by Linda Warren
“He hasn’t eaten supper here all week and I miss him.”
Me, too. But he didn’t say that to his mom. He didn’t want her to know he was concerned about the future.
“He’s getting to know his mom and I want that to happen. I’m stepping back so it can.”
His mom patted his shoulder. “You were always too nice for your own good.”
Before Jude could find a response, Quincy came in. “I thought Zane would be here. I haven’t seen my partner all week.”
“He’s with his mom,” Jude said.
“Do you want something to eat?” his mom asked Quincy.
“No, Mom, thanks. Jenny will be home soon.” He took a chair across from Jude. “How do you feel about all this?”
Jude took a big swallow of tea and pushed his plate away. “I just told Mom that I want Zane to get to know his mother. Now I’m going to work on a saddle for a while.” He was out the door before they could say another word. He wasn’t answering any more questions. It was his life and this time he wasn’t asking anyone for advice. He was going solo.
He turned on the lights in the shop and sat in his chair, the scent of leather filling his senses. He’d started the tree, which was the seat of the saddle, and also cut the leather for the saddle horn. All he had to do was shape it and glue it to the tree. But he had no desire to get started. His thoughts were on his son. And Paige.
The past week he had felt left out. Paige never asked him to come when he got off work. She never asked him to do anything with them. And he understood that. But he couldn’t deny that feeling of loneliness that was taking root in his soul again. Soon they had to talk and he dreaded that. It was his least favorite thing.
The door opened and Zane burst in. “Hey, Dad.”
“Hey.” His whole world lit up at the sight of his son. “Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah. Why are you still working?” His son answered too quickly and he didn’t look at Jude.
“Because I have a saddle to finish.”
Zane looked at the tree and then at him. “But you haven’t done anything. It was like that days ago.”
Jude stretched his shoulders. “I guess I am a little tired.” Now he was lying to his son.
Zane strolled over to the black saddle and touched it. “Did Grandpa really use this saddle?”
“Yes, he did.”
“Are you going to keep it forever?”
Zane was always full of questions and tonight Jude was just too tired to answer. Zane continued to walk around the room touching things. Something was different. His son wasn’t happy, as he usually was when he returned from seeing his mother.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Zane replied quickly again, and picked up an overstitch spacer tool and studied it.
Jude watched him for a moment and then asked again, “What’s wrong, son?”
Zane made his way to Jude’s desk and sat on it, facing Jude. “It’s nothing, really, but Mama is going back to California soon.”
Fury slammed into his stomach unexpectedly. He’d been dreading this moment. Ever since Paige had returned, he’d been wondering when she’d leave. For he knew beyond a doubt that she would.
“How do you know this?”
“She got a phone call and she seemed upset and I asked her what was wrong. She said her time here was up and she would have to return to California soon.”
“How did that make you feel?”
Zane shrugged. “I’m fine, Dad.”
But he wasn’t. Jude could see that. “When is she leaving?”
Zane shrugged again. “I don’t know.”
“You didn’t ask?”
“No, Dad, I didn’t ask. I’m cool with it. Really. She gave up so much to become a doctor and now she has to finish it. I understand that. I’ll see her again.”
Jude didn’t get it. She should have told him before she told Zane. That was what made him angry. He got to his feet. “It’s getting late. We better go to the house.”
“But it’s Saturday tomorrow and we can sleep late.”
Jude ruffled his son’s hair. “Since when? We still have hay to get off the ground tomorrow and I’ll be up before the sun.”
Zane jumped off the desk. “I can help. Uncle Elias said he was going to teach me to be tough.”
“Oh, really.” They went through the door and Jude closed it.
“Can I ride piggyback, Dad?”
That threw Jude. Zane was acting insecure, needing to be close to Jude. That meant he was upset and acting much younger than he was. He was always telling everyone how big he was, but tonight he needed his dad.
Jude squatted and Zane climbed on and they made their way to the house. “How is Elias going to make you tough?”
“He said if I could pick up a bale of hay, I would get big muscles.”
“You want big muscles?”
“Well, at the time I thought if I got stronger, the McCrays wouldn’t pick on me anymore. But lately they’ve left me alone.”
“Has Dudley said anything to you?”
“No, except one day I met him as I was going into my English class and he saw I wasn’t on crutches anymore. I told him I was all healed and he nodded and walked away. He didn’t say a word. I mean, I was the one who was whupped like an old coon dog who won’t hunt. He could have said something.”
His son was listening too much to Grandpa. Then, Jude had, too, at that age, even though Grandpa’s stories and sayings were 99 percent fiction and 1 percent truth. All the Rebel boys had grown up with those stories and Jude wouldn’t change a thing about it.
“There are a lot of McCrays, Dad. And there’s only one Rebel. That’s me. We need more Rebels in school.”
“Baby John will be in school by the time you graduate.”
“Yeah, I guess it’s just me for now.”
A quarter moon hung high in the sky and the darkness of the night surrounded them as Jude made his way to the house. Crickets chirped a song he knew well and horses neighed in the pasture. All familiar sounds. Home. Jude never wanted to leave.
