Frantic, I called Dr. Brown as I struggled to dial the numbers correctly.
"Hello," Dr. Brown said, half out of breath.
"Dr. Brown. It's....."
"Amelia, of course. I know who this is," he said in a mildly irritated tone.
"Sorry to bother you, but this email, what is going on? I mean, how...."
"Listen, you have caught me in the middle of something, but here's the thing. You know the new girl, Betty, that we hired for temp work in the office?"
"Yes, of course," I replied.
"Well, it seems she didn't send your licensure renewal out. Don't worry. I fired her ass," he snarled.
My heart raced. I would die without work. The thought of hours being at home alone and time to think utterly terrified me.
"So, what do we do? I mean, how long?" I asked, forcing my breaths, trying not to spiral into a full-blown panic.
"Donna is working on it, but it will be around five to seven days before we can fix this."
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked, feeling a wave of anxiety wash over me.
"Amelia, it pains me to say it because you are the best colleague, but I suggest you go on a vacation." To me, to hear the word vacation was a nightmare.
"Listen, got to go, Amelia. Donna will get it worked out," he said before hurriedly hanging up the phone.
“Grandma May!” I exclaimed. If you had something to do with this? I reached for the letter and slowly opened it as I tried to calm down.
The letter was from an estate attorney.
“Dear Ms. Amelia Smith,
Please contact our firm as soon as possible regarding the property of Patrick Smith and Jennifer A. Smith. You have thirty days to respond, or the property of Patrick Smith and Jennifer A. Smith, consisting of approximately seven acres and a two-story home will be sold at auction.”
The letter fell to the floor. My hands shook. Mama. Oh my God, Mama! Could she really be dead? I felt somehow responsible. I should have made her come back with me and not have taken no for an answer. But, deep down, I knew Mama would never have left there and would never have left Roy. The past seemed to have a hold on Mama like a crippling disease.
Grandma May used to say, "Jenny, you can't run from your pain child, things happen to all of us. We either look them right in the eye, or we run, but either way, in the end, your past will always find you." Mama couldn't face her past. She couldn't face the fact that her daddy, too, had favored the liquor. Mama just couldn't forgive and move on.
As a teenager, Mama saw Daddy, a handsome and popular football player with a job at the local factory and thought of him as her ticket out. Mama and Daddy had married early. Mama was only sixteen, and Daddy was only nineteen when they married. Mama had given birth to me during her junior year of high school. Mama was still a kid, not for sure how to care for herself, let alone a baby. Daddy wasn’t ready to be a father either and stayed away from home a lot when I was a baby. He would stay out until late at night running cards and chasing women. I suppose it got too much for Mama, and she started taking pills to numb the pain.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I began to sob. First Jordy! Now Mama! I felt responsible for not rescuing Mama. I had helped tons of patients, but somehow I could not save my own family! I was angry at myself. I was selfish, I thought. I always figured I would have more time to get to know this stranger whom I called Mama. I had planned to call her after Daddy's funeral, but days turned to weeks, and weeks into months and months into years. She was gone and now all I had left was a faded picture of Mama holding Jordy and me on her lap. Who cares, I told myself. Let it go! Let it all go! Everything terrible that had ever happened to me happened there. That place was cursed! Our whole family was cursed! Why couldn't just one of us break free? I took the letter and angrily wadded it up, throwing it in the trash can. That's what I think of your thirty days, Jackson Roderick! Take that place and burn it down to the ground. You would be doing me a favor. I said to myself in a volatile mix of tears and anger. I felt weak. I sat on the floor, sobbing.
After what seemed like hours, I made my way to the bathroom. I put on a robe and gazed at the stranger in front of me. I stared blankly in the mirror at my blue, swollen eyes, and red face. I pulled back my hair. I wondered where Amelia was, the strong independent woman that I had worked so hard to bring into existence. There, staring back at me was a twelve-year- old Em, helpless. “Curse them and curse that place for holding onto me!" I walked out of the bathroom and back over to my computer and slowly sat down as though I was inching myself into my dreadful past. I dried my tears. I had to do this for Grandma. Just a few days to take care of all the legal stuff and that’s it. I would use these seven days off work to once and for all put an end to it, and this time I promised myself I would never look back.
