He shrugged. “Aria, I can honestly say I have no idea who she is. I never heard of her up until now.”
“Leah? You know who she is?”
“I’m in the same boat as Lincoln; never heard of this chick before.”
I furrowed my brow and turned my attention back to Shadow. “Who’s Alice?” I asked.
Shadow smiled. “Alice is…Alice,” he replied. “But I don’t want to go among mad people…how do you know I’m mad?”
Now I was utterly confused. Luckily, it was Lincoln who shed some light.
“Alice in Wonderland,” he said. “Shadow’s quoting from the book. That could be who Shadow is referencing, the character from the book.”
“That’s a little strange, isn’t it?”
Abel chimed in. “Not as much as you think. Often our subconscious clings onto powerful memories from our childhood—more often than not, happy ones. These memories are often hard to perverse and the human mind takes much pleasure in remembering them. With Shadow’s brainwashing, it made sense that a personal childhood memory was the focus of attack. It potentially serves as a powerful catalyst.”
“So what you’re saying is that the potential trigger for Shadow is Alice in Wonderland?” Lincoln asked.
“Yes.”
“That’s rather mindboggling,” Lincoln said. “Basically to get him going, Calisto has someone running around quoting Alice in Wonderland.”
“It could be just one simple passage,” Abel said. “But my professional opinion is that the book does serve as the trigger. Now the only question is who’s triggering it?”
“I need to get myself reacquainted with the book,” I said. “I read the smexy version of it recently, Alice Does Wonderland, but I doubt that would provide any useful clues.”
Leah gave me a judgmental look. “Really?”
“Hey, I like trashy books. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. Lord knows how you get your cheap thrills. I’m sure it somehow involves your c—”
“Alright,” Lincoln said, cutting in. “No need to finish that sentence.”
Suddenly, Shadow began shuddering. “Shadow?” I asked. “Are you still with us?”
He didn’t respond.
“Shadow?”
His fists were clenched, his knuckles white, and his breathing had become erratic. Shadow looked like he was in pain.
“This isn’t good,” Abel frowned. The look of concern on his face and tone of voice was disheartening. It reminded me of a surgeon who started a conversation with, ‘We did everything we could.’
“What’s going on Abel?” I cried.
“The brainwashing protocols are defending themselves. They’re trying to shut down Shadow’s mind completely.”
“What does that mean?” Leah asked, springing to her feet.
“It means that there’s a possibility his mind may overload and he’ll be left in a catatonic state.”
“Permanently?” I asked.
Abel confirmed. “Permanently.”
“Well shit, do something then,” Lincoln said. “Bring him out of this trance you have him in.”
Abel shook his head. “I can’t. Shadow is too far deep in is subconscious. To wake him up now would damage his mental psyche beyond repair.”
“Well given the options of catatonic state or mentally damaged Shadow, which one’s worse?” Lincoln asked.
Abel swallowed. “A man in a catatonic state can do no harm to the others around him as opposed to an unstable man with a dangerous mind.”
Lincoln sighed. “I see your point.”
“Well what can we do? Can I get him out of there?” I asked.
Abel shook his head. “At this state he can no longer hear you. The truth of the matter is, there’s not much that we can do. From this point on, Shadow is the only person that can bring himself out of his subconscious. However, he’ll need to recognize that he’s in a state of dream and he’ll need the will power to pull himself out of there.”
“So what’s the bottom line?” I asked. “Can he do it?”
Abel pursed his lips. “That will entirely be up to him,” he said. “All we can do is pray that he has the strength and will power to come out of this. Otherwise, this man is as good as dead.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Shadow
It was funny how my beloved memories changed over time. The sweet Alice I had pictured in my mind as a child, while reading Lewis Carroll’s books, morphed from a girl filled with innocent curiosities to a total blonde bitch.
“Well, you going to stand there all day like an idiot or are you going to move your ass? Wonderland isn’t going to wait all day for you,” she said.
“You sound like my sister,” I stated.
She folded her arms across her chest and frowned.
“Is that meant to be an insult?” she asked. Alice reminded me of an angry porcelain doll, decorated in a cotton aqua blue dress.
“Well, seeing as how she’s the queen of cunts, yes I’d say that’s a pretty big insult,” I replied.
“Hmphf. Well I guess there’s no point hiding in this façade anymore.”
I watched as Alice slowly peeled back a layer of her skin as if it were latex, revealing her true self to me.
It was Calisto.
I expected nothing less.
“Hello brother. It’s I, the so-called queen of cunts.”
“I should kill you right here where you stand,” I stated.
“You think that will work?”
“No, I guess not. We are in a dream after all,” I replied. She seemed surprised by my self-awareness.
“If you know you’re in a dream, why don’t you wake up then?”
I frowned. I had tried to, but failed. While my mind was still coherent, my body—my waking body—had ceased to function.
I was trapped in here, with her.
“Well, you coming or what?” she asked again.
“Where are we going?”
She pointed to the large oak double doors that had seemingly appeared out of thin air.
