‘The old rat’s dead. You’re not going to tell me that was an accident.’
I shake my head slowly.
‘See,’ she says, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks.
‘Yes, but it is over now.’
‘Over? Can’t you see that it will never be “over”? I wish to God you had never gone into that fucked up family of reptiles.’
I grip her by her arms. ‘But I did, Bill. I’m in it. I love Blake with all my heart. And he is Sorab’s father.’ I turn and look at my son. He is gazing at us again with those big, innocent eyes; not crying, not upset, but aware that something is not right.
‘Have you chosen wisely?’
For a moment the words are like thorns in my heart. I close my eyes. Then I open them and face Billie. ‘I cannot be without him, Bill. I simply can’t.’
Billie wipes her nose on the sleeve of her oversized T-shirt.
‘Let me go get you some tissue.’
‘You can’t. I ran out yesterday.’
‘Oh, Bill! Wait here.’
I go into her bathroom and tear off some toilet paper. When I go back to the room she is standing exactly where I left her. I fold the toilet paper, clip it around her nose, and say, ‘Blow.’
She cracks a smile, takes the toilet paper from me, and blows her nose noisily. ‘I’ve been so frightened and confused these last few days.’
‘Come on, let’s discuss this over a cup of tea,’ I cajole.
‘All right,’ she agrees and reaching into the cot picks Sorab up. Together we go to the kitchen. She closes the door and puts Sorab on the ground. Immediately he starts crawling very fast across the floor.
‘My God look at him go,’ Billie exclaims, for the moment her earlier worries forgotten.
I laugh. ‘He changes from day to day. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I swear he has grown in the night.’
I fill the kettle with water while Billie lays a plastic mat on the floor and throws some toys on it. Sorab squeals and moves quickly towards them. While Billie sets about preparing Sorab’s milk, I drop tea bags into two mugs and three-quarter fill them with boiling water. I look into the cupboard where the biscuits are usually kept and it is empty. I open the fridge and peer into its impressive bareness.
‘Want some milkie, banker baby?’ I hear Billie ask Sorab.
Sorab lifts both hands and waves them in the air.
‘Good baby,’ she praises, and, gently pushing him down to the plastic mat, puts the teat into his mouth. She holds the bottle in place with one finger until he grasps it with both hands.
‘Don’t you have any food at all in this house?’
Billie gets off the floor and turns towards me. ‘Nope,’ she replies, totally unconcerned.
‘Want some of Sorab’s grape biscuits?’
‘OK.’
I shake out a couple and we sit next to each other.
I watch her put six spoons of sugar into her tea and stir it morosely. She takes a sip. ‘Well?’
I tell her everything I know.
She frowns. ‘It’s all a bit hard to believe, isn’t it?’
‘I’m sure it was far more difficult for the people who thought the world was flat to accept that it was actually round. Wouldn’t people on the bottom half be falling off? But the world is round. From young we have been trained to unquestionably accept what we are told from our parents and teachers. They taught it to us just as they had learned it. What if they, too, had been deliberately taught the wrong thing?’
‘OK, I get that they want to cull the ‘useless eaters’. I even get that they start wars not because they are promoting democracy and freedom, but because they want the country’s oil or gold or whatever. But why are they poisoning the land, water and air? Don’t they have to breathe the same air and live on the same land as us?’
‘I don’t have the answers, but I intend to find out.’
‘What really worries me is how safe are you?’
I sigh. ‘I haven’t really had a chance to speak to Blake about many things, but one thing I do know is that if Sorab and I were not safe now, I wouldn’t be here talking to you.’
‘So is Blake the new head of the Barrington empire now?’
‘I guess so.’
‘What about his older brother? Shouldn’t he be the next in line? And if he isn’t, wouldn’t he be jealous and plotting Blake’s downfall?’
I cover my eyes. ‘I don’t have any answers, Bill. I am scared. The future frightens me, but Blake is nobody’s fool. He plays his cards very close to his chest. He never once let on that he knew his father was watching. He let it all unfold in precisely the manner he had decided it would.’
