by JL Paul
My heart drummed a frantic beat in my chest. “Um…thank you very much, but I’m not sure if I’m really interested.”
Chapter Fifteen
A hush swept over the room as my family and friends stared, slack-jawed, at me. The card Jon handed me trembled in my fingers as I read it again and again, trying to form the words in my heart.
“I understand that you may be a little disappointed by the outcome of the show,” Jon continued. “But you don’t have to make a decision tonight. Just call me Monday morning and we’ll set up a time so we can talk.”
I nodded, not sure what to say. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to talk with the man. He smiled at my onlookers as he exited. Gwen took that opportunity to throw her arms around me, pulling me tight against her body.
“I’m sorry you didn’t win,” she said.
“No, really, it’s okay,” I told her with a tight smile. And it really was. “I’m fine with it.”
“I know you are,” Dad said with a sorrowful grin. “But it’s disheartening all the same. You worked so hard.”
“Yes, I did,” I said as I pushed away from my sister. “And I could still get a record contract out of the deal. But to be honest, I don’t know if that’s what I want.”
Jess folded his arms over his chest, his lips curled in a knowing smirk. “Let’s get out of here, huh?”
I wanted to throw my arms around him but I didn’t dare in front of everyone. I just nodded and shoved the contents of my locker into a bag while the others discussed what we should do.
“If you don’t mind, I’m not up for going out tonight,” I said. I looked at Jess. “Maybe you could just take me home?”
He inclined his head.
Dad kissed my cheek. “See you at home, then.” He tugged on Gwen’s elbow as she continued to gape at me. “Let’s run through a drive-thru, huh? Let your sister deal with this her own way.”
I watched the others leave, thanking them for coming, and allowed Jess to take my hand. He led me to his monstrous truck and opened the door for me. Once he climbed in the other side, he shoved the key in the ignition but didn’t start it.
“What’s the deal?”
I shrugged as I looked out the window. “I don’t know if I’m ready to sign some kind of contract.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with us, does it?” he asked warily.
“No,” I snorted. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Jess Rivers.”
He laughed as he started the truck. “Sometimes.”
“Please,” I said, a hint of a smile on my lips.
“What’s the plan now?” he asked as he urged his truck out of the parking lot and into the light traffic.
“I’m not totally sure. I guess I’ll go home to make peace with my mother and go from there.” I didn’t know if I was ready to share my plans with him yet. I needed to make my mother understand first.
“Good luck with that,” he chortled.
“Thanks.”
He reached over the armrest and found my hand. “She’ll be fine with whatever you want to do, Aubrey. She has to be. You’re her child and she loves you.”
“I know,” I whispered in the dark. I watched as the lamp posts zoomed past my window and wondered what I would say to make her believe me. What could I say? “She’s going to be disappointed.”
“She’ll get over it,” Jess said in a firm tone. “It’s your life, not hers.”
That’s the problem, I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I kept my mouth closed and just tried to enjoy being with him.
He parked in my drive and turned to me. “Are you going to tell her about us?”
“Yes,” I said, very sure of my answer. I loved Jess and it was time she understood that. “I will. Tonight.”
He pursed his lips. “It’s not going to be an easy night for you or her. Call me if you need me. I’ll come get you.”
My heart melted at his tenderness. It was a side of him I hadn’t seen in years. “I will. Thanks.”
He kissed me softly before I jumped out of his truck and bounded to the front door. My father sat in his chair, catching up on the basketball playoff scores, fast food bag at his feet. He flashed a grim smile.
“You and Jess work things out?”
“Yes, Daddy,” I said as I sat on the arm of the chair. “Where’s Mom?”
“In her room.”
I nodded, kissed the top of his head, and ran upstairs. My parents’ door was closed but I could see a light under it. I knocked softly, hoping she wouldn’t ignore it. She did.
“Mom,” I called, knocking again. “Please let me in. We need to talk.”
