by Linda Warren
In the kitchen, Falcon, Quincy and Egan were having coffee with their mother.
“So you’re waiting till the birth to find out the sex of the baby?” his mother asked Egan.
“Yeah. I just would rather do that and Rachel agreed with me. Although she was very tempted to find out.”
Jericho was right. Jude poured a cup and joined them at the table.
“I guess you’re going to the funeral.” His mother looked at him.
“Yes. I have to see her to test the waters, so to speak. At this point, I’m not sure how much I’ll tell her. It depends on how much she wants to hear. I’ll play it by ear and hope I make the right decision.”
“You will, son,” his mother assured him.
Egan twisted his cup. “I stopped by to tell you Rachel’s going to the funeral.”
Jude started at that news. “Why? I don’t remember them being all that close in high school.”
“Jude, it’s a small school and we all know each other.”
“I guess.”
“Besides, Angie Hollister is Horseshoe’s one-woman welcoming-and-funeral committee. And Rachel’s her best friend. They thought it would be nice if someone from the town showed up. And don’t worry—Rachel’s not going to say anything. She’s rather fond of Zane and, trust me, she’s going to make sure no one hurts him.”
Jude got to his feet. “Is Rachel still picking up Zane for school?” Rachel taught art and she and Egan lived down the road in a house they’d fixed up, so it was ideal for Rachel to give Zane a ride.
“She’ll be here any minute,” Egan said. “She notified the principal last night she was taking an hour off.”
“I better go, then. Zane wants me to drop off the entry form and fee for the race.”
“You haven’t had breakfast,” his mother reminded him.
“I couldn’t eat a thing, Mom. I’ll catch y’all later.”
As he drove into town, Zane’s words kept running through his mind. Did you love my mama like Uncle Quincy loves Aunt Jenny? Oh, yes, he’d loved Paige with all his heart. They’d been two teenagers who’d desperately needed someone to love. Someone to listen. Someone to care.
Paige’s mother had been an awful person. He couldn’t believe any mother could be so vile. She’d told Paige repeatedly that she was ugly and worthless and would never amount to anything. Every chance the woman got, she’d driven home that point to make Paige feel as low as she could. She’d shredded Paige’s confidence until Paige was a walking case of nerves. Sometimes she’d break out in hives just from the stress.
Looking back, he realized there’d been so many options open to them other than listening to Mrs. Carstairs, but at the time they hadn’t seen them. Jude could’ve gone to his mother and she would’ve been happy to help them. But talking was not Jude’s strong suit. He almost would have rather died than tell his mother how he’d screwed up. He was to blame for everything that had happened and he fully carried that blame on his shoulders. If he had spoken up, things would’ve been different. But he hadn’t known how Paige would’ve reacted if he’d asked her to marry him and give up her dream. He couldn’t do that, pressure her to stay in a town that held so many bad memories. She deserved to fulfill her dream more than anyone he’d ever known. He’d made sure she did. Whatever had happened in the intervening years, he hoped with all his heart she was happy and had a full life.
He drove toward the Horseshoe cemetery, ready to face his past.
*
THE APRIL WIND howled through the tall cedars of Horseshoe’s country cemetery. Paige shivered and reached for Staci’s hand. The ominous sound was a fitting lullaby for a woman who had been troubled most of her life. The noise would carry on into the hereafter.
They didn’t shed tears. There were too many teardrops on their souls to pretend any grief now. Sadness, yes. Paige was sure it showed on their solemn faces as they said goodbye to a mother they’d never understood.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a silver SUV pull into the cemetery driveway. Angie Wiznowski and Rachel Hollister got out. They were older, but Paige recognized them, girls she had gone to high school with. Rachel was as beautiful as ever with her blond hair and blue eyes. She was pregnant. A pain shot through Paige but she quickly disguised it. Angie had changed the most. She’d always been sweet and nice but she was positively glowing. What were they doing here?
More cars turned into the cemetery. Angie’s mom and Angie’s sisters and brother had come. The sheriff and his wife arrived, as did Hardy Hollister, the DA, and Judge Hollister. Mrs. Peabody and the older ladies of the town came. Some of Paige’s teachers also came. Some of Staci’s and Luke’s friends showed up. The people of Horseshoe offered their condolences and Paige was overwhelmed with a nostalgic feeling for a town she’d left behind.
As everyone stood around the grave site, the man from the funeral home read some verses from the Bible and the casket was lowered into the ground. A turbulent life was over.
Angie hugged her. “We’re so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” she managed.
Rachel hugged her, too. “It’s so good to see you and you look absolutely wonderful. I guess the California good life agrees with you.”
Paige didn’t know how to answer. If they only knew. But they never would, because Paige would never open up with all the heartache and pain she’d suffered in the past years.
After everyone had left, Angie and Rachel lingered and they talked about Horseshoe and things that had happened while Paige had been gone. Angie was married to Hardy Hollister, Rachel’s brother, which Paige had guessed by the way Hardy had hugged Angie. They had two children. Rachel had married Egan, Jude’s older brother. That caught Paige’s attention. She’d never known Rachel liked the Rebel boys. She seemed happy, as did Angie. Paige would never have that kind of happiness. She had destroyed her one chance at love.
