The strange idea that they were pranking me and Jay had regained his memory crossed my mind, but they would never do that. So, why were they talking? Had Ten remembered something and was confirming the memory with Daniel? Or what was this about? I felt terribly controlling. I decided to let them do what they wanted and not rack my brains about it. It was a good thing if they started to trust each other.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Dan greeted my way, too good tempered, but I still answered to that with a smile.
“Okay, why are you smiling like a Cheshire cat?” I wanted to know.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t force him to abandon you, so that I can pick up the pieces,” Daniel’s mischievous grin softened. “I just found out that some of his memories from before the change are still there. You were right, they tried to stay to the truth as closely as possible. They replaced you with Nina regarding his childhood memories.”
Instinctively, I looked at Jay, who was standing there at the cage, his hands wrapped around the bars, watching us.
“He told me he watched Nina when they were kids,” Daniel continued and I felt his glance on me. “You were a neighbor’s kid. She always dropped you off and now and then his mom left the two of you alone with each other. You were the first person in his life he protected.”
I heard this story before. I read it.
“I know that you are skeptical, because he tried to play us,” Daniel grabbed me by the shoulders and made me look at him. “But Jay doesn’t have a photographic memory, and I didn’t read that part to him, because I didn’t want him to use that memory on you.”
“So, he remembers,” I frowned.
“Well, not you, but the memories that made him remember you when he was stuck in the beast are still there, they couldn’t remove that, it was rooted too deep,” Dan smiled at me and right then and there I saw that his eyes weren’t smiling with his mouth. “With enough patience, his mind might set this memory straight.”
“Daniel,” I just said, feeling as if I was in a whirlwind of emotions, and he could hear it in his voice. “I don’t know if I want him to remember.”
Dan blinked, tilting his head a little and tried to make sense of my words. “What are you telling me, Kitten.”
“I mean what I say,” I shrugged. “I don’t know if I really want Jay back.” I shook my head. “There is so much explaining to do, about what he did. I don’t know that I want to hear his excuse for abandoning me. I just… I just don’t want to choose between the two of you.”
“Are you telling me that you are willing to let him go back and spy for us without him being Jay?” He was now clinging to my shoulders.
“Who knows if he will even remember,” I gave back. “Austin says it’s possible that they used an experimental drug on him that really erases your long term memory. He might never remember our time in the compound and I, I don’t know if I have enough hope in me left,” I admitted. “I want to live, to really live, in a real world with facts and truths and certainties. I don’t want to live in a word, having to hope, to live with probabilities.” My hands found his face, enfolding it. “I don’t want my son to grow up, hoping that his father might remember his mother. I don’t want him to believe that it’s his fault.”
Daniel turned his hand and kissed my palm.
“Your son,” he told me. “Has a right to get to know his father exactly as he was, not as others made him. I grew up without a Dad and it left me twisted. You know how I can get with enough pressure and darkness.”
“But he can have his Dad, without having me…” I argued and Dan bend down to shut me off with a kiss.
“I don’t want you to end up hating me because I’m not him, Meghan,” he told me.
I honestly wanted to talk to Ten, and I knew that he wanted to talk to me. But I just couldn’t walk up to him like “you’ve got Nina and me confused.” Because what else was I supposed to say?
When I looked at Ten, and got close to him, my body had a will of its own, and it remembered as well as I did. So, I stayed clear of him and in the kitchen, and yet I felt like he was watching every step of mine.
Was I weak for acting this cowardly? Maybe, but I decided that no one has to be strong all the time.
“Meg,” hearing Jay’s voice saying my name came close to a lightning strike.
I couldn’t not turn around, not walk up to him, nor look at him. It was coded in my soul to be drawn to him, no matter how hard I fought against it. But when he reached out, I hesitated, stared at his hand as if it was a foreign object. And I watched it return to its resting place on the bars.
“For what it’s worth,” he told me. “I know that all that has happened to you is my fault. And I’m sorry.”
It sounded so much like him that I shook my head, trying to wish me away. I didn’t want to go there again.
“Stop,” I demanded. “The only thing I never wanted to hear you say was that it was all your fault. Yes, you chose me as the human to bring you back, but only because you remembered who I was. White was the one that selected the girls for you to pick from. White was the one who offered you to save your subordinates by becoming beasts, White was the one who threw me into your cage knowing you weren’t ready. None of it is your fault.”
“But Severin gave me a choice, and I made the wrong one,” Ten insisted and I kept shaking my head.
I was about to disagree, when I froze.
“…what?” I asked.
“I meant what I said,” Ten insisted.
“How do you know that White’s name is Severin?”
