by Eva Brandt
Shiro tugged on my dress and his proximity helped anchor me. I no longer felt ill, at least. But the confusion lingered, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my hand.
What was this? What was happening to me? Where had the claws come from?
“If you give it a little thought, I’m sure you can figure out the answer to that dilemma,” a familiar female voice said from behind me.
I turned and was unsurprised when I saw a ghost standing a few feet away from me. “Lilith. I suppose I should’ve known better than to think you’d stay dead.”
“I have my reasons to stick around.” She smiled sharply, displaying a hint of fang. “But if you’re worried that I’m going to hurt you, don’t be.”
Shiro snarled at her and took position in front of me, shielding me with his own body. “You shouldn’t even be talking to her. Traitor!”
“Yes, I suppose I am, little hell-hound. But that isn’t anything new, and this is The Academy of the Devil. Everybody betrays you sooner or later. It’s just as well that you and your lovers got it out of the way early. Now you can focus on the fun part and play happy families.”
I clenched my hands into fists and tried to control my temper. “Is that why you’re here? To taunt me? Because you won’t be able to do anything else. I’d die before I let you take my baby.”
“I don’t want to take your baby, Alyssa,” she replied. “I could. It might even work, you know. I could make another attempt at bringing Eve back. But we’ve already lost so much. Maybe it was a bad idea from the beginning. I should have just let her soul rest, instead of pushing.”
“I don’t think it was necessarily your fault,” I said, with some reluctance. I didn’t want to discuss this topic with Lilith, since her affection for Eve had gotten me killed. But despite our tumultuous background, I understood her, and she didn’t seem hostile. “Eve seemed mostly angry at Lucifer.”
“Of course she was, because like you, she was betrayed,” Lilith answered. “They were friends once. He must’ve told you about it.”
I nodded. He had, and he’d also confessed that Eve remained one of his greatest regrets. Lilith had always resented him for it. I doubted that had changed. “I know what Lucifer did, but considering the price we all paid for it, I think we’re even.”
“Eve would likely disagree, but I’m not here to talk about her.” Lilith let out a sigh. “Knowing The Supreme Being, this academy will be destroyed. I don’t know what will happen to me then, but I thought that I owed you at least an apology and a piece of advice.”
“A piece of advice?” I repeated. “What do you mean?”
“Alyssa, you and I both know you didn’t come here to pass exams. That’s just a convenient excuse. Getting a passing grade at Demonology won’t help you much in your quest to be the queen of Hell.”
“Maybe not, but the graduation gift—”
“Is not a graduation gift,” Lilith interrupted me. “Let me put it this way. That child growing inside you is half-demon. You’re a human. Half-demon children always, always, kill human mothers. It might not happen immediately. It doesn’t happen throughout the pregnancy or even at birth. The fetus knows better. But after the baby is out into the world, he’ll start feeding on you, to develop his nature.”
Her words made sense, especially in the context of my growing fatigue. But I refused to believe my lovers would lie to me about something so important. “I’ve never heard anything about that,” I said shakily.
“That’s because most demons don’t care much about it,” Lilith answered. “A demon will enjoy copulating with a human woman, but by the time the resulting half-breed child is born, the father will be long gone. The mother will wither away alone. Sometimes, the half-breed will end up with the father anyway. Other times, they die. As a rule, it’s not an issue. You’re of course, the exception.”
Why was I not surprised? I was always the fucking exception, in all the wrong ways. Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried to chase away my hostile thoughts. Breathe, Lyssa. There’s no real guarantee she’s telling the truth. “Why should I believe you? You tried to kill me and my lovers.”
“Yes, I did, and you’d have done the same if you’d been in my shoes,” Lilith replied without missing a beat. “You don’t have to believe me, Alyssa. Believe in your own eyes and ears. Tell me, what did the Demonology essay ask you?”
I tried not to let her words get to me, but I failed. The blurry memory of the essay theme popped up in my head.
“What is the difference between a human and a demon? How can a mortal make the transformation to a demonic form?”
I blinked, realizing that a few minutes earlier, when I’d been in the classroom, I hadn’t processed that last part. Had I just ignored it?
“You ignored it because you wanted to,” Lilith said, as if reading my mind. “But that is why you’re here, Alyssa. Because as much as he cares about you, the Brightest Star cannot have a human for a bride. He’s trying to fix that, to fix you.”
“I’m not an object that can be fixed,” I snapped. “I’m a person.”
“Yes, but you were never meant to be one, remember? At the end of the day, you’re still the Vessel of Hope. And right now, everyone is asking themselves a very important question. Will you crack when the time comes for you to give birth, or will you endure?”
Much to my shame, I had no answer to that, and so I did my best to change the subject. “You said you had advice for me. I’ve yet to hear anything useful.”
“Always so clever.” Lilith clicked her tongue and sat down on a banister. “Very well. Here’s my advice, little one. Forget about your humanity. Let go of everything you were and give yourself to The Infernal Realm. If you do not, you’ll pay the price.”
Forget about my humanity? I didn’t want to do that. It would involve abandoning my parents, who’d tried so hard to accept my choices. It would mean giving up the possibility that demons could have hope and faith too.
