by JL Paul
“Yeah it didn’t feel too wonderful, either,” he smirked. I wanted to punch him for belittling the entire thing, but I was too happy to see him awake and, for the most part, okay. “You didn’t have to fly all the way out here. I was going to call you once they put me in a room.”
“You said if I needed you to just fly out,” I reminded him.
He sighed heavily. “I said if you needed me to call and I’d fly you out here.” He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “But I guess I’m glad you’re here.”
I giggled, a little too hysterically probably. “So what happens now?”
He shrugged and winced making my heart jump to my throat. “I guess I fly home and see my doctor. The season’s almost over, anyway, so if they put me on the DL, I won’t miss much.”
His voice held a trace of anger and I placed a hand on his chest. I wanted to calm him, comfort him somehow, but I wasn’t sure what to do. His eyes met mine and the disappointment was there. It tore at my already exhausted heart so I leaned in to kiss him. He deepened it much too inappropriately, considering where we were, but I didn’t care. Relief had washed through me and I was just too grateful that he was well enough to kiss me at all.
Finally he broke the kiss and I smiled a little at how ragged his breathing was. He cupped my cheek.
“You know, you can stay with me tonight but I don’t think I want you to.”
“Why not?” I demanded. A prickle of anger poked my spine.
“Because I don’t think you’ll be very comfortable in that chair and you’re too shy to sleep in this bed with me,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“Oh,” I said, taken aback. “I want to stay. That chair reclines. I’ll be fine.”
His eyes narrowed as his lips curled on one side. “Don’t be a coward – sleep in the bed with me.”
“I don’t think they’ll allow it,” I said.
He snorted. “What are they are going to do, kick me out?”
“Jess,” I groaned as the tears welled in my eyes again.
“Don’t start with the water works,” he ordered, his eyes flashing. “Scoot up here by me and tell me about all this college stuff.”
“I already told you on the phone,” I said. Nevertheless, I did as he ordered and snuggled into his uninjured side. I rambled away as he held me with his good arm until Troy and a couple others peeked in the door.
He invited them in, grinning as they razzed him while I stayed silent by his side. He took their ribbing in stride and insulted each of them in turn. I caught Kendra’s eye and we both smiled a little, probably thinking the same thing. I didn’t think I’d ever understand men’s need to insult each other in jest. But they enjoyed it and it lifted Jess’s spirits so I couldn’t complain.
Finally, an older nurse bustled into the room, shooing the guys out. Jess squeezed my shoulder and winked at the nurse. “I won’t be needing that sponge bath, Berta. My woman’s here now.”
My cheeks blazed as the nurse chuckled, swatting his leg playfully. But my heart danced at his possessive term for me. I was his woman and they’d have to pry me away if they wanted me to leave. Berta didn't seem at all upset at my current position so I stayed. We talked quietly while we watched the replays of the horrible incident on the sports channel and when he drifted away on a pain med sleep, I finally settled in and allowed exhaustion to overcome me.
***
The next few days were horribly miserable. Jess whined like an overgrown baby and I bit my lip so much it swelled. I did the best I could for him; waiting on him hand and foot, escorting him to the doctor, propping his injured arm on fluffy pillows.
It did little good as he continued to complain about the minor surgery the doctor wanted him to have; the rehab he’d have to endure; and missing the last couple games of the season.
Classes started and I looked forward to the escape. I’d only signed up for three general classes; English, Math and a computer class. But it was enough to keep me busy as I delved back into academics.
Each time I stepped on campus, I hurried to the bulletin boards, scanning them for apartments I could afford and jobs I could handle. I couldn’t do searches at home because Jess whined louder, telling me I didn’t need a job – he’d pay for whatever I needed. I couldn’t get it through that thick skull of his that I didn’t want to be taken care of. I wanted to finally be independent.
