by Shea Balik
It left him feeling lost that he couldn’t help his mate. Kirill would have done anything to make Harper feel better. Slay any dragon. Protect him by any means necessary. But none of that would help with the demons that lived within him. Not being able to help didn’t sit well with Kirill.
Then again, this wasn’t about Kirill. It was about Harper and what he needed. Right now, all Kirill could do was offer his love and support. And he did love Harper.
How could he not?
The man was unbelievably strong. To have endured being repeatedly raped for five years and come out the other side, sane, kind, and able to stand up for what he wanted, left Kirill in awe. If the shoe were on the other foot, Kirill wasn’t sure the same could be said about him.
“You are the strongest man I know,” he told his mate.
Harper gave a harsh snort. “Yeah, right. Then why did I let them rape me?”
Kirill closed his eyes and prayed for right words that would help his mate. “You were one man. Not even I could have beat Abdiel and all his guards.” Oh, he would have taken out several of them in their attempt, but Kirill was man enough to admit he wasn’t invincible.
“And you’re mistaking physical strength for inner strength. There’s a huge difference. Anyone can train to become physically strong, but it takes a man of character and high morals to have inner strength.” It was something he saw in each of the men he’d invited into his gang of misfits over the years.
If he didn’t see it, he didn’t extend an invitation. He still offered help, but he didn’t want someone in his pack who couldn’t be trusted.
“I don’t feel very strong right now,” Harper whispered into Kirill’s chest, tickling the hairs on his chest with his breath.
Kirill really wished he were wearing clothes. It was uncomfortable sitting on the rocks and twigs that littered the ground, but it was impossible to keep his body from reacting to his mate’s closeness. Without clothing to help hide his erection, Harper was bound to notice and freak out like he had earlier.
“I promise you, you are. You just need time to feel it.” And if his mate needed him to, Kirill would remind him every day, multiple times a day, how brave he was.
The moment Harper realized he was once more in Kirill’s arms, he stiffened and started to scamper away. But when he was halfway off Kirill’s lap, he stopped, turned and looked up so their gazes met. “Thank you.”
Before Kirill could say anything, soft lips just barely touched his, then Harper was off his lap and standing several feet away, his gaze looking anywhere but at Kirill. “Uhm, could you…I mean you must be cold. Maybe we should get you something to wear.”
Kirill had to bite his cheek to stop from laughing. He was far from cold. In fact, he prayed the cold would help deflate his erection. Walking naked with a hard on in a forest where branches were sticking out all over the place wasn’t his idea of fun. “Yeah, I could use some clothes. And a phone.”
“Huh?” Harper looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “There’s no phone service out here. We’re in the middle of nowhere.” It was so cute the way Harper lifted his hands and twirled around as if to prove they were all alone.
“I have a satellite phone.” It was something he and his men had found well worth the investment when they often had to hide out in the mountains. Cell phones were great for everyday use, but they didn’t reach the more remote sections of the country.
“Oh,” Harper said, his tone that of disappointment. “I get it. You probably want to get back home.”
Kirill growled in frustration, startling Harper, but at that moment, he didn’t give a shit. Harper might as well get used to Kirill, faults and all, because he wasn’t going anywhere. “I’m calling for help so we can get out of the area. I may have scared off those wolves, but they might come back with reinforcements.”
He pointed to Harper’s feet. “Plus, I would feel a lot better if Nole looked at those blisters. They looked pretty nasty.”
Anger infused those pretty brown eyes. “I don’t want Nole anywhere near me,” Harper insisted.
As much as Kirill would do anything for his mate, this was an exception. He wasn’t about to risk Harper’s health because of what Abdiel had done, and Kirill had little doubt whatever beef Harper had with Nole could be directly laid at Abdiel’s feet.
“Whatever problem you have with Nole, you need to deal with it.” Kirill had interacted with Nole enough to know the man would never have done anything to Harper, at least not intentionally. “He’s not the enemy.”
Harper glared at him. “Yes, he is.”
