by Jane Morris
From: English Teacher
To: Ass. Principal
Cc: School psychologist, counselor
Subject: Student concern
I am writing to express my concern over Gus. He has been coming to class with very red, irritated eyes and he has his head down most of the class, regardless of efforts to wake him up. His eyes were so red and swollen that he could barely open them. He admitted to smoking marijuana, and mixing that with his medication, this could be very harmful to his well-being. I don't know if there is anything that can be done, but I want to make sure that everyone is aware of what is going on.
The Ass. Principal said that several other teachers and even a security guard complained that Gus smelled like marijuana and they had already called his mother. The mother said that in response, she asked her son if he was smoking marijuana, and he said no, so she believed him. Yet now that they had a teacher saying that he actually admitted to it, they would urge her to get him help. I wrote back and reminded her that he had told me that information in confidence. The Ass. Principal assured me that they would not use my name. Yet when they told the mother that Gus admitted he had been smoking marijuana and drinking, she insisted on knowing who the teacher was. They refused to tell her but asked her to consider the information instead. She said that she needed to know who the teacher was in order to take the claim seriously. They begged her to take him for help, but she repeated the fact that he told her that he does not do drugs.
Gus continued to come to class stoned. I was told not to let him sleep in class and to ask him to go to the nurse. I sent him out many times and then checked with the nurse to confirm that he showed up, and of course he didn’t. Instead, he would go across the street to smoke more pot in an alley. When I told the Ass. Principal about this, her answer was, “Well, what do you expect? You didn’t call security to take him there.”
Gus started to make a theatrical production out of his sleeping in class. He would snore loudly and drool extensively onto his desk. I had to go to extreme lengths to wake him up. I called security to take him to the nurse, as I was instructed to do. They escorted him to the nurse and brought him back five minutes later saying that he had very low blood pressure (which is often caused by taking drugs). Then he went back to snoring and drooling. After that I just let him sleep, because it was preferable to his disrupting the class by having to call security or fighting with him to stay awake.
On the last day of class, Gus asked me what the prompt was for one of the writing assignments that he missed. When I told him, he responded with, “That’s it? That’s stupid.” At this point, I had had enough. I told him that he was rude, his opinion was not welcomed and that he was lucky I would even accept his late work. This is the paper that he turned in:
“I asked my teacher to clarify the question and I got the rudest response I’ve ever received from an unprovoked teacher. I don’t mind getting bitched at when it’s deserved, but there’s no excuse for such rude and hostile behavior coming from a teacher. I would recommend getting help if this continues for it’s unsafe in a high school setting for a teacher to repeatedly try to provoke their students.”
I had to hold myself back from chasing after the kid. A few days later I received the following letter,
Dear Ms. Morris,
Thank you. You are an amazing teacher.
I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused.
I promise it was in no way intentional.
Sincerely,
Gus
A RACIST PHASE
As you have heard about several times, on the first day of school, I ask the class to introduce themselves. When Conchita stood up to share about herself, Waldo shocked me with his response.
CONCHITA: My name is Conchita and I’m fifteen. I was born-
WALDO (facing the opposite direction, under his breath): Shut up.
ME: Excuse me. That was very rude.
WALDO: I don’t care. I don’t like Mexicans.
ME: What is wrong with you? You can’t just say things like that. Please keep your opinions to yourself or I will ask you to leave. Conchita, please continue.
CONCHITA: Okay. I was born in Mexico and moved here when-
Waldo now turns around and looks Conchita right in the face.
WALDO: I said shut the fuck up!
CONCHITA: Fuck you!
ME: Okay Waldo, you need to leave. Get out now.
Waldo grabs a glass iced tea bottle off another student’s desk, takes Conchita by the neck and shoves her up against the wall.
WALDO: I will break this fucking bottle and cut you!
ME: Bernie, run and get security! Waldo, let her go right now!
Waldo lets Conchita go and angrily sits back in his seat. Security comes and removes him from class and we awkwardly continue introducing ourselves.
Later that day I met with the Ass. Principal to discuss the situation. She explained that they have had several issues in the past with Waldo threatening other students, but that because he never acts on it, they can’t do much to punish him. She called his mother and put the phone on speaker.
ASS. PRINCIPAL: Hello Ma’am. I am calling again to discuss Waldo’s behavior.
WALDO’S MOM: Oh my. It’s the first day and he’s done something already?
ASS. PRINCIPAL: Yes, something very serious. He threatened a student.
WALDO’S MOM: Oh dear.
ASS. PRINCIPAL: He threatened to cut a female student because she is Mexican.
WALDO’S MOM: Yes, he’s sort of going through this little racist phase right now. I’ll talk to him about it.
ASS. PRINCIPAL: Please do. This is unacceptable. We will have to suspend him again.
WALDO’S MOM: Oh my. I understand. We’ll have a little chat when he gets home. Thank you so much for calling.
Waldo was eventually expelled for threatening an African-American student with a knife, so I didn’t have to deal with him for very long. Hopefully, he’s outgrown his “little racist phase.”