Zane rested his head next to Jude’s and an all-powerful protective force filled Jude. He never wanted anyone to hurt his son again. He was still steaming that Paige had told Zane before she had told him. Surely she understood that Zane would be upset.
“Dad, I have a tiny scar on my forehead where you have a scar. In the exact same spot. And both wounds were inflicted by a McCray. Did it hurt when you were shot?”
“I don’t remember, son. It was a long time ago.” Jude was reeling too hard from his anger toward Paige to even think about that time. “Why are you asking about it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t understand why people can’t live in peace.”
Zane had said this several times and it genuinely bothered him when people fought. He was probably thinking about his parents fighting because there were going to be fireworks when he saw Paige. This time he wouldn’t be silent.
Zane was quiet the rest of the way to the house, and once inside, his grandma had banana pudding waiting and he sat down and ate a bowlful. After that, Jude made him go to bed with a promise that he could help with the hay hauling tomorrow. After his son was sound asleep, he slipped downstairs and told his mom he was going out for a while in case Zane woke up. But he never did. He usually slept soundly.
Jude got in his truck and headed toward Paige’s. Tonight he wouldn’t accept any evasive answers. She was telling him exactly what she had planned and he would tell her if she could continue to see Zane or not. He hated that it had come to this. But she owed them more than a goodbye. A hell of a lot more.
*
JUDE DROVE INTO the driveway and noticed that the garage door was down but lights were on in the house. He walked to the front door and knocked. And waited. Frustrated, he knocked again.
“Paige, it’s Jude,” he called through the door.
“Just a minute!” she shouted back.
In a second the d
oor opened and she stood there in nothing but a towel. She was drying her hair with another towel. The sight of her clean, smooth skin knocked all his rage sideways. But he recovered quickly.
He brushed past her into the kitchen, where the light was on, and turned to face her. “I trusted you not to hurt him.”
“What?” She stopped drying her hair. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Zane. He’s upset.”
“About what? He was fine when I dropped him off at the house.”
“You don’t get it, do you? You just can’t do that to a child.”
Her eyes clouded with concern. “You’ll have to explain what you’re talking about.”
“You told him you’re leaving.”
“Yes, and we talked about it. He seemed fine. Are you saying he’s upset because I’m leaving?”
“Yes. He says he’s not, but I know my kid and he’s pushing down all his feelings again. How could you do that to him? And how could you tell him before me? At least I could have been ready for the fallout.”
She headed toward the hall. “I have to see him.”
He caught her arm and wished he hadn’t. Her smooth, satiny skin defused everything inside him but his need for her. With strength he didn’t know he possessed, he removed his hand.
“No. I will take care of Zane and you will explain to me your plans and how you could hurt him like this. I don’t want any evasive answers. I want to know your plans for the future concerning Zane.”
“Okay.” She tensed, her green eyes stormy. “Dr. Spencer called while Zane was here and explained my allotted time was up and I needed to return. I told her I would be in California on Monday. Zane asked me what was wrong because I was a little upset when I got off the phone. I told him that I had to go back for a couple of days to pack my things and explain to Dr. Spencer and the staff that I would be leaving. I promised him I would be back as soon as I could. Hopefully, not more than two days.”
“What?” Jude was completely thrown and at a loss for words. “You’re quitting at this stage?”
“I’m not spending any more time away from my son. Time is too valuable and I’ve missed too much. My career doesn’t mean anything without him.”
“You can’t just give it up after all the work and the heartache.”
“I don’t plan on giving it up. I can finish later or work something out. I have to talk to Dr. Spencer first to see what my future holds. But I know one thing for certain—my son comes first this time.”
What about me? She always conveniently left him out.
“I either misunderstood Zane or…”
“Leaped to the wrong conclusion,” she finished for him. “Do you think that badly of me?”
“I’m not thinking at all, it seems, just reacting.”
She moved closer to him. “Jude, let’s get it right this time. I think you know how I feel about you. After all these years, how do you feel about me?”
He looked into her green eyes and saw everything he’d ever wanted, but the doubts still lingered. But this time he had to speak up. He had to say what he was feeling and he had to say what he wanted. And he was adult enough now to handle her answer.
When he remained silent, she asked, “Are you still involved with the teacher?”
“No. That was nothing. Our interest was Zane and that was it. Even if you hadn’t come back, it probably would have fizzled out.”
“Why?”
Words crowded his throat and he had to say them. He’d never dreamed it would be this hard.
“Why, Jude?”
He cleared his throat. “Because there’s only one girl for me. And always will be.” He reached out and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I love you.”
“Oh, Jude. I’ve never stopped loving you, either. What are we going to do about it?”
He took her hand and held it, wanting to get it right. Years ago he’d gotten it so wrong, but now he wanted it to be perfect. “Will you marry me?”
Both hands covered her mouth and she started to cry. “Oh, oh…”
“Paige…”
She threw herself into his arms then and he held her so tight he could feel her heart beating against his. “Yes, yes, yes!”