Kirill didn’t know what had gotten into him. He should have talked to Harper, figured out what wrong his mate felt Nole had done, but all he knew was his mate continued to wince with every step they took to retrieve his backpack. It was killing him to see it and he wasn’t about to allow Harper to continue walking in pain if he could help it. “He’s the only doctor I know close enough to look at your feet. So, put your big boy panties on and suck it up. Nole is coming.”
Kirill honestly had no idea why he thought that would be the end of it. The cold must have scrambled his brain.
CHAPTER 14
Something inside Harper snapped at Kirill’s edict. He had never been one to stand up for himself. Hell, he’d learned at an early age standing up to those bigger and stronger than him meant getting knocked down, literally. Yet, since he woke up to find Kirill had rescued him, Harper hadn’t feared to speak his mind.
If he took the time to think about it, Harper was sure he would find Kirill at the heart of his new found inner strength, but he refused to dwell on that, not when he needed to let Kirill know just what he thought of being ordered around. Now that he was free of Abdiel and those guards, Harper refused to bow down to anyone ever again, not even a mate who he was starting to fall for.
He stopped in his tracks, turned on his heel and strode away from the safety of Kirill. Stupid move? Probably, since he had no chance against those two wolves if he ran across them again. Then again, if he stuck around Kirill, he’d end up killing the pigheaded man, leaving him in the same defenseless boat. At least this way he was relatively sure Kirill wouldn’t let harm come to him even if he had stormed away.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Kirill yelled from where Harper had left him.
Harper didn’t answer. If he did, he would end up saying something he’d regret. Unexpectedly a smile formed on his lips. Not just any smile either. A big, face-splitting smile.
For five long years, he’d had to watch everything he did. Every move. Every word. Every gesture. The fear of retribution had him paralyzed to even give an eye roll or a sigh. That had been one of the hardest pills to swallow for Harper, who had been somewhat of a drama queen before that. Oh, not in front of his father or brother, but when he’d been around his friends, Harper had been full of life, sarcasm, and best of all, mischief.
Was there a chance he could find that part of himself again? Harper didn’t dare get his hopes up, yet he felt that flicker of hope inside of him flare to life.
A hand clamped around his arm, forcing him to turn and face Kirill. Just that fast, Harper found himself flung back into the past. Kirill’s hand became a multitude of guards, his face morphing into sneering, jeering faces of too many men who’d thought him nothing more than a toy for them to fuck.
A scream of terror ripped from his throat as he’d gone from safe and hopeful to afraid and shaking. Dropping to the ground to make himself as small a target as possible, Harper desperately prayed for a salvation he knew would never come.
“Harper,” a voice shouted, just barely penetrating the fog Harper had allowed to encompass his brain so he wouldn’t have to deal with what was about to happen.
Normally, he would have ignored the voice, but there was something about it that drew him.
“My petal, come back to me.”
The panicked plea in the words sounded so familiar, like family. Not the one he’d been born into
, but the one he’d always dreamed of having. One that was loving, supportive, happy.
“That’s it, my beautiful petal. I’ve got you. You’re safe. Just come back to me,” the voice crooned gently.
Warmth surrounded Harper, melting the ice tentacles of fear that had formed in his veins. As the cold seeped out of his body, Harper became aware of his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was Kirill’s voice murmuring reassurances as one hand stroked his back and the other held him tightly to his chest.
The second thing he noticed was, he clung to his mate like a lifeline. Even in his terror-filled state, Harper had instinctively known his mate would keep him safe. He had to admit maybe those fairytales of mates were real, because nothing else made sense.
The third thing he noticed? Kirill was still very much naked. They really needed to get his mate’s clothing before Harper had to face the fact that he was becoming aroused staring at Kirill’s nearly perfect body.
Embarrassed to have freaked out like that, not to mention the way his body was reacting to being near his mate’s naked body, Harper tried to scramble away, but Kirill was holding him too tightly.