“We have company,” Rachel said as a pickup pulled up behind the SUV.
Angie hugged her one more time. “Come by the bakery before you leave and we can catch up on old times and hear about your amazing career.” Angie’s family owned the local bakery, a favorite hangout and the busiest place in town.
Paige didn’t say anything, because she didn’t plan on taking Angie up on her offer. She wouldn’t talk about her life to anyone. She’d opened up last night to Staci and Luke because she had to tell them. She couldn’t keep lying and holding everything inside. As family members who had been through hell with her, they understood. But the people of Horseshoe wouldn’t, even friends like Angie and Rachel.
They walked away and Paige stared at the man getting out of the truck. Her breath caught and her body trembled as she stared at the boy who was now a man. The boy she’d loved more than anyone in her life.
He walked toward them with long strides. He’d changed, was her first thought. The skinny boy had filled out and his shoulders were wide and muscled. But his beautiful face, carved with the touch of an angel, was the same: dark eyes flanked by incredible eyelashes and lean structured facial bones that bespoke pure masculinity. He’d been a cowboy then and she was delighted to see he was still in boots, a Stetson and snug Wranglers. From out of nowhere a memory flashed through her mind of a lazy afternoon and her unzipping them. She was suddenly warm all over.
Luke met him and they shook hands. Paige couldn’t hear what they were saying, but soon Jude walked toward her.
She said the first thing that came into her head. “Hey, Jude.” It was the title of an old Beatles song that had been their favorite back then. They’d played it over and over just to sing “Hey, Jude.”
He didn’t smile, and a foreboding feeling came over her. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
“Th-thank y-you.” She stumbled over the words like a teenager. “I was going to call before I left town.”
“Could we go somewhere and talk?” He looked around at the tombstones and graves nestled among stately cedars. “Someplace besides here?”
“They redid the park that’s two blocks from your old house. It’s nice and we could meet there.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in about thirty minutes.”
He nodded and strolled back toward his truck.
They were cordial and polite like strangers, but they had been so much more.
“What did he want?” Staci asked.
“Just to talk.”
“You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” Luke told her. “It might be best to let it go.”
“I can’t. I have to know if he thinks about our child all the time…like…I do.”
“Oh, Paige.” She didn’t even know she was shaking until Staci put her arms around her.
“I didn’t think it would be this hard to see him.” She brushed away an errant tear. “He didn’t even smile when I said, ‘Hey, Jude.’ It was our favorite song.”
“Do you still love him?”
She didn’t know, but she knew what the nausea was about. Jude. Seeing him again. And having to talk about that time and what they’d done. They had to drag out all the dirty laundry to see if it could be cleansed or if the stains of life’s mistakes would haunt her forever.
Chapter Four
Jude parked at the curb of the new Horseshoe Park and made his way to where he saw Paige sitting at a picnic table. The brightly colored swings and slides and the new water park faded from his mind as he focused on the woman waiting for him.
The first thing he’d noticed at the cemetery was that she’d lost a lot of weight. Away from her criticizing mother, she must’ve stopped the binge junk-eating. She was now slim and her hair was more blond than brown. It suited her. Her face still held that same sweet innocence that had first attracted him to her. But now there was a maturity about her that was just as attractive.
Never Never Land never looked so good.
She got up and ran to him, then wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. The scent of lilac soap wafted to him. He froze, which was more the reaction of the teenage boy he used to be. But the man in him recognized all those old feelings that had bound him to her years ago. Maybe some things just never changed.
When he didn’t return the hug, she went back to the table and he eased onto the bench across from her, removing his hat. The wind rustled through the tall oaks and he took a moment to gather his thoughts. It was like gathering bits and pieces from his past to guide him. What should he say? What should he do?
“You look good,” she said. “You filled out. The teenage boy I used to date doesn’t seem to exist anymore.”
“He grew up, and so have you. I hardly recognized you at the cemetery. The young girl of long ago has matured into a beautiful woman.”
“Thank you.” She tilted her head slightly to smile at him and his heart raced like a wild mustang’s at the look he remembered well. “You were always good for my ego.”
He didn’t shift or act nervous. He couldn’t do that now. He had to be the man he was supposed to be. For Zane. And for himself.
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
She shrugged. “Thanks. She’s at peace now.”
“So you’ve forgiven her for all the crappy stuff?”
“It’s hard to hold on to all that bitterness. After Staci put her in the mental hospital, we found out her erratic behavior was because of the injuries to her head and spine in the accident that killed my grandparents. Alcohol only made it worse.”
“I knew there had to be a reason for the way she acted.” They were getting bogged down in ordinary conversation when he wanted to talk about something else entirely. “How’s California?”
“Great. I’m busy, so I don’t get to see a lot of it. But I’ve enjoyed my stay there.”
“I’m glad you had the chance to make your dream come true.” He really meant that with all his heart. But a small part of him wanted her to love him enough to have stayed and raised their son together.
