Joanne’s cheeks grew hot. ‘I never thought it would become necessary to lock my door against you.’
He turned towards her then, and she stepped back a pace to avoid their bodies touching, but she found the foot of the bed pressing into her back as he placed a hand on either side of her face and raised it so that she was forced to meet his glance, and what she saw there was enough to place her on her guard.
‘The trouble is, Joanne,’ he said slowly, his thumbs moving caressingly across her cheeks, ‘you’re like a heady Cape wine. To take one sip is fatal, because you want to taste it again, and again. ’
‘Daniel, please!’
‘Daniel, please kiss me?’ he mocked, his breath warm against her mouth. ‘You don’t have to beg, my Joanne, because I want nothing more than to kiss you at this moment. ’
‘You know that isn’t what I meant,’ she said angrily, fighting against a weakness that threatened to overpower her as he held her against the foot of the bed with the weight of his body.
‘You disappoint me,’ he said against her lips, laughing inwardly at her futile attempts to push him away. ‘When the fragrance of the wine tantalises the palate, then one has no option but to taste it, and savour it for as long as possible. ’
His mouth descended upon hers, gentle at first, then with increasing passion until it was indeed like a heady wine racing through her veins, making her light-headed, and intensely aware of the warm maleness of this man who was now drawing her so firmly into his arms that there seemed no escape from the hard, muscular body that bruised her softness.
It seemed an eternity before he released her and stepped back. His face was an inscrutable mask except for the eyes that seemed to have darkened with emotion.
‘I can tolerate your display of affection when we have an audience which must be convinced,’ she said in a voice that was shaky. ‘But I won’t tolerate it when we’re alone. You have no right to kiss me the way you do, and it certainly wasn’t in our agreement.’
‘There’s no written agreement—’
‘No, but I took your word for it,’ she cut in swiftly. ‘You did give me your word, Daniel, or can’t I trust you to keep it?’
‘I’m trying hard to keep my word, Joanne, but I’m a man, and I’m only human.’ A cynical smile twisted his lips, and her heart. ‘Legally, you’re my wife, and that gives me certain rights. Can you blame me when there are times I can think of nothing else except the fact that you’re a beautiful woman, and that you’re rightfully mine?’
‘I married you for your mother’s sake. ’
‘And for a certain sum of money,’ he retaliated harshly. ‘Let’s not forget that. ’
‘I’m not likely to,’ she snapped, fighting against the helpless tears. ‘I feel degraded enough at having to go to such lengths to get the money for Bruce’s education.’
‘Joanne,’ he said at length, his hands gripping her shoulders painfully, ‘let’s stop ramming the reasons for our marriage down each other’s throats.’
‘It’syour fault,’ she accused in a choked voice.
‘Because I kissed you?’ he mocked her. ‘I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t know you enjoyed it just as much as I
did.’
‘I don’t enjoy it,’ she forced the words from her unwilling lips, for even now the touch of his hands had the power to quicken her pulse rate.
‘Yes, you do,’ he insisted, shaking her slightly. ‘And I’m beginning to think that if I went on to make love to you, you’d enjoy that as well.’
‘How dare you!’ she cried, twisting out of his reach and putting some distance between them.
Daniel pushed his hands into his pockets and rocked himself slightly on his feet as he glanced at her through narrowed eyes. ‘I dare because every time I’ve kissed you it’s sparked off a feeling of desire, not only in myself, but in you as well, and to deny it would be cowardly. ’
The denial died on her lips as a tremor shook through her, forcing her to face the truth for what it was. If Daniel was determined enough she would have no resistance against his lovemaking, and it was not Daniel she feared so much, but the extent of her own emotions, and the lack of control she appeared to have over them.
