Emma shrugged. “So what? It doesn’t make any difference. The security around Megan and Declan is the best. There’s no way even Global Investigations could get past it.”
“But it is Global Investigations.”
“What?”
“It’s Global Investigations that’s providing their security!”
It was her turn for a spot of jaw-flapping. “But… are you sure?”
“I’ve looked into it. Megan and Declan are both managed by the Golden Screen Theatrical Agency, and they’ve contracted the security arrangements out to Global Investigations’ Security Division. They look after a couple of dozen of Golden Screen’s clients – surveillance, bodyguards, communications, the lot.”
“So… the organisation keeping them safe is the same organisation that’s given us the job to break them up!”
“Don’t you just love coincidences?”
Emma paced up and down thoughtfully. “Something’s going on,” she said. “Why would they hire Barry to set up their biggest clients like this? I mean, if this ruins Megan and Declan and messes up their careers, then Global Investigations will lose out too. At the very least, if we did manage to get past their security, it’ll make them look bad. Why would they give us this job?”
“I don’t think they have.” Just imagine me smoking a pipe and wearing a deerstalker at this point. “I doubt very much Global Investigations know anything about it. I think this job came straight from Larry.”
“Larry who?”
“Larry the lamb, you stupid bitch!” is what I might have said only a few minutes ago. But things had changed. This was business.
“Larry Jones, the director of Global Investigations. He’s Barry’s old boss – that’s why we get so many cases out of them, and usually loads of tech support. He came into the office to see Barry personally about this case, which he never does. I reckon he’s set this whole thing up himself. Without his people knowing about it.”
“What does he have to gain from that, though? Our success might damage his company. Unless that’s exactly what he wants, for some reason… to make his company look bad? Otherwise that makes no sense.”
“I know,” I nodded. “But one way or the other, I don’t think Larry’s telling Barry the whole story. I think he’s using him. Using us.”
Emma scowled, but this time I wasn’t her target. She obviously didn’t like being kept in the dark any more than I did. “So what are we going to do?”
“We need to find out what Larry’s playing at. If he’s got Barry involved in some private little scheme, then I wanna know what it is. We’re the ones in the firing line, we have a right to know what’s going on.”
“So we need to get to Larry.”
“Yes.”
At which point, I went blank. The head of Global Investigations might be almost as hard to get to as Megan MacLeod. “Um. Any ideas?”
Emma glanced through the door of the gym, at the beautiful girls from VenusVisions.
“Yeah,” she smiled, “nine or ten.”
Chapter 16
Invaders From Planet Sex
Bang! Emma and I slammed open the double doors and strode into Global Investigations UK Ltd.
And seventeen beautiful girls came pouring in behind us.
It was a huge open-plan office with a wonderful view of Docklands through the windows. Cubicles, computers, headsets, telephones. Forty or fifty smartly dressed people working away at their desks. This was the agency’s corporate headquarters, the nerve centre of a nationwide organisation. Calm, orderly and professional.
Until now. “Go,” said Emma, and the girls walked into the office.
That’s all they did – just walk. That’s all they had to do.
Claire’s long, bare legs scissored down the main aisle between desks. Angelique’s PVC-clad bottom shimmered under the neon lights. Tamsin swept her waist-length honey-blonde hair over her shoulder, a shampoo advert in the flesh. Anna-Louise, the ex-Page 3 girl, arched her back so that those 38DDs of hers could be seen by everyone, even people behind her. Janey and Catriona prowled slowly in their matching leopard-print skirts. Little ponytailed Karen’s open white blouse and undone tie would have earned her a detention if she’d been a real schoolgirl. Sumitra, the petite Asian girl I’d had a soft spot for ever since she stopped Emma from kicking my head in, smiled her perfect white smile, shaking her perky ass with the rest of them.
And Global Investigations just stopped dead.
Each of the girls walked off in a different direction, smiling, not speaking or touching anything, just smiling. In return they got rabbit-eyes from most people, plus a few delighted grins, I noticed, from the younger blokes. Who could blame them, when their boring old office was transformed into a top-shelf magazine?
The VenusVisions girls did what VenusVisons girls do: catch the eye. Every head turned, every person stared, every woman scowled unhappily, every red-blooded male wiped the drool off his chin, and effectively the entire office became paralysed, allowing Emma and I to just walk on in there, as if we were invisible.
This was a distraction – nothing more. For the girls, this was just a large-scale version of what they usually did, strolling oh-so-casually past their client’s husband or boyfriend. Offering him the bait and seeing if he’d bite. Rather than just one pretty girl, Global Investigations’ bait was seventeen of the most gorgeous women in London.
Bite. Gulp.
Before long, there were shouts of “What’s going on?” and “Stop right there!” and “Get these people out of here!” Rushing up behind us from the main entrance came the building’s security men. They tried to grab hold of our girls and haul them out, as did a few of the more senior office staff. I saw Samantha, Gillian and Janey smirk as they were caught, allowing themselves to be taken away – they had instructions not to resist. It didn’t matter. There were so many of them it would take a while to get everyone out. And until then, all was chaos!