CHAPTER 6- AUNT GEORGIA
I would have to find Aunt Georgia. If anyone knew what was happening, it was her. Aunt Georgia had always been a creature of habit. Her old white farmhouse with black shutters and a wrap-around porch held the same rose wallpaper, emerald green sofa and maple kitchen table for as long as I could remember. She was steady and predictable. She was never one to change anything, especially not her tidy helmet hair. Aunt Georgia was simple, no-frills or fluff. She was the strength in the family after Grandma died. I sighed. I only wished Mama would've been so strong.
I can remember, as a child, Jordy and me running over to Aunt Georgia’s in the middle of the night, Jordy crying, as I told Aunt Georgia that Daddy and Mama had spent another night fighting. The evening had begun with several broken dishes and a hole in the living room wall, and had ended with Mama up in her room, mascara running down her face, with an empty pill bottle lying on the dresser in front of her. She looked up at Jordy and me with disappointment.
“Get out you stupid brats! It’s your fault he’s leaving!” she yelled as she threw the pill bottle across the room at us. The loud shatter of the already broken screen door still rang in my ears as I relived the images of Daddy slamming it shut, jumping in his old Ford truck, and speeding down the driveway and onto the road. His tires squealed as the smell of dust and smoke filled the air behind him as he sped away.
I had dragged Jordy out in her pink pajamas, her blonde curls in disarray and tears in her eyes as she held on to her teddy bear with one hand and grasped tightly to my hand with the other. I wanted to scream. To tell Daddy to never come back. But, I didn’t. I simply took a deep breath and fought back the tears as I assured a terrified Jordy it would be alright and that no matter what, I would take care of her. I had promised never to let anything happen to her.
I recalled Aunt Georgia’s response clearly. She poured Jordy and me some warm milk, her solution for everything, took a deep breath, and explained that Mama wasn't always like this and wanted to do better. She said Mama was very sensitive even as a child and the stuff that most people just shrugged off gnawed at Mama like an old dog chewing on a bone. I remember giving her a confused look as it seemed that she was on Mama’s side.
Thoughts of the letter, Jordy, Roy, Mama, and Daddy danced around in my mind like a raging wildfire burning out of control. I angrily knocked everything from atop my desk and on to the floor.
I fell to the floor, tears pouring down my face, my things now scattered all around me. Suddenly, I felt a warm, gentle lick on my skin and the feel of soft fur rub up against me. I looked to see Tiny showering me with affection. Tiny seemed to always know when I needed her the most.
I continued to pet Tiny’s golden fur as she looked up at me with her honey brown eyes and whimpered.
I stood up with Tiny still in my arms and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed Aunt Georgia’s number and waited with anticipation for her to answer.
The ringing seemed to go on forever before she finally picked up.
"Hello," a voice said sleepily.
"Aunt Georgia, is this you? It's Amelia," I said nervously, petting Tiny.
"Who?" the voice mumbled.
“It's Ameli
a, I mean... Em.” The words cut into my tongue like a jagged knife.
"Oh, Em. Well, I swear. How you doin' Honey?" she said tenderly.
"I'm sorry, were you asleep?" I questioned as I looked at the clock, shocked to see that it was 6:30 am. Being an insomniac was an easy way to lose track of time. Each day was just one long series of waking hours to me.
"It's fine, Honey, I’m just glad to hear your voice. It's been so long, Dear," she replied.
"I'm sorry. I've been busy with work, and I meant to call, but one day led to another,” I said, nervously twirling a strand of hair that had fallen down on my neck.
"You don't sound good. You have been cryin', haven't you? Oh Lord, you found out about Jenny, didn't you?" she said, her voice weighted with sorrow.
"What, what happened?" I asked, choking on my words.