‘I don’t deny the physical attraction between us,’ she said at last when she found her voice, her cheeks stinging when she saw a flicker of triumph in his eyes. ‘I feel, though, that it’s something we should guard against and avoid at all costs. We married each other for reasons I shan’t mention again, and it would be foolish to jeopardise our future merely because we’re physically attracted to each other. We might both meet someone one day with whom we would want to spend the rest of our lives, and I could never give myself to a man purely for a physical reason. For a man it’s different, I know. You could make love to a woman one day, and forget her the next, but for a woman, for me, it wouldn’t be that way. ’
He stretched out a hand and touched her hair, curling it about his fingers. ‘No, it wouldn’t be that way for you,’ he said with a strange look in his eyes. ‘You would give not only your body but your soul, and you would want nothing less in return. ’
‘Would that be asking too much?’
‘No,’ he shook his head, dropping his hand to his side a little wearily. ‘I’ll meet you in the dining-room when you’re ready. ’
As the connecting door closed behind him, Joanne passed a tired hand over her eyes. Why this conversation with Daniel had to upset her so much, she did not know, but she suddenly felt tired, and her foot seemed to be throbbing unmercifully where she had cut it that morning. She sighed audibly, pulling herself together as she lifted her suitcase, which must have been brought in by one of the servants, and started to unpack. Her other clothes had been brought from the room she had occupied before their marriage, and had been hung neatly in the wardrobe. The rest of her things, she found, had been neatly folded and placed in the drawers of the dresser, and on the dressing-table stood a bottle of perfume she had left behind, and some talcum powder.
She relaxed finally in a warm scented bath, allowing the tension to uncoil within her before she soaped herself luxuriously, and several minutes passed before she limped from the bath to the small stool to apply a fresh dressing to her inflamed foot. It would feel better in the morning, she decided, coming to the conclusion that she had stood on it too much that day, and that all it needed was a little care without any pressure on it.
Her thoughts inevitably returned to Daniel, and her body tingled as she recalled her treacherous emotions when he had kissed her. Physical desire, she had called it, but it was far more than that to her. It was the desire to love spiritually as well as physically, but it was the kind of love that would not interest Daniel for very long before he became bored with it, and went in search of someone else perhaps; someone who would not be fool enough to give her heart so completely, and would be solely in need of physical satisfaction.
‘Oh, God, I did try not to love you, Daniel,’ she moaned softly to herself as she went through to her room to change for dinner.
After dinner that evening she went with Daniel to his mother’s room, but she did not stay long, and, pleading tiredness, she returned to her own room and went to bed. She could not remember when last she had felt so dreadfully tired, and her eyelids drooped almost before she had time to switch off the light.
Joanne slept fitfully, her dreams disturbing and frightening, but nothing tangible until she dreamt that she found herself trapped in the midst of a forest fire. Daniel stood beyond the circle of fire, his arms outstretched to help her, but although she called his name frantically she was unable to reach him.
She awoke with a sudden start to find Daniel bending over her, his hands on her shoulders forcing her back against the pillows. ‘Take it easy, I’m only trying to help you.’
‘Daniel!’ she gasped, relaxing now. ‘I had the most dreadful dream.’
‘Yes, I know,’ his deep voice reassured her. ‘I heard you calling my name and
I suspected you were having a nightmare. ’
‘I’m sorry,’ she gulped, breathing heavily.
‘You’re feverish,’ he remarked, touching her face with the back of his hand and sliding it down into her neck.
‘I don’t feel very well either,’ she admitted, coming to her senses at last. ‘My foot is throbbing. ’
Daniel pulled the blankets aside unceremoniously to expose her right foot, and a muttered oath escaped him. ‘When did the throbbing start? Can you remember?’
‘Before dinner this evening. ’
‘Why the devil didn’t you tell me?’ he thundered at her, and she closed her eyes against the sudden rush of tears. ‘Your heel is badly infected.’ ‘I didn’t think it was anything serious,’ she muttered, struggling up into a sitting position.
‘Lie down,’ he instructed harshly. ‘I’ll be back in a minute. ’ He was gone for less than that and Joanne watched him fill a syringe from a small phial. ‘Penicillin?’
‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘I’m going to give you a shot which should counteract the infection. ’
With an efficiency she knew so well, he disinfected her arm and plunged in the needle, only to dab at the tiny mark seconds later. His fingers gently explored the cut before he applied a clean dressing, then, pulling the blankets into position, he stood staring down at her for several seconds. ‘You’ll feel better shortly,’ he said abruptly. ‘I’ll leave my door open, so if you need me, just call. ’
He did not wait for her to reply, and strode towards his room with his medical bag in his hand.
‘Daniel?’ He turned at the sound of her voice. ‘Thank you. ’
‘I’ll send you an account,’ he said with a touch of humour. ‘Goodnight.’
‘Goodnight,’ she smiled, switching off the light and settling down to sleep.
The door between their bedrooms stood open, but on this occasion Joanne found it comforting to know that he was near and, as the throbbing in her foot subsided, she slipped into a dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER SIX
Serena Grant’s health deteriorated with slow persistence during the weeks that followed, and it was as Daniel had forecast. His mother never did get up out of her bed again, for she became too weak to do more than sit propped up in bed against her pillows.
‘Dear child,’ she said one evening when Joanne drew up a chair and sat down beside her bed. ‘I sometimes think that life would have been terribly boring without you to keep me company. ’
‘Nonsense!’ Joanne protested, taking the thin hand between her own. ‘You would have had Daniel and Sister Johnson to fuss over you and pamper you. ’
‘Daniel has his work that occupies so much of his time, and Sister Johnson does her duty admirably, but I would hate to be fussed and pampered.’ Those blue eyes, still so remarkably perceptive, met Joanne’s. ‘You don’t pamper and fuss me. You put me in my place, and smartly so. Ah, Joanne, that’s what I like about you, and why I’m so happy with my son’s choice. It would have been dreadful had he married someone I couldn’t get on with.’
Joanne flinched inwardly. ‘Daniel wouldn’t have married anyone you didn’t approve of, Mother.’
‘Love is a funny thing, Joanne. It isn’t always sensible, and Daniel has always had a mind of his own. My approval or disapproval would have made no difference to his choice of a wife.’ Her hand moved a little in Joanne’s. ‘He married you because he loved you, and my approval was by the way.’
‘He married you because he loved you,’ the words echoed through Joanne. ‘Oh, God, if only it were true!’ Serena Grant sighed and closed her eyes, but Joanne remained beside her until her regular breathing indicated that she was asleep, then, sliding her hand carefully from beneath hers, Joanne left the room quietly.
‘He married you because he loved you,’ Serena Grant’s remark kept returning, and choking back the tears Joanne fled down the passage, only to cannon into Daniel as he emerged from his study.
‘Where’s the fire?’ he demanded, his hands steadying her.
‘Daniel, I must speak to you,’ she said with an urgency that made him glance at her sharply before he drew her into his study and closed the door.
‘What is it?’
‘Daniel, I can’t go on living this lie, ’ she choked out the words. ‘We must tell your mother the truth. It isn’t fair to let her go on thinking that we—that we’re happily married. It isn’t fair!’
‘Pull yourself together! ’
His voice had the effect of a whiplash, and she stared at him, pale-faced and trembling. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just that I feel so terribly guilty each time she talks about us, and she talks about us often. ’
‘Isn’t that an indication of how happy it’s made her to know that we’re married?’ he asked, placing a hand beneath her chin and raising her face to his. ‘Do you want to take that happiness from her now when it means so much to her?’
Joanne drew a shuddering breath. ‘I wouldn’t do anything to make her unhappy, you know that. But it isn’t a nice feeling to know that you’re deceiving someone who has such trust in you. Every time she talks about us I feel like a criminal, and I sit there hating myself for lying to her.’ She turned away and buried her face in her hands. ‘I love and respect her too much to continue with this farce. ’
‘You must!’ Daniel insisted, his hands gripping her shoulders painfully. ‘You promised!’
‘She doesn’t deserve it, Daniel. Please!’
He turned her roughly to face him. ‘Are you going back on your word?’
She sustained his glance for a moment, saw the angry determination on his face, and lowered her lashes in defeat. ‘No, I shan’t go back on my word.’