Three
I know that Blake will be home very late because there is so much for him to organize. Even while I was with him the phone calls never stopped. As I promised to do, I call him when we reach the apartment building. We don’t talk for long—he is busy. I put my key through the door and realize that this is now home for me. It is where I live with my little family.
So much has happened here.
I play for a while with Sorab, then feed him and put him to bed. I prepare some food—grilled cheese on toast, and, eat it alone—I clean up after myself and wander about the place. From room to room I go switching on lights. It all feels so still and silent. Tonight I cannot bear any shadows. I see ghosts everywhere. I wish Blake would come home. When the phone rings I grab it with relief.
‘Hello.’
‘Hello, my darling. I’m missing you.’ His voice is like velvet in my ear.
‘Me too.’
‘What are you doing?’
‘Nothing. When are you coming home?’
I feel almost tearful. So much has happened that I do not understand. My head is so full of questions and worries. We haven’t made love since that night at the Ritz, and I long to feel him on my skin, and deep inside me. I am desperate to forget, to purr, to lose myself and ride that wave of ecstasy. I decide to have a bath, a really long bath, with bubbles and scented oils. I lay my head back and try to relax.
Everything will work out.
Everything will work out.
But I am unable to relax. I get out of the bath, dry myself down, lather my skin with some lotion that has honey and extracts of avocado in and lie on the bed reading. By ten Blake is still not home. I go to the fridge and pour myself a glass of white wine. I should put some music on. It feels so deserted and strange. I check on Sorab. All is fine there.
I stand for a while in the balcony. For some reason I think of Jack. Ever since that last time I saw him I have not heard from him. I wonder where he is and what he is up to. I look up to the stars and say a silent prayer for him. Wherever you are, be well. The night air is cold and makes me shiver. Eventually I return to the bed and my book. I want to wait up for Blake, but I fall asleep while reading.
Something wakes me. He is home. I see the glow of the little moon-face lamp under Sorab’s door. Softly, I open the door and freeze in the doorway. Blake is standing by the cot staring at Sorab as he sleeps. His hands are gripping the cot so hard, his knuckles show white. He has opened a window and the night outside has become coal black. No stars. No moon. A soft breeze blows in. I feel it on the bare skin of my arms. Goosebumps scatter. The room is full of clinging shadows. My heart hitches.
He whips his head around suddenly, and I am face to face with him. I see his eyes. For a moment it is as if he does not recognize me. I do not recognize him. It must be my imagination in overdrive but it is as if I have interrupted a powerful predator. His eyes burn through me, angry blue.
‘I regret nothing I would do it all again in a heartbeat, if I had to,’ he whispers. The sound is fierce and heady with male dominance.
We are locked in a stare, neither of us blinking.
I am mesmerized by his gaze. Here is the man who has a hold on me, on my soul. And he has the keys to secret rooms I have yet to open. They are full of dark secrets. I am scared. Scared for
us. Scared that the secrets will defeat me. That he will not give me the keys. The breath catches in my throat. My heart skips a beat. My head is flooded with so many unanswered questions.
He makes a sound, husky, unintelligible.
And suddenly he is beautiful beyond anything I have seen. He is my man. Mine forever. I love him. I open my mouth and words flow from my heart.
‘I know our lives will never be the same again. I know you are trapped in a world that is like nothing I have ever known, but I am willing to climb mountains, cross rivers, and travel barefoot over thorns and rocks if it takes me to you. I will find you. I promise,’ I whisper.
‘I hope you never find me in the place where I exist, Lana.’ The words are ripped out of him.
A chill runs down my spine. I shiver. Words bubble up in my throat. ‘Why are you always so harsh with me?’
‘I’m not being harsh with you, Lana. For you, I’d die a thousand times. You’ll never know how lonely I was without you, but you have to understand that I am only strong when I am certain you are safe. And you are only safe when you are innocent. You can never come to me. Always I will make the journey to you. The knowledge you are looking for is poison. It will seep into your very essence. Just this once allow me to act with beauty and courage, for you and Sorab.’