"Well, Em. There was a flood, a bad one. Jenny and Roy were out when most of the roads were closed. Roy survived, but they couldn't find Jenny or the car. It's been a few years ago now, Em. We are sure that she is dead. If she would've made it out alive, she would've contacted one of us by now," Aunt Georgia said softly.
"Years? Why didn't anyone contact me?" I asked.
"We tried, Honey. No one knew how to reach you. Your number was changed. I even tried to get Julie and Jimmy to find you on that Space book thing," Aunt Georgia said.
I smiled slightly, even after all of these years, Aunt Georgia still had no clue about how any sort of technology worked, let alone the actual name for it.
I couldn't be mad at Aunt Georgia. I had left. I purposely lost all contact with home. Sadness filled me again as I thought of Mama.
"I don't believe she drowned, Aunt Georgia. It was Roy. I know it!" I said, sniffling and wiping the tears from my eyes as Tiny pawed at my legs for me to pick her back up.
"You are probably right, Honey. Lord knows Roy has it in him to kill, the way he beat up on your Mama," Aunt Georgia said through the sound of her sobs.
"Didn't the police question him?" I asked angrily.
"Yeah, Honey, they tried, but no body, no case," Aunt Georgia said, catching her breath.
I sat in silence for a moment as Aunt Georgia's words rang through my head like a constant echo. Roy had done it again. He had hurt someone else that I loved, and there was no way of proving it, just like with Daddy's death. It didn't sound like much had changed since I had been home last.
"I'm sorry, Honey, I really am," Aunt Georgia said almost in a whisper.
"I just wish you could've…." Then I stopped myself, remembering that no one could have found me.
"Sugar, we tried, but you weren't listed, and none of us knew where you lived. Your cousin Jimmy was willing to drive me, but we didn't know where to find you."
I cleared my throat and bit my lip, trying not to burst out sobbing once again.
“Well, that is until Jackson came round looking for you,” she said. She went on to explain how he had been the one to track me down in the first place.
"Uh, Yeah, I got a letter from a law office. Umm... J. Roderick," I said.
"Yep, that is Jackson Roderick. Surely you remember him, Honey. He used to be best friends with Jimmy, and you used to have the biggest crush on him when you were young. Jackson now owns a law firm just outside of Rockcastle."
The image of a tall guy with dark hair and magnetic grey eyes flashed through my head. I knew who Jackson was, alright. I’d had too many bad relationships and even when at first they appeared to be good, each one was like the last and somehow turned out to be a loser. Jackson had been no different. He had left soon after Jordy's death and had never returned. Now I was even more determined that I would get the estate taken care of and return to Chicago as quickly as possible.
"Oh, okay, I think I remember him," I said as casually as possible. The truth was, how could I not remember Jackson? He was my first love. Or at least what I thought of as love.
"Lord, I thought for sure that you would remember Jackson as much as you liked him. He was around all of the time, well at least until that son of mine got himself mixed up on drugs. Jackson tried to help Jimmy, but Jimmy wasn't interested. Every time I see Jackson he makes a point to come and speak to me. I think the world of him," Aunt Georgia said, clearly distracted by the topic of Jackson.
"Didn't anyone try to get a detective or anyone to look into Mama's death?" I asked as my voice cracked. It was so hard to say the words. Saying them made it real, that she was gone.
"Honey, we tried."
"If it was money, I could have sent money. I still can," I said, hoping that if the case was investigated that they would find Mama and that she would still be alive.
"Jackson offered to look into it for free. He said that it was the least he could do after we had always been so good to him as a teenager, but the case wouldn't stand because they couldn't find a body. There was no evidence. I guess if Roy did kill her, he covered his tracks pretty well," Aunt Georgia said sadly.
"I'm sorry, Em, I am, but Roy runs this town. Ain't nothing we can do. When are you coming to see us?" she asked.
"Aunt Georgia, I don't know. I mean my dog and…." I knew there was no reason that I couldn't easily come home, especially now that I was off work the next several days, but part of me still wasn't ready. I shuddered at the thought.
