by Shey Stahl
They went back up to the office again, Jameson appeared relaxed and then he came out some ten minutes later. He said nothing but grabbed me by the hand and took me back down on the track to get his gear bag before we left.
Only we didn’t leave right away. Instead he stood there leaning forward against the counter, his head resting against the upper cabinets.
“What the fuck do they know anyway!” Jameson shouted hurling his helmet across the hauler. “Come on, let’s go.”
I waited until we were back in his truck before I asked. “You didn’t pass?”
“No.” He said flatly. “I failed the balance portion.”
The entire way back to the house he never said a word. He knew the balance would be an issue. Jameson had an injury to the Temporal lobe of his brain, that’s where the fracture and the swelling were mostly at. But no one knew for sure what other areas took a hit. It could have very well been that the cerebellum portion of his brain had been injured as well. Either way, he was having problems with balance which is why he had the cane for so long. It had been fourteen weeks since the accident exactly.
And truthfully, I blamed him failing the test on the number fourteen.
They scheduled another test for the following week and said, if he passed, he could race in the Coca-Cola 600 race at the end of the month.
After he heard that news, he threw himself into his recovery. He knew that if he would ever get back inside a race car professionally he needed seat time. Just like our summer when he set out to win that Triple Crown title, he got as much seat time as he could and did everything the doctors said to do.
25. Sipe a Tire – Sway
Sipe a Tire – A process of using a razor blade to cut a tires thread causing the rubber to break off. Grooving or cutting a tire means to use a tool to add additional grooves to a tire for the purpose of adjusting its handling.
After the accident it took some time for Jameson to be released for sexual activity. Even then, it took some time for him to be into it. That first time when our bodies finally came together, after his failed exam with NASCAR, I wondered if I had done something wrong. It felt like motions to satisfy an urge and nothing like the connection we had.
I understood that he wasn’t feeling like himself yet but I’m not gonna lie, it bothered me.
Had the Mama Wizard lost her touch?
Alley came over not long after Jameson left for the sprint car shop that morning after we got back from Charlotte to meet Tommy and Willie before they took off to Eldora.
Alley seemed to notice my distraction immediately. “What’s wrong with you lately? I understand why Jameson is moody, he’s always moody but you’re not. Are you okay?”
“Just some things on my mind today,” That was my attempt to divert the conversation elsewhere but it didn’t work. Never did with Alley or Emma.
“Spill the beans.” Alley pushed cookies my direction.
Staring down at the cookies, I burst into tears. It must have been all that pent up emotion but it was like a fucking flood gate opened. We had a dozen cookies gone before I was finally able to speak.
“Sex just hasn’t been the same. We’ve only done it twice and both times it wasn’t us. It felt like both of us were trying too hard and then when it was over, I felt guilty like I hadn’t given it everything I had. I even faked an orgasm so he wouldn’t feel like he couldn’t satisfy me! Who does that?”
“I have before.” Rosa raised her hand coming into the room.
Alley gave her a funny look and then turned back to me. Rosa sat next to us and opened a beer she pulled from her bra.
We both gave her a funny look after that. She shrugged. “In my country it’s five o’clock.”
“You’re from America.” I said to her. “You know that right?”
“No comprender?” Rosa replied with gauging our reactions.
“Sway,” Alley gave me a confused expression focusing on the situation at hand. My sex life. “Not every time is mind-blowing.”
“I know that. But it’s never been like this for us.”
“You do realize that he nearly died earlier this year. Maybe his gear isn’t working properly.”
“Alley!” I shoved against her shoulder as she laughed and Emma walked into the kitchen and sat next to Rosa eyeing her beer and then us. She too ate what was left of the cookies. “His gear works just fine.”
“Yuck. Don’t take about my brother’s gear.” Emma gagged spitting her cookie out. “Let’s talk about prom. Can I take Arie and Lex to New York next week?”
“No.” Alley answered with no reservations.
“Why would Arie go to prom? She already got her GED.”
“Every girl needs to go prom.”
“Sway,” Alley turned to me again. “Have you tried changing it up, maybe getting a little freaky or something?”
“Oh my god,” Emma shivered and gave us this disgusted snort, “stop talking about this!”
“Hey,” I reached over the counter and smacked the back of Emma’s head. “I’m having a meltdown today, be supportive or leave.”
Emma left but Rosa and Alley were all ears.
“What do you mean by freaky?” My eyes dropped to my hands avoiding eye contact.
Alley went on to explain that Spencer and her had watched porn at one time. So she gave me a few DVD’s and Rosa handed me an erotica book. I’d read those before and skimmed through the one she had given me only to quickly find that I had never read something like that before. It was like bondage and whips and chains and shit I had never considered. Ever. But needless to say, I was intrigued by it and that scared the shit out of me but then some of it made me blush at the thought. Frankly, the idea of some of that stuff resembled something out of a horror movie.
