by Mae Coyiuto
Looking forward to meet you,
Camille
Dear Future Partner,
I never wanted to hurt Felix.
Everything was happening so fast. I couldn’t think straight with getting kicked out from ballet class and my parents fighting all the time. Lea still hasn’t come back and I have no idea where she is. No one brings her up any more at home.
It’s Felix’s birthday today, and Gabby planned a big surprise for him. Her idea was to completely fill his bedroom with post-its. She designed it so that all the post-its would form an image of a basketball court on his wall. She asked all of us to write messages for Felix.
“How’re you and Felix going?” Gabby asked.
“Good,” I lied. Actually, I’m not even sure what Felix and I were.
“He really likes you.”
“Yeah…” I mumbled.
“All he talks about is you, which is a miracle because that boy used to only care about basketball.”
“Yeah, he loves basketball.”
“Do you know that you’re the first girl he has ever dated?”
“No…no, I didn’t.”
“I mean a lot of girls were interested, but he was always so clueless. I was shocked that he had the balls to ask you out. Maybe, you and Felix can go out with Ian and me sometime. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“Yeah…great.”
Felix was coming from basketball practice so Gabby and the rest were going to lead him to the house. I was in charge of putting the final touches on the post-its. I put off writing my message until the last minute.
I didn’t know what to say. I was sick of pretending that I liked Felix. I was sick of pretending that it didn’t hurt when I saw Gabby and Ian together. I was sick of pretending that I was okay when I fell asleep to my parents' screaming. I was sick of lying.
I had never broken up with anyone before, but I knew that I shouldn’t have done it the way that I did. I should’ve done it face-to-face. I should’ve done it on a day that wasn’t his birthday.
On the post-it designated to me, I wrote:
“Felix—I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m sorry for pretending that I liked you all this time. Oh and happy birthday! Hope you like the surprise :)”
I also should have deleted that smiley on the end. I didn’t want to be there when Felix arrived, so I left. I felt so bad the whole way back home. I wanted to go back and take the note out, but I was sure that he had read it by then. I kept messaging him and saying things like:
“I’m so sorry, Felix.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“Please let me explain.”
I tried calling Gabby, Rica, and Ian, but none of them picked up either. I was so happy when I saw that Felix texted back, but all he said was:
“I think you’ve said enough.”
I never wanted to hurt Felix. Please believe me.
Looking forward to meet you,
Camille
Dear Future Partner,
The thing that bothers me about clichés is that people stop trying to understand them. Because people hear them all the time, these sayings start to lose their meaning. It’s a shame because most of us really do need to pay more attention to these clichés. One that I keep hearing over and over again is: “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” I never fully understood the saying until now. I really miss my friends.
I already gave up on contacting them, and then I got a message from Ian last night.
“Meet me at the coffee house after school tomorrow.”
He was there first. When I saw him, it hit me how much I missed him. All I wanted to do was hug him, but he didn’t get up from his seat.
“How’re you?” I asked.
“I’m still mad at you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For breaking up with one of my best friends through a post-it note.”
“Oh.”
“Aren’t you going to ask how Felix is doing?”
“How is he?”
“Horrible. It’s very unnerving to see someone so tall cry. I even went with him to watch a basketball game.”
“But you hate basketball.”
“I do hate it. But I had to go because of you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
“Why did you text?”
“What?”
“If you were so mad at me, why did you ask me to meet up with you?”
Ian hesitated then he said, “I…um…wanted to see if you’re okay.”
“Oh. I…I’m doing okay.”
“Good. I mean it’s hard with the others. Gabby is very protective of Felix and Rica…well, Rica is allergic to boy-girl drama.”
“I really am sorry for how I ended things.”
“I know you are. Why did you end it?”
“I…I didn’t like him.”
“You don’t like him now?”
“No, I don’t think I ever liked him in, you know, that way.”
“So you’ve been lying and pretending because a boy told you he liked you? That’s incredibly stupid.”
“That’s not the only reason!”
“Please explain.”
“He just looked so…so happy when we went out and when he said he liked me…I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“Well breaking up with him on his birthday sure didn’t,” he scoffed.
“I didn’t plan on that happening, okay…”
“The problem with you is that you can’t tell the truth!”
“Hey, you can’t judge me for this. I tell the truth all the time.”
“Not when it’s negative.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we watched the concert, you told me that band was ‘okay’ when you hated them. When we watched that disturbing movie, you told Rica you liked it. And when Felix told you he liked you, you told him you liked him too.”
“So I occasionally tell white lies so others don’t get hurt…”
“But the truth that hurts is what people really need to hear.”
“I disagree.”
“Really? Look what happened to you and Felix. The truth can hurt. And the more you keep hiding it, the more pain it causes.”
