“Elias…” I whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear me. I’d barely heard myself.
I was so tired…
“No sleeping, Ashford,” he barked, gripping my hair and pulling my head back. I couldn’t open my eyes, but I could wince. Did he realise how much this hurt? Yes. I had no doubt that he did. “Keep your head up. If I mark you, you’re in trouble.”
Of course I was. I should have encouraged him to kill me in the loft. I thought he’d softened. I thought there was a future for us, even if it only lasted a moment. But he was a monster. It was degradation. He had become Eli the first, and I was his harlot to fuck until he’d had enough. I gave in, keeping my eyes closed and trying to refuse to feel anything as he parted me with one hand and slammed into me, forcing me to stretch as my body sheathed him and drew him in deeper without my permission. Elias growled and wrapped my hair around his hand. He moved slowly at first, feeling the intensity I did when he filled me so completely. He clawed at my back and I cried out when he slapped my ass. He rolled his hips, stirring the demons inside me that no doubt matched his, evil for evil. He eased out almost all the way until he drove into me again, his hips slamming into me, shunting me forward and making me moan in garbled ecstasy. He let loose, fucking me so hard it hurt. My nipples scraped against the ground, the grass burned my stomach and legs and Elias ignited a wild fire between them with every long, thick, hard thrust, and every pull of my hair that sent a ripple of deviance along my spine to coat his cock and encourage him further. I loved it. I wanted to be conscious for every second and I wanted him to stop, but I fucking loved it. I clawed at the grass until my nails broke, I tried to bend my knees to push back but he pinned me down and used me as his toy. He called my name—he growled it, barked it and roared it like an animal and I was soon exploding around him, begging him to keep me on the high because it was the most alive I’d ever felt. It was the most intensity I’d ever experienced—it was addictive, it was destructive and it was suffocating.
“Trixie…” Elias groaned, slamming his hands to the ground above my shoulders and biting my neck. I didn’t have the energy to cry, but I clamped down on him and his cock twitched inside me in response.
"I need you to love this as much as I do.”
We were going to talk. When he’d had his fill and I’d slept for a century, Elias Blackwood was going to explain this mind fuck to me…even if I had to chain him to a cross and torture it out of him.
It hurt. It hurt so bad, so violently, so intensely…but it felt amazing.
“I need you to love this.”
“I do,” I said, reaching behind me for a fistful of his hair. He growled in my ear and held me still. “I do.”
He pulled out of me quickly and I mewled at the empty feeling after being so completely overpowered.
“Fuck,” he roared, and I sighed when I heard the sound of him tugging on his cock, before warm sticky ribbons of his cum hit my back. “Fuck.”
My eyes closed as I listened to Elias making himself come. I felt each drip as it landed on my skin, and I wanted to lick it off. I sighed, imagining the angry flush on his neck and chest, matching the head of his cock; I imagined how he’d squeeze his eyes shut and throw his head back—or he’d watch his cum land on me and drip to the grass. He’d marked me, he’d branded me; he’d granted me the gift of wearing his scent and I didn’t care how much I hadn’t wanted this, or how I hadn’t had the choice to say no…my mind was fucked.
When I felt Elias stand up, and heard him doing his zip back up, my emotions spilled over and my lip began to tremble. I felt cold and dirty, lying face down on the grass covered in his cum. I felt worthless and I felt used. Elias claimed I was a princess—that I deserved more respect than the average woman, and yet he’d fucked me like I was a sewer rat and now he was dressed, his authority over me screaming out like the burn in my scalp. I was his toy, his plaything; I meant nothing to him. He’d found his release and he’d given me mine, but where I’d assumed his mind was as clear as the balls he’d just emptied onto my back, mine was filled with regret and shame.
“Get up,” he huffed, unscrewing the lid on the bottle of water. I heard him guzzling, the deep thud as he swallowed, inhaling the contents of the bottle.
“Is your friend still here?” I asked, refusing to do as he’d asked. I hadn’t seen the man who had brought the water leave. I hadn’t noticed his presence while Elias fucked me and, if I was honest, I hadn’t cared until now.
“Friend?”
“The man who brought the water.”
“He’s not my friend. He works for the family and he completed his task.” Elias sighed and his regret—a shred of remorse for what he’d done, maybe—washed over me, colliding with mine in a torrent that drew another tear from my eye. “Do you think I’d fuck you in front of an employee? Do you think I would strip you bare and make you come, while another man watched and got himself off to my Ashford?”
I climbed unsteadily to my feet, bending to pull my trousers up and right my vest, pulling it over the sticky cream on my back.
“I don’t know what I think,” I confessed, keeping my back to him. I refused to let him see me cry. “I’d like to spend the day alone.”
“What?” A warm hand cupped my shoulder, but I pulled away from him and swiped at my eyes. “Why? Trixie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lied, taking a step away from him.
Elias didn’t follow me as I made my way through the bushes we’d clambered through on the way here. He didn’t call after me, laughing because I didn’t know which direction to take, and he didn’t lecture me with bullshit about instincts. He just let me go.
