked at her. “You’re joking.”
She looked back at me. “Have you met Nick?”
“Good point.”
McKenna tried again. “How about this?” It said REAL MEN DON’T MANSCAPE.
Andie grabbed it out of McKenna’s hands. “I love it! I’m buying him that one too.”
The day was clear and crisp, but not nearly as cold as I’d feared. We kept walking and soon started popping in and out of funky little stores. I was grateful not to be swimming through a sea of frantic holiday shoppers. Navigating crowds of tourists was painful enough when I wasn’t hungover.
“So speaking of the T-shirt man, Andie, what is the latest?” I held open a door to a vintage clothing boutique. “You were evasive last night.”
She pushed past me into the store. “I know, I know.”
McKenna and I followed her. “Are you going to move in with him?” I asked.
She didn’t say anything.
“Well?” McKenna said.
“Well?” I echoed.
Finally Andie spoke. “Ladies…”
“Yes?”
“I think…I think I’m going to take the plunge.”
“Wow!” McKenna said. “That’s huge!”
“For real? You’re going to give up your apartment?” I said.
Andie shrugged. “I know, I know. It’s a total leap of faith, which is unlike me, but it just feels right, you know what I mean?”
McKenna, who had been with Hunter since before we could legally rent a car, smiled. “I know exactly what you mean. I’m so happy for you.”
I sifted through a rack of dresses. “I can’t believe it. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Me neither,” Andie said. “After so many years of being emotional Teflon, I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who would actually stick.”
McKenna rolled her eyes. “Please, you’re hardly emotional Teflon. You’re just…picky. That’s not a bad thing.”
Andie held up a hand. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it. I know I’m a handful. But, despite my…for lack of a better word, bitchiness, Nick makes me feel so, I don’t know, accepted, no matter how mean I am. I’m not sure what the right word is. But whatever it is, he does it.”
I walked over and hugged her. “You’re going to make me cry. And I agree with Mackie. You’re not emotional Teflon, and you’re not mean. You’re spunky and dynamic and interesting and wonderful, and I hope you know how lucky he is to have you.”
She hugged me back for a moment, and then pushed me away. “OK, enough about my stunted emotional development. So what about you? What’s going on with Jake? We haven’t talked about that yet either.”
I smiled. “I’m happy to report that Jake is great. Wonderful, in fact. He could probably even play a prince in a Disney movie.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” Andie fake-choked herself.
I laughed and started looking through the dresses again. “The only problem is that I don’t get to see him that often. Our schedules are both so busy.”
“Have you freaked out on him lately?” McKenna said.
I slowly put my hands on my hips. “You will both be proud to hear that no, I have not. I’ve made a huge effort to talk to him nearly every day, and you know how bad I am about talking on the phone.”
“Yeah, you really suck at that,” Andie said.
“I’m not one to cast stones,” McKenna said. “These days I don’t even know where my phone is half the time.”
“You have a baby, that doesn’t count,” Andie said to her.
I adjusted my ponytail. “So anyhow, I’ve been making a big effort to include him in everything that’s been going on with me, the good and the bad. And guess what? I’ve even shared a big secret with him.”
As soon as I said that last part, I wanted to cover my mouth.
Shut up, Waverly!
Andie’s ears perked up. “A big secret? Do tell.”
I hesitated.
“Well?” she said.
“I…I really shouldn’t, I’m sorry,” I said.
What is wrong with you, Waverly?
“You’re keeping a secret from us? For real?” Andie looked from me to McKenna, who put her hands up as if to say I don’t want to get involved.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Andie. I can’t. I shouldn’t have mentioned
it.”
She looked a bit hurt, which surprised me. Didn’t she have any secrets that were just between her and Nick?
I decided to change the subject. “Anyhow, speaking of Jake, I have some big news.”
Their eyes immediately darted to my left hand.
I laughed. “Not that.”
“Well, what then?” McKenna said.
“He invited me to spend Christmas with his family.”
“No way!” Andie pushed my arm. “That’s huge.”
“I know. Can you believe it? I’m totally nervous.”
“Congratulations. That’s a major milestone in the relationship department,” McKenna said.
I bit my lip. “Tell me about it. Like I don’t already have enough on my mind right now.”
“What do you mean?” Andie said.
Before I could reply, I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
“Excuse me, are you Waverly from Love, Wendy?”
I turned and saw two women in their early twenties smiling at me. One wore a baseball hat, the other a high bun. I smiled back and hoped they hadn’t overheard our conversation.
“Hi, um, yes, that’s me.”
“We love that show!” Hat Girl playfully clapped her hands as High-Bun Girl whipped out her phone.
“Can we take a picture with you?” High-Bun Girl asked.
“Um, sure,” Ugh. I wish I’d bothered to put on makeup, because I knew that picture was totally going on Facebook for the whole world to see. Where was Tanya and her magic toolbox when I needed her?
“I’ll take it!” Andie put out her hand. “So you like watching Love, Wendy?”
“We love it,” Hat Girl said as she handed over the phone. “We watch it all the time at our sorority house. We go to Rutgers.”
“What house are you in?” I asked.
“Delta Gamma,” High-Bun Girl said.
“Waverly was a Delta Gamma,” Andie said. “Did you know that?”
Both girls looked at me. “You were?” they asked in unison.
I nodded. “At Cal Berkeley. She was too.” I pointed to McKenna.
“That’s so cool!” Hat Girl said.
“So speaking of Honey on Your Mind, can you tell that Waverly has a Delta Gamma-style hangover on her mind right now?” Andie said.
“Andie!” I gasped as McKenna covered her mouth and cracked up.
Honey on Your Mind Page 14