by Kate Morris
“I lied,” he confesses and stares at her as if he’s in pain.
“I don’t…”
He cuts her off and says, “I lied to you about not having those kinds of feelings for you. I’ve told you before that I don’t want to be your best friend, that I’m not your best friend. That part wasn’t true, either. You are my best friend. With you being gone from the farm, I find myself turning to tell you something. You’re always the first person I want to tell anything. You’re the last person I want to talk to at night and the first one I want to see in the morning. There is a huge void in my life since you moved away.”
Sam tries to look away from him, but Simon takes her chin between two fingers and turns her to look up at him again.
“I’m sorry for the way I’ve behaved,” he apologizes. “It was wrong of me.”
“Fine, I accept your apology,” she says and walks around him. Simon snatches her upper arm and stops her.
“Wait, Sam,” he says with more urgency. “I’m not done.”
“I am,” she states emphatically.
“But…”
Sam shakes her head to stop him. “Simon, I’m glad that you’ve reconciled all this in your mind. That’s fortunate for you. It hasn’t been good, our relationship. Now, we can go back to being civil. But I’m not moving back to the farm. I’m staying where I am. My uncle needs me.”
“This isn’t just about you leaving,” he states with frustration and releases her. “This is about us. I need for you to understand.”
“I do understand. I understand you better than you understand yourself, Simon.”
“I’m not arguing there. That’s definitely true.”
“Then…”
“This is me throwing my hat in the ring,” he says and then looks slightly embarrassed.
“What ring?”
“For you. You’re right. I don’t like Henry. Not because he’s some sort of monster or a bad person. I don’t like him because I think a part of you likes him, and I know for sure that he is in love with you. I’ve seen it.”
She feels a blush creep onto her cheeks. She knows what he’s saying is true because Henry told her as much. She hadn’t and still hasn’t reciprocated those feelings or repeated the words. She’s never been a liar or a person to stretch the truth, not even to spare someone’s feelings, and she’s not about to start with Henry. He doesn’t deserve that. Her feelings where he’s concerned are confused, at best.
“This isn’t something I want to discuss with you, Simon,” she states firmly in the hopes that he’ll drop it.
“I know, but I need you to understand that I feel the same way,” he says.
“Good. I’m glad you don’t want to talk about it, either.”
“What?” he asks and pauses to think. “Wait. That’s not what I meant.”
“What wasn’t?”
He shakes his head. “This is getting messed up. Why is it every time I’m around you, I’m a bumbling idiot?”
“Maybe it’s not just when you’re around me,” she corrects with sass, getting a smile from him.
“You make me forget my train of thought,” he admits, surprising her as he cups her cheek. “You always do. Sometimes when I just look at you, I forget what planet I’m on.”
Sam chuckles. “That’s silly.”
“But true, as it were,” he confesses and pushes a stray cluster of waves behind her ear.
Then, surprising her even more, Simon leans in and kisses her. It’s not passionate or lengthy, but a quick pressing of his lips against hers. When he pulls back, he seems even more surprised that he did it.
“See? Train completely derailed,” he says very softly and slips an arm around her waist.
His next kiss is not quick or gentle. The passion they’ve shared before, that restrained tenseness in him is definitely there. His warm breath mingles with hers in a fiery heat that cannot be put out no matter how much snow falls on them. She has missed him so desperately, has wanted him to kiss her just like this, to forget all of his stupid rules, rejections, and relationship limitations. Sam has wanted to be back in his arms, to finish what they started in her parents’ home that night so long ago.
However, this is wrong. He broke her heart. She isn’t about to allow it to happen again, so she rears back and slaps his cheek. It definitely cools his heels. He actually brings a gloveless hand to his smarting cheek and gapes at her with a shocked expression.
“Hey!” John calls out from the doorway less than a block away. “You two better get in here before you freeze.”
“Coming!” Sam returns and dashes away before Simon can stop her.
She glances over her shoulder to see him still standing in the same spot before she follows John back into the hall where he asks her to dance with him. She wonders if he witnessed the kiss, or the slap. Sam hopes not. She looks up to John probably more than any other person on earth and doesn’t want to disappoint him.
About an hour goes by before she sees Simon again. He is in the corner talking to Cory and watching her from afar as she dances with different men, one after the other, all of whom are harmless. Then she dances with Henry, and Simon’s expression changes.
Later, when she excuses herself from her friends and crosses the room to get a glass of punch made and provided by Dave’s wife, she sees him again. He offers her a cup.
“Er…thanks,” she says and takes it.
“I heard you might be coming to the farm while your uncle’s gone?” he inquires.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Simon,” she says as the band plays a tune and people clap and cheer and gather for a line dance.
“Why not?”
“I might stay here in town for a few days and keep an eye on the few Campbell Kids who are still sick and then head home. They need care.”
“To Dave’s?”
“No, to my home where I live. At the clinic. Home.”
She looks at him, hitting Simon with a direct stare in the soft yellow glow of the evening’s lighting. His blue eyes are darker in this light but no less beautiful.