He released her with something of a sigh, and Joanne nursed her shoulders gently where his hands had bruised her soft flesh. If only she could make Daniel realise how wrong it was to deceive his mother in this way—but she knew that her efforts would be futile. She should never have agreed to this marriage in the first place, but she had been so desperate for the financial help he had offered, and ... she had loved him. She had selfishly not given Serena Grant a thought until it was too late. She had been caught up in the web of deceit, and there was now no way out except by telling the truth, but Daniel would never allow it.
Bruce came to lunch the following Sunday and remained for the rest of the afternoon. They had tea in the garden beneath the shady branches of the large old oak tree, and when they were left alone for a few minutes, he said:
‘You don’t look too well. You’re not pregnant, are you?’ ‘Don’t be silly,’ she replied, flushing deeply.
‘What’s so silly about that?’ Bruce demanded humorously. ‘You’ve been married for almost three months, and pregnancies do happen, you know. ’
‘Not to me, it won’t,’ she replied instantly, but realising how that must sound, she added swiftly, ‘Not now, anyway. ’
‘I always thought you liked children.’
‘I do, but—’ She bit her lip and sighed. ‘Have another biscuit and stop being so personal!’
His green eyes danced with merriment. ‘I just thought that you’re not getting any younger, and—’
‘Bruce!’
‘Okay, okay!’ he laughed, raising his hands defensively, but after a thoughtful silence, he said: ‘Mrs. Grant looks worse every time I see her. ’
‘She’s going down rapidly now,’ Joanne admitted, finding the cooing of the doves in the trees a little mournful.
‘Daniel looks pretty low these days too,’ Bruce observed, helping himself to another biscuit as she had suggested earlier.
‘It isn’t very pleasant for him to sit back and watch his mother slipping away from him. ’
‘I’ve an idea it’s something more than that,’ Bruce remarked thoughtfully.
His conscience, perhaps? Joanne could not help thinking. Since that evening when she had begged him to tell his mother the truth, the subject had never been mentioned again, but her guilt had become a fes
tering wound inside her which threatened constantly to erupt.
That same evening, as Joanne and Daniel stood beside Serena Grant’s bed in the dimly lit room, Joanne experienced again that feeling of guilt as Daniel’s arm lightly circled her waist.
‘I’ll look in on you again later, Mother,’ he said after a while, flicking back the cuff of his jacket to glance at his watch. ‘There’s a patient of mine I would like to call on at the hospital.’
‘Of course, dear,’ she smiled. ‘Joanne will stay and talk to me.’
‘You shouldn’t tire yourself so, Mother,’ Daniel said with concern.
‘It’s never tiring to listen to Joanne speak,’ Serena Grant replied instantly. ‘She has the kind of voice that’s so soothing it would make the angels sit up and take notice. Don’t tell me, Daniel, that you’ve never noticed?’ ‘Naturally, Mother. That’s one of the reasons why I married her,’ he replied, flicking a casual glance over Joanne’s flushed cheeks. ‘I’ll see you later as well.’
His hand was warm against her side as he drew her closer and kissed her lingeringly. It was for his mother’s benefit, she knew, but that did not prevent her treacherous heart from missing a beat, and when they finally heard his car going down the drive, Joanne could still feel the warmth of his lips against her own as she pulled up a chair and sat down beside the bed.
‘Joanne, I know I can be an interfering old woman at times,’ Serena Grant said tiredly, her hand searching for Joanne’s and gripping it weakly. ‘Is everything as it should be between Daniel and yourself?’
Joanne’s heart lurched uncomfortably. ‘What—what do you mean, Mother?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. It’s silly. I suppose, but I sometimes get the feeling that something is wrong, and it troubles me. ’ Her shrewd glance saw the colour receding from Joanne’s cheeks. ‘There is something, isn’t there?’
‘No, no, of course there isn’t. ’
‘Joanne ... you lie so very badly, and I’m not a fool. I love you as though you were my own daughter, so won’t you confide in me?’
Joanne felt trapped between the desire to tell the truth, and the fear of breaking her word to Daniel. ‘I can’t! I promised—’
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