"You have to, Sweetie. You are the only heir left," she said, interrupting.
"But what about you? You can have it and keep it up. It would be a bigger place."
"Em, I appreciate it, and that is awful sweet of you, but I can't. I got diabetes and high blood pressure. I just can't do it."
"What about Cousin Jimmy? He would take care of it, wouldn't he?" I pleaded.
"Lord, Honey, he stays in and out of jail so much. He can't even take care of himself, let alone some farmhouse. That child has worried me to death."
A heaviness filled my chest thinking about Jimmy. He had been a star basketball player in school with a bright future ahead of him, and he had thrown it all away, trading it for drugs. Jimmy had always been so funny, and now it sounded as though he had hit rock bottom.
"What about Cousin Julie, doesn't she want it?"
"No, they couldn’t. Randy's gone all of the time. He is a trucker and is on the road, and Julie, she works them long shifts at the hospital."
"You're all that's left, and besides, your Mama left it to you."
I sighed.
"Okay, I will call the law office," I replied.
"Now, remember they don't open until 8."
"Okay, Aunt Georgia. Go back to sleep," I said softly.
"Okay Em, be sure to call me when you leave, we are all dying to see you, Dear."
I slowly disconnected the call, and mechanically grabbed my mug and walked over to the coffee pot. I poured myself a cup and made my way back to the window. I looked down at the city streets. Even amongst the hustle and bustle of the city and the constant sounds, I felt safe here. Here I could be someone else and not the only daughter of Jenny and Patrick Smith.
I sighed. This was going to be a long day. I logged onto my email and wrote a quick note to Dr. Brown that I had taken his advice and would be out of town for a few days. I made sure not to mention where I was going or what I was doing. I figured that the less he knew about me and my family, the better.
I shook my head as if to disagree with myself for even considering the choice to go back home. I heard Grandma May’s words, "Ain't nothing that won't work out when you are brave enough to look your troubles in the eyes." Guess Grandma was right. My past had found me. I reasoned that most people probably felt that way, but I was positive that if I faced my troubles head-on, it would be equivalent to staring in the eye of a category 4 hurricane. I was convinced that my whole life would once again be blown to bits, except this time, I wasn’t certain that I would survive.
CHAPTER 7-NO TURNING BACK
I walked five miles on my treadmill just to try and rid myself of all of the nervous energy running through my body like
a live electrical wire. It was now 10 am. I hadn't yet gotten the nerve up to call.
I took a deep breath and forced myself to dial the number.
"Roderick, Attorney at law, may I help you?" a pleasant voice said, answering the phone."
"Yes, this is Amelia Smith calling in regards to the estate of Jennifer and Patrick Smith."
"Amelia? I am sorry. I don't think I heard you, Mam, can you repeat that, please?” The woman said in a more professional tone.
"Em," I said, remembering that back home I was known as Em.
"Em? Is it really you? Oh my, it has been so long. There's been all kinds of rumors floating around town about you. Billy said he heard you were in witness protection. Old man Johnson said you were the only one with enough sense to leave this place and, well, the rest of us, we just chose to believe a little of both stories.
I sat in silence for a moment, trying to take it all in. For so many years, I had anonymity and lived a life where people minded their own business, and now I was going back to a place where people made my life their business.
"You don't remember me, do you? Well, of course, you don't. I didn't even say my name. It's Jackie. We used to camp together when we were kids?" the woman said.
"Oh, yes, Jackie. I remember you. Yes," I replied. An image of a young girl with pale skin, bright red hair in pig tails, and emerald green eyes flashed through my head.
The voice on the other end gave a small laugh. "We had so much fun at camp. I remember you were the one who never wanted to stay away that long. Always wanted to get home to take care of Jor..." the woman suddenly stopped mid-sentence as her cheerful voice quickly turned into a more serious one.
"Em… I'm really sorry about what happened to Jordy, your Daddy, and your Mama," she said remorsefully.
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