by Woods, Karen
“Dunno yet. I haven’t opened it,” he lied. They all gathered round him like hungry animals. All eyes focused on the handbag. Steve spoke with anger in his voice as he bounced about on the staircase.
“The old cunt flagged a police car down. We saw her didn’t we lads?” The lads nodded in agreement.
“Fucking hell, no way did she?” Shaun moaned. Thinking for a minute he shrugged his shoulders and huffed. “I’m not arsed anyway. Let the fucking coffin dodger prove it was me.” The lads agreed. Steve tried to put Shaun’s mind at rest. “Yeah she’s an old cunt and she won’t be able to remember you. She was a specky twat!” Steve patted Shaun’s shoulder as he spoke. “Fuck me Shaun, you was rapid wasn’t you?” Shaun nodded and smiled. He had completed his first mission and now it was time to reap the rewards.
After counting all the money, there was one hundred and eighty pounds in the purse. They also found a broken cross and chain in it too. Shaun claimed it immediately. He held the cross in his hands and knew it could bring him an extra few quid when he was skint. Shoving it in his pockets he went to the large bin and tossed the stolen handbag inside it.
“Right come on, let’s fucking get off from here.” Steve huffed. Shaun pulled his tracksuit top off and tied it round his waist. He didn’t want to take any chances of the police pulling him up because of what he was wearing. His face looked chuffed with his little earner. He swung his hand playfully and punched his mate at the side of him before they all headed down the stairs.
Dipping his head Shaun and his mates headed to the DIY shop on Rochdale Road to get his tin of glue. Only Shaun and Steve went inside the shop. The man in the store knew exactly what they were doing with the glue and didn’t seem too bothered selling it them. They were regular customers and he joked with them about the amount they were buying. He always put the glue in a carrier bag and made sure no one was in the shop when he served them.
With everything they needed for the daily buzz they all headed off to Harpurhey fields nearby. Every kid who was there had some kind of home life problem and wanted to block it from their mind. One of them held a tin of gas up his parka coat sleeve, and held it to his mouth as they walked. Sniffing gas was also a big buzz back then and nearly all the youths in Harpurhey felt the need for the cheap buzz. Tip-ex thinner was also another cheap thing the youths abused to get off their heads.
“Fucking hell look at Shaun,” Steve shouted. They all watched him from a distance as the bag of glue hung from his mouth. They watched him inhale the fumes as he ran around the fields at speed. His legs were all over the show, Shaun’s arms were stretched out and he was imitating a plane. His voice was loud as he ran past them all shouting.
“Come and fly with me you nobheads. I’m off to Australia now.” The lads followed his orders and all stretched their arms out running round the field pretending they were flying. In the distance they could see a woman approaching. They came to a standstill as they could see it was Gladys, Shaun’s mother.
Gladys was inches away now and they all ran to sit down on the hill. Shaun was still running on the grass with his arms stretched out. Gladys yanked him by the arms. Her hair was stuck up all over and her sandals were full of mud.
“You little fucker what have you been up to? The police have just been round to our house and they’re looking for you lot.” She now turned to the others and spoke to them. Her finger was pointing at them and her face was red with anger. “You’re all in deep shit the fucking lot of you. Steve, your dad’s already looking for you, so God help you when he gets his hands on you.” Steve’s jaw dropped. Gladys now grabbed the bag from Shaun’s grip and opened it. Her face looked surprised as she sniffed its contents. The others scattered as she started to scream at the top of her voice.
“You little glue sniffing bastard. No wonder you’re not eating. Fucking sniffing glue! Are you right in the head. It can kill you. Do you hear me? It can fucking kill you!” Her eyes were streaming with tears and she looked at the end of her tether as she dragged him towards her. Shaun’s eyes were rolling around and he was off his head and not really aware of what was going on. The spots round his mouth looked red and angry. His words were slurred as he answered her.