“Shush, petal. Just let me hold you.” Kirill’s voice was tight with emotion as he pulled Harper even closer. “I was so scared,” Kirill admitted hoarsely. “I’m so sorry I scared you like that. After dealing with Jari, I should have known better. I swear, I’ll be more mindful in the future.”
Wait.
“Jari? What are you talking about?” Vaguely he remembered speaking with Jari before leaving Miracle, but Harper had been so agitated, he didn’t really remember the conversation.
“After Abdiel kidnapped Jari and tortured him for hours, Jari has been scared of his own shadow. We’ve all had to learn to warn him whenever we’re near so we don't frighten him.” Kirill’s shoulder lifted a bit under Harper’s cheek. “I should have been more mindful that you would have the same kind of flashbacks when startled.”
Harper wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or not to know he wasn’t some freak who couldn’t control his fear. “Abdiel tortured Jari?” It was the first he was hearing this, he hoped. He would hate to think he was so wrapped up in his own shit as to have not heard Jari mention he was tortured.
“Yeah, it was why we killed Abdiel. Lucca just about went insane when he found out Abdiel had taken his mate. There wasn’t anything Lucca would not have done to get Jari back.” Kirill pressed his lips to the top of Harper’s head. “I know how he feels.”
Warmth spread in Harper’s chest at that confession. He was beginning to feel the same way. Suddenly, he found the courage he hadn’t even known he had. Tilting his head back, he stared into his mate’s mesmerizing blue eyes. “I-” he swallowed down the fear that tried to surface. “Will you kiss me?”
Kirill’s eyes widened a fraction just before a smile played at his lips. “That is something you never need to ask, my sweet petal. I am always happy to kiss you.”
His mate lowered his head until their mouths were a breath away. “Are you sure, petal?” Kirill asked softly.
Harper’s heart raced in equal measures of fear and anticipation. Concentrating on the later, he pushed up just enough to seal their lips together.
Electricity seemed to flow between them, igniting a fire deep within Harper that he thought extinguished long ago. He used to have a very healthy sex life, but when the guards started raping him, Harper had lost all interest in sex. It had pissed him off that his brother had managed to take that away from him. But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe Harper just needed to find the one person who could fan the flames. His mate.
Not that he was ready to have sex. Not yet. But now he knew it might be possible. One day. And that fledgling hope that had been trying to remain alive burst into life inside of him. All it took was that one thought. One day.
CHAPTER 15
Kirill had never tasted a mouth as sweet as his mate’s. It was like pecans roasted in honey, wrapped in chocolate. Sweet and savory all rolled up in one. He would happily drown in the kiss.
He licked along the seam to lap up as much of the flavor as possible. When Harper’s lips parted, Kirill took full advantage and slid his tongue inside. He groaned. If he thought Harper’s lips had tasted amazing, they were nothing compared to the ambrosia he was dipping into.
Kirill was sure he was in heaven when Harper leaned further into the kiss. Then Harper’s arms slid up along his chest to wrap around his neck, sealing their bodies closer together. Kirill was lost in his mate and there was no place he’d rather be.
Mindful of not rushing things or pushing Harper too far, Kirill didn’t allow his hands to roam more than stroking up and down his mate’s spine. His fingers itched to take hold of the rounded globes of that pert ass, but he forced himself to remember his mate had only asked for a kiss. But the temptation was almost too much to control.
Their tongues twined together as they fed each other moans. It was the most perfect kiss of Kirill’s life. One he didn’t want to ruin, so reluctantly, he ended it.
The groan of dismay from Harper when their lips parted was a boost to his ego, but as much as he desperately wanted to continue, Kirill refused to push his mate before he was ready. And he definitely wasn’t ready. His little freak out a moment ago proved that.
The desire he saw in those brown eyes nearly had Kirill changing his mind about stopping. Just knowing Harper was willing to take steps in the direction of their mating was enough for Kirill. It would have to be, for nothing was more important than Harper’s mental health. Well, maybe his physical health. Which reminded him, they still needed to get to his phone so he could call Miracle and ask Nole to come look at Harper’s feet.
