by Shey Stahl
Sway barely noticed me as the television in the family room off the kitchen held most of her attention. I found my attention diverted as well when I saw the segment on the race in Barberville.
She turned up the volume when they interviewed our wide-eyed son.
“Axel Riley, you’re the kid that has taken a legend’s place this year. Are you ready?”
“To race here, in his car, is unbelievable to me.” Axel smiled my same smile and the one I knew very well. He was excited, “I just hope I don’t let him down.”
“Does Jimi help you?” the reporter pushed the microphone back in his face.
“He helps a ton. I couldn’t do it without him, my dad and Tommy, all of them.”
“As a rookie, what are your goals for this year as a rookie?”
Axel shifted his weight, his hands fumbling with the visor of his helmet. He looked down from the view of the camera. “My goal this year would be to win races and hopefully battle for the championship if we’re close at the end. I’d like to win Kings Royal and Knoxville Nationals. My dad and grandpa always won those two big races. I’d like that. I’d like a few at Lernerville too. I struggled there and to win there would be huge for me.”
“What’s it like driving for Jimi?”
Axel smiled softly and it reminded me a little of Sway when she was nervous, “A lot of people think I’m in this position because he’s my grandpa, which it might have a part in it. But if I didn’t perform, then I wouldn’t be in this position. It’s as simple as that. With Jimi being the owner, he’s easier on me than my dad, but also, if he’s having a bad day, I’m going to hear about it.”
Man did I understand that. Everyone heard about it when Jimi had a bad day but then again, I wasn’t any different.
Though Axel had given this reporter the time he requested, Axel was losing interest quickly like any other driver. The biggest challenge, that most of the media and fans don’t understand, is the intensity that drivers have when they suit up for a race. When things don’t go right, mechanical failures, wrecks, or anything that can go wrong out there, happens. What the average person doesn’t realize is that these guys, me included, are doing something that we are all focused on; very focused on. If not, we have no business being out there. It’s not just a game. It’s a race and the moment your concentration slips is the moment you find yourself tied to the back of the wrecker or in the hospital.
If someone says to me, “Your son doesn’t smile a lot. He’s got everything he’s ever wanted. Why not smile?”
They don’t understand the focus that he has to have and it makes it hard when all that intensity and focus is consuming your thoughts to smile or sign autographs.
The broadcasting station went on to talk about the upcoming season and most of the segment seemed to be a repeat of what was on this morning other than that interview with Axel.
“Do you think he’s ready?” Sway asked continuing to watch the television and throwing pineapple on a pizza I assumed she was making judging by all the dough, sauce and cheese.
Rosa smiled as though Sway was speaking to her and not me, “he’s ready novio.”
There she went with speaking Spanish again.
“How do you know Rosa? You just met him last week?”
Rosa eyed me while grating cheese and then gave me a dismissive shrug. She did that to me all the time.
Sway giggled at Rosa and then stopped abruptly when I glared. Sometimes I think she forced me to keep Rosa around just to piss me off.
Looking back at the screen, Axel was whipping around Volusia Speedway Park with Tommy and Willie tracking his lap times. Willie Hamlin was our new engineer for JAR Racing and Tyler Sprague’s crew chief. We stole him from another Outlaw driver, Miles Leddy, also from Leddy Motorsports who was our competition in NASCAR as well. There was always team shuffling going on so when you stole a team member you better be sure you treat ‘em good. They had it good with us.
Between Willie’s drinking problem, immaturity and the ability to start a pit fight at any given moment, he fit in well with all of us and was a great addition to JAR Racing.
“Yes and no,” I looked down at the pizza again and noticed there seemed to be four of them. “Why are you cooking so much?”
Sway smiled and I knew I was in trouble. Rosa laughed holding her side as though this was the funniest thing she’d ever heard.
“I don’t like my family,” I gave Rosa a bitter smile, “stop inviting them over for dinner.”
“Oh don’t be like that,” she tapped the tip of my nose with a slice of peperoni when I leaned against the counter, “they’ll be here in about an hour.”
I tried, I really did, but the thought of the oil from the peperoni on my nose freaked me out and I had to take a shower.
Knowing my phobia, Sway laughed as I headed up the stairs, “don’t be long.”
Backing it In – Axel
I had to take time off that first week in Barberville from preparing for the season to meet up in Knoxville with my grandpa to sign contracts for his team and then the sponsors.
Reading the contracts for the upcoming Outlaw season was probably the coolest thing I’d done besides being the youngest driver to ever win Chili Bowl Midget Nationals. That was pretty awesome if you asked me.
The coolest part for me was taking over for the king. Forty-five seasons he’d raced in the series and now, this eighteen-year-old kid was taking over.
Throughout his forty-five seasons, he had raced in over three thousand races, brought home well over thirteen hundred wins and twenty-seven championships. He had won more races than any other driver in the series and the most championships. It was a huge seat to fill but I knew I could, at least I thought I could.