He is a broken soul. I walk up to him, and immediately he sweeps me into his arms and presses me against the hard expanse of his chest. I breathe in the scent of him, and feel again that passionate desire to be one with him. When our bodies are so fused together that our souls touch. I need to feel complete again. I have been for so many days unwhole.
‘Oh, Blake.’
He lifts me into his arms, I wrap mine around his neck, and he walks me to our bed. ‘Your fingers are freezing,’ he says.
‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’
God, hot tears are trickling down my cheeks.
He bends his head, his shadows spilling over me. I hear the blood pounding in his temples, and he kisses my tears. ‘Dew drops,’ he whispers. ‘I never thought it could ever be like this.’
I swallow and try to stop the tears but they won’t halt.
He lays me on the bed. ‘It always surprises me how silky your hair is,’ he says softly to himself.
This has to be enough to pull us through. This must.
‘It feels like a dream. As if you are unreal. I couldn’t bear it if I woke up and you were gone,’ he murmurs.
‘It’s not a dream. Do you believe that two people can share a love that is so deep that nothing can ever take it away?’
He doesn’t answer me. Instead he looks into my eyes with so much love my heart quivers. The look changes. My tears stop, the blood begins to pound in my head.
‘No need for words, Lana.’
He is right. There never was a need. His finger lightly strokes my throat. I draw breath sharply. I have been starving for his touch. He lets his finger rest on the desperate pulse. The tenderness in the gesture captivates me and starts the red-hot ache between my thighs. His mouth moves in closer and closer until his lips meet mine. I open my mouth to taste him. Ah…
He enters my soul.
In the shadows of our bedroom, time stills.
Four
I wake up in total darkness, shivering and realize instantly that I am blindfolded and naked. My hands are tied behind my back, but my legs are free. My nostrils are full of the smell of damp soil and dead leaves. Rocks and branches are digging into my back. It is eerily silent. I have no memory of how I got here. Where is Blake? Where is Sorab?
Suddenly, the air is pierced by a wail, despairing, monotone, and distant.
What the hell is that?
I freeze, bewildered and petrified. Precious seconds pass, with me holding my breath, staring into the blackness of the blindfold. Then: the knowledge, something’s coming. An abomination—stalking, circling.
My lips move. ‘Oh God!’
It is coming for me. It is almost upon me. The terror is indescribable. Frantically, I rub my face against the ground, gouging my cheeks on sharp stones. The blindfold shifts fractionally, but enough for me to make out that I am in a dark forest.
I scramble to my feet, swaying, my hands tied behind my back, and lurch away into the spooky shadows. The cold wind whips my face. Branches and leaves slap my bare body. I slip on moss, sprawl on the ground, pick myself up, and run blindly. In a panic, I glance backward, but it is impossible to see anything. The blackness is so thick. But I know it is still coming. I feel it in the chill that goes out like long tentacles before it to envelop me.
I take great gasping breaths: my lungs are on fire. Suddenly I hear men’s voices chanting, low and guttural, and I immediately start running towards the sound. They are gathered around a large bonfire in a clearing not far away. All of them are in long black and red robes with hoods, which are pulled so low down over their faces, it is impossible to see them. There is an air of menace about them. I remember them. I have seen them at that party. They all know more than they will tell.
They are the brotherhood of El.
Far away in the distance I see a lantern. I should have gone towards the lantern. But it is too late. They have all turned to look at me. I stare at them, appalled, and terrified, and consumed with horror. They begin to advance. I turn around and run. I hear them behind me. They are faster than me. I hear them closing in, their heavy grunts. They are almost upon me.
I stumble and fall on the ground among roots and creepers. They surround me. I look from one faceless figure to the other with abject fear.
‘You cannot escape.’
I freeze. Oh God. No! That voice. I know that voice. I look into the darkness inside his hood. There is movement. Shiny black eyes moving to look at me. I recognize those eyes.
‘But you are dead.’