“I…” she starts but doesn’t finish. Sam glances up at him and then out at the crowd of dancers.
“What is it? Talk to me, Sam. If you’re worried about the kids, then…”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “Well, yes, of course, I am. But that’s not what I was thinking about.”
“What’s wrong?” Simon asks and strokes his thumb over the back of her hand in a reassuring manner.
“I’m sorry I hit you,” she apologizes.
Simon chuckles, “Oh, that. Yes. Well, I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. That was wrong of me.”
“It was wrong of me to slap you,” Sam says. “No matter how angry you make me, I shouldn’t hit you when I’m mad. That’s immature and…”
Simon squeezes her hands gently and says, “You’re getting better at it. That one actually stung a little.”
Sam laughs, and he grins and keeps teasing, “You need a longer windup, though. Maybe arch your back, extend the arm further.”
He even acts it out, stretching her arm back far, making her laugh.
“Oh, I’m a horrible person! Sorry,” she says again.
Simon smiles and rests his hand on the top of her head. “I forgive you. I could never be mad at you, not for more than a few minutes.” Simon pauses for a moment thinking. “Sam, there is still so much that needs to be said between us…”
“Simon, don’t,” she states firmly.
“I don’t want you to come back to the farm unless you want to, but I really, really want you to. I miss you,” he states simply.
His words are not simple, though. They hit hard.
He continues, “My life is so empty without you in it.”
“Simon, I can’t do this.”
“I miss everything about you, Samantha.”
She sighs sadly, “I missed you, too, at first. But you’ll get over it. I did
.” She also tells herself these lies often.
He shakes his head, “Never. It’s just that I sort of bungled everything I wanted to tell you. I made an even bigger mess of our relationship because I’m the least articulate person sometimes, or mostly just around you.”
“That’s not true,” she corrects. “You’ve never had trouble talking to me. If there’s one thing we’ve always had it’s the ability to talk to each other.”
He nods, and Sam looks away. They both know that the situation between them has changed, even if neither is willing to admit it aloud.
“That was before,” he says, shaking his head and reaching for her hand.
“Before what?”
“Before I realized I was in love with you,” he confesses softly. “I love you, Sam.”
Sam raises her chin slightly and sets her mouth in a tight line. Then she slips her hand free. “Wh…what?”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you here. I know, my timing is horrible. This isn’t the time or the place to do this, but I can’t wait another second. I don’t want to carry this around this secret and not be able to tell you how I really feel. I’ve lied to you for so long, lied to myself. I know this might be my only chance to say it before you’re gone again, and I needed you to know. I don’t want you to be with Henry. This is why. I am jealous. I’m jealous of every second he gets to spend with you that I don’t. Not being around is total misery for me. You deserve the truth. I’ve…I’ve never been honest with you about my feelings because…”
“Hey, Sam,” Henry says as he strolls up to them. “Care for another dance?”
Her mouth feels as dry as sandpaper. Reagan and John walk over to their little group, as well. They all have the worst possible timing in the history of worst possible timing. She croaks, doesn’t even issue an actual word in response. Then the room gets suddenly thirty degrees hotter, her cheeks burn, everything becomes fuzzy, and she loses her balance. Simon is the first to realize and grabs her shoulders.
“Sam?” he cries out.
“I’m fine. I’m fine, just hot,” she blurts.
“Let’s sit, kiddo,” John encourages and allows his wife to lead her to a few chairs in the back of the room where it is slightly darker and much cooler so far away from the heat source and Simon and Henry. She looks over her shoulder to find both of them still standing next to the punch bowl table with John. It looks heated but not in the same way she feels right now.
“What happened? Too hot? You’re not knocked up, are you?” Reagan teases.
“Ha! Fat chance,” Sam returns with a smile and sits. “Too much dancing.”
“Got it,” Reagan says and doesn’t harp on her about the incident but hands her a glass of water.
They sit in silence for a while and watch the party goers. Everyone is in the highest of spirits tonight. Everyone except her.
“Those two idiots should’ve been disarmed before entering the building,” Reagan comments looking in the general direction of her husband. She crosses her arms over her chest and indicates Simon and Henry. “Gonna duel it out if I were to guess.”
“What?” she exclaims.
“I’m kidding,” she says with a laugh. “But you are going to have to make a choice soon. You don’t want to be one of those girls.”
She sends a questioning look Reagan’s way.
“Someone that leads men on,” she explains. “Henry’s a good guy. Simon’s like my brother. Pick one or pick neither. You’ve got my blessing. Just make a decision soon and let the other down gently, especially if it’s Simon you have to let down.”
“I’m just…I’m just so…” she says, trying to explain and instead gets angry. There is frustration and anger and confusion all going around and around in her brain on the spin cycle. She hasn’t a clue what to do. Simon was trying to tell her something important. She wanted to hear the rest. She is tempted to drag him from the building and make him finish.
