by Dar Williams
I inhaled as Lenore came to the last part of the speech. “But I think my friend, Myrtle, who is herself an endangered green sea turtle, says it the best.”
We cut to Myrtle swimming around. “She’s going to speak,” I explained.
I pulled out the tape recorder and turned it on. Sandy already had a microphone out for the bleep sound we’d recorded, so I held up the small tape machine and fed the recording onto the computer. I said as long as we could hear the words, they didn’t have to be as clear as the rest of the movie.
“Look at the world and listen to the world,” the voice instructed. “We set out to teach everyone our lessons, but we need to be taught ourselves. I’ve watched closely in recent years. Without exception, I have learned important lessons from everything I have observed, from bees to humans. Unfortunately, I acquired the skill of watching and listening too late in life. I had already overlooked things and sacrificed them forever, losing whatever important wisdom they were sent to give me.”
It was my grandmother.
We did a last montage of the tai chi people sweeping up their arms like cranes, Henry imitating a swimming sea turtle, and Gail tipping her head like a slender loris. I would also include footage of Ms. Farraday’s dance class when I got it.
Then the frogs held up signs with the words THE END and Myrtle came back again with my grandmother’s voice.
“Good luck,” she said.
After a quick dinner, we ran off to the dance concert, which, with the stage lights, came off even more beautifully than I had expected. The swamp panthers darted in and out of the green plants. Then came the Karner blue butterflies. Sarah was standing next to me with the camera bag in case there was an emergency. We both gasped when the butterflies went running back and forth, which was hypnotizing enough, but then they turned away from us to spread their wings, which were electric blue with designs made with aluminum foil.
“Smell that?” Sarah whispered. “Fried chicken. I told you!” She was right. If you looked closely, you could also see grease stains on the edges of some of the foil.
The last dance was called “Ecosystem.” I loved Ms. Farraday for this. It wasn’t scientific. Sarah told me Ms. Farraday had told the dancers to bring any clothing they had with animal prints on them. She made up a dance based on who had the zebra prints, and who had the leopard spots, snakeskin designs, and fake lion fur. All of the animals ended up dancing together, showing that an ecosystem is really a dance of all different species. If she had tried to show the way an ecosystem really worked, she would have had all the animals eating each other. I was glad she didn’t go that way.
I was so tired after the performance that I wanted to leave, but I went up to Ms. Farraday to thank her. She looked past all the parents and asked, “Did you get what you needed?” I gave her an okay sign, and she beamed.
The next morning I held my breath and looked at the film of the dances. Nothing could capture the exact moment when the bright blue butterflies had opened their wings, but I still got a shiver when it happened.
On Monday, I went back and finished the film. I knew I would want to clean it up more, but this would do for now. It was a whole thing, if not a perfect thing.
I waited for Dad to do some office work before we drove home from the second editing session. I called Carolyn from the hall outside the editing room and left a message saying that I wanted her, and her alone, to see the film. I chose her because I knew she would see the movie itself, not me. Just as Carolyn had congratulated Marin on her masks by looking at the masks (she hardly knew Marin was there), she would comment on the film itself. I wanted that.
I sat on a wall near the car and watched the wind blow through the trees and flowers around the parking lot of the campus. What were the names of these trees? What kind of flowers were these? Why hadn’t I noticed or cared? Dad came out and drove me home. I told him he still couldn’t see the film, and I told him he might have to leave the house while I showed it to Carolyn.
He nodded. “That’s brave,” he said. He knew Carolyn wouldn’t know how to lie if she didn’t like it.
Carolyn was at our house reading a book on the front step when we came home. My dad gave her a hug and continued inside. She looked up at me and said, “I was trying to get a look at that cute guy down the street who made you have that bike accident.”
It was no use being angry with Carolyn or Phyllis. Or John or Joyce or my dad, all of whom had obviously compared notes about Kyle. I sighed. “His name is Kyle, but he has a girlfriend.” She already knew that, didn’t she? “C’mon in.” I said.