Kissing the tip of Harper’s nose, Kirill rose, with Harper safely tucked in his arms. “Come on, my petal. We need to get to my backpack so we can call for help.
Harper stiffened. “I don’t want Nole anywhere near me.”
Kirill had to bite back the sigh that tried to escape. He was getting tired of this same old argument. “You’re going to have to give me a reason, petal. Those blisters look infected and I’m not about to risk your health.”
Instead of the anger that usually hung on Harper like a heavy cloak, his mate curled further into his body. But it was the desolate sound of his voice that was barely more than a whisper that broke Kirill’s heart. “He left me there. After Abdiel found us…” Harper broke off as if it hurt too much to continue.
Once more, Kirill wished Abdiel were alive just so he could tear him limb from limb. He just prayed Abdiel was burning in hell for what he had done to Harper. “Oh, petal. Nole didn’t leave you. Do you honestly think Abdiel would punish you and not do the same to Nole?”
His mate’s head came up off his shoulder. Wide brown eyes stared at him in wonder. “But Abdiel said Nole ran off the first chance he got.”
“In a way that was true, but only after Abdiel had his guards beat Nole near to death.” It still amazed him how the guards hadn’t bothered to check to be sure Nole was actually dead. “It was sheer luck on Nole’s part that they were too stupid to make sure they had actually killed him. Nole barely managed to drag himself to safety.”
“He still never came back for me,” Harper insisted.
“True,” Kirill admitted. “But considering he barely made it out of there alive, can you really blame him?” Harper opened his mouth, clearly about to say yes, but Kirill stopped him by saying, “He was one man, and not a very big one at that. It would have been nearly impossible for him to have gotten in unseen to rescue you. Not to mention he had no idea if you needed rescuing or not.”
“Yeah, but…” Harper didn’t finish as he thought about what Kirill had said.
Either way, it didn’t matter, Kirill was calling Nole. “I need to put you down for a moment, petal, so I can put some clothes on,” he said when he saw where he’d left his backpack.
Harper nodded but didn’t say anything, clearly mulling over what Kirill had told him.
>
It didn’t take long for him to shove his legs into the sweatpants he’d brought, or pull the t-shirt on. Thankfully he was a polar bear so the dropping temperatures didn’t really faze him. Next, he grabbed the satellite phone and punched in the number for Edrick, the Alpha of Miracle.
Even though Kirill had hated being Alpha of his roving pack, he had to admit it wasn’t always easy to take orders from someone else. He’d been in charge too long to have to bow to another Alpha. Then again, not being responsible for everyone was a burden he had gladly shed.
“Hello,” Edrick said when the line connected.
“Edrick, it’s Kirill. I need a favor.” After he explained where they were and what they needed, Kirill hung up and turned to Harper. “You ready to go back to your campsite?”
Absently, Harper nodded. Then he said, “My brother really was a monster.”
Kirill sighed. He’d only met a few people who had been hurt by Abdiel, but the stories they had told should be enough to ensure the man burn in hell. “Yeah, petal. He was.”
“Is it wrong that I’m glad he’s dead?” The words were barely more than a whisper but Kirill heard them clearly.
Taking Harper into his arms, Kirill said, “Considering everything Abdiel did you, I would think that was perfectly normal.”
“Good,” Harper said, his voice a bit stronger. “Because I hope he’s rotting in hell, experiencing every single thing he’s ever done to me and anyone else he wronged.” By the end, there was a fire in Harper’s tone. “I think I’m ready to go back to Miracle.”
Caught off guard by the complete one-eighty the conversation had taken, Kirill didn’t comment right away. Harper must have taken his silence to mean Kirill didn’t want him back.
The confidence that had been there moments ago faltered as Harper said, “That is if you want me to return.”
Kirill cupped Harper’s face, tilting his head back so he could look into those beautiful brown eyes. “Of course, I want you. That’s not even a question. Are you sure Miracle is where you want to be?”