Nothing. With a groan, I banged my head lightly on her door. I twisted the knob and was surprised to find it unlocked. I walked in, slowly, giving her a chance to kick me out if she wanted, and approached the bed. She was laying there, eyes trained on the television perched atop a TV stand.
“Can we talk?”
“What’s there to say, Aubrey?” she asked as her eyes left the screen to scrutinize me. “You got what you wanted. All my hard work went straight down the drain.”
“No, it didn’t,” I protested. “I was offered a contract tonight.”
Wrong words to say. My mother’s eyes brightened as she sat up and reached for me. “Really? From who?”
“A local guy. Spitz Records.”
“Oh, Aubrey!” she exclaimed as she leapt from the bed to take me in her arms. “This is wonderful!”
“I don’t know if I’m going to take it, Mom,” I said.
She stopped cold as if her veins iced over in an instant. “And why not? Is this because of that horrid Jess Rivers?”
“No,” I said, defensive. “Not at all. Jess wants me to do what makes me happy.”
“So you are seeing him,” she said, her tone accusatory. “I don’t know why you want to subject yourself to that kind of heartbreak again. He’s no good for you. He upset you terribly in high school and he’ll do it again.”
“He will not,” I defended. “Jess loves me and I love him.”
“Sure, he’ll tell you that,” she said. “He’ll say anything to get you in his bed.”
I groaned. “Oh, Mother. Jess isn’t like that.”
“How do you know?”
“How do you?” I yelled. “You know nothing about him. You’re prepared to say or believe anything about him to keep me away from him. Well it’s not going to work. I’m going to be with him, no matter if you approve or not.”
Her eyes narrowed, her lips forming a hard line. She clenched her hands into tight fists next to her side. “You’ll throw everything I’ve ever done for you away for a man that hurt you once? He’s more important than your own flesh and blood?”
“No,” I said, softening my voice. “I’m not throwing anything away.”
“You just said you’re not going to take the recording contract.”
“Not because of Jess,” I said, anger and fear intermingling in my chest. “Because I don’t know if that’s what I want right now.”
She drew in a haggard breath and stiffened her spine. “And you’re sure you want Jess?”
“Yes, I am,” I said with no hint of a smile. Why couldn’t she see that I was in love? Wasn’t she, as my mother, supposed to be happy for me? Weren’t we supposed to sit on her bed and talk and laugh like a couple of teenagers? Wasn’t she supposed to tease me and start making wedding plans? Weren’t we supposed to giggle as I told her how he kissed me goodbye?
“You’d rather have him than a career.” It wasn’t a question. With a huff, she turned away. “Well, fine, go to your Jess Rivers. And when he tires of you don’t come back here and beg me to help you become a star.”
“Stop it, Mother,” I ordered. “This isn’t about Jess. This is about your failures. This is about how you want me to be what you never could be.”
I wanted to pull the words back as soon as they left my mouth but it was much too late. She blanched and trembled. I reached for her b
ut she slapped my hand.
“Fine, Aubrey Rose,” she whispered. “Go now. Go be with Jess. Go live this life you’re so anxious to live.”
“What are you saying, Mother?” I asked. I didn’t like the hard tone of my voice. It startled me.
“I’m saying go, be with Jess. You’ve been whining about how you’re an adult now. Go live your life. Get out.”
I staggered backwards toward the door. My mother was kicking me out? I couldn’t live here anymore?
“You want me to leave the house? Move out?” I took a deep breath. “You want me to choose between my family and my boyfriend?”
“You’ve already chosen,” she said in a quiet voice. She crawled back on her bed and turned off the bedside lamp.
My back pressed against the door as I struggled for breath. I couldn’t believe this was happening. She would really throw me out of the house, my home, just because she didn’t approve of Jess?
No, my mind reassured me. But that is part of the reason. You know the rest.
I sighed, leaving as quietly as I could. I trudged down the hall to my own room and sat on the edge of my bed. What was I supposed to do now? Did she expect me to pack and leave?