I wasn’t sure how to react to it but I knew that Jameson wouldn’t be home until later that night so I thought that I could get some ideas before he came home.
After making sure the kids weren’t home, I inserted the DVD into the player and then sat in the middle of our bed, watching.
Five minutes into it, I was regretting my decision.
As I sat there, dressed my drive-by-clothes which consisted of a black hoodie, with the hood over my head, strings drew tight, and black sweatpants. I was sweating.
Viewing the movie through the small opening in my hood, my reaction was both denial and disagreement that I was actually watching it.
And then I started to sweat. Like really sweating and my breathing was increasing. And then my crankcase started to have a reaction I wasn’t expecting.
I knew exactly what was happening. My crankcase was thinking some align boring was about to happen based solely on what I was seeing. It was like the time Jameson and I had heard my neighbors in college having sex.
Holy shit, I’m a porn freak. And there was no argument from my head.
Did I mention I was sweating? All that sweating had me basically gasping because I still had my hood on and it felt like a thousand degrees. So I peeled that off and continued watching. I was amazed at some of the angels they show too. I mean, sorry, but I don’t want to look at a view of a man’s asshole.
I just don’t.
They were really getting into on the movie, grunts and screaming, all that shit so I decided to try fast forward and see how it ended when the door to our bedroom opened and Jameson came inside.
My first thought, you fucking idiot! Why didn’t you lock that shit? My second coherent thought was that I should play dead.
He closed the door with his foot, eyes on his phone in his hand, the sound made me jump about two fucking feet and scramble for the remote which I couldn’t find.
I had been caught.
There was no way around it.
Pulling the hood back over my head, I contemplated acting like I was asleep or something equally ridiculous like I’d passed out and someone had put it in the DVD player without my knowledge. A lot of shit ran through my head. There were all kinds of lies going through m
e but no responses from my body. I just sat there like a goddamn idiot.
I’ve had some really embarrassing shit happen to me in my life but getting caught watching porn was probably the cake topper.
Jameson must have noticed the sounds coming from the television and stopped mid stride, back tracked, and cocked his head at the screen. “Is that...are you...?” his eyes squinted as his head slowly turned to me and then back at the screen just as slowly. “What’s going on?”
He turned back to me with a sly grin.
“Uh...” I stuttered out as if the fact that it was on the screen would have been self-evident.
I’m pretty confident that I had lost all self-respect right there.
He stood there, his left hand that was holding his phone pointed at the screen as if he was going to ask a question and then he stopped, looked at me with just a slight tilt of his head, eyebrows raised and then licked his bottom lip but dragged his slowly teeth like he was trying to decide what to do.
My breath started increasing anticipating him doing what was happening on the screen to me.
Kicking off his shoes first, he reached for the hem of his t-shirt, ripped that over his head and then started working on the buckle of his jeans as he walked toward me. He got to the end of our bed, his knees hit the headboard.
It didn’t take me long and I was shredding my drive-by-clothes faster than the screamers jack rabbiting each other on the screen.
“It’s pretty hot seeing you watch this…but,” his eyes caught mine. “What brought this on?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. What was I going to tell him?
Alley and Rosa convinced me to watch porn and become a whore. I don’t think so. Not admitting that.
He let out a sharp breath when my hand slipped inside his pants.
His voice was husky and strained as he started to climb on the bed. “Fuck Sway, that feels so goddamn good.”
I was literally reeling with excitement. Somehow the movie got turned off and frankly I was okay with that because I had some concerns about Alley and Spencer’s taste in porn after watching that.
Jameson didn’t seem to mind. He gave me the impression he was more interested in me.
Clothes seemed to disappear easily, my frantic fingers fumbled with his jeans trying to get them down. Soon he was hovering over me and moving against me but I knew what was happening. The same thing that happened the last two times seemed to be happening. We would get into it and then something happened, both of us trying to avoid that there was a change. Still frantic, we tried to hold onto something that wasn’t there.
The noises that escaped his mouth were almost as good as the words he wouldn’t say these days.
My needy hands roamed over his skin searching for the connection.
My body was underneath him, calling to him, begging him to show me we still had the connection.
We switched positions and he seemed into it, so I kept up everything I was doing. He responded to all the ways I was touching him until I said. “Tie me up.”
“Come again?” His eyes were unfocused but he watched me move from straddling him to putting my hands over my head.
“Tie me up.” I repeated feeling something similar to a shy child.
A smile tugged at his lips. “You wanna get dirty honey?”
That gave me that courage I needed and I grinned too. “Yeah,”
So he tied me up with ratchet tie downs he used at the shop. It was perfect in my mind because car parts were our thing.
Moving between my legs, he slowly entered me again, groaning when he was in all the way, his mouth hot against my skin as he panted.
Then I thought about all the possibilities of what that sprint car shop held for us. We hadn’t done it in the new shop and the thought had me getting into it.
“Hit me!” I was in the moment and said what came to mind.