“What’s this one for?” I held up a yellow sheet of paper my grandpa pushed in front of me. He sighed, squinting his eyes before he had to put his glasses on.
“I don’t understand. Do they just keep making the print on these goddamn things smaller?” he read silently for a moment before pushing the paper back toward me over the wooden table. “It’s the liability form. It basically says that if you wad one up in the wall you ain’t gonna sue me for damage to your brain.”
Even though I was driving for him now, he was still the owner of the team and I worked for him.
“Oh.”
“Hey,” grandpa shrugged with a twist of his head, “it can happen, kid.”
He was right. It happened. Safety had come a long way recently with most dirt tracks having SAFER barriers just like the NASCAR tracks. Quick release helmets, advanced fire suits and new chassis that were meant to take force the same as the wall. These were all safety improvements but things still weren’t fool proof.
Look at what happened to Ryder Christensen this last fall. Sometimes, it happens. Your head can only take so much force before it gives just like anything else. Life went on as it always did after Ryder and the souls lost in that plane crash but I could tell that it took a toll on everyone in our family, my dad especially. He had known Ryder since they were kids. His passing wasn’t easy for him. Personally, I think it had a lot to do with grandpa’s decision to hang it up.
We signed my life away that day with grandpa’s sponsors, CST Engines and Edan Manufacturing. Over the winter, grandpa had decided to retire and spend some time with grandma before his old ass couldn’t. Those were Lane’s words, not mine.
I had too much respect for the legend to say something like that.
My cousins and brother said that shit all the time. Not me, he deserved more. Out of everyone who has stood by and helped me along the way, Tommy, Justin, Ryder, Cody...my dad and grandpa were the ones who had the biggest impact. I guess that’s to be expected, right?
They are my family after all. But it’s not always like that. My buddy Shane didn’t respect his dad one bit but his dad also never gave two shits whether he won or wrecked; just as long as he was out of his hair.
My family wasn’t like that. Either my mom or
my dad was at every race I had ever raced in and more times than not, my grandpa or grandma were there too. Family was important to us and with me racing in his car, it was important to my grandpa.
After signing everything, the president of Edan Manufacturing took grandpa and me out to dinner in downtown Knoxville. Then we walked through the Sprint Car Hall of Fame where both my grandpa and my dad were inducted. Talk about pressure.
“I can’t believe you’re driving my car this year kid,” Grandpa said conversationally as we pulled onto the freeway heading back to Mooresville after the walk through, “it’s hard to believe two dumbass idiots created such a good kid like you.”
“Why does everyone say my parents were dumb? They seem normal to me.”
“Normal,” he snorted throwing his head back with deep laughter, “there is nothing normal about those two. I’m utterly amazed they made it to see twenty-one or managed to raise three kids without too much disaster. Aside from the time you three set the race shop on fire.”
“When did they fall in love?” I ignored the fire comment, wanting to forget my little brother’s moronic idea that day and focused on the love story between my parents. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen and I’ve seen it all around me. My grandparents have a good marriage and my aunts and uncles always seemed happy. That’s not to say I didn’t see tension at times. This lifestyle created tension and a lot of drama.
My parents, they were different. Something about them stood out. It was as if their love formed at first sight and grew with time into a full-fledged fire. A fire that burned brighter than the day they promised a vow.
I wanted that eventually.
More and more I was becoming curious about marriage. I just turned eighteen last month and to me, it seemed like the right thing to do. More than anything, I wanted to make Lily West my wife. Some thought I was too young when your average age that most got married nowadays was thirty. I was never a ‘most my age’ type of kid.
“I figured you would have heard this before,” he said.
I gave a dismissive shrug, “I’ve heard some, I guess. I know they met really young and got pregnant with me before they were married.”
“Well...it’s a love story...that’s for sure.”
I smiled and he continued.
“They met when they were eleven, nearly twelve. Your dad was racing sprint cars at Grays Harbor, the same place I met your grandma in 1977. You know, I think Jameson even won that night, first time in a sprint car and he won,” Grandpa, let out a wistful snort, “anyhow, your mom and he met in the pits that night after the race. They seemed to mix instantly and become best friends. Believe me, there wasn’t a day that went by that those two weren’t either together or calling each other.
“Jameson was not the easiest kid to be around. Racing was literally all he cared ‘bout. He was convinced by the time he was in the second grade that he was above the educational system and actually wrote the school board a letter telling them he would no longer be attending class. In the end, the little shit returned to school but it was a nuisance to him and, aside from Sway, friends were not in his plan. Even when they were young, he depended on her and I honestly don’t know if he could’ve made it without her. His temper nearly ended his career a few times.”
I knew that. My dad had one wicked temper. If it blew, you didn’t want to be anywhere close him or the objects he was throwing. I’d never seen anything like it but I understood it as it was a known trait that defined him and eventually became a trademark.
“Your grandpa Charlie and me knew that eventually they’d end up together but it took Jameson a long time to realize that he could have more than just racing. He also never understood she felt the same way. He thought for sure she was just a friend to him.”