“Yeah, this love shit is hard,” Reagan states, making her chuckle. “What? It is. And men should come with an owner’s manual. They’re confusing and stupid and complex yet simple. John still pisses me off half the time.”
“And the other half?”
“He’s busy knocking me up, obviously,” she says in typical Reagan bluntness. Hannah and Sue are across the room, so she’s being especially brave. “But you’ll know. You’ll figure it out. They always say stupid shit like ‘when it’s right, you’ll just know.’ I never believed in any of that crap before I met John. Then it did hit me, and when it did, it about killed me. I wasn’t ready for that…that sort of intensity in my life. I didn’t want to be stuck tied down to a man. But now, I don’t know what I’d do without that idiot.”
She smiles, even though this is not what Sam wants to hear. She doesn’t want to ‘know’ which man is right for her. She wants them both to leave her alone. Or, at least, that’s the lie she tells herself.
“I’m angry with Simon. I don’t understand him. One minute he kisses me and the other he’s pushing me away.”
“I think he’s done with the pushing away part,” Reagan tells her and leans back in her chair.
“Maybe,” she says. “I never know. And Henry’s so much easier to read. He speaks his mind, lets me know how he feels. Simon is so…he’s so…”
She groans loudly and wishes she wasn’t in a room full of people so that she could scream, as well.
“Yeah, sounds about right,” Reagan says with a smile.
“Now, he’s acting like he’s interested in me. I don’t know. Maybe he’s just saying that because of Henry’s feelings. We were interrupted by Henry. And I don’t trust Simon anymore. He’s hot and cold and all over the place.”
“No, I think he’s past all that. He knows what he wants now, and that’s you,” Reagan counters. “Give him a chance maybe. Let him explain. Or don’t. It’s up to you. But whoever’s interested, Simon included, don’t make it too easy on ‘em. You’re worth the fight, Samantha Patterson.”
“Oh,” she whispers, never having thought of herself in such a way.
“Not literally,” Reagan corrects with a grin. “I think those two barbarians mean to fight it out for you literally, but we don’t actually want them to physically fight for you. Let’s hope John explains that to them.”
Sue and then Hannah join them a short time later, and they talk about men a little longer. She does miss her sisters so terribly when she’s not around them on the farm. Her heart is more insulated on Henry’s farm, though, which scares her that she is just hiding away from her problems like a coward. Then again, Sam isn’t so sure leaving Grandpa’s wasn’t the smartest thing she’s done where Simon is concerned.
“Absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder,” Sue comments, jarring Sam out of her contemplations as Gretchen also joins them.
“Yes, true,” Hannie agrees. “And poetry never hurts.”
Reagan laughs aloud. “Poetry? Hannie, stop. That’s so cliché.”
Hannah scowls, “No, it’s not. A romantic poem about love is always perfect.”
“Good grief, cornball,” Reagan teases and pulls her sister closer, leaning into Hannah head to head with her.
“If some boy spouted poetry at me, I’d punch him in the nuts,” G comments, causing them all to laugh uproariously at her. She, in turn, looks confused at their reactions.
They tease her and laugh and talk some more, but Sam still feels slightly faint, a little nauseous, and very confused about Simon’s comments. She has read a lot about horses and their innate instincts of fight or flight. Most horses are what one would call cowardly lions. They always choose flight over fight. It is not in their nature to be confrontational in a dangerous situation. It’s what has kept the species alive and thriving for thousands of years. She has never considered herself to be a spineless person or someone who would cower from a confrontation. That being noted, tonight she’d like nothing better than to fly.
Epilogue
Herb
The other night, the wedding of Cory and Paige had been exactly what the entire village had needed. People were just so relieved to be gathered together in worship and celebration. There was a palpable relief in the air that they had a positive reason to gather for a change and not just for meetings about how to outmaneuver the highwaymen. Many townspeople had even brought presents for the new couple. Some gave them home-canned food products, others brought them blankets and pillows for their new home, and some gifted them with kitchen and bathroom necessities. When people found out about their plans to adopt Tessa, they also brought gifts for her like clothing and shoes and toys. Herb told the young couple that they could wait a few weeks to bring her to their new home, but Paige had insisted they take her home the same night as their ceremony. Herb wholeheartedly believes they will be good parents to that little girl. As a matter of fact, Tessa has been blending well with the family and the other children, even if she is a bit shy still.
They’d even invited the women and children from the highwaymen’s compound to the ceremony and festivities. They, too, had been happy to have something positive of which to be a part. Many have lost their husbands, sons, friends, and entire families. Some have said they will be moving on after the winter to find family in other areas and states, but most of them are appreciative to have been extended an offer to stay on permanently. Herb is glad they will be staying. It’s the very least they can do for people who have been so brutally victimized.
The one person who had not seemed happy about the wedding was his son’s right-hand man, Parker. He’d departed again after a brief stay the night before the wedding in a somewhat irritated state. Herb is relatively sure the man had an attraction to Paige. He is glad she chose so wisely. Parker is not half the man that Cory has become.