Ian started swaying his hands from side to side.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Trying to teach you a lesson. Did you know that I’m a really good dancer?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
He stood up and started bobbing his head and flailing his hands around.
“What do you think of my dancing?” he asked.
“Ian, people are staring.”
“C’mon tell me what you really think.”
He then started doing these weird moves that I didn’t really understand. I started laughing at how bizarre the whole situation was.
“You look ridiculous.”
“Go on! Go on! I’m not stopping until you tell me what you really think.”
“You’re absolutely terrible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a worse dancer.”
He stopped and smiled. “Who would have thought that Cam Li was capable of telling the truth.”
“I think one of the baristas would’ve kicked us out if you didn’t stop.” I said.
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“So you’re telling me that you are 100% honest all the time.”
“Yes.”
“You’re telling me that you have never told a single lie.”
“Hm. I wasn’t completely honest in one of our '21 Questions' games.”
“When?”
“The best memory one.”
“So meeting Gabby wasn’t your real best memory?”
“It was a good memory, but not the best.”
“What’s the best then?”
“When I was in second grade, I did this drawing of a house.”
“So drawing a house is your best memory?”
“I’m not done yet. So I drew this house, and the teacher didn’t put it up the classroom with the rest of the drawings because I didn’t stick to the lines very well and honestly, the house looked more like a tree. And I remember being really upset about it. I didn’t want anyone to see it, so I hid it in my tiny backpack. But then my mom found it. She took it out of the bag and stuck it on our refrigerator.”
“That’s your real best memory?”
“That’s my real best memory.”
I don’t think Ian ever brought up his family before. It was nice hearing about his mom.
“So are you still mad at me?” I asked.
“I want to be.”
“But are you?”
“No.”
“Thanks for being honest,” I said, and he smiled.
We sat there and talked for hours. It made all my problems seem lighter. He called me out when I needed to hear him talk, and he was silent when I needed him to listen. I hope you have someone like that.
Looking forward to meet you,
Camille
Dear Future Partner,
Bad things happen every day. If you tune in to the news every night, you can see that bad things happen to people every day. You feel sad, but that only lasts for a few seconds because these bad things are happening to people you don’t really know. I can’t explain the horror you feel when bad things happen to the people you care about.
It was after school when I got the message.
“In the hospital,” Ian texted.
My mind went crazy. I imagined the worst possible scenarios that Ian could’ve been in.
“What happened!?!?!”
“Are you okay?!?!?!”
I sent a hundred more messages and tried to call him a hundred times. This was the worst possible time for Ian to text like Ian. I decided to call Rica. Thank god, she picked up. She met me outside the hospital.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Gabby got into an accident. We went bungee jumping and I think she jumped before the chord was secure…”
“Where is she?”
“She’s on the third floor—first door on the left. Are you good with going on your own? I’m going to grab something to eat really quick.”
“Yeah sure, go.”
I was so nervous on the way up. Gabby was always the confident one. She was always so…alive. I didn’t think I could handle seeing her hurt.
“Hey, Camille!” she said.
Gabby still looked like Gabby. The only difference was that she had a cast on her arm. There was a guy sitting next to her bed. He was holding Gabby’s hand. I had never seen him before.
“Oh, this is Mario. Mario, Camille; Camille, Mario.”
He got up and shook my hand.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine, I’m fine! It’s only a broken arm. Everyone just overreacted and made a big deal out of it.”
“Because it is a big deal,” Mario said.
“Don’t listen to him, Camille. Anyways, I’m really sorry I haven’t been answering your calls lately. It was hard for me to see Felix like that.”
“Yeah, of course. I understand.”
“He’s doing better now though. I think I encouraged the two of you too much, too. You can’t really force these things.”
“Babe, I have to go. Call me if you need anything. It was nice meeting you, Camille.” Mario said. He kissed Gabby’s cheek and left.
“So how have you been?” Gabby asked.
“Who was that, Gabby?”
“Oh, I thought I already introduced you. His name is Mario. Funny story actually…”
“Does Ian know?”
I don’t think I ever saw Gabby nervous before then. “He’s a friend.”
“C’mon, Gabby. I saw how he looked at you. That’s not how you treat your friends.”
“Please don’t tell Ian…”
“He’s my friend, Gabby.”
“Please, Camille. I really care about Ian. I do. Then Mario came along, and he was wonderful too. I was so confused and you know how I am…I don’t know why I have a hard time sticking to the same place… same food…”
“But these are people, Gabby. They are not some dishes you order from a restaurant that you can switch whenever you feel like it!”