Dad said he would close his eyes and ears in his room if we let him stay in the house.
Carolyn and I sat near the television so we could catch the details. And then for the next seventeen minutes I got to experience my blood rushing up through my body like a continuous fountain. Carolyn watched the whole film without smiling, laughing, talking, or even looking in my direction. She gave no clues. I could suddenly see the places where the edits were messy and the script seemed too serious. Ellen, this time without Hallie, was in my head saying she could have done a much better job.
The film ended. “Who was the turtle voice?” Carolyn asked.
“It’s a surprise,” I said.
“I liked that part the best,” she told me, rising and stretching.
How could I ask her if she thought it was any good or not? I couldn’t. I didn’t.
“Betsy’s cool, isn’t she?” Carolyn asked.
“She’s totally cool. She gave me this bracelet,” I answered, holding out my wrist, hoping my hand wouldn’t shake.
“Speaking of which, I’ve got to get back to work,” Carolyn said. “And I need to think about this. Good job, Amalee.”
And that was it.
I was a little disappointed. When I felt my disappointment start to grow, I decided to get on my bike and go somewhere. I also decided to show the movie to Sarah. I knew, just because she loved to find something good in everything, that she would probably only say something nice, but I decided I wouldn’t mind a compliment or two!
I biked away from Kyle’s house. I made myself not look for his truck. Then I looked. It wasn’t there. I sighed and kept on riding. There were long grass fields on both sides of me as I biked along, and old, old trees. Betsy was right — it was the way it all looked side by side that was even more beautiful than each part. I decided that I had made the film for myself. If no one else liked it, I would survive. My eyes were opened by making a movie.
I looked at my bracelet again. Betsy had called me “a fellow adventurer and planetary healer.” Well, maybe I hadn’t done much planet healing, but I was trying.
I came home and called Sarah, still hoping that she could take a look and give the movie a clear thumbs-up or -down. She was home, but she said she couldn’t come over, because … “Because, okay, I’m sure you knew about this. I’m totally embarrassed, but I found out that Curt is going to the swimming hole today, and so I’m making Lydia take me and pretend it’s a coincidence.”
“Curt the frog?”
“Oh, like you couldn’t tell! I’m such an idiot. You think I’m weird that I like Curt?”
“No. Do you think I’m weird that I didn’t know that you liked Curt?” I asked. Now that I thought about it, I should have guessed. I remembered how gently Sarah had helped Curt with his frog mask.
“Do you want to come with us? You don’t like him, too, do you?”
I laughed. She put it right out there, after I’d felt so terrible about being jealous of her. “No way.”
“Has Kyle broken up with that icky girl?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “Probably not.”
“Do you think I’m an awful friend for not coming over to see your movie? You must be really excited.”
“No. I feel bad for not going to swim,” I lied as I watched black clouds practically flood into the sky. Did I hear thunder? Obviously Sarah did not hear anything that would ge
t in the way of her plan. I added, “Why don’t you and Lydia come to John & Friends for an early dinner? You want to sleep over afterward?”
She said yes, yes, yes. She’d have to talk to someone about whatever was going to happen at the swimming hole. “And I’d love to see the movie. We’ll make popcorn and watch it at midnight,” she said.
I told her good luck, and thought of Myrtle wishing us all the same thing.
I usually loved rain, but not when it was destroying Sarah’s secret date. An hour later, it really started to pour. At five, Joyce came and picked me up on her way to the restaurant. She met me at the door with an enormous purple umbrella.
“Get in the car!” she yelled, and we both shuffled along under the umbrella like some unusual species of hippopatomus.
“Your dad says you’ve finished the movie,” she mentioned casually. “And you won’t let him see it.”
“I let Carolyn see it,” I said, remembering my disappointment. Sarah had helped me more than she knew by making me all nervous for her and Curt instead of me and … me.
We ran into the restaurant and found Phyllis with her calculator. Dad arrived a little later and thanked me for leaving a note that I was already at the restaurant. Carolyn nodded from where she stood in the plants.