I DEDUCT POINTS IF I DON’T LIKE YOUR FACE
I was called into the office of the chair of the department one day. A parent called for a conference and she wanted to brief me on the situation before we went to the actual meeting.
DEPT. HEAD: This is a rough one. This parent says that you gave her son a B because you don’t like him.
ME: But that’s ridiculous.
DEPT. HEAD: I know. I told her that. I explained that you are a very trustworthy and fair teacher and that if her son got a B, it’s because that is what he earned. But she wouldn’t let it go and has called a meeting.
ME: Well, what is she saying? What leads her to believe that I don’t like her son? I really did treat him like everyone else.
DEPT. HEAD: I know. She has brought in particular assignments and has pointed out each point deduction, saying that it is nitpicky and that you only deducted those points because you don’t like him.
ME: Are you kidding me?
DEPT. HEAD: And there’s something else…
ME: Yeah?
DEPT. HEAD: She claims that you threw a paper at her son.
ME: What?
DEPT. HEAD: The son has said that you were handing back papers and you threw his at him.
ME: That’s ridiculous.
DEPT. HEAD: I know.
ME: Sometimes I slide the paper across the desk but-
DEPT. HEAD: There is no need to justify that.
ME: Okay.
DEPT. HEAD: And there’s something else.
ME: Oh boy…
DEPT. HEAD: She said that her son said you told him you don’t like his face.
ME: What?
DEPT. HEAD: I know.
ME: That’s insane.
DEPT. HEAD: I know.
ME: I don’t understand why this is happening now. I haven’t even had her son since last year.
DEPT. HEAD: Yeah, she just came up with this now, which makes it a lot less legitimate. I think it is because he is doing poorly
in some of his other classes, and his GPA is going down, so she is looking for ways to bring it up. You’re not the only teacher she’s doing this to.
ME: So isn’t it obvious that her argument has no merit if she is doing the same thing to other teachers?
DEPT. HEAD: Yes, but the school still has to take her complaints seriously.
I denied everything and his mother continued to fight with the school board for several years over her son’s grade. I never received a follow-up so I don’t know if they gave her what she wanted. But I wouldn’t be surprised.
ASSAULT WITH A HILARIOUS WEAPON
A mother came to school looking for her daughter. She had recently lost custody and was not allowed to see her (keep reading to find out why.) She stomped into the main office and demanded to see her daughter. The secretaries informed her that her kid had recently transferred to another school, which was true. The mother accused the secretaries of lying and insisted on seeing her daughter, or else she would be forced to take action. The secretaries told her, once again, that the girl no longer attended this school. The woman swiped all of the items on every desk in the office onto the floor. She took the potted plants and smashed them onto the ground. She kicked the desk of the secretary nearest to her and screamed, “Give me my daughter!”
While the poor secretaries begged her to calm down, the woman took out a backscratcher and a Windex bottle full of hot sauce. She tried to spray one of them with the hot sauce, but it was too thick. Instead, she unscrewed the bottle and tried to fling the sauce. She gave up in frustration and hurled the empty bottle at the secretary’s head. Next, she started to chase another secretary with the backscratcher. At this point, a group of teachers restrained the woman, who howled like a rabid animal. The woman was arrested for assault with a (hilarious) weapon.
JUICY FRUIT’S MOM
I had a student who insisted on being called the name of a brand of chewing gum. To conceal his identity, I’ll call him “Juicy Fruit” instead. Juicy Fruit refused to take his headphones off and did almost nothing in class. Needless to say, he was failing and therefore, would not be graduating. When his mom found this out, she decided to blame me. She sent me the following email a few days before graduation:
To: Ms. Morris
From: Juicy Fruit’s Mom
Subject: not gonna gradiate
i just found out my son not gonna gradiate because of your class, why he not pass your class??
In my response, I explained to her that no matter what tactic I tried, her son refused to learn. I also reminded her that I had called her many times and left messages throughout the year to discuss her son’s failure. She knew all year that he wasn’t going to graduate.
She didn’t answer but paid me a surprise visit instead. I was in the middle of lecturing Juicy Fruit’s class when his mom burst through the door and yelled, “Are you Ms. Morris?”
I had never seen this woman before and it was quite alarming. I jumped and grabbed my chest. A student screamed at the top of her lungs. “It’s okay,” I told the class. “Yes, I’m Ms. Morris. Can I help you?” Without leaving the doorway, she yelled, “I need to talk to you now!”
“I’m in the middle of teaching a class. Can we speak afterward?”
“When’s that?”
“In about twenty minutes. Why don’t you come back then?”
She had a very sarcastic tone as she replied, “No I think I’m gonna stay and lurn somethin.” And with that she sat down in an empty seat in the front row.
“Ma’am please,” I said. “Please wait for me in the hallway.” She crossed her arms and replied, “Naw. Im’ma be lurnin something.” I tried to continue as if nothing had happened.
“Okay… so absurdism is the belief that nothing can explain or rationalize human existence. Does everyone understand?”