“Do you still work on the ranch?” she asked quickly, as if she wanted to change the subject.
“Yes. I’ll always be a cowboy.”
She fiddled with her hands in her lap. “I heard you have a son.” Her eyes caught his and all the guilt hit him, blindsiding him.
“Yes.” Our son. The one you gave away.
She looked off to the tall oaks and the branches swaying in the breeze. “Do…do…you ever think about our child?”
His stomach roiled with a familiar ache. “Every day.” He didn’t try to avoid the subject, because he knew they’d have to discuss it thoroughly.
“I think about the baby all the time. I can’t seem to shake all those guilty feelings and…and I think we made a mistake.”
His gut tensed. “Why do you say that? We talked about it a lot and you said you could handle the feelings. You said the fact that our child would have a good home would be enough for you. What made you change your mind?”
She placed a hand over her heart. “I just have this need to know if I have a son or a daughter. We should have asked. We should have held our child. As a young girl, I was arrogantly boastful that I could handle all those emotions and all those feelings. I was wrong. It almost destroyed me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cried all the way to California and I cried for days afterward. I couldn’t get over it. But that’s in the past.” She waved a hand to dismiss it. “I wanted to talk to you because I was hoping you felt the same and would want to know if we had a son or a daughter. Would you be willing to go with me to talk to Mrs. Carstairs? Maybe she would tell us if we both went.”
“Paige…”
“I know you have a different life now and I don’t want to interfere with that. But I have to know. Do you understand that?”
He didn’t understand anything and he certainly hadn’t expected this from her at this late date. He hadn’t expected any guilty feelings from the woman whose career meant everything to her and who’d been positive she could handle the emotions. He searched for words to tell her the truth but they stuck in his throat like a wad of cotton.
“If both of us went, she might tell us if the baby was a boy or girl. We’re not asking for our child back, just information. I’d really like to know if our child is happy. Don’t you want to know these things?”
We have a son and he’s with me. I’ve had him since the day after he was born. Simple words. Painful words. All he had to do was say them and it would ease her mind. He took a deep breath and tried to force the words out. Before he could, his cell buzzed. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out and saw it was Zane’s school. He clicked the call on immediately.
“Excuse me,” he said to Paige and got to his feet.
“Mr. Rebel, this is Sharon Thompson, Principal Bowers’s secretary.”
“Is there a problem?”
“We had an incident at school this morning and the principal would like for you to come in as soon as you can.”
“Is my son okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
He shoved his phone back into his pocket and then picked up his hat. “I’m sorry—I have to go. Can we meet later?”
“I’m staying for two weeks. We’re going to clean out our old house and put it on the market. You can catch me over there. Here’s my cell number.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.” He marched off without a backward glance, worried about his son. What had happened? Zane was never in trouble.
Jude made it to the school in record time. The school was shaped like a horseshoe. The administration office was in the center, with grades one through six on the left and grades seven through twelve on the right. The gym and cafeteria were in the back. The Horseshoe school system had always been in one spot, but the school was bursting at the seams because the town’s population was growing. Soon they would have to have portable buildings to house some of the students.
/> He went through the double doors into the school. The principal’s office was straight ahead and he hurried there. The halls were empty and the big clock on the wall said it was only five after ten.
“Jude.”
He turned to see Annabel coming toward him in a spring dress and heels. She was beautiful, patient and loving. Everything he wanted in a woman. He wasn’t sure why he held back on taking their relationship further.
“Where’s Zane?”
She nodded at a door. “He’s in there with Rachel. She’s taking care of him.”
“Taking care of him? What happened?” Fear edged its way up his spine and his nerves tightened.
Annabel touched his arm. “Calm down. Zane is fine.”
Her touch had a calming effect. He took a long breath. “What happened?”
“After first class, the kids went to their lockers to get ready for second period. Dudley McCray was bragging about how fast his horse was and how he was going to win the Founder’s Day Horse Race. Zane told him he had a fast horse, too, and he just might win. Dudley got mad and said no egghead Rebel was beating him. He then pushed Zane and Zane fell backward onto the floor, his books going everywhere. The kids rushed to help him, but he got to his feet, saying Dudley was upset because he was afraid Zane was going to beat him. Dudley told him he wasn’t afraid of any egghead Rebel. Zane replied that only idiots weren’t afraid. That really got Dudley angry and he went after Zane, but the hall monitor was there and several teachers kept him from hitting Zane again.”
“Zane’s not hurt?”
“No, he was very calm. I have to get back to class. I’ll talk to you later.” She gave him a smile and walked off down the hall. He watched her for a moment, thinking she could be his future, but he was tied to the past with a boulder around his neck pulling him down. Why he kept holding on, he wasn’t quite sure. But the days ahead would provide closure or more heartache.
He opened the classroom door and went inside. Zane was sitting in a class chair and a very pregnant Rachel was stroking his hair as if to soothe him, and his son was eating it up.
“Hey, Dad.” Zane jumped to his feet when he saw Jude.