“We’re just having a buzz. I’ve done nowt wrong so why are the police looking for us?” Gladys dragged him by his arm and started marching him back across the muddy fields. Shaun was trying to shake off his mother’s grip but without any success. A few of the neighbours were out on the estate watching her fight with her son. Gladys could see them whispering to each other as she passed them. She leant over to Shaun’s face and shouted.
“See what I mean. You’ve got all the fucking estate talking about us now.” Gladys whacked him across the head and Shaun looked at the nosey neighbours. He shoved his two fingers up at them with a smile on his face. “Fuck off back inside, ya beaky bastards!” he chuckled. Gladys whacked him again across his body but he was numb to anything she was doing to him.
As soon as they got through the front door Paul was waiting for him. He dragged Shaun from his mother’s arms and pinned him up against the wall with his feet dangling. He was shouting into his face. Shaun was struggling to keep his eyes open.
“Robbing pensioners now are ya? Well wait until the dibble have gone and I’m gonna show you what pain feels like.” Shaun looked worried and broke free from his grip. The front door was still open and he took his chance to make a run for it as Paul ran about the house looking for his shoes. There was no way the little bastard was escaping.
“Mam he’s done one!” Paul shouted as he slipped his shoes on his feet. Shaun ran like a whippet, he’d lost his brother within seconds. His body was shaking and he had to think quickly as to where he could hide. Remembering his mother had thrown his bag of glue back on the fields he headed back there.
Finding it he took a minute to regain his breath as he flung his body onto the floor. His hand reached for the bag of glue and he brought it to his chest. The glue seemed as fresh as before. Shaun zipped up his tracksuit top and pulled the hood over his head. The glue made him feel loved and as he inhaled he sank back in the grass and went to a place where he had no worries.
He didn’t care about anything or anyone.
Chapter Three
Gladys sat at the hospital bed watching her son’s eyelids flickering rapidly. She was on the edge of her seat and sat constantly watching the heart monitor. Looking at the door nervously she looked like she was about to shout the doctor in to check him out. He didn’t look right. Shaun looked distressed and she wondered if he was dreaming again. Grabbing his hand she stroked it against her face and kissed it softly. His monitor calmed down now and his heartbeat went back to normal. She blew a hard breath and shook her head. It was all getting to much for her.
Shaun’s dad had been informed about his son’s whereabouts and after a bit of persuasion he was allowed to come to his bed side. The bad blood between them had never subsided and Gladys had been adamant that the bastard was not coming within an inch of her son. Marie had finally convinced her after hours of arguing to let him come to the hospital. After all he was still his father.
Gladys was shocked to see Mike’s reaction when he first saw Shaun. She thought he didn’t care about his kids. How wrong she was. He looked traumatised. Gladys watched her ex-husband like a hawk as he slithered over to the bedside. Her feelings were mixed for him and she didn’t know how to react. This man had abused her for years and she blamed him for everything that had gone wrong in her life.
Mike wiped his eyes as he sat looking at all the tubes placed inside Shaun’s body. He was struggling to catch his breath and held one hand around his neck rubbing at it vigorously. The heart monitor showed his son’s heart rate at the side of him and he watched it with sadness. His wrinkled hand touched the screen and he wished he could turn back the hands of time. He could feel Gladys’s eyes burning into the back of his head. Slowly he turned to face her.
Ruffling the collar on his coat he huffe
d and dropped his head. Gladys’s eyes were still all over him and the look of disgust on her face was obvious. She sat tall in her chair and screwed her face up. He didn’t scare her anymore and she was more than ready for him. Gladys’s bottom lip was trembling and he could see the heartache in her eyes. Mike licked his dry lips and prepared himself for the fireworks.
Shaun’s father was six foot tall and had piled on the pounds over the years. He wasn’t always big but the years of alcohol and takeaways had now caught up with him. Mike’s unshaven face looked red with the signs of heavy drinking. His nose looked like a ripe tomato. In the past he was always laughing and joking but today he seemed to have lost all his confidence.