“Wherever your fucked up mind takes us,” she said. “It’s your Wonderland after all.”
“And who are you supposed to be?” I asked. “The high strung white rabbit I’m supposed to chase?”
“I like for you to think of me more as the chesire cat—seductive and mysterious.”
“You’re nothing but a whore.”
“I’m your sister.”
“Mom probably grabbed the wrong baby.”
Calisto sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “Look, I have no problem leaving you here.”
“How can you leave without me?” I asked. “It’s my dream. You’ll simply cease to exist if you move on without me.”
She laughed. “Or so you’d like to think, Shadow.” She took a step closer to me. I could hear her erratic breaths as she tapped my forehead with her index finger. “I’m right in here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Before I could say anything she opened up the mysterious door and disappeared through the fog within. I was left alone.
“Wake up,” I ordered myself.
Nothing.
What the hell, I had nothing else to lose. I took a deep breath and stepped through the fog.
We were standing in Moral City’s central park. The heat of the sun was bearing down on us while the scent of fresh summer air was so authentic that, for a moment, I forgot I was trapped within a dream.
Sitting on the park bench was our dad, a scarf wrapped around his neck. In his hands he was holding two ice cream cones.
“Seriously?” Calisto asked as she saw our father sitting there, waiting.
“What?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s funny how you can’t seem to let go of them. Walking through the door was supposed to bring you to your very own wonderland, whatever your hearts desired. I was thinking along the lines of unimaginable power and mounds of women. Instead I find you fantasizing about an old man and ice cream. How simple mi
nded you are.”
I looked at Calisto and shrugged. “I had power once before. It didn’t make me happy. And I don’t need a plethora of skanky women when one loved one will do.”
Calisto sighed. “This scene bores me. I’m moving onto the next place in this simpleton head of yours. Hopefully it’s more exciting than this.”
I blinked for a split second and she was gone.
Good.
Dad was waiting for me.
I took a seat next to him. I felt the same now as I had felt when I was a boy being in the same vicinity as my dad—nervous.
He looked at me impassively and handed me an ice cream cone.
“Here,” he said ambivalently.
I took the cone and nodded.
“Thanks.”
We sat in silent as I ate the ice cream. It was warm and tasteless.
My father on the other hand held onto his cone and allowed it to melt, white gooey liquid dripping down over his hand.
“You’re not going to eat?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t have much of an appetite these days,” he said.
“Okay.”
It had always been a struggle talking to him. When I was young I failed to recognize why that was. Later on in life I had gained insight as to the reason.
I was a disappointment to him. I often wondered if there was a single damned moment where he was ever proud of me.
“Why do you hate me?” I found myself wondering aloud.
My father turned his head and looked at me with his dark grey eyes.
“You are my son. I had no hate for you,” he replied.
“You had no love for me either.”
He shook his head. “I loved both my children more than you can ever imagine.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
He sighed. “Tell me, Shadow, how do you raise a child born amidst a pack of wolves? Do you coddle and protect him right from birth and fight all his battles for him, or do you stand him proud and tall, arming him with the weapons he needs to take down his enemies?”
“You can do both,” I stated. “A simple ‘I’m proud of you’ once in a while wouldn’t have hurt.”
Dad pursed his lips. I watched as the ice cream continued to melt in his hands. It was driving me nuts.
“Do you think I was a terrible father?” he asked.
“How would you answer that question?”
“You’ve become a strong, independent man,” he replied. “I would consider that a success.”
Was that how he saw me? Strong and independent? It was time to enlighten him with the truth.
“Dad, ever since you died, I’ve become obsessed with finding out who killed you. When I discovered that it was Calisto, my own twin sister—your daughter—my entire world was obliterated. And then I became obsessed with finding her, turning my back on everyone who cared about me. I practically threw the woman I love into my best friend’s arms.” I took a deep breath and gathered the rest of my thoughts, which at the moment were a jumbled mess. “I don’t have any control of my own head. I’m a puppet dangling at the end of strings. I feel broken, exhausted, and sometimes think it’d be easier just to disappear from this world altogether. Let me ask you, do I sound strong and independent to you?”
He shook his head. “You sound…” he seemed like he was at a loss for words.
“I sound like I need a father.”
He nodded. “That you do, son. That you do.” Finally he tossed the cone onto the ground and wiped his hands on his jacket. “So I ask you again, do you think I was a terrible father?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“I raised a daughter who ended up murdering her own parents out of hatred. I consider that a failure as a parent,” he said.
“Some people are just born evil,” I said. “All the top parenting in the world wouldn’t have made a difference.”
“You can’t help but wonder though, if I had only done things differently. All the signs were there. Calisto needed our attention yet we always ignored her. You, Shadow, were the crown jewel of our family.”
“I shouldn’t have been. Calisto was right when she said she was always smarter than me.”
My father shook his head. “You were both equals when it came to intelligence. True, there were qualities of hers that outshone yours, but you yourself surpassed her on many levels.”
I was surprised by this. As far as I was concerned, Calisto had always been superior to me on every intellectual level. “Such as?” I enquired.