Joyce went to the kitchen to talk with John, something she rarely did, but she had been having strange food cravings, so she was probably asking for an unusual dish.
“Handmade tagliatelle pasta with fresh local tomatoes, basil, and garlic,” Joyce announced coming out of the swinging doors. “How does that sound? Pregnant lady likes pasta these days.”
A server brought out a big bowl and many plates. Lydia and Sarah arrived, soaking, with a little drenched Julie in tow.
“How did it …?” I asked, but Sarah shook her head. I nodded and found seats for them.
The pasta was amazing. I kept reminding myself that I had made the movie for myself. I tried not to look at Carolyn.
The server came out and said, very seriously, that John had made us a dessert. She took our dinner plates and replaced them with dessert plates. John came through the door with a cake. The cake was green. John’s smile was huge. He practically plopped the cake on the table, he was so excited for me to see that he had created a very large, noble green frog with a white underbelly. The frog had a crown and a long red tongue coming out of its mouth, and on the tongue were the words AMA RULES!
Carolyn came over and sat next to me. “I loved your movie,” she said. “I almost cried. I just wanted to think about it before I told you.”
“Oh,” I said casually. “I thought maybe you didn’t like it so much.”
Carolyn looked confused. “You couldn’t tell? I thought it was amazing.”
Joyce squeezed my hand and said, “And if Carolyn says she almost cried, you know I’ll be bawling.”
Phyllis started cutting the cake. “You did it,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe it. You had a plan and you stuck to it. I told you who you reminded me of.” She winked.
Dad said, “I knew she would do it.”
I had become a floating balloon, filled with the helium of relief. They couldn’t know this, because then I’d have to admit how worried I had been. I told them that making the film hadn’t seemed impossible. “Thanks to you,” I pointed out. “And you.” I nodded at Sarah. “And you!” I looked at Lydia and Julie.
After the cake, we all loaded into different cars with our soggy sandals and sneakers. Sarah had her things with her, so she came with Dad and me. When we got home and Dad had gone to brush his teeth, she turned to me and said, “Okay, this is what happened. We got there just before it started to rain, and then Curt and his friend and his dad showed up, and Lydia and I were looking like we were going to go swimming, anyway, so I thought maybe he’d decide to go, too.”
Sarah said it went like this:
Curt got out of his car and said, “Hi! I think it’s going to rain.”
And Sarah answered, “Yeah, maybe.”
He asked, “You think you’re still going to go swimming?”
Sarah said, “I don’t know. Did you think you would still go?”
And Curt looked up, saying, “Uh-oh. Thunder. You’re not supposed to go swimming when it thunders.”
Then Lydia came over and offered to take everyone out for ice cream, but Curt said no, and Sarah didn’t know why.
“That’s great that Lydia did that,” I pointed out. “It would have been much more awful if you had asked him and he said no.”
“I still feel like a loser,” Sarah moaned. “I feel so embarrassed. Do you think he’d ever really be interested in me?”
I told her the truth. “I think you’re the best-looking girl in our class.” And then I told her how Curt liked that she streaked her hair gray for the class play.
“He did? That’s good,” she said.
“When did you start to like him?” I asked. “I had no idea.”
“Well, I thought he was really good when he did the audition for the play, but then I realized how much I liked him when I saw that story he did for Mr. Chapelle’s class.”
“So he liked it when you put gray streaks in your hair, and you liked it when he put brown yarn in his, right?” I asked. Sarah nodded. “You’re a perfect couple!” I cried.
“You think?” Sarah asked. “I think he is so gorgeous. Has he had braces? I love his teeth. And he’s got beautiful eyes. And you know, it’s weird, because he’s popular, but he’s nice to everyone. I think that’s really cool.”
“And he did my movie, and he was nice to your little sister,” I added.