Pulling his chair up closer to the bedside, he kept his eyes focused on Shaun’s face. He reached for his hands and felt the bony fingers in front of him as his eyes slowly closed. His mouth was moving up and down but no words were coming out. It looked like he was praying. Tears dripped slowly dripped down on his cheek as he remembered holding the same hand when Shaun was only a small boy.
“My boy,” he sobbed.
The years of drug abuse were now visible on each of his son’s arms. Shaun’s veins looked collapsed and they were heavily bruised. Mike sunk his head down and mumbled under his breath. His own tormented life came to the surface now and he needed some kind of forgiveness. Mike had made some bad mistakes in his life but leaving his children was something that played on his mind nearly every day. He told everyone about them but never found the strength to play a part in their lives. Slowly he lifted his head up and turned to Gladys. Pausing for a minute he struggled to speak. He was stuttering.
“It’s my fault all this isn’t it?” he said as his eyes scanned towards Shaun.
Gladys shot him a look as she sat upright in her chair as if boiling water had been poured down the back of her neck. For years she’d waited for this moment and now it was here she was ready to give the cunt a piece of her mind. She held back as he continued. Gladys looked cold as her hands rubbed up and down against her body. Mike’s voice was soft and nothing like she remembered. She looked surprised and wasn’t use to seeing this side of him.
“I hold my hands up Gladys.” His hands were held out in front of him and a desperate look was across his face. His voice was shaky. “If only I had been a father to him none of this would have happened would it?” His head dropped to his knees and it sounded like he was crying.
Gladys was chomping at the bit and had to restrain herself from diving on him and pummelling her fists into his face. If he thought for one minute he was getting any sympathy from her he had another coming. Lifting his head up slowly Mike stared at her. She could see wetness on his cheeks and realised the bastard did have a heart after all. He continued.
“He would have just been a normal man with a normal life if it wasn’t for us.” His ex-wife bit down onto her lips as the years of torment hit the surface. Her face was turning red.
“Cheeky bastard,” she whispered under her breath. Why was he being so nice to her? She wanted him to be his old self so she could hate him even more than she did already? She looked confused. Gladys wanted to open fire on him but her words stuck in her throat.
The nurse came into the room and checked everything was okay with Shaun. She could see the two distressed parents and it was obvious they didn’t get on. Gladys raised her eyes up to the ceiling and shot a look at Mike at the side of her. The atmosphere was there for everyone to see. The nurse looked embarrassed and offered them both a drink. Gladys accepted and seemed to calm down. By the looks of Mike, he could have done with something stronger to calm his nerves.
“Yeah sweetheart, I’ll have a coffee if you don’t mind.” Gladys nearly choked.
“Fucking sweetheart!” she gasped as she looked at him with hate in her eyes. He still wound her up even though the years had passed. He was still a womaniser. The nurse left smiling softly. She couldn’t wait to get out of the room as it looked like World War Three was about to start.
“I won’t be long,” she said.
Mike sat back in his chair. He looked at Gladys and remembered how she looked when she was younger. They should have been so happy together but Mike’s own upbringing meant they were set for disaster from the very first moment he placed the wedding ring on her finger.
Mike was one of nine children living on a council estate in Miles Platting. Life had been hard for him and his siblings. Every day had been a struggle for his family. As he sat beside his dying son he thought it was only right that he tried to explain why he was never the father he should have been to his children. The nurse came back into the room and quickly passed them both their drinks. She didn’t hang around and quickly left. Taking a drink from his plastic brown cup he stared at Gladys. She looked defensive.
“It was my childhood that fucked me up ya know. It’s something I can’t ever get over.” She could see his eyes filling up and couldn’t believe he was opening up to her. He’d always been so hard and never showed any emotions in all the time she’d known him. She held her head back and her nostrils flared as she listened further. “I never deserved a family and I probably never deserved you.”
“Too fucking right you didn’t!” she mumbled .Gladys wriggled about in the chair and she was preparing herself to have her say. She’d waited years for this moment and she was going to tell him just how much of a twat he really was. As he carried on speaking she saw the pain in his eyes.