An idea came to me when I tossed my book bag in my car and my eyes landed on the business card in the console. I held the card in my fingers as I debated on whether or not I should call. He had a small business and I wondered if he could afford to pay help, but it was worth a shot.
***
Jon Spitzer welcomed me cheerfully into his office. His eyes danced in amusement as he already knew why I was there.
“How’s college life?” he asked.
“Fine,” I mumbled. “A little tough. I’ve been out of school for awhile. It’s an adjustment.”
“I understand,” he said as he sat behind his desk. “And now you’re looking for employment, not a contract?”
“Yes,” I said slowly, words picking up speed. “And I thought about you. I figured maybe it would ease your mind if I worked here, with you, for awhile. That way you could see I’m not talking to any other labels.”
He smiled, highly entertained, and my cheeks flushed.
“I understand.” He leaned forward and studied me carefully. “And I think it’s a great idea. I already have a secretary but I could use your help with other things. It would also be a good way for you to learn the ropes behind the scene and maybe I can talk you into signing sooner.”
“Really?” I asked, hope growing. “That would be great.”
“Sure,” he said, smiling. “I’m getting busier and busier and I could use an extra set of hands.”
I beamed, heart happily thumping. We set my hours and agreed on a salary. He gave me a short tour of the studio and a nervous fluttered started in my stomach. It all looked so complicated and…expensive. Could I handle this? I shook my hair and set my lips. Yes, I could. I could do this. I had to do this. It was time to grow up and join the real world.
The tour ended and as I headed for the door, he stopped me.
“Still not ready to sign, huh?”
I shook my head with a smile. “Not yet. But I’m getting closer every day.”
“Wonderful,” he said as he shook my hand and escorted me out.
***
As I drove to Jess’s house, I wondered how I would break the news to him. He’d been so withdrawn lately – pouting over his injury. I was sure he’d be upset that I had a job but he was going to have to deal with it. He was the one who had urged me to find myself.
I entered the house quietly, listening for any sound that would indicate his mood. Pans rattling in the kitchen alerted me to his whereabouts so I took a deep breath and joined him.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said absently as he fiddled with the stove. With a quiet curse, he shut off the fire. He turned to look at me, strange glimmer in his eyes. “How was your day?”
“Fine,” I said.
He closed the space between us and wrapped me in an embrace. His lips found mine and I lost my breath. My eyes fluttered shut as I melted into him, my body craving for his attention.
“Good,” he said against my lips. “I missed you.”
He backed me out of the kitchen and to the bedroom. I was surprised but not at all disappointed. It’d been awhile since we’d had any contact other than a brief kiss or two.
His kisses turned urgent as he fumbled to remove my clothes, his actions clumsy as his arm was still encased in a sling. He finally cursed and yanked it off, throwing it to the floor.
“Jess,” I said, a little ragged. “You’re supposed to keep that on.”
“Not now,” he said, running his lips over the hollow at the base of my throat. “It’s in the way.”
He took me with such passion that I could only cling to him, body pressed tightly aga
inst his. When it was over, he fell beside me, gathering me to his chest. He planted sweet kisses to my temple and mumbled incoherent things in my ear.
I could hardly move so I allowed him to shower all the affection on me that he wanted while I traced lazy patterns on his chest. This was the Jess I missed – the one no one else ever got to see.
I shifted so I could rest my head on his chest and listen as his heart slowed to a normal rhythm.
“What got into you today?” I asked.
He chuckled – a little nervously it seemed- and kissed my hair. “I’ve been an ass lately, I know.”
I snorted. “That’s an understatement.”
He kissed me again and used his right arm to pull me tighter against him. “I love you, Aubrey. I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I don’t want you to leave.”
I lifted my head to look in his eyes.
“Did you hear about my job somehow?” I asked, confused.
“What job?” he asked. His brows pulled together over his beautiful eyes.
I explained to him about Jon and what I would be doing. I winced, bracing for his wrath, but he only smiled.