“Please, Camille. I will tell him soon. I’m asking you as a friend…”
Then Ian came in. He looked awful. His eye bags were even bigger than usual.
“Hey. How’re you? I got you yogurt. Having an intake of 500 milligrams of calcium aids in bone healing.”
“I’m okay, Ian. I still have the yogurt you brought me earlier.”
“Are you cold?”
“I’m fine, Ian.”
“You look cold. I’m going to call somebody.” Ian ranted and left the room.
“I’m going to see if he needs help…” I said.
“Camille…” Gabby said.
“I’m really glad you’re okay, Gabby.”
When I went out, I heard Ian shouting.
“What do you mean it’s unreasonable for me to request a nurse in her room? How do you expect to save people’s lives with that kind of attitude?”
I grabbed him away from the service desk.
“Ian! She’s okay. You need to calm down.”
“She’s not okay because these goddamn nurses don’t want to pay attention to her!” he shouted.
“Ian!”
“I need to get her some vegetables…leafy vegetables. Vitamin K strengthens osteocalcin and bone density, so she needs a lot of vegetables…”
“When did you last eat, Ian?”
“I don’t remember.”
“You’ve got to eat something. C’mon let’s go.”
“I can’t…I have to…”
“Ian, she’s okay.”
I put my arms around him, and I felt his body slowly collapse into mine.
And he said, “I was so scared, Cam.”
People spend so much time feeling scared of looking vulnerable, but I think it is only in our vulnerability do we show that we really care. I know not telling Ian about Gabby was just preventing the inevitable. I just care about him too much to hurt him even more.
Looking forward to meet you,
Camille
Dear Future Partner,
It’s really hard for me to write this letter, but talking to you might make me feel better about what happened.
I couldn’t make up my mind. Should I listen to Gabby or should I tell Ian? But I made my decision to avoid the both of them. I’m not sure if this ever happens to you, but I find that the more you try to avoid people, the more they keep popping up in your life.
I used to rarely see Gabby in school, but then I started to see her everywhere. I ran into her in the hallways, she was behind me in the cafeteria line… She was even in the stall next to me in the restroom. For the first several times, I ran away and pretended like I didn’t see her. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quick enough the last time. I discovered that the girls' restroom was the worst place to hide.
“Camille! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Gabby said.
“Oh, hi, Gabby. Yeah, I know. How’s the arm doing?”
“Great. It’s fun to accessorize the cast. Are you doing anything on Friday?”
“This Friday?”
“Yeah! Rica and a couple other people want to throw me like a ‘Thank god, you’re alive’ party after the thing with my arm. It’s nothing fancy, like a get-together at my place.”
“Oh. Um…I think I have plans…”
“Please come, Camille. It’s not going to be the same without you there.”
“I’ll try.”
“Yay! You have no idea how much this means to me!” she said as she hugged me. I really shouldn’t have gone.
I had never been to a real party before. I mean I had been to birthday parties and family gatherings, but none of them were ever like this. There was alcohol, and there were p
eople who looked like they drank a lot of alcohol. The music rang in your eardrums. It was so loud—it was impossible for people to talk to each other. It was a good thing that the people in there didn’t look like they were interested in talking. All of them were dancing.
It was like I was watching a movie, and I had no clue that I was actually in it. I was so mesmerized by the other girls in the party. They looked like they all knew what they were doing. They were so confident, sexy, and so…unlike me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like a misfit. I was so overwhelmed that I had to get out of there.
When I got out, I saw Mario.
“Hey! Camille, right?”
“Yeah. Hi.”
“Did you just get here?”
“Actually…”
Then Ian came out.
“Cam! Why aren’t you inside enjoying the party?” He sounded louder than usual. He also had a huge bruise on the side of his face.
“What happened to you?” I asked.
“Um…I’m going to head in. It was nice seeing you again,” Mario said. He walked past Ian and entered the house.
“Who was that?” Ian asked.
“What happened to your face?”
“Oh…This was from the bungee jumping.”
“But you didn’t have that bruise when I saw you in the hospital.”
“I went jumping with Rica again…It was a stupid slip.”
“But…”
“Who was that?” he asked again.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“How does he know your name?”
“I have no idea.”
“I’ll ask Gabby about him…”
I imagined how bad it would be if Ian found out at the party. I could see the two of them shouting at each other and the both of them getting hurt and humiliated. It was a lose-lose situation. I couldn’t hide it any longer. I had to tell him.
“Wait, Ian. Can you stay here for a sec?”
“What’s wrong?”
“That guy over there…He knows Gabby…”
“Well, it is a party for Gabby…”
“No, no, that’s not what I was trying to say.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“He’s dating Gabby.”
Ian paused. I expected that he would need some time to process. But his response was the last thing I expected.