“Any sign?” murmured Emma. She was carrying a light satchel, which worried the hell out of me. When I’d asked what was in it, she said it was her secret weapon. She wouldn’t have an actual gun in there, would she? Did she think we’d have to shoot our way out…?
“Not yet.” I scanned the office, and suddenly spotted Q. He sat at a desk with four monitors on it, surrounded by computers and equipment. For once, his placid face wasn’t so placid, tongue to his knees, gaping at the girls like he’d never seen one before. On my planet these are called ‘females’.
I walked over, smiling my killer smile. “Hi there! Sorry to disturb you, but I’m looking for Larry Jones.”
“W?” said Q.
“Larry Jones. The director. Where is he?”
Q’s normal professionalism abandoned him, his sensible gland drowned out by the sudden flood of testosterone. “Um… he’s in a board meeting… back there.” He pointed to a door at the far end of the main office.
Emma barked “Blue team, with me!” Instantly, six girls came jogging to join us.
I came oh-so-close to kicking the door down – that was the mood I was in – but instead turned the handle and thumped it open. There sat Larry and four other men in their fifties, at a small round table covered with laptops and papers. Looking up like startled teenage boys caught cock-handed.
“Meeting’s cancelled,” I said. “We have an appointment with the boss.”
“Get the rest out,” Emma told her girls. And they surged into the small office, coming onto the four executives like they were the last men on earth. They kissed them, cajoled them, pulled them up from their seats, shunted them out the door with hands all over them. And if they resisted, then a quick armlock and they were being hauled out forcefully.
Larry stood up. I pushed him back down into his seat.
“Need us here?” asked Sumitra. The man she was escorting tried to complain, and she pinched his backside hard enough for him to actually scream and leap out.
Emma shook her head. “Just keep the rest o
ccupied as long as you can. We’ll need at least ten minutes here with nobody bothering us.”
“No problem.” Sumitra blew me a kiss as she left. The cutie.
Emma closed the door. With the muffled sounds of complete anarchy outside, we sat on either side of Larry. His long, bespectacled face was showing more emotion than I’d ever seen from him before. About the same as a normal bloke being told something mildly surprising. Larry’s version of gobsmacked.
“So!” I smiled. “Item one on the agenda!”
“You can’t do this,” said Larry. “My security people will call the police. The company will prosecute – ”
“The item is Megan MacLeod,” I said, “and Declan Shea.”
Larry’s mouth closed.
“Would anyone like to start the ball rolling on this particular piece of business?”
“Why yes, I would,” said Emma, leaning forwards. I wished she wouldn’t do that quite so much. “I think we’re all aware that Global Investigations has been hired by the Golden Screen Theatrical Agency to provide round-the-clock security for the actress Megan MacLeod and popstar Declan Shea.”
“Yes, we’re all aware of that,” I nodded.
“In fact, it’s fair to say that Megan and Declan are amongst Global Investigation’s biggest clients, and are providing a great deal of revenue for them.”
“That’s certainly true.”
“So my question is, why would Global Investigations then arrange for Infidelity Ltd to actually break up the relationship between Megan and Declan, or at least make it look like one is cheating on the other? This will undoubtedly cause severe harm to their careers, and thus make them less lucrative clients. So why would Global Investigations want to shoot down its golden geese in this foolish manner?”
“Well, that’s a fair question. Hmmm. Perhaps the Director of Global Investigations could shed some light on it for us?”
We turned and looked at Larry.
I’d never seen him so rattled. Seriously on edge. Which is to say, he looked like a normal person waiting impatiently for the lift. Larry didn’t do emotion.
“All right,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “It’s nothing to do with Global Investigations. I took the case and passed it to Barry personally.”
Emma and I shared a triumphant look. “So it’s off the books?” I said. “Nobody else here knows anything about it?”
“It was offered to the company initially. But of course we refused. Betrayal of professional ethics.”
“Who?” we demanded in unison, and she added “Who offered it to you? Who’s our client?”
Larry straightened his spectacles.
“Oh for Christ’s sake!” I snapped. “Bit late to start having professional ethics now, isn’t it? Just tell us who’s putting up the cash for this!”
“It’s not an ethical matter. It’s contractual. Anonymity guaranteed.”
I sneered. “Just as long as it looks good in the newspapers, right?”
Larry’s blank silence might as well have been a vigorous nod.
“All right,” said Emma, “so one of the tabloids comes knocking on Global Investigation’s door with an offer to split up Megan and Declan, to give them a good story. And of course it’s rejected. Outrageous, possibly illegal, very dodgy. Bur privately, without Global Investigations knowing…”
“…I told the client I’d take care of it,” agreed Larry.
“So why did you go to Barry?”
“Safer that way. I couldn’t use my own people on it. But Infidelity Ltd was perfect. No trail back to me. No evidence. Nothing provable in court,” he added with a fractionally-raised eyebrow. And we both got the unspoken message. That alleged conversation in the Global Investigations headquarters never happened, your honour. My client Mr Jones denies it emphatically. Nothing he told us would get beyond this room.
My mobile started playing Nobody Does It Better. I quickly reached into my jacket and cancelled the call. No time for Becky now. I was busy.