“That’s cool, I guess. But I really don’t want you to move out, Aubrey. Just promise me you’ll think about it.”
“Jess,” I said, sensing something uneasy behind his words. “What is going on? Something’s not right, here.”
He sighed as he sat up, taking me with him. He kissed me softly, his lips lingering on mine before breaking away.
“Damn. Aubrey, you’re mother called the house today. She didn’t think you’d answer your cell if you saw it was her. She wants to talk to you. She wants you to come home.”
Chapter Nineteen
You’re mother called. She wants to talk to you. She wants you to come home.
The words echoed over and over in my head as I tried to concentrate on the English assignment I needed to finish.
I’d assured Jess that I wouldn’t go home to her. I’d promised I’d figure out what I’d say before I called. He’d nodded, though his beautiful eyes were drenched in distrust.
With a sigh, I slammed the book shut. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I knew I needed to get to bed but sleep would not come easy.
Glancing at the microwave clock, I shoved my book next to the others on the kitchen table, wondering vaguely if Jess would be home soon. He’d followed me around the house relentlessly the past two days, afraid that I’d run back to my mother. It was a relief when Troy called and asked him to come by when the team returned from the road trip. The season was days from being over and Jess wanted to spend a little time with his teammates before they all scattered for the winter. I practically pushed him out the door, happy to be rid of him for a few hours.
I leaned on my arms and contemplated my living arrangements. A few notices had appeared on the bulletin board regarding apartments and I’d taken tabs from every one of them. Pulling them out of my pocket, I spread them out on the table. I glanced at the phone sitting on the counter where Jess had left it and bit my lip. I had a job. I’d enrolled in college. Now I could potentially have a place of my own.
Groaning, I slid my head to the table. Images of Jess’s face before he left earlier that evening flooded my mind. His eyes had searched my face as he’d leaned in to plant a firm kiss on my lips. For the first time since I’d known him, I’d spotted fear.
“He doesn’t want me to leave, does he?” I asked no one in particular. And if I’d only allow myself to dig deep down, I’d realize that I didn’t really want to leave, either. “But how can I just…live…with him?”
You already are, cookie, an annoying voice told me. I sighed, gazing at the books piled beside me. I thought I had my life neatly in order, finally, but I felt totally lost inside. Would I ever know what I wanted?
***
Flipping to my back, I stared at the ceiling in the dark. Sleep lurked around the corner but continued to play hard to get as I waited for Jess to get home. I groaned and pounded on the mattress. First I wanted him to leave to get him out of my hair and then I couldn’t wait for him to get home? What was wrong with me?
Sitting up, I listened as the floor creaked beyond the cracked door. Heavy footsteps stopped right outside the bedroom, blocking the hall light from filtering into the room. I fell back to the pillows and closed my eyes, waiting for him to push the door open and plop on the bed.
Finally, he did enter but he didn’t sink to the bed like I thought he would to pull off his shoes and kick off his pants. I gave in to temptation and opened my eyes, startled to find him hovering over the bed.
“You are awake,” he simply said.
“Jess? What’s the matter?” My heart trembled as my shaky hand reached for the lamp on the night stand. He grabbed my hand, sinking to the bed, and my fear tripled.
“Aubrey, did you call your mother yet?”
“No,” I said, blinking to force my eyes to grow accustomed to the light. I wanted to see his face so I could determine his mood. “Not yet.”
“I saw the phone numbers on the table. The ones for the apartments.” His voice was firm but his tone unsettled me.
“I didn’t call about them,” I whispered.
“Don’t.” He dropped my hand so he could grab my shoulders and gently pull me upright. A hint of beer floated in the air near his head. “Stay with me.”
“Jess,” I said desperately. “I…I don’t know that I want to move out, but I don’t know that I just want to live with you.”
“So marry me,” he said as if suggesting I try a new brand of toothpaste. “We’ll just get married.”
My heart stopped as I gasped for breath. “Are you drunk?”