A lump formed in my throat and I knew the tears weren’t far behind. I just couldn’t be bothered with them at the moment. I had other things to worry about. I eyed my closet door and wondered if I should be packing. My mind was moving at half speed and my heart was numb. What should I do?
Standing, I paced.
Okay, so maybe Mom was being a little harsh at the moment. Surely she would change her mind in the morning. Right?
I decided to ask my dad. Maybe he had some secret insight into the workings of my mother’s head. I certainly had no idea. Plus, my mind couldn’t quite grasp the situation.
“Dad,” I said, nibbling on my lip as I entered the living room. “Um…”
“What’s the problem, honey?” he asked, lifting his eyes from the TV.
I filled him in on the conversation I’d just had with my mother. His face grew darker and darker with each word I spoke. Finally, I plopped to the sofa and slumped my shoulders.
“So I don’t know what to do.”
“She cannot kick you out of this house because you lost a stupid competition!” he exclaimed, face turning a lovely shade of purple. “I’ll settle this.”
“Dad, no! I don’t want you and Mom to argue,” I pleaded.
“Aubrey, this is my house, too. I refuse to allow this,” he said as he tromped up the stairs. “I’ll take care of this.”
My heart sank as panic began to rise up my throat. I ran after him. He slammed his bedroom door in my face, stopping me in the hall. Their voices started soft but grew in volume. Backing into the wall, I cringed as their argument roared behind the door. Guilt ate at my heart and I couldn’t stand that I was the reason. I knew it hurt my mother and I hated that, but I couldn’t be her puppet forever.
I blew out a frustrated breath and made a decision. Knocking on the bedroom door, I stormed into the room. “Stop! Stop fighting right now!”
They froze and gaped at me. Mom turned her head, studying her nails while Dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
“Come on, Aubrey. Let’s give your mother some space.” He growled out the words as he steered me from the room. Shutting the door, he started heading for the stairs but I stopped him.
“I’m going to leave for a few days, Dad,” I said. Waltzing through my bedroom door, I pulled a large bag from my closet.
“No you’re not, Aubrey,” Dad said, following me. He took the bag from my hands and tossed it in my closet. “This is your home, too, and I’ll not have you tossed out because of your mother’s unfair prejudices. “
I hugged him, tears welling in my eyes. “I’ll go stay with Gwen or something for a few days and give Mom a chance to cool down. Once she does, I’ll come home and we’ll talk.” I stood on my toes to kiss my father’s cheek. “It’s easier. And don’t you fight with her, either.”
“Aubrey, she’s being unreasonable.”
“She’s hurt, Dad,” I said. “I said some things I probably shouldn’t have.”
“No matter. She’s been forcing music down your throat your whole life.”
I shook my head and snatched the bag he’d just tossed out of my closet. “Let me go for a few days. She’ll calm down. Then I’ll talk to her.”
“Aubrey…” he begged.
I kissed his cheek again as tears filled my eyes.
“It’ll be fine, Daddy,” I said but I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince.
***
I backed out of the drive, tears still clouding my eyes, and hit the road. I briefly entertained the idea of going to Gwen’s – I knew I could crash on her couch. Dane already had the spare room torn apart to remodel into the ultimate nursery.
I rejected the idea, though. I knew where I wanted to be. I called him and only said I’d be there shortly. He met me at the door.
“I take it the talk didn’t go so well,” he said as he slipped the bag off my shoulder. He held the door, allowing me to pass.
“Not in the least,” I said as I wiped my tears on my bare arm.
He dropped the bag in the living room and embraced me. He held me for a few minutes as I tried very hard to contain my sobs. I did a pretty good job.
He let me go to take my hand and drag me to the kitchen. He sat me at the breakfast bar while he opened his refrigerator. “Did you eat?”
“No,” I frowned. I glanced at the microwave clock. It was close to midnight. It was hard to believe the finals happened just a few hours ago. It seemed like days had passed. “I’m not hungry, Jess. I’m just tired.”
