by Jessica Cole
The ship was quiet, except for the soft thrumming of the engine. There were two cargo bays, and three separate seating compartments. A big vent in the ceiling pumped warm, filtered air into these compartments, wicking away heat from the reactor core. Not even the auxiliary lights were on. The metal framed seats were arranged in a circle, with one space for the door. The floor was open grating; when first sat, she noticed the cabling and pipes underneath. Wide harness straps locked them into the seats, but a thick foam cushion and headrest made sleeping easier. There was a smooth button along the outer side of the armrests
All the seats were filled. Only Aeronth was seated in this compartment with her, a few seats away. Too far to hold a conversation without waking up the others. I don’t even know if he’s awake. It was a long trip back; all the patrons around her were taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep.
War loomed on the horizon. As soon as the transport docked, they’d be thrust into whatever role the military needed. I’m a mech pilot. It was expensive, and incredibly difficult, to train pilots. There were months of tests involved, as well as specially manufactured parts that neural linked the user with their machine interface, uploaded with thousands of hours of simulation data. When needed, mech pilots were often pulled from their current duties.
If it was anything like the situation on Earth, surface warfare, there would certainly be a mech deployment. Jana would be separated from her team, and without their leader, they’d be dispersed into whatever role they were needed until the conflict was over. The chances of her being able to pull them from their teams once her mech deployment ended was nearly impossible.
It doesn’t matter if he wants me or not. The military already made the choice for him. The video replayed in her head. We’re coming. If the rest of the insurgents were anything like Matthews, and with no idea the extent of their numbers, there was no telling whether she or the rest of her team would ever see each other again.
“Jana?” She barely heard the whisper through the void.
“What?”
“Do you have your comm with you?”
Before departing the civilian colony, the team changed back into their uniforms. Jana chose a tactical suit much like the one on E-1; sleek and formfitting, with a utility belt slung around her waist. It felt comforting, like hugging a security blanket. The military was her life, family, and identity. Thinking of the dress made her shudder. It made me feel so exposed, vulnerable.
She fumbled with the harness to get to the small pouch in her belt she kept her comm. The smooth carbon casing for the earpiece made a cracking sound when opened. Jana slid the comm into her ear, a little curved tail wrapped under the earlobe to keep it from coming out of place.
“Hey.” Her voice was hoarse from not speaking for the long trip, and it came out as a harsh whisper.
“I wasn’t sure if you were awake. I didn’t want to bother you if you were sleeping.” It didn’t sound like he’d slept at all. Maybe he was restless. Maybe he was worried, too.
“Can’t sleep. Too much to think about.”
“Are you okay?” His voice was so soft, soothing.
What a question. Am I okay with what? Am I okay with being a murderer? Am I okay with the fact that I’m in love with you and I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again? How about that I don’t know what this even means to you? “I’m fine.”
“You’re a bad liar.” She heard the smile in his voice. “Besides, today? You didn’t even need me. You did all that yourself. You saved that colony. You and David, no one else. Be proud of that.”
She shook her head, warmth spreading through her. “I’m a bad liar, sure. And you’re too good at it.”
He ignored the dig at him. “It’s all getting to you, isn’t it?”
She squeezed her eyes shut, felt tears welling up. Jana bit her lip and answered, “How could it not get to me? This whole thing is a mess, and it’s my fault.”
“You didn’t choose this, and none of it is your fault. They were out there this whole time; who knows how long they’ve been planning this? If anything, you’ve moved up the timetable by finding them, and that gives us an advantage. They can make mistakes.” Pain echoed through his voice. Jana resisted the urge to unclip her harness and throw herself at him. She let the silence between them grow.
“How many people have you killed?”
“More than I care to count,” he said quietly.
“How do you live your life knowing you’ve taken someone else’s?”
“I don’t dwell on it. I tell myself it was for a good cause. When your life is threatened, you don’t stop to think about whether this person you’re aiming your gun at has a wife or kids. All you can do is fight to stay alive. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I don’t take lives because I want to. I kill because it’s what I need to do to live.” They sat in silence a while. The comm was clear, and even in the complete silence of the room, Aeronth’s breathing came through. Laying back, her head down, it felt like that night laying with him in the hotel room. She wasn’t afraid of fighting, or dying. She just didn’t want to be alone anymore.