“Of course.” His laughter shook the bed. “I’m pretty hammered.”
Pain started my heart and I preferred for it to still – I’d take a dead heart over the pain of his declaration. “So, you’re not serious.”
He grabbed my chin and kissed me. “I’m serious. I’ve thought about it and I think we should just get married. This weekend. We’ll go to the courthouse.”
I snorted, not sure if it was really Jess talking or the alcohol. “I don’t think my parents would be too happy if I didn’t have a big wedding.”
He released me, jumping to his unsteady feet. Anger radiated off of him like steam from a sizzling steak. “Who cares what they think? Must you always do things to please everyone else? Why can’t you do what Aubrey wants for once?”
His anger seeped into my skin and I crawled out of bed to stand in front of him. “I am doing what I want. I got a job. I’m going to school. And I’m living with you.”
“So you don’t want to marry me.”
It wasn’t a question.
“You don’t want to marry me,” I stated as the pain increased. “You just want to do it because you think it’s what I want. You climb on your high horse and preach to me about growing a backbone and standing up to people to do what I want. Look at you! You want to marry not because it’s what you want but what you think will please me. Talk about hypocritical!”
He grabbed my shoulders and I winced as his fingers dug into my skin. “I do want to marry you, Aubrey. I’ve wanted to marry you since high school but I thought it wasn’t a good idea at the time. I thought leaving was what was best for you.”
“Hmph,” I managed, not sure what else to say. “So why did you put up such a fuss when I wanted us to be together when we finally met up again?”
“Because I thought I would hurt you again,” he barked. “But since I’ve had to come to terms with my arm and the accident and now I’m facing yet another surgery, I decided to just do it.”
“What if I decide to sign a recording contract?” I challenged. I had to make sure he was sincere.
“We’ll figure it out, Aubrey,” he said, his voice low and defeated. “I thought you wanted this?”
“I do,” I whispered, finding the words ironic in an almost comical way.
“Then what t
he hell is the problem?”
Did he want a list?
“Jess, you’re drunk. Ask me again in the morning.” I wanted to beg, even considered getting on my knees, but I was afraid that would enrage him.
But I needn’t have worried – my mere words did that.
“I am not that drunk!” he roared. “I was being sarcastic.”
A low growl rumbled in his throat as he whipped away from me and ran his hands through his hair. I longed to wrap my arms around his waist and comfort him – tell him I’d marry him – but I couldn’t.
“Why is this so hard?”
“I don’t know, Jess,” I said, a little anger touching my heart. “Maybe because a few months ago you didn’t even want me for a girlfriend and now you’re asking me to be your wife. I don’t know what to think. I just wish I could talk to …”
“Who?” he demanded, whirling around to glare at me. “Your mother? Sister? Kendra? Why can’t you just make a decision for yourself?”
“This is an awfully big decision to make!” I screamed. And I was right. Deciding not to sign a recording contract in lieu of taking college classes was cake in comparison. “This is the rest of my life.”
“Mine too,” he said, lowering his voice. “I had to do a lot of soul searching, which isn’t my cup of tea, as you well know. But I know this is what I want. Problem is, do you want it? I’m thinking not.”
“Yeah, Jess, I realize that. But you had time to think about this. I didn’t.”
“We’re going in circles here, Aubrey. I’m getting dizzy.”
He snatched a pillow off the bed and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Flinching, I stood in the dark, staring in the direction of the door, hoping he’d come back. But of course Jess was Jess and there was no way in hell he’d come back.
I sat on the edge of the bed, cradling my head in my hands. Of course I wanted to marry him but what would happen if I agreed and he woke up in the morning with a clear head and didn’t remember asking? Or worse – what if he regretted asking?
Tears rolled down my face as I contemplated what I should do next. I longed to find him and curl up in his arms but that definitely wouldn’t solve anything. Oh, why did he have to propose after spending the evening drinking with the guys?