“You’re already half-way there,” Lilith purred. “You refused to help the Watchers, didn’t you? If you were as kind as you like to think you are, you’d have found a way. But you didn’t. In the end, it was more comfortable to think their destiny isn’t your problem.”
It hadn’t been about comfort. I hadn’t wanted to risk my daughter’s safety. I didn’t think that was unreasonable or inhuman. If anything, it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I don’t care about your opinion,” I said. “My family takes precedence over everything else. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.”
“I didn’t say it made you a bad person, Alyssa,” Lilith said with a tiny grin. “Just less likely to be good.”
That didn’t make any sense. I’d have liked to ask her what she meant, but she didn’t give me the chance. “And of course, you killed someone. Don’t tell me you forgot about that.”
I tried not to flinch, but I didn’t have a real answer to that. Fortunately, Shiro was still by my side. “Eve had it coming,” he growled. “She was an obsolete ghost and a fragment of the past. You said it yourself, didn’t you? It was wrong for her to stay behind in this world.”
“Yes, I did, little hell-hound, but that doesn’t change Alyssa’s actions or her sin.”
Before I could argue with her further, Callum, Mikael, and Stefan came rushing from the direction of the classroom. They must’ve sensed something was wrong and had decided to follow me.
“You,” Callum spat at Lilith with striking viciousness. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
Lilith crossed her long legs and waved at Callum. “Hello, Callum. It’s been a while. I won’t reprimand you for your rudeness, although I should.”
“Really?” Mikael drawled, and the lethal calm in his voice sent shivers down my spine. “I think you’re the one who needs a reprimand, not Callum. I’d be happy to provide it. I was robbed of my revenge, before.”
“Were you? I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you again, then. My wor
k here is done, so I’ll be leaving. Good bye and good luck, Alyssa.”
She vanished just as abruptly as Raphael had, leaving no sign whatsoever that she’d been there. My lovers made their way to my side, frantic. “Are you okay, Lyssa?” Callum asked, for what seemed like the millionth time.
“I’m fine,” I said. “I’m not hurt. We just spoke. She came to give me some advice.”
“Advice?” Mikael repeated. “What could she possibly want to tell you? Don’t trust anything that woman has to say, Lyssa. She’s bad news.”
“I know that. And I don’t trust her. But I trust you.” I hesitated and forced myself to ask, “Is it true? Is it true that I have to become a demon to give birth to our daughter?”
My lovers didn’t reply, but the expressions on their faces told me everything I needed to know. In this, at least, Lilith had been right. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
Stefan’s Strength
Ever since I’d first met my bitch, I’d known she was vulnerable. At the time, I’d seen her only as Alyssa Michaelis, the strange human who’d unexplainably shown up to disturb my quest and jeopardize my position. But her humanity had always been her greatest strength and her weakness.
It was her human nature that had made her ill. Demons couldn’t be epileptics, since their brains endured the strain of mental magic much easier. It was her human nature that had turned her into a target at the academy. She’d forgiven us for our cruelty because she wasn’t a demon, and I’d always treasure that. But that didn’t change the fact that the reason for her kindness could very easily cause her death. Technically, it already had.
After the battle at the academy, we’d hoped the problem would fix itself. In a way, Lyssa was a revenant, so she might have become a demon when she’d been killed by Satan. But throughout the time we’d spent in The Infernal Realm, we’d seen no sign of any change in her. And now, here we were, forced to take some steps we’d have very much liked to avoid.
“We wanted to break it to you a little more gently,” Mikael dared to say. “I know how much you value your human background.”
“I do value it,” Lyssa admitted, “but I also made a choice. I chose you. I was prepared for what it meant. Or at least, I thought I was.”
I suspected she hadn’t meant to say that last part out loud. I ached to reach out to her, but I had a feeling Lyssa wouldn’t appreciate it. Her magic was swirling around anxiously, tugging, pushing, and pulling. It made the beast inside me restless and stricken. I knew I’d failed my mate and it hurt.
Thankfully, Shiro was there to calm her down. “Listen, how about we go back to our quarters? It’s been a rough day and you need to rest, clear your head. Even if you do have to turn into a demon, it’s not the end of the world, right?”
“Right,” Lyssa said. “I’m just… I’m exaggerating a bit. This isn’t a big deal.”
It was, because changing one’s species wasn’t as easy as moving to another home. But Lyssa already knew that. Pointing it out further wouldn’t help her, not now.
In the end, we all followed Shiro’s suggestion and headed back toward our quarters. We hadn’t finished our exam, but we’d just have to retake it later. We’d never be able to focus, not now when we were so concerned about Lyssa.
Lyssa’s thoughts were still on the test, although not for the reason I expected. “I have to ask you something, though,” she said as we made our way through the school. “If you were planning to spring this information on me gently, why was that question in the test?”
“Question?” Mikael asked. “What are you talking about, Lyssa?”
“The question about a human becoming a demon,” she replied. “It was the assignment for the essay.”
I was befuddled by her revelation. “No, it wasn’t. The topic for the essay was the conflict between The Infernal Realm and The Celestial Realm.” And hadn’t that been a surprise? We’d talked about it plenty throughout our years at the academy, but most of the information we’d received had been rehashed rumors with very little substance. No one liked to focus on Lucifer’s angelