"As opposed to the other me's?"
Trixie laughed. "Yes. It's the real you, with no walls or guards or influences. He's the one here now, and he's the one I promised to love, despite him having me tied up in a stable in a cloud of lust."
"So you love him?" I asked, waiting for her refusal to take all of me.
She nodded. "I do."
"And the others?"
"I love them, too."
"But how can you be sure? How do you know there aren't more sides to me and how do you know you can love them all, without breaking your promise? It's a sin, you know."
"I know. I don't care how many sides of you there are, I'll fall in love with each one every day, and the new ones will give me something else to hold onto. Another part of you you've shared with me and trusted me with."
She was good. She was really good, and every word was sincere. Trixie Ashford loved me, having only known me a week. I wasn't sure it was possible to love someone in that space of time, but I would believe her. I would allow her to grow to really love me, and then I would decide our fate.
There were a few sides of me she hadn't met yet.
"I have to go," Elias said, standing me up and holding me steady as he crouched to retrieve my trousers.
We'd been silent for long minutes, in a sated doze, listening to the chatter of the horses, the rustling of their hooves and the crunching of the carrots Elias had thrown them. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want the real world to infiltrate into our bubble, because I liked it here. Elias hadn't told me I was wrong when I described his personalities. He'd just smiled, intrigued by my interpretation, and held me closer.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?"
He glanced down at his feet, then back at me. His black eyes were now a dark indigo, the pupils drowning the midnight blue I'd never noticed before.
"You look like a mess."
"Gee, thanks."
He laughed, that crooked smile raising one corner of his mouth and making me melt.
"Not like that. You're beautiful...but I've messed you up a bit and I can't fix it here."
"I don't care. I've had a handful of orgasms, and sincerity from you. You could have made me bleed and I wouldn't lose this feeling."
"Just don't look in the mirror."
I nodded, but I didn't agree. Of course I'd look in the mirror; I wanted to remember the just-fucked-by-Elias-Blackwood look, and see the happiness that I hoped shone from my eyes and made him trust me.
When I was dressed he took my hand, linking our fingers together and drawing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb as he walked me back to the house. I was aching more than I ever had before. My legs felt swollen and tight, the marks on my ankles singing a glorious burning opera as the skin slid across the bone and I navigated over the rocks in the path to stop the wince.
"I promise I'll come and look after you when I'm done," he said as the house came into view. "I want to take you out somewhere. Can I organise something for you to wear?"
He was asking my permission? Instead of forcing me to wear something he'd chosen and telling me I loved having no control?
"Of course." I smiled. "You see how easy that is?"
"What?"
"Compromise."
He huffed and smiled. "I guess it is."
"What the fuck?" a voice boomed from inside the house as we climbed the steps to the porch.
William stepped out of the shadows, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.
"Watch your language," Elias seethed.
His voice didn't raise in tone or volume, but it was menacing all the same. He didn't have to use force to exert his power over William, but I saw the defiance flash in Tate's eyes. Not now, William.
I didn't want him to burst this bubble. I didn't want him to drag Elias away from me and turn him into the man I didn't know. The man I was afraid of.
"What have you done to her?" William barked, his voice breaking as he surged towards me and took my face in his hands. I winced and pulled away, but he held me strong...until Elias' hand curled around his wrist and pried the first from me.
"Do not put your hands on Trixie, Tate."
"What did he do?" he asked, ignoring his boss and searching my eyes for something I refused to give him. "What did he do?"
"Nothing," I said, with complete honesty. "Nothing I didn't want."
"You don't have to answer his questions, baby," Elias said. He'd never called me that before. His possessiveness sent a ripple through me, although I knew the endearment was for his benefit and William's warning. "He doesn't have the right to question you."
"He's my friend," I assured before turning to William. "I'm fine."
"You," Elias clipped, clicking his fingers at William and pointing to a black car that rolled to a stop outside the house. "Get in the car."
He took my hand again and pulled me past him into the house. I felt Tate's eyes on me, but I wouldn't look back. I had no need to—I didn't really care about his discomfort, only ours knowing he knew what we'd been doing.
"I'm sorry," Elias said again as he led me straight up the stairs and down the hall to my room. "I'm sorry."
"I don't care."
"I do. You shouldn't be seen like this, it's not proper."
"We need to make our own rules, Elias. I'm not living like I was born in another century." We stopped at the bedroom door and he pushed it open, waiting for me to go in. "We fucked. You forced it and I wanted it. You were rough and I loved it. You marked me and I'll cherish every one until they fade."
"You'll be the death of me, Ashford," he said, tilting my chin up to look into my eyes. His voice rang with a truth I didn't want to face. "I'll be a couple of hours. Someone will come and run you a bath, I'll have your outfit delivered to your room and I'll see you later...okay?"
I nodded as he looked at my lips. He wanted to kiss me, but he wouldn't. He felt guilty and I wouldn't allow him to. Stretching up on tip toes that made my calves burn, I pressed my lips to his. The kiss was soft and gentle, far more restrained than I'd thought Elias was capable of, but he didn't force it further. He held me tightly and his tongue slid over mine before he captured my bottom lip between his teeth and pulled back.
"I'll see you this evening."
He turned on his heel and I watched him disappear down the hall towards the stairs. He had a mighty fine backside. It made my fingers twitchy, and my mouth watered when I thought about biting it. Laughing to myself, I entered the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I crossed the room immediately to look in the oval mirror on top of the dresser. I gasped and raised my fingers to caress my cheeks. I looked like I'd been in a fight. I had straw and grass in my sweat-matted hair, my eyes were red and puffy from my tears of worry and ecstasy. My vest was stained with Elias's cum, sticking to my stomach and glaring back at me—proof it could not be salvaged. Like me.
I had grass stains on my knees and mud streaked up my legs. But my face; it was covered it mud, and blood from Elias' lip. My neck was stained with deep red bite-marks and my cheeks were flushed, both from the memory and the slaps I'd taken to keep me awake and in line. Elias had ruined me; whatever prim and proper appearance I'd hoped of having before, he'd stripped it away and left me looking like a—what was it he'd called me? A filthy princess. I looked like a wannabe who had taken her fill of Elias Blackwood.
"I think you're getting too big for your boots, Tate," I said, sliding in the back of the car next to him.
I hadn't bothered to shower or change. I willingly filled the car with Trixie's scent to taunt him, and I would right my appearance in time for our date tonight. I'd never been on a date before...
"I'm not," Tate argued, refusing to look at me. Then he sighed, and turned his head, pain etched in his eyes. "I don't want you to hurt her."
"What makes you think she didn't love every second of it?"
"I know you, and I know what you're capable of."
"And yet you know nothing about the woman you're trying to pr
otect. You knew her when you were kids, Tate, you have no claim on her now. You have no idea what she likes and no clue as to what makes her scream my name when she comes."
"Stop it," he pleaded with a wince. "You asked me to spend time with her. You can't punish me for having feelings for her, you know the drill."
"I do, which is why I must remind you not to bite the hand that feeds you." Finally, he calmed and said nothing. "You will remember your place, Tate, and you will leave Trixie alone."
"Fine." He sighed and nodded. "But if you hurt her, you'll have my formal resignation and request for release."
"Good luck with that."
The car pulled up outside Blackwood International and William climbed out of the car without waiting for Percy to open the door. He inhaled sharply as he stepped out, and I smirked when I realised he'd been taking shallow breaths.
"Sir, if I may." Percy turned around and rested his arm on the back of the seat. "Go easy on him. You know yourself you cannot control who you're drawn to. Tate was following your instruction and formed an attachment. Perhaps seeing you in a healthy relationship with Miss Ashford will ease his pain quicker than you forcing his hand."
Who did this prick think he was? I wasn't going to tell him I wanted more than anything to have a healthy relationship with Trixie, and I'd go to Hell before I let Tate have her. Instead of exploding like I wanted to since my driver had spoken out of place, I nodded and opened my own door. He was right and I wouldn't punish a man for being correct.
Tate slipped off into an official banking meeting, going over investments and debt-collection plans—whatever it was he did in my family's building that helped keep us safe. I headed into my office to find a stack of folders on my desk, waiting for me to analyse them. I could almost see the blood seeping from the spines and dripping onto my desk to draw me closer.
"Good morning, Mr Blackwood," Emily greeted, smiling at me as she entered my office before I'd closed the door, and placed a cup of coffee on my desk. "How are you?"
"Good, thank you. How's your mother?"
Emily's mother was in the hospital—somewhere else we had to hide from the underground. Killing vulnerable citizens, weak and a step closer to death anyway, was the perfect way to get their fix, and we had to hide from them. High rise buildings, the first ten floors unoccupied and unassuming, the remaining stories boarded up, filled with artificial light to promote healing. There were three in the city; Minors, Majors, and Terminals. The minors were patched up and sent on their way when the sun rose; majors were treated and admitted until their condition improved and they were safe to go home. Terminals? They were medicated to keep the pain under control, fed so they wouldn't die of starvation, and kept hydrated to make their final days as easy as possible. Emily's mother had been stupid; she'd gone out one night, fancying a cup of tea, and searched for a shop—a fucking shop—to buy some milk because hers had gone sour. Stupid bat. She'd been attacked, stabbed, strangled and had a gun shoved to her temple. She'd been seconds away from being nothing but brain matter and DNA when we'd found her and taken her to Majors. She was still there, nursing her wounds, and Emily had been distracted. Like I had. Except I paid her not to be.
"She's good, thank you. Have you enjoyed some time off?"
My eyes narrowed. “I was working from home. I had something important to deal with and it couldn't be done here."
"Okay," she chirped. "Anything you need from me today?"
"I'm not staying. I just need to pick up a few things." I looked at my watch, and rounded my desk to gather up the folders. "I don't need the coffee, so you can take that."
"Yes, sir."
I nodded, dismissing her but the atmosphere became tense as she stood and stared, reaching forward slowly to retrieve the coffee cup. I'd made the choice not to seduce Emily; I rarely made eye contact, I didn't have personal conversations, and I didn't keep her around for any longer than I needed her. It didn't stop her seeking acceptance and trying her best to earn a reward—a pat on the back or a smack on the ass. She was tempting, she was; blonde hair, perky tits and signature plum lipstick, but I wouldn't go there. Not before. And not now I had Trixie. Finally, she left, closing and locking the door behind her, leaving me to stare at the folders before I stood and shoved them all into my briefcase, until the leather seams stretched and the clip resisted as I shoved it into the lock.
Bath time was amazing. I would have normally resisted a member of staff running my bath for me, but I didn’t have the energy. Instead, I laid on the bed with my back to the door so she couldn’t see the state of me, and listened to the running water before the smell of jasmine filled the room.
“Miss Ashford?” the maid called as she stepped into the room.
Her voice was soft and cautious, she was wondering if I was sleeping, and I turned to face her before she could leave. It was the first time I’d been alone with a member of staff since I’d arrived here.
“What’s your name?” I asked, gripping the headboard to pull me into a sitting position.
I ignored her gasp and her flitting green eyes as she tried to look anywhere but at me.
“Lola.”
“How often does Elias do this?”
“Do what, ma’am? I’m not sure I understand the question.”
“How often does he look after a woman? How many has he brought back here? How does he behave with you?”
I didn’t know why I was desperate to know. Elias could look after whoever he saw worthy of his care; he could screw whoever he wanted, and he could harass the staff if he felt like it.
“You’re the first woman here,” she answered honestly, finally looking at me and locking her hands behind her back. “Who isn’t family or staff. So I don’t know how many women he’s looked after. He’s a very good boss and I enjoy working for him.”
“You don’t feel like you should have a career? A real job that doesn’t involve aprons and bonnets?”
Lola smiled softly. “My uniform is just a black dress, ma’am…and I don’t think we live in a world where a woman can turn down a job that ensures her safety, to search for something that isn’t there.”
Lola was wise. I didn’t think she was much older than me, but I could see why Elias had hired her. She had a gentle nature and I knew he wouldn’t feel threatened by her. I knew I probably should; she was slim and curved in all the right places, with her blonde hair in a tight bun on the back of her head, elongating her neck. She stood proudly and confidently, but there was no rivalry in her eyes. She wasn’t threatened by me being here, by talking to me about her boss without his permission, and it was the first woman I’d seen in a long time who wasn’t eighty-something years old and planning my life for me.
“Thank you, Lola.”
“Can I do anything else for you, Miss Ashford?”
“Please, call me Trixie.”
“Mr Blackwood wouldn’t appreciate that.”
I nodded, deciding I’d bring it up with Elias later. “Very well. I’d like some tea please. Not earl grey and not loose-leaf. Tea from a teabag—the cheapest brand you have.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll get onto it now.”
“Thank you.”
With a curtsey, Lola left the room and I willed my muscles into letting me move, just for a while longer. I walked slowly to the bathroom where the bath, big enough for two, was filled to the top and promised to spill over when I lowered myself into it. I didn’t care. Elias would deal with it later. I stripped out of my clothes, tossing everything straight into the bin by the door and stepped into the tub. I hissed when the hot water licked my wounds and reminded me how much it hurt. It reminded me of the man Elias was. It was difficult when I was around him, to think about who he was; a man who held a dungeon under his house and had no qualms killing a man inside it. He was too strong for me, I knew that. I knew I was losing myself in this house, to this family, and I didn’t know if I would be able to find a way back…if I would be granted the opportunity to try. He was explosive and
unpredictable; he was stubborn and spoilt; he was aggressive for all of the wrong reasons…and all of the right reasons. Despite the burn marks on my legs, the scrapes and bruises all over my body, I couldn’t bring myself to hate the man who had done it. I couldn’t begin to regret what we had done, and I couldn’t make sense of why I loved it. I wasn’t experienced or creative enough to know what would come next, but Elias was a man who escalated. He mounted and accumulated; he grew and evolved; which meant tying me up in a stable and whipping me with a crop wasn’t as far as he could go.
“Miss Ashford?” Lola knocked on the door and I turned my head to see her with her back to me. “Where would you like your tea?”
“I’ll take it in here, please,” I answered. “Thank you. Does Mr Blackwood have a wine cellar?”
She nodded, placing the tea on the counter that had been designed to hold beverages. I wouldn’t even have to fully extend my arm to reach for the tea.
“He does.”
“Great. I’m assuming there’s a collection of champagne or something in there. I’d like some please, and an ice bucket, left in the bedroom for when I get out.”
“I can do that.” She gathered a couple of towels from the shelf above the double sink, and placed them on the radiator to warm. “Your outfit is on the bed and I’ve left a collection of accessories for you to choose from. I’ll bring your champagne up now.”
“Thank you, Lola.”
“You’re welcome, ma’am.” She looked down at her feet, and then back at me, shrugging subtly. “It’s nice to have a lady to look after.”
“What does looking after the men of the house entail?”
Lola laughed, falling into comfort with me and answered, “I wash dirty underwear and socks, and I press suits. I set out meals for men who have to have things a certain way, and I’ve found a way to shut out sound when I serve them drinks in the parlour.”
“Well, I’ll see if we can get someone else to do that for a while. I’d like to keep you close.”
She nodded, her eyes lighting up in excitement when she grinned. “I would love that. Thank you, ma’am.”
Elias (GRIT Sector 1) Page 26