My father rested a firm arm on my shoulder. “Human empathy,” he replied. “Those who understand the emotional state of another person shall always have the upper hand.”
“Oh yeah? How do I understand Calisto? She’s an absolute psychopath.”
Dad looked at me and shook his head. “She’s easier to understand than you think.”
“Please, enlighten me then.”
“You can’t figure it out yourself?”
I frowned. “No.”
“Perhaps it’s easier from a parent’s perspective,” he said, leaning back on the bench. “Your sister is a spoiled brat vying for attention. She is throwing one big tantrum hoping that someone acknowledges her.”
“That’s some tantrum she’s throwing,” I said. “I lost track of how many deaths she’s responsible for.”
“She has no human empathy. To her, all life is expendable. She’ll underestimate everyone around her and it is that which will ultimately lead to her downfall.”
“It almost makes me feel sorry for her, living a life not loving a single person.” Almost being the keyword. When it came to Calisto, I had lost much of my emotional attachment and sympathy towards her.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Shadow. Calisto does love one person. That person is you.”
I raised a brow. “You’re kidding right? It seems like she’s spent every waking hour trying to ruin my life.”
“She’s a spoiled brat trying to get your attention. She’s trying to get you to notice her.” My father seemed so sure by this fact.
“I always gave her my undivided attention,” I protested.
My dad raised a brow. “Have you? You said it yourself; you were obsessed with finding out who killed your mother and me. And then when you weren’t out seeking vengeance, you were busy trying to run the company and lead the Midnight Society.”
It suddenly made sense. My dad was right. All of the craziness—destroying the Midnight Society and forming the Revenants—had one purpose and one purpose alone. “She told tell me the truth about your deaths as well as obliterated the Midnight Society to get my undivided attention.” I stated.
“Yes.”
I shook my head. “What a crazy bitch.”
“She thinks you’re dead now,” dad said.
I nodded. “I thought that would have drawn her out of hiding, knowing that I was dead. I had something more elaborate in mind but thanks to Nathan Tse, he did the hard part for me. To the world, Aria and I are dead.”
“You can use this against your sister. Nothing is more deadly than striking silently from the darkness.”
I agreed.
It was then that I noticed another set of double doors appear in front of me. I guess it was a sign for me to move on to the next place within this screwed up ‘wonderland’ inside my head.
However, before I did I had one more question.
“You asked me several times if I thought you were a terrible father. I want to pose the same question to you. Do you think I was a terrible son?”
My dad wrapped his arms around my shoulders and for the first time, I watched him smile. It was a pleasant sight to see.
“Eat your ice cream, Shadow. You earned it.”
I stepped through the doorway and entered into the brothel, the same one where I first met Braydon.
“Now this is more like it,” Calisto said. “Someone’s been having naughty thoughts. “I wonder what hidden gems we’ll find behind th
ese closed doors.”
“Sex and dreams are nothing out of the norm,” I stated. “The fact you’re excited to explore my sexual fantasies disturbs me. You’re my sister.”
She shrugged. “What can I say? I have an obsession with sex.”
I shook my head. “You slept with as many men as you could just to try and get my attention. You thought I’d become the overprotective brother, the one who’d watch your every step. You went so far as to sleep with Lincoln, my best friend.”
She smiled. “To be fair, Lincoln’s practically slept with everyone,” she said. “Your precious Aria included.”
“She didn’t sleep with him,” I said, finding the need to defend her honor. “Whatever happened between them was my fault. I pushed Aria into his arms.”
“Just like how you pushed me into the arms of everyone else,” Calisto said. “If you performed a psycho analysis on our whole relationship, the person I am today is a direct result of you and your actions.”
I disagreed. “No, Calisto, you can’t put the blame on me. You were a psychotic bitch the second you saw the light of this world.”
“And you were always a self-centered prick, wallowing in misery.”
“I won’t deny it,” I replied. “Now if we’re done, please get the fuck out of my head.”
She smiled. “You’ll find me at the end of the road. Don’t keep me waiting for too long.”
And then she was gone, leaving me alone in the brothel. The sounds of sex resonated all around me; urgent moans intermingled with flesh upon flesh.
So this was where all my darkest sexual desires were hidden.
Whereas Lincoln acted upon all his sexual urges, I always had to restrain myself. My time was better suited hunting my parents’ killer as opposed to chasing ass. I was also the leader of the Midnight Society and by bearing the name of “Tremaine” I had many social responsibilities.
But now, in the darkest regions of my sub-consciousness, all doors were opened.
I entered into one of the rooms and found myself standing in the gardens of my estate. A crowd of people, all women, gathered awaiting my presence. They were dressed in white satin robes while wearing milk-colored Venetian masks.
The scene was reminiscent of my birthday, the night I met Aria for the first time and chose her to be my partner. Despite the mysterious and enigmatic atmosphere of this ritual, there was something seductive about it also. The eyes of all the women in the crowd gravitated towards me as I strolled down the stone path, confidently.
Revenant (The Midnight Society #3) Page 18