“So we’re working for you,” said Emma.
“In a sense. But being well-paid for your efforts. I agreed a fifty-fifty split with Barry.”
My turn to be gobsmacked. “What? But we’re getting quarter of a… so you’ve been offered half a million pounds? Jesus! And you’re trusting us to get this for you? How can you do that, you don’t know us at all!”
“Actually, I know you very well. I’ve been playing close attention to both of you.”
I went cold. “What, you mean… spying on us?”
“I prefer the term ‘covert surveillance’.”
“Why?”
“It sounds more professional.”
“No, I mean, why spy?”
“Why-spy?”
“Why did you spy on us!”
“To gauge your skills. I didn’t want to risk so much money on an unknown quantity. I had to confirm that you could both do what Barry said you could. Best way to do that was to observe you in the field.”
Emma and I shared a horrified look. For a second I thought she might swing for Larry. “You’ve been watching us when we’ve been on missions? Does Barry know about this?”
“Of course not. I asked to be kept updated on the work he gave you, but I didn’t let him know I was keeping tabs as well. It’s nothing personal,” he shrugged, “just safeguarding a business investment – ”
“The blonde guy!” Suddenly it all clicked into place. “The other detective in the Glasshouse restaurant who was watching me – that was you! That was a Global Investigations man!”
“Actually, he was another freelancer,” said Larry. “Ex-military. Couldn’t risk using my people. Won’t be using him again, either. He was hardly subtle.”
“I’ll say he wasn’t subtle! He nicked my motorbike! Larry, you have no idea how much grief that bastard has put me through –”
“You can have it back.”
I blinked. “Really?”
“He only took it to avoid you catching him, it wasn’t part of his mission brief. It’s down in our parking lot if you want it.”
No apology from Larry, no hint of remorse. But suddenly, just like that, Jake’s motorbike was being handed back to me. Except he didn’t need it any more, since I’d bought him a brand new one, the cost of which had left me poorer than I’d been for years. I grinned like a kid on Christmas morning as it struck me what this meant. That gorgeous black and red Honda was mine now. I had a motorbike of my very own! Fantastic!
Emma fired a look that shot the smile clean off my face. Right. Sorry.
“One last question,” she said to Larry. “Why are you doing this? Isn’t it going to look a bit suspicious when Global Investigations make an extra quarter-million profit?”
“It’s not for the company. It’s for me.”
“Thought it might be. Director’s salary not good enough for you?” she sneered.
“I’m retiring. Emigrating,” said Larry simply.
And you could just about hear it in his dry-leaves voice: weariness.
For a moment, I wondered what Larry’s life had been like. Working in the private investigation industry for decades. Spying on people for a living. Digging up information. What grubby secrets must he have learned? How many nasty, vicious, petty, sordid little acts must he have seen?
I glanced over Larry’s shoulder at his desk. Amongst all the work stuff were four framed photographs. Smiling children in school uniform, three girls and one boy, aged between four and ten. All wearing glasses like their dad. But no pictures of the whole family. No pictures of his wife. Just the kids. And that told me exactly what Larry’s life had been like, and what damage had been done.
Larry met my eyes, knowing what I was looking at. “I’ll need to make sure they’re all comfortable before I go. Selling my company shares won’t be enough, but an extra two hundred and fifty thousand should do it.”
I nodded, understanding. Emma’s anger had faded too. She scanned the pictures of children, chewing her lip.
“And now you’ve ruined it,” Larry snapped, making us both jump.
“What? How?” we chorused.
“By storming in here like this.” He gestured at the door, behind which we could still hear the sounds of the girls being chased and dragged out of the office. “Questions are going to be asked. Investigations into what caused this… invasion. We’ve been seen together now, the three of us. You threw the board members out of my office. They’ll want to know why.”
I felt my stomach drop, realising the enormity of what we’d done. “Well, um, maybe we – ”
“They’ll find out about you two,” Larry added coldly. “Make no mistake. Finding out about people is what we do here. They’ll find out about Barry and they’ll shut his operation down. And then they’ll find out about me. Everybody loses.”
I panicked. Why didn’t I think this through, of course there would be repercussions! How could we possibly explain our way out of this?
Emma reached into her satchel and in a flash I saw her blowing Larry’s head off – but instead she threw a slim, spiral-bound document onto the table.
Larry arched an eyebrow, the equivalent of a normal man leaping to his feet. “What’s this?”
“It’s a corporate presentation to Global Investigations UK Ltd. By the VenusVisions Agency. To back up our little demonstration.”
“Demonstration?”
“That’s what this is,” she gestured at the door and all the chaos outside, “a demonstration of what VenusVisions does. A demonstration of what their girls can do, of how effective they can be, how beautiful and sexy they are. This is just our way of sending you a business proposal!”
I looked at the glossy document, both company logos on the cover, all professional. Secret weapon. Emma had known this would happen and had come prepared! I stared at Larry, his face as inscrutable as ever. Would he buy this? Sounded pretty bonkers even to me.
Bang: Memoirs of a Relationship Assassin Page 21