I knew I shouldn’t let her go, as I watched her crawl through the bushes, heading in the wrong direction. There was nothing I could say to ease whatever it was she felt after what had happened. I thought she wanted it; sure, I’d taken it from her, but she’d asked for it. She’d begged me for it. Her soul asked me to command it; her body demanded I take from her because she wanted to give it to me…she wanted to fight me but she wanted me to win.
She’d said she loved it as much as I did—the power exchange. She had more power than me, and I knew she felt it, deep down. This was my way of taking the power back, of reclaiming what had been mine before Trixie charmed me in the loft and guided us to the beginning of a new path.
I thought she wanted it, but the woman who walked away from me was not the woman who made me come so hard I saw stars as I watched my cum jet out and splash onto her pale skin. I’d marked her, she’d wanted it, but now she’d shut down and walked away from me.
I had no idea what I was supposed to do.
I was risking everything—both of our lives—to explore what we did to each other, what we felt when we were together and the immense connection that told me we were formidable.
So what had happened?
What had I done wrong?
Trixie had only just discovered the tip of the iceberg of all the things I wanted to do to her…but now I was doubting she had the strength to walk the path of depravity with me.
A part of me hated him. A huge fraction of my being hated everything he stood for, and everything he represented. But it wasn’t as profound as the sense of belonging I’d found in him. I had never really felt like I belonged, like I fitted in with the people who had raised me. That had changed this week; I was a part of GRIT, and I had fallen in love with their leader. A man who hated me. A man who took his frustrations out on me like it was his God-given, fifteenth-century right to take command of my body and do whatever he wanted with it. A man who tortured prisoners in the dungeon of his grand estate…a man who sought justice while he bathed in the criminal and deviant.
I hated that I loved it. I hated that I loved him. I hated that my conscience was screaming at me to believe this was wrong, and yet I had never felt something so right.
I crossed another meadow, aware I was walking in the wrong direction, aching and tired and defeated, but I kept goin
g. I felt like I had an internal map, leading me to where I would find peace and solitude, if only for a while. When I passed another pathway and emerged from an arch hedge blossoming bright red berries, a building came into view. It was one story, built with red bricks that told me it had been recently renovated, and yet something about it screamed of old times—times I was desperate to learn more about, no matter how dark they got. The thatched roof hinted at an old home, but the rows of double doors stretching across the length of the building told me it wasn’t inhabited by humans. I continued towards it, stopping at a wooden double door at the front and twisting the looped handle. A cacophony of nickers greeted me, before a maned beast, the largest of the six in the barn, threw his head back with a squealing whinny. Horses. Blackwood Estate had a barn of six horses hidden in its depths and I wondered why they were concealed. All six of them were black, their coats soft and glossy, the shortest of them all towering over me as I passed through the middle to the bucket at the end. I tugged the bottom of my vest up and gathered apples in the pouch, deciding to try and make friends with the only living things here that wouldn’t lie to me, use me, or call me stupid. The first five accepted their apples willingly, if a little greedily like they hadn’t been tended to this morning. The sixth horse paused, clamped his hoofs together and elongated his neck so I had to crane mine to keep my eyes on his. One charge and I’d be a goner. Then I realised why he was hostile towards me. He was Elias’ horse. His apple was the last in my vest and as I took it and allowed the hem to settle over the waistband of my trousers, I realised he must have been able to smell his master on me.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, extending my hand towards him in the hopes he’d meet me halfway. “I didn’t hurt him. I love him.”
It felt weird talking to a horse, professing love for a man I’d only known a few days, and didn’t know enough about him to warrant the word that was supposed to conquer evil. But I couldn’t imagine existing without Elias Blackwood—not now. Not now he’d given me a glimpse into a life I could live—a life that meant something, although the meaning was still unclear. The horse softened and lowered his head, lining his starred nose into my hand and flicking his head. I smiled and complied with his demand, stroking him gently, my eyes still fixed on his. I hoped I’d see a change in him if he was going to attack, like I continuously looked for in my teacher, but they had the same eyes. The window was closed and I had no grasp on the soul inside the body, hidden by black eyes that both calmed and excited, frightened and soothed.
“Does he look after you?” I asked, offering him the apple. “Does he make sure you have a great horsey life?”
It was a stupid question; the horse wasn’t going to neigh and answer my question, but I wanted to know if there was hope for me. I wanted to know if I would have a decent humaney life. I knew I was a prisoner here. I knew I was being kept here for a reason. I hadn’t been outside the prison within a prison for…however many days I’d been here with Elias. There was a reason for that, and I had no doubt that he had left the estate. He’d been out doing whatever it was he had to do to make our family proud, while I’d slept, barely eaten and been fucked to the point where I couldn’t remember ever having sex with anyone before him. The horse took the apple and nodded his head as if answering me. I smiled. I didn’t believe Elias was cruel—at least not to animals, and I could tell from the horse’s silky mane and glistening coat that he was well looked after. He nickered again, scraping his hoof on the floor and nodding his head for me to stroke him again. When I did, he angled his head, almost sighing with content when I followed his lead.
“His name is Charge.”
I jumped when I heard Elias behind me and turned around to find him with the smaller horse, his arm hooked under its head as his other hand stroked his mane.
“Charge?”
“Charge. I named him after my favourite race-car driver, Brett Charge, when I was a kid.”
“It’s bad luck, no? To change a horse’s name.”
“I didn’t change it. He’s been mine since he was born and it was my choice.”
“They’re all yours, aren’t they?”
I knew the answer before he gave it to me. They were all black, aside from some white markings on their noses or legs. They were all gargantuan and menacing with a softness to them they tried to hide, like he did. They were all composed, confident and held an air of arrogance that told me no one else cared for these horses. They had been raised by Elias and they had adopted his mannerisms.
“They are.”
“What are they for? They’re not your run of the mill family pets.” Elias tipped his head from side to side, worrying both lips between his teeth. I knew what he was thinking. “Yes, I really want to know.”
Sighing, he took a step towards me, but I shook my head. He stopped abruptly and his nostrils flared, but he said nothing.
“They have a range of duties. They control crowds, they give us a height advantage. They look pretty scary…and they’re used for recovery missions.”
“Recovery? Of what?”
“Bodies, Trixie.”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand, gripping Charge when he rested his head on my shoulder as if trying to ease the terror that had surged into me. I turned to him and pressed a kiss on his nose.
“You’ve seen lots of dead bodies, haven’t you, boy?” I left him for a second to grab another apple, the biggest one I could find in the bucket out of reach even to the giant leader. When I returned to him, he was waiting…so was Elias. “You should be in the field charming a mare, not out collecting body parts.”
He nickered, like he was laughing at me, or at the situation—agreeing that it was a life neither of us were destined for. When I looked at Elias he was frozen still, his hands behind his back, eyes on me as he tried to read my reaction.
“I bet you wish you were a horse, huh?”
“They can interpret thoughts, so yes. You’re touching him gently and lovingly, so yes.” He cleared his throat and rocked back on his heels. “I wish I was the horse.”
“I asked you to leave me alone.”
“I know.”
“So why are you here?”
“I can't do it.”
“Leave me alone?”
He shook his head. “Any of it. Trixie, I’m not the man you think I am. I thought you were with me back there, but something changed and you hate me for something you asked me for…why?”
“I don’t hate you for that.” I kissed Charge again and nodded my head to Elias, gesturing for him to follow me into an empty stable. “What happened to this one?”
“We lost two last week,” he replied, following me in and sitting on the ground without thought. I followed him, crossing my legs so my knees touched his when he did the same. “What do you hate me for?” he asked, placing his hands on my knees. “We need to get through this together, so I need you to tell me what I’m doing wrong.”
“I don’t hate you for what you did. I hate you for making me like it. I hate that you frighten me, make me wonder what else you’ve got in your bag of tricks and if I’ll survive it. I don’t trust you to stop before you kill me.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“You would, and you should. You can and I want you to, but I can't take you forcing me into it. I’ve been out of control my whole life, at the mercy of a destiny I didn’t know I had. And now? The one person educating me, finally giving my life purpose, is forcing it upon me like it’s my fault. I didn’t ask for this.” I paused, waiting for Elias to argue, but he said nothing. His fingers twitched against my knees. “I was just working. You came in and changed everything. I didn’t choose that.”
“Would you go back?” he asked, his voice rough with more emotion than I’d ever heard from him. “Would you leave here and go back to your flat? Back to a life of loneliness and fear?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t want to go back. Don’t you think I would have fought you for it if that was what I
wanted?”
“I don’t know, Trixie. I’m trying to figure you out.”
“I want to know everything. I want to see what’s in every one of those rooms down there. I want to know everything that comes with this life, and my role within it, and I want to do it with you.”
There was a long silence as Elias watched me. His eyes slid from my lips where they lingered as he licked his, to my eyes as he searched for something while I stared back unprotected; he looked at my nose, and his gaze roamed my body like I wanted his hands to. There was nothing brutal about him this time; there was nothing aggressive, no hint of a man from another time. Was this the real Elias?
“I’m not supposed to want you. I’m not supposed to let you see who I really am because you’re supposed to buy into the fantasy. I’m supposed to make you reliant on GRIT, until Ruby reveals her plans and you claw at the responsibility she offers you.”
“What are her plans?”
He shrugged, signalling he didn’t know, and I believed him. “I want to do this with you, but you have to understand I’ve been raised to take. I want to take it from you and you want it, too.”
I shook my head. “I don’t.”
“You do.” His voice was gravelly with sudden rage. “You can't claim righteousness now. You’ve begged me for it. You’ve fought me off. You’ve begged me to stop…all while your cunt throbs for me and your slick heat trickles down your legs.”
Elias (GRIT Sector 1) Page 24