“What made him see she wasn’t?”
“Well, after high school, Jameson left to race the USAC and more importantly, a Triple Crown title. It’s all he talked about for years but I made him graduate first. After they left, the first year Sway was with him. Then she left for college. His first season, without her by his side, was tough. Like I said, he depended on her, soon that dependability turned on him. When Sway finally graduated, she came out to see his first Charlotte race...” Grandpa smirked, his voiced faded slightly, “I think you can guess how things went, after all, you were born out of wedlock,” I let out a small chuckle as he continued, “but what really changed during that first year was him breaking her heart. Neither one of them realized what they were doing to each other until it was too late.” He sighed looking over at me. I glanced at him but focused on the road in front of me while he talked, “he was an idiot in the beginning and went about it the wrong way. I think at that point, when he broke her heart, it broke him worse than her. He knew he was in love,” he smiled.
“Mom broke my dad’s heart?”
“He’d never admit it, but he fell hard for her and when she left, it shattered him, and his hauler.”
“So what happened then? Did it take a while for them to get back together?”
“If there’s one good thing I can say about your dad’s stupidity at times, he’s determined and dangerously so. It took only a few days and he was crawling back on his knees. You know kid, a love like that only comes around every once in a while. They were lucky to find it at such a young age and keep it.”
“Do you think it’s too hard to keep it?”
I was thankful for the night masking my apprehensiveness. I never talked about my relationship with Lily other than with my parents and mostly with my mom.
Grandpa nodded, “I think you’ll did find it. That Lily is a nice girl, Axel. If you treat her the way she deserves to be treated, you’ll do fine.”
I knew that already. This was something both my parents instilled in me when I expressed my intentions of marrying Lily when I was eight. She’s always been the one for me. Not many people understand me. They think there’s something wrong with the way I only ever think of racing. But both my dad and my grandpa are like that. There’s nothing wrong with thinking that way and Lily understood that. Her dad was the same way.
“I honestly believe that your parents wouldn’t have survived without each other,” Grandpa added. “As weird as that sounds, the bond they have is even weirder to describe. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”
“Not even with you and grandma?”
“No. I mean I do love your grandmother with all my heart and have for forty-five years. She’s been the only woman I’ve ever loved. If something was to happen to me, grandma is strong enough she’ll go on, as would I. We both know eventually your time runs out.” His brow furrowed in concentration as he looked out over the passing street lamps in the distance. “But Sway and Jameson are different,” his eyes shifted to me. Feeling him looking at me, my eyes drifted from the road, “did you ever hear about Darrin Torres?”
“A little, he and dad got into it a lot his first season in cup and he hurt mom when she was pregnant with me, right?”
“Yeah, something like that. Well he hurt your mom and at first, we weren’t sure if she’d make it...or you. Seeing Jameson broken like that is something I never could have imagined seeing in that little boy who was sure he was above second grade because it wasn’t where the clay met rubber. If it hadn’t been for Sway, he would have walked away from racing all together. And now look at him, well on his way to becoming a legend in a sport that never wanted an open wheel kid from Elma.”
“So you think if she would have died then, he would too?”
“In a sense...yes. Without her, there’s no Jameson. As I said, the bond is strange but vital. I don’t mean that it’s perilously unstable. I mean, it’s just that strong.”
I thought I understood but to say I truly understand, I didn’t. No one could.
“Have you ever seen twins and the way they react to each other?”
“Yeah, you mean like Lucas and Logan or Noah and Charlie?”
“No, both bad examples,” he s
aid immediately shaking his head disgusted. “Both sets are fucking assholes. I mean normal twins. The ones that have a connection to one another,”
“Well, aren’t they supposed to have some kind of ESP?”
“Yes, exactly,” he nodded. “They share a brain. Your parents share a brain.”
“That’s weird, right?”
“You know, I’ve thought that for years,” he mused with a chuckle. “Grandma thinks I’m batshit crazy most of the time but when I say your parents are strange, I mean it.”
I’ve always noticed the unusual bond between them but I never thought it was strange. I liked it. Whenever my dad came home from a race, the smile on his face when he would see her always made me smile. To be that in love was what I wanted and by chance, I had found it with Lily.
I think grandpa must have thought more needed to be said when he shifted his weight leaning on the center console with his elbow. His fingers flipped the lid to his water from one finger to the next rolling it with ease. “Let me put it to you this way kid. You know how when you slid into a corner and the back end seems to be coming around on you but that’s how you slide through and gain momentum, right?”
“Yeah,” I must have given him the, “What the hell?” look when he smiled.
“What gets you through that slide and out of that drift?”
“Throttle control.”
“There you go. The right girl, that’s like having the right amount of throttle control, once you figure out throttle control in any car, you can go faster than any other driver out there back n’ it in.”
Now that made perfect sense to me.
3. Bleeder Valves – Jameson