“That’s so true. I think I love him!” Sarah exclaimed, and then we laughed, and she said, “Speaking of which, I want to see the movie, except I might hate how I look and make you stop it, and I might have to talk about Curt. Wait a minute, does he look like a geek? Will this make me fall out of love with him? I like being in love. Or will this make me be more in love with him? I don’t think I could stand to be even more in love, especially when I remember that he said no to going out for ice cream today.”
“He’s in the middle,” I said, playing along. “You’ll probably be equally in love with him after seeing this.”
“And I might make you stop so I can say how great I think he is,” Sarah interrupted me on my way to pressing the PLAY button. “Okay. Go ahead. Oh, the popcorn! Never mind, I’m still full of frog cake.”
I pressed PLAY. Sarah couldn’t stop talking, but I didn’t mind. She was excited, and everything she said was a surprise, a good surprise. She noticed everything I was trying to do. She also couldn’t get over how weird it was to see herself on film, though she didn’t say it was a bad thing.
She also said that Curt looked really cute, and I thought she must be in love, since he had his mask on the whole time.
The next morning, we were awoken by a phone call for Dad. It was Joyce. Dad looked at me and Sarah as we walked into the kitchen and then said to Joyce, “Well, I am her legal guardian, otherwise known as her dad, so I can give you permission to do that. Yes, that would be nice.” He was silent, and then he smiled. “Well, if it’s a plan, it’s a good thing Phyllis will help you with it!” After more listening, Dad said, “Okay, bye — hey — have I told you yet what a great mom you’re going to be?” He looked at us and ran his fingers down his cheeks to show us that he’d made Joyce cry. We stifled our laughter. “Thank you, Joyce.” He hung up.
“What was that about?” Sarah and I asked at the same time.
“Well, Miss You-Can’t-See-My-Movie, I guess you’ll have to wait and see!”
“That is so not fair,” Sarah spoke up, which Dad enjoyed thoroughly.
“And why is that, Miss I-Got-To-See-The-Film?” he teased.
“Because that phone call was so obviously, totally about Amalee,” she said.
“Well, I’m her father, so I get to decide what information to share with her. It’s for her welfare, right?”
&
nbsp; “No. You have to tell her,” Sarah insisted.
“I’ve got a secret, I’ve got a secret….” Dad sang, and then disappeared.
Sarah suggested that we go flower picking. She said if we saw people in their lawns, we could ask them if they needed to have their flowers “thinned.” “We can’t steal them,” she explained. “But flowers like tiger lilies multiply. We can even dig the plants out of the ground for people as a favor and keep the flowers. C’mon, it’s good for us to talk to people.”
She sounded like a combination of my dad, Phyllis, Joyce, and John. She didn’t sound like Carolyn. Carolyn’s idea of a good day would have no people. It would be to take two protein bars and get really lost in the woods and maybe end up sleeping under a tree.
“Alrighty,” I agreed. “Let’s get our trowels.” I got the little shovels out of the garage and we set out. Kyle’s truck was in the driveway. So was Kyle. He was wearing old shorts with paint stains all over them and a T-shirt with letters that were so faded I couldn’t tell what they said. I could see his shoulder muscles through a hole in the sleeve. I sucked in my breath. After feeling jealous of Sarah around him, I now felt protected by her.
“Hey,” she said, “where’s your girlfriend?”
Or maybe I wasn’t glad that she was here.
“Oh, uh, we broke up,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” Sarah said with enough sincerity for him, but not for me.
“It’s fine. It was, uh, my idea.”
“Not a very nice girl, was she?” Sarah asked.
“She wasn’t not nice,” I stammered, now horrified.
But Kyle laughed. How did Sarah get away with this stuff? “She was okay.” He shrugged. I could tell he agreed with Sarah! Then he turned to me and asked, “Hey Amalee, how is the film going?”
“I finished it,” I answered.
“It’s awesome,” Sarah told him.
“Let me know when I can see it!”
“You should,” Sarah agreed. “Well, we’re off on our travels!”
“Yeah, I’ve got to clip the hedges. Have a good one.”