He stopped and propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at me. Said nothing but looked at me like I had just asked him if I could shove something up his ass.
Apparently our version of dirty was different.
“What?” his eyes squinted and he swallowed. “What’s gotten into you?”
“You never had a problem with it before. We’ve been rough before?”
It wasn’t long and he grabbed a handful of my ass and then swatted it once.
I got braver.
“I...mean my face.” I had no idea what had come over me and hated Alley and Rosa for turning me into a whore.
He pulled away again searching my face. “Seriously, what’s with you?”
“I just want to try something a little different.” I grabbed his hand and placed it on my cheek. “Just give me a little slap.”
“Sway, I don’t like this.” His pained expression told me he had some reservations that went deeper than his words. His hand seemed to tremble slightly as if he was scared but he didn’t move it. But he also didn’t hit me. “I’m not comfortable hitting you.”
“I’m not asking you to punch me.”
“You might as well be.” He mumbled dropping his head to my shoulder, removing his hand from my cheek as his movements stopped. He wasn’t going to hit me and I knew that.
Jameson was completely uncomfortable and then that made me feel like I was weird for wanting to try something different.
I sighed and he seemed to know that I was getting frustrated with our lack of connection.
“Get on your knees.” He demanded.
Hot damn.
His hands grasped my ass right as his hips met mine with forceful movements. Through my glimpse over my shoulder, I could see his head bent forward, his eyes closed, mouth slightly parted as he panted. The straining muscles visible in his stomach flexed with each forward thrust. Watching him in the midst of enjoying himself was hot.
And then my rev limited hit red line.
You know the times when you’re having sex and it’s all hot and aggressive, much like now, but the climax is just not the same? It was good but not mind blowing like I’d hoped for. Something was missing.
Jameson sped his movements, his hands on my ass squeezed tighter and I looked over my shoulder at him. And he came. And though it was mesmerizing, something was missing.
It wasn’t long and he fell asleep. Nothing was really said because like I said, there was something missing.
Alley showed up the next morning when Jameson left for the shop to meet Noah.
“Well?” Alley asked with excitement handing me coffee she brought with her.
My body slumped forward. “It was a fucking clusterfuck. I watched that video and he came in the room. Then when I wanted to try it, he acted as though I was asking him to beat me.”
Alley seemed confused. “You can’t tell me that hard ass has never gotten rough before. I saw those bite marks back in the day and I remember you havin’ to buy new underwear all the time.”
“He’s never hit me!”
“I mean during sex.” She said flatly.
“Like slapped me?”
“It’s not like Spencer punched me, Sway. It was just a little slap tap to my ass cheek in the heat of the moment.”
“Slap tap?” I laughed.
“It’s just like a little slap to the ass or even your face, but not hard enough to constitute any domestic violence shit.”
“Oh, well he’s done that...you know, hit my ass but never to the point where it hurt or anything. We’ve gotten aggressive before and maybe tossed around before but nothing like what you’re telling me to do.”
“What’s the difference between being tossed around and what I told you to try?”
Maybe I had missed something.
“I need a new approach.”
For a while I was just remotely concerned about this change in our sex life. Now I was obsessed. We spent the greater part of the day talking about it.
Alley looked at me with a smirk handing me a shot glass glance around five that night. “Have you ever done the
back forty?”
“What the fuck is that?” In my head I was thinking sex in a field or something. I took the glass and poured myself a drink.
Alley shook her ass on the stool and nearly fell off. Frantically grabbing at the counter, she righted herself and then took a deep breath pushing the bottle of Tequila away. “I mean the back door.”
“Oh, uh, well…we tried once a long time ago when we were drunk and he,” I took the shot I poured myself. “...uh...it didn’t work out.”
“Maybe try it.” She shrugged still grinning. “It might help. When we are in a rut, sometimes it’s fun to try something different.”
“I don’t think he’s into that.”
“You never know until you try.”
So, as the whore I had turned into, I tried again that night when he came home. Once again, he got into it quickly but when I told him that maybe we could try something new, after last night, he seemed a little hesitant.
I watched the color rise from his neck and up his cheeks. He seemed nervous and rightfully so. “What is it?”
And then I said, “I thought we could try the back forty.”
He said nothing.
I felt like a complete fucking loser not to mention embarrassed. I was about ready to say fuck it and run to the bathroom crying when he just looked at me and blinked. What the fuck was wrong with him? Did all men want to try the backdoor?
When I went to get up, his arms tightened around me and I was unable to squirm.
“No. I don’t want to do that.” His lips skimmed my collarbone and then moved to my mouth. Kissing me softly at first, he deepened the kiss when I moaned into his mouth. “You’re such a dirty girl when you want to be.” He grunted around my lips and then went back to the kiss that had me nearly ready to come.
My fingernails dragged down his back; and he arched into me at the sensation and sped his movements. One hand moved from cradling my face to my hips and he grunted as the angle of his hips allowed him to go deeper.