Hope is a powerful wave that drowns you, tears you with her, making you a helpless victim of its will, no matter if she’s good, or bad, or evil.
“Mr. White,” Ten explained. “That’s Peter Severin’s code name, you know that.”
“Son of a bitch,” I breathed out, realizing the extent of Peter’s calculation. He wasn’t able to torture Jay because he couldn’t remember who he was, but he made sure that if Ten ever would remember anything about his life as Jay, he would be haunted, facing all the evil things of his past.
Looking up at Ten I knew he was genuine about what he said and he didn’t understand why I had trouble breathing.
“White,” I said, “that’s what I called Peter’s brother. The head of our division, the mastermind of the beast program. The man Peter tried to impress. His brother’s name was Clay. They were half-brothers. White never accepted Peter, and Peter was lost without family. He tried to get between us, be pushed away his only chance of love, because he didn’t understand Val’s motivation. And when he finally came around, helping us escape, you – Jay – blew up everyone who was a beast or knew too much about the program. Valerie Winters died in his arms because of you, and he was left crippled, because White never allowed him to complete the treatment.”
“Oh,” was all that Ten uttered.
“I’m sorry, but… this is too much for me,” I admitted.
“Wait, Meg, please,” he urged, grabbing my wrist as I was about to turn around; so I looked at him. “I am truly sorry. I don’t know that I did what I did, but I am sorry.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t forgive you,” I said. “Not without an explanation.”
“I understand that,” Ten agreed and his voice was soft. “I wouldn’t feel worthy of you either.”
“Don’t,” I shook my head slowly. “Do not use that as an excuse, no.”
“I understand why Four is in love with you,” Ten spoke and I couldn’t help but look at him, puzzled. “You’re so strong, smart and kind. Everything an alpha should be, everything a woman should be.”
I was close to pinching myself, but I didn’t get the chance, because there was a pull on my arm, moving me towards Ten. Before I knew it, his fingers were grabbing my jaw, guiding me towards him and then, and then he kissed me. Feeling Jay’s lips on mine, it just wiped my mind blank. My eyes shut and I gave in, sucking at his lips, opening my mouth, allowing my tongue to gra
ze and explore, and his to enter me. I just grabbed him and pulled him closer, inhaling him deeply, accepting oblivion. I felt as if I finally had returned home.
It was over as fast as it had begun.
I sensed Daniel’s presence behind me and I knew that he was the reason why Ten moved back, letting me go. Even if I had wanted to, I wasn’t able to turn around and look at Daniel. I didn’t want to see the expression on his face that said ‘I told you so’. So, instead, I bailed. I walked towards the stairs, calmly took step by step and locked myself away.
Day 75
They found us. I should have known. No, I knew that this was going to happen. I should have been prepared better, I should have not taken any risks. I should have moved us. “I should have” is the depressive sister of “I didn’t”.
Knowing what I should have done, doesn’t change anything about what did happen. Deep inside I knew that an organization like that, which has seemingly unlimited funding, understandably has also close to unlimited power. And an organization like that had the resources to find us that quickly, despite Austin erasing any trace of us he could find. I should be astonished that they didn’t catch us faster. There are always offline backups. And I guess in some cases, Austin couldn’t get his digital hands on it, or the bad guys were faster.
I tend to forget that I am an insecure college student, having barely no idea of life and absolutely no military training, apart from what Nina and Daniel have taught me.
Yes, the henchmen of the board found us, attacked us, but that doesn’t mean everything is lost. No, it’s not. Not this time. I am still free, my son is still a secret, and I am not alone. Not completely. This time I will not let my emotions get the better of me.
They came to us at the break of dawn, surrounding us from all sides, breaching our security system by causing a county wide blackout. Just like that. County wide.
Losing the humming of the electricity that kept us safe instantly snapped me wide awake, and so did Daniel, and Ten. From that, it was only seconds till they blew their way in with explosives. I didn’t even get the chance to put on some shoes. I could hear how many entered through the front door and how many through the windows above Jay’s cage, and I counted four, that were now standing in Austin’s office. I knew exactly how many waited outside, surrounding the building, waiting to intercept us, should we try to flee the scene.
They didn’t know that the front door was booby trapped with an explosive resting under a plate, two steps into the factory, and it would blow, whoever entered through there, them right back outside. They also couldn’t know about the mesh-wire fences, we had spanned across all windows, which were electrified by several car batteries.
We had prepared this place just enough, to get us time to move out. Or so I thought. The mesh fence in Austin’s office had been ripped off by the explosion and they started to move in on us. Daniel didn’t have enough time to get up the stairs, because, despite the trap, armed men were moving in.