An unpleasant wet, rasping sound comes from him. The rest of the group fall on me. Hands everywhere, on my breasts, between my legs. I kick and struggle, but it is no use. The clawing and yanking are impossible to resist. They make a whispering sound. Insidious and unspeakably horrible.
They are taking me down, down into the freezing pits of hell.
Suddenly I hear a cry. A baby. My baby. My Sorab.
The hands still, and they turn towards the voice. It is not me they want… It was never me.
I see Blake standing there with Sorab.
No, no, no. Quick, quick, do something. Run. I open my mouth and scream to warn him but no sound comes. They have taken my voice. It’s too late. I’m too late. I begin to howl silently.
I feel hands on me. ‘Wake up. It’s just a dream.’
My eyes snap open and Blake is peering down at me. I stare at him in confused terror, my head full of gravel and evil. Then I throw my arms around him and clutch at him desperately.
He tries to lay me back on the pillows, but I can’t let go of him. I pull back just enough to look at him. ‘I am afraid for you.’
‘There is nothing to be afraid of.’ His voice is tender. He cradles me in his arms and gently sweeps away the hair sticking to my damp forehead and cheeks. ‘It’s over. It’s over,’ he croons.
But I am full of terror. The dream had been so real. ‘The men. The hooded men… In the woods. Who are they?’
He frowns. ‘What men?’
‘They want you back.’
‘It was just a nightmare, Lana. There are no hooded men. You’re safe. There is—’
‘Your father. He was alive.’
A bleak look comes into his eyes. ‘My father is dead.’ His voice is flat and lifeless.
I rest my forehead against his chest and begin to cry.
Again and again he reassures me, ‘It was just a dream. Just a nightmare,’ until I fall asleep clasped in his arms.
When I wake up again it is with a premonition that something is wrong. Raw fear. I glance at the bedside clock. It is the early hours of the morning. A warning burns in my head. I don’t dismiss it. I scramble out of bed, p
ull on Blake’s discarded shirt and run into Sorab’s room. It is still early and the child is fast asleep. Softly, I open the door and hurry down the corridor. Blake is in the dining room working, bent over a piece of paper. He lifts his head, sees me, and gets to his feet suddenly.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ I say, but I run towards him and throw my arms around his waist. It is true nothing is wrong. So what is the little prickling at the back of my neck, as if someone was watching me, all about then? Is this the calm before the storm? I feel my stomach in knots.
‘Don’t become a slave to your fears, Lana,’ he whispers into my hair.
As if by magic I feel the fear slinking away. Everything is all right. Blake is fine, Sorab is fine and I am fine. Nothing is wrong. It must be just my own overwrought senses. I know it is because I don’t have all the facts. There is so much I don’t know.
I look up into his face. ‘Shall I make you something to eat?’
‘No. The only thing I am hungry for is you,’ he says, taking the lobe of my ear between his teeth. ‘I simply can’t seem to get enough of you. I want to devour you all the fucking time.’
It is tempting to let him fill me up. Make me forget. My lips part with invitation. ‘Devour me, then,’ I whisper throatily.
He lifts me by the waist.
I wrap my legs tightly around his hips, encircle his neck with my arms, bury my face in his throat, and let him carry me to the bed. I unwind my legs and he lays me down gently. For a while he stands simply looking down at me, his eyes dark and grimly determined. Then he starts unbuttoning his shirt while I watch from under heavy eyelids. My veins are suddenly full of urgently pulsing, hot blood when he rips open his button fly, unzips, and stands before me naked. My eyes move to and remain fixed on his penis: big and proud and pulsing with its own supply of hot urgent blood. I lick my lips—I crave it inside me, its length, its brutal thickness, its relentless power.
Its dark promise.
I want to be fucked senseless, but more important is the desire to be the only thing he sees, feels, wants. To obliterate everything else for him but me. To capture him inside my body. To make him mine. To watch his eyes lose focus, turn so deeply blue that it is almost violet with sexual euphoria. And to watch his powerful frame shudder and convulse as his mouth helplessly calls my name at the moment of climax.
Besotted (The Billionaire Banker Series) Page 2