Ignoring me, he pulled out cold cuts, lettuce, and condiments. He removed a plate from a cabinet and threw together a ham and cheese sandwich which he slid across the breakfast bar. He found a bottle of water in the fridge and opened it before setting it down near my plate.
“Eat,” he ordered as he sat next to me. “Then we’ll get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.”
He spun the water bottle cap on the table with his pinkie, watching it twirl on the smooth surface.
Picking up the sandwich, I nibbled on the crust, conscious of Jess’s eyes on me. But I couldn’t wait until morning to talk. I wanted him to know how much I hurt.
“She wants me out of the house, Jess.”
He froze, the cap shooting out from under his hand and clattering to the floor.
“She kicked you out because you lost?” he asked, fire blazing in his eyes. “Are you kidding me?”
I ducked my head over my plate. “Not exactly. I mean, we argued a little bit about the show but mostly it was about…” I bit my lip.
“Me, huh? She’s pissed because you’re with me now.”
“Sort of. But I said some things to her I shouldn’t have. That’s why she wanted me out, I think,” I said softly.
“What did you say?” he asked, arms folded angrily in front of his chest. “What could you have possibly said to make your mother want to kick out her star?”
I took a deep breath and found his eyes. “That’s between me and her, Jess.” He opened his mouth but I held up my hand. “My dad is already fighting with her and I don’t want more trouble. I’m not totally innocent, here. And what I said might have been true, but it wasn’t necessary for me to throw it in her face.”
I sighed. “I’ll let her cool down and then talk to her again. I can stay with Gwen, if you want, but I prefer to be with you.”
The tension in his body hadn’t budged. “Of course you can stay here, Aubrey. You can stay as long as you need. Hell, move in if you want.”
My eyes grew. “What?” I stood before him totally astonished. “Did I hear that right? Jess Rivers just asked me to move in with him?”
His shoulders relaxed slightly as a light blush graced his cheeks. With a sheepish smile, he chucked me under the chin. I delighted in seeing him this way. “I love you,
Aubrey. I want you here with me. Why the hell would I beat around the bush?”
I ran my hands up his chest and linked them behind his neck. His arms snaked around my waist. “I love you, too, Jess. And I want to be with you.” I brushed my lips across his. “But I don’t think I’m ready to live with you. Remember how you said it was time I lived my life? I need to figure out what to do with my life.”
He smirked, eyes glowing. “Little Aubrey Rose is growing up.”
I tried to smile, wanting to keep the mood light, but my lips fell. “It’s hard, Jess. And scary.”
He kissed my forehead and embraced me, rubbing my back lightly. “I know, sweetheart.” He sighed and edged back. “You’ll make it, Aubrey. You’re stronger than you think.” He kissed me again and pointed at my uneaten sandwich. “Are you going to eat?”
“I’m really not hungry.” I picked up the plate and set it in the fridge. “I just want to go to bed.”
“Okay,” he shrugged. He waited until I was beside him then took my hand and led me down the hall to his bedroom.
He held me that night, his soft breath brushing my skin, as I thought about my future. I knew what I wanted to do but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. No, that was a lie. I knew how to go about it – but was I brave enough to do it?
Chapter Sixteen
I woke slowly. The early morning sun penetrated the blinds, touching my cheeks gently, and for a moment, I forgot where I was. My eyes burned when I finally managed to pry them open, breaking through the crust that had formed in the corners due to my late night crying jag.
I shifted my body slightly and Jess’s arm tightened, making me smile. He’d held me as I’d sobbed into his chest until exhaustion finally took over and forced me to sleep. The words he’d whispered remained in my head and I held them, clinging to them as though they were buoys on a turbulent sea. He’d promised to take care of me – that I had nothing to worry about.
I kissed his strong jaw with a sigh. I was tired of being taken care of. I was ready to stand on my own two feet. It wouldn’t happen overnight, I knew, and I’d probably stumble a time or two, but I’d give it my best shot.