It was me who had to protect Austin. I stepped out of my room in my human form, confusing the masked men, who were wearing helmets that were of the same black of their unmarked uniforms, by my determined expression.
“Austin,” I shouted, “stay put!”
The last thing I needed was for him to walk between me and my targets.
In full beast mode I would have taken them out in mere seconds. But it wasn’t necessary to play that card when I couldn’t be sure if they knew that I was a beast. Also, they wouldn’t instantly open fire at a girl, as they would at a beast.
So, wearing nothing more than a tank top and my knee long pajama pants I approached them with my hands clenched into my fists to hide my claws. My hope in humanity isn’t lost, as they didn’t shoot an unarmed, barely dressed girl, but lowered their weapons as the leader of their team attempted to talk to me, even though I didn’t stop walking towards them.
Without slowing down, I exploded into action. Even in human form I was surprisingly fast. I can’t recall which of the moves my two teachers taught me I actually used. The fact was, when I came to a stop, all four men were lying at my feet, unconscious. It hadn’t been a fair fight, and they had acted fairly, so I didn’t use my claws on them.
“Clear!” I said loudly and just a brink of an eye later Austin’s head appeared, blinking as he saw my knocked out victims.
“You can’t leave a trace,” I told him, pointing at his computers with my thumbs, not waiting for him to follow my order, I jumped down the gallery to help Daniel.
I landed on my knees, using the two remaining masked soldiers as pillows and gave him time to catch his breath. Not one single bullet was fired. They wanted him alive.
“You need to leave,” Dan told me, resolutely. “They will send in the beasts next, and the two of us can’t hold them off.”
“I’m not leaving you behind,” I grumbled, grabbing him by the shoulders to force him to look at me. “Do you understand me? I need you.”
“You both need to get out of here,” Daniel answered, and I knew he wasn’t talking about Austin.
“Daniel, don’t do this, don’t abandon me,” I pleaded.
“I am not abandoning you, I’m saving you,” he explained. “I’m buying you time. Get out of here.”
There was no time. I couldn’t even say goodbye. The beasts raced in and were targeting him, completely ignoring us.
“Austin!” I screamed, trying to drown the fighting noise and the buzz of the magnet that my techie set off to fry all the hard drives.
He used one of the ropes we had attached to the ceiling should we ever need to get from the gallery to our car within seconds. I watched him lose grip in slow motion and was there to catch him as he fell, and put him on his feet. Austin was running as if the devil himself was after him, but I couldn’t withstand the urge to turn around. The indescribable sound of metal breaking caught my attention and I watched Ten break free from his cage and enter the fight. Daniel was still holding his ground, but he didn’t expect to be attacked from behind.
I was just petrified, far beyond disappointment. I felt betrayed. As if Ten tore my beating heart from my living body, as I saw him lunge and tackle Daniel from behind.
“Meghan!” I heard Austin scream my name, urging me to move, to follow him to the escape car, but I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to.
I watched as Ten roared, kicking Daniel to the ground and his pack stopped attacking. But Dan didn’t admit defeat, he got up again, just to be punched down. His head moved, he looked up, and our eyes locked.
Daniel’s lips moved, forming a plea: “Go.”
“Stop!” Ten bellowed and his voice resonated in my bones; it was the order of an alpha. “This one is mine.”
With the last word he uttered he didn’t look at his subordinates, he looked at me, and as I met his eyes, there was something I saw, something that plunged through my body, as he repeated that last word. “Mine.”
This word, this word exactly had been the first word Jay had ever spoken as a beast.
My knees buckled before I managed to move. Every step I made felt like it took an eternity, as if I was walking through snow, no, through quicksand.
I can’t recall how I got in the car. I don’t know if it was me who put the seatbelt on. Hell, I didn’t even remember how my diary got into the car with me. I guess it was Austin. But my diaries are the only ones retrieved.
I don’t know if it’s true, if Ten really said this one word on purpose, if he really knows how much it means to me.
Yes, I am alive, I am free, and I am not alone. But now, now I lost them both, Jay and Daniel, and I have no idea if I am ever going to see them again.
Read Jay’s second diary with
The BeAst of Me
and learn how the story continues with
The Beasts Within
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
D.S. Wrights was born and raised mostly in Germany.
She speaks three languages fluently: English, German and Dutch.<
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Her name is a pen name and she describes writing as her passion and calling. Two short stories were published during high school, one as a school project and one in a regional newsletter.
Later she worked at a publishing house where she earned insight into the work, process and production of publishing books.
In the last few years she has published several fan fictions to which the feedback was overwhelmingly positive.
Her first novel was The Beast and Me, firs of this series.
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The Beast Is Me (The Beast And Me Book 4) Page 18