“I might never see you again. You don’t know what’s going to happen.
“Jana?”
“What is it?”
His response was barely audible, even with the comm. “I love you. Whatever happens after we land, I promise we’ll see each other again.”
Even with the swelling of happiness in her chest, and the breathlessness, Jana wasn’t naïve enough to truly believe that. She was practical, logical, and that kept her alive. It was her impulsiveness that continued to put her in danger. “Don’t say that. Don’t tell me that.” She dug her fingernails into her palms, needing the biting pain to keep her from being swept up. “When it’s really love, you won’t need to say it.”
Aeronth was silent. He had no response, and Jana instantly wished she’d kept her thoughts to herself. Knowing how hard it’d been for him to say it at all was proof of his feelings, and she’d just shut him down. I’m scared. I can’t tell you how scared I am. I’m weak, and if I die on this mission, then you have to live with it. I can’t do that to you. I’m so sorry.
The thrumming engine stopped.
A light flickered on. In the center of the circular room, a bay of monitors came to life overhead. It broke the blackness, momentarily blinding Jana. They weren’t supposed to land for another fifteen hours. Stark white lights came on, and the compartment door opened. Around her, other bewildered passengers were waking up. Two military police officers entered the room and headed straight for her.
Jana clawed frantically at the harness, but the button to release the straps was too stiff and wouldn’t release. Stupid fucking civilian ships! To her left, Aeronth was unlocking his harness, brows furrowed. Jana’s latch clicked just in time for one of the men to reach out and grab her by the arm. “Lieutenant Jana Darren, you need to come with us.”
“Wait. Let me get my things. Let me say goodb---“
“I’m afraid we don’t have time for that. We need to leave immediately.”
“My team! My team is here with me.” She pulled against him, but he was much larger and stronger than her.
“Our orders are only for you.”
“No. NO!” Jana threw herself against the man as hard as she could, but he barely flinched. “Aeronth don’t let them take me. DON’T LET THEM TAKE ME!” He was out of his seat by now, but the other man was blocking his way. “Please, no. Let me say goodbye!” She was crying now, sobbing through the screaming. More time! I need more time! I’m not ready to leave like this.
“Jana, it’s going to be okay. I’ll find you.”
She clutched the doorframe while the MP pulled her through it. “I love you too!”
The MP hoisted her up under his arm like a rag doll. She kicked and felt it connect with his shin as he lifted her, but it was no use. The last thing Jana saw before the door closed was Aeronth, the look of panic on his face burned into her memo
ry.
Epilogue
"Hello," Jana replied hesitantly. "I-I’m sorry,” she stammered, confusion and a twinge of panic crossed her face for just a moment before continuing, “I must have the wrong room. It’s been a while since I’ve been here," she said to the unfamiliar, uniformed man with the box in his hands. She managed a smile, forced as it was.
“Who are you looking for?" the man asked kindly.
"His name is Aeronth."
She didn’t hear what he said next, or hear the muffled sound of running shoes on the carpet down the hallway coming towards her. She didn’t hear the voice calling her name. Jana looked past the man, into the room. It was bare, the sheets stripped from the bed, no traces of there ever having been a human being residing within. With so much troop movement, I should have known better. He’s not here.
A pair of familiar arms wrapped around her shoulders from behind, holding her lovingly in their tight embrace. Jana let herself fall into them.
Table of Contents
Prologue
01. The Test
02. Unfair Advantage
03. The Hearing
04. Family
05. Goodbyes
06. A Fresh Start
07. The Director
08. Never Enough Coffee
09. Hyperscope Components
10. Certification
11. A Redshirt and A Stormtrooper Walk Into A Party...
12. Assignment
13. A Rough Landing
14. You’ll Feel Better In The Morning
15. Trudging On
16. The Lagoon
17. Poison
18. Ready, Aim
19. Fire
20. Regroup
21. Rescue
22. Pick Your Poison
23. Under The Skin
24. Zephyr
25. The Awkward Outing
26. Drunk
27. Family Matters
28. Push
29. Breaking and Entering
30. Close
31. Never Been Kissed
32. Picture Perfect
33. Closer
34. Intimate
35. All Dolled Up
36. And Nowhere To Go
37. Glass Tears and Hand Grenades
38. Hostile Takeover
39. Love, and Leaving
Epilogue