“I’ve never told anyone about my life and the real me, have I?” His eyes looked sad as his thumbs played with his fingertips. “To tell you the truth I find it hard to speak about it and I don’t know why I’m talking about it now.” He pulled his coat off and stood up as he hung it around the back of the chair. Sitting back down he looked as if he was shivering. He coughed nervously. “My mam tried the best she could for us but once my dad died what chance did she have?” Mike crossed his legs and moved his chair around so he could see her face fully. Gladys was listening and hung onto every word he was saying.
“It was me and our kid that felt it the most. We had fuck all. No food. No money no nothing.” His hand reached to Gladys’s knee but she moved it away quickly as if it was carrying a disease. “We all missed our dad after he died, but nothing was gonna bring him back. My mam couldn’t feed us and we survived the only way we knew how.” Sipping more of his coffee he looked at Gladys. Her face was like thunder and he knew she hated him with a passion.
“They took me away from my family you know?” Gladys shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.
“They should have drowned you at birth if you ask me,” she replied sarcastically and her eyes never left his face. Mike shut his eyes for a moment. She was such hard work.
“I went to live with my posh auntie. Fucking hell they had a colour television. I’d never seen a television before, never mind a colour one. They were good to me you know but I missed my family so much, so I kept running away.” Gladys blew her nose on the tissue at the side of her and turned her head back to him as he continued. “That’s when I fell deeper into crime,” he chuckled. “I mean I only done a bit of shoplifting, for fuck’s sake there was no need to put me into care. The judge told me I needed discipline in my life and with me having no dad at home the approved school was my only option.” Gladys never knew he’d been in care and looked shocked. She’d been married to him for thirteen years and never once had he spoken about his childhood. He’d mentioned basic stuff in the past, but what he was telling her now made her toes curl. Mike pulled at his hair as he ran his fingers through it. He was distressed.
“The fucking care system sucks. You’re treated like a machine. They strip any emotions from you and make you feel dead inside.” His head hung low as his past gripped him with both hands. He was eager to continue. “Imagine me as an eleven-year-old boy with no mam, no dad. No fuck all. I had nobody to tell me that they loved me. It was a nightmare Gladys I can tell you.” She could feel her arms getting ready to hug him but she he
ld back. What was she thinking? He was her enemy.
His look was daunting as he sighed. “The sad thing was though, all the kids in care were like that. It was a dog eat dog world. I learnt that to survive I had to be ruthless, and that’s what I did. I bullied, I stole and even got some lads to give me their clothing.” Gladys knew he was a bully and scowled as she remembered her own tormented life with him. He laughed out loud and looked chuffed. “I was the best dressed kid in there.” He was looking for any signs of forgiveness in her face but she remained solemn. Gladys held her cup of tea and stroked at the rim of it. Her eyes looked over to her son as a single tear ran down her face. She too held years of disappointment and Mike was the biggest part of it. Gritting her teeth she cleared her throat and spoke in a distressed voice. She’d heard enough of his self pitying story.
“So is that why you treated me the way you did?” she screamed. Gladys sat forward in her chair now and looked directly into his eyes. She was struggling not to cry. “You treated me like a low-life and never once did you ever say you were sorry. How do you think that made me feel?” she said jabbing her finger in his face. “Fucking years of beatings, and mental torture you gave me. You destroyed me as a person. Do you know that?” Mike tried to move nearer to her but she held her head high and pulled her arm from his as he tried to comfort her. “Fuck off,” she groaned. He tried again to comfort her.
“Take you fucking hands off me Mike. It’s too late now for apologies. You ruined my life and our kids.” Looking at the floor he slid his feet against the vinyl floor. He could tell by her frozen face that there was no way in this world she would ever forgive him. The years had passed and she’d become bitter against him. The room was silent; all you could hear was the machine bleeping away with Shaun’s heartbeat. Gladys wanted to turn the machine off as it was bugging her. Every bleep from it told her that her son was still alive and still suffering. She gripped her body and swayed in the chair. Pulling a strand of hair that had fallen onto her face she turned to face Mike.