His lips found hers and they got lost together in the magic of love, of finding each other again and enjoying all its rewards. When he could breathe again, he took her hand and led her to the bedroom.
He cradled her face in his hands. “I’m so glad that there’s always this. Perfect. Harmony. Together.” He punctuated each word with a kiss and then slowly removed the towel. They fell onto the bed, both laughing, both happy, both enjoying the maturity that the years had brought.
Jude pulled the teddy bear from beneath him. “You don’t need this anymore.”
“No. I now have the real thing.”
*
A LONG TIME later Paige woke up in Jude’s arms, and even though the sun wasn’t out, it was shining bright in her heart. This time they connected on a level they both understood and she would never let this man down again. She would love him for the rest of her life.
He stirred and they shared a long kiss. “I don’t like the thought of being away from you,” he said. “Not even for a couple of days.”
“Then come with me to California.”
He stroked her tangled hair from her face. “I was thinking the same thing. I don’t want you to stop the residency. I want you to finish it. I haven’t had a vacation in years. I’ve taken Zane to NASA several times and to SeaWorld and Schlitterbahn. He has about two and a half weeks’ more of school and I think if I talk to his teachers, they will just go ahead and pass him because his grades are so good.”
“What are you saying?”
“Zane and I are going to California with you and stay until you finish your residency.”
She buried her face in his neck, breathing in the scent of him, the essence of everything that was Jude. Her heart was so full she could barely talk. “You said you would never leave Rebel Ranch.”
“I’m not leaving it forever. I’m taking a long vacation to be with a woman I love because I can’t stand to be away from her anymore.”
She raised her head to look into his eyes. Even though she couldn’t see them in the darkened room, she could feel them. She could feel everything about him. Laying her head on his chest, she sighed with contentment and listened to his heartbeat.
Forgiving herself had come slowly, like a gentle rain of tears on her broken soul, seeping into the crevices and gradually reaching her frozen heart, nourishing and bathing it with renewed warmth until all the guilt and heartache was gone. She could now accept life for what it was and for what it had been. All because this wonderful man had given her back her life.
“Hey, Jude, I love you.”
Epilogue
Three months later…
When the plane touched down in Austin, Texas, there were three happy Rebels on it. Jude was happier than he’d ever been, and the smiles on his wife’s and son’s faces reflected that feeling. They’d had a private bonding time and they’d become a family.
They had gotten married quickly, three days after Jude had proposed. Staci had wanted to handle the wedding and they’d let her. They were married by a minister in the hotel and the reception was there, too. It was small and private ceremony with just the family. And then they flew away on an adventure of a lifetime.
At first, Jude felt like a fish out of water in the city atmosphere. But he soon adjusted as he and Zane explored Berkeley, San Francisco, Oakland, San Diego and small towns along the Pacific coast. They went sailing, snorkeling and swimming and enjoyed the beach. Jude wore flip-flops and shorts and his whole body was getting tanned, as was Zane’s. He also loved the cooler temperatures, but he wasn’t crazy about the fog. When Paige had a couple of days off, they took trips to Disneyland and Hollywood. It was a vacation every day. And every day was perfect because they were together.
They lived in
Ms. Whitman’s house because she wasn’t expecting new tenants until September. They had the run of the place because the lady had gone to visit her son and his family in Seattle. Jude liked the woman and he also liked Thea. They both were very warm and loving women and Jude was grateful that they had been there for Paige.
Even though they enjoyed sightseeing and exploring new places, their favorite time was when they went to the hospital with Paige. Zane loved going with his mother on rounds and just being in the atmosphere. Jude felt there would probably be another doctor in the family one day.
But Jude missed home. He missed the wide-open spaces, dirt beneath his feet and being on a horse. As long as he could wake up with Paige beside him and go to sleep with his arms around her, everything evened out.
While they’d been gone, a new Rebel had been born into the family. Egan and Rachel’s baby son was now a week old and they couldn’t wait to see him. His name was Justin.
Today was Zane’s birthday and they’d made it home just in time. Their thirteen-year-old son ran ahead of them through the airport to the luggage carousel. Quincy and Jenny were picking them up. Jenny was now pregnant and there would be another Rebel in the family come March. Zane spotted them first and ran and jumped into Quincy’s arms as if he was five years old. He’d missed his uncle.
“Hey, partner, happy birthday,” Quincy said, still hugging his nephew. “I think you’ve grown a foot.”
“Yeah. I’m getting tall like Dad.”
Everyone hugged and then they started the trip home. Zane talked nonstop all the way about California and his mom and her job. Jude thought he might have to put a gag in his mouth, but it was nice to see his son so happy.
When they turned onto Rebel Road, Jude felt a lightness in his chest, and when he saw the cattle guard and the ranch, that sensation gave way to joy. He reached for Paige’s hand. He was home. They were home. And it had never felt so good.
They’d talked about where they would live, but to Zane there was only one place to live. With Grandma. That was home to him. Jude wasn’t going to get past living with his mother, but one day he wanted them to have their own home.