“Oooo I’m lurnin stuff,” Juicy Fruit’s mom called out. I attempted to ignore her.
“Class, how does this theory…”
“Look at me! I’m lurnin things!”
I continued to disregard her behavior.
“How does this theory relate to the book?” A few students raised their hands. So did Juicy Fruit’s mom. In fact, she started to wave her hand frantically and make noises. I called on a student, but she cut in.
“Yeah, I got a question. How do I get to pass this class?”
“Well, you would need to turn in at least a few assignments. Your son did not complete a single assignment all year.” Juicy’s Fruit’s mom looked outraged. She spun around towards where her son was sitting and yelled, “That true?” Her son replied, “No. I did the makeup work. She never graded it.”
She turned back to me. “He did the makeup work!”
“I did not receive a single assignment. That is a lie.” She turned back to her son. “You lyin?”
“No. I put it in her mailbox.” She turned back to me. “He put it in ya mailbox!”
“No, he did not. Please go into the hallway so we can discuss this privately.” She got up and turned to her son. “When you get home Im’ma kill you!”
“Okay class, open your books and read. Ma’am, let’s go in the hallway. Lancelot, call security.”
In the hallway, Juicy Fruit’s mom yelled at me that my class was stupid and that I should pass her son and that he shouldn’t have to stay in school longer because of me. I tried to defend myself. Thankfully security finally showed up. They removed Juicy Fruit’s mom from the hallway and dealt with her while I finished teaching my class. No one knows how she got into the building.
Juicy Fruit did some kind of “credit recovery program” and graduated with everyone else. His mom was the loudest and proudest in the crowd.
FROM THE FRONTLINES
Part 2
I asked a group of elementary, middle and high school teachers to describe the most challenging, absurd or outrageous interaction they have had with a parent. This is what I received:
“A parent phoned me at school and yelled at me that her daughter had a bruise and that she's never had a bruise before.”
“One of my 5th graders kept falling asleep in my class every day for a week. I called home asking after his health and the dad said, ‘Oh that's because I've let him stay up until 1 o’clock watching videos on his iPhone.’ Oh, of course, how silly of me!”
“A parent with crazy eyes barged into the school, opened my classroom door and demanded to have a conference immediately. I looked around my class and said, ‘Are these kids are invisible? Please come back when you schedule a proper conference.’ That lady harassed me all year though I never had ANY issues with her son.”
“A student asked me if I was going to cheer for Mexico in the World Cup and my reply was, ‘No, I'm cheering for Team USA.’ The next day I was called into the principal's office because a parent was accusing me of being racist against Mexicans.”
“A parent complained that her son spent too much time with girls and did ‘girl things’ in the class and didn't have any male friends. Mind you this was a small school and he was the only boy in the previous year’s class. I suggested a boy playdate and she told me they were too busy. The second-semester conference began with this same mom complaining that her son is too rough now that he was playing with boys more.”
“During a parent conference a father gave me step by step, play by play details on how he found his wife in bed with another woman. I had to pretend I was crying because I was laughing so hard.”
“The parent of one of my kindergarten students wrote me a note saying that her son is learning to be a doctor so I should refer to him as Doc.”
“I called a parent at 10:30 on a Tuesday and asked for her help with her son’s behavior and she said, ‘I don't call you on the weekends, so you don't call me during the weekdays. He's your problem!’”
“I had a drunk mother angry that her daughter made a 93.”
“A student lost her workbook and the mother was irate at having to buy a new one. The mother was in the front of
fice screaming, ‘I’m gonna fuck you up! Watch your back in the parking lot!’ All over a damn $11.99 workbook.”
“I had a parent state that I bullied her child and that was why he had a 13% in the class. Never mind all of the assignments he never turned in. The meeting was with all of his teachers, and according to her the reason the student was failing was because our district had conspired, since the student was in kindergarten, to make his educational experience a living hell.”
“I called a student’s mother to discuss her poor attitude. The mother told me, ‘Oh, well you must've provoked her.’”
“I wrote on a student’s (who is struggling) progress report (kindergarten) ‘ is respectful and considerate. Please continue to work on letter sounds at home.’ The progress report was returned with a ranting letter on the back. ‘I work with my child for 5 hours a week on letters, maybe you need to teach the assignments better in class.’”
“A parent told me her daughter was behaving badly because she switched her cereal to whole wheat.”
“Parents threatened to have an arrest warrant for forgery because there was no way their kid had forged a signature on a test grade. It had to be me because their kid didn’t do such things.”
“A parent threatened to ‘beat my ass.’”
“A parent told me to my face that the reason I was divorced was because I didn't love my own child and since I had lost some weight I thought I was better than everybody else.”
“I told a parent that his daughter was a good kid and he told me that’s what he was thinking about while making her.”
“After a student of mine was in a fist fight with another student, the boy’s mother came in and screamed at me. She taught her child to fight back, so he shouldn't get in trouble for it at school. Then she told me, if I ever write him up again for hitting back, she will reward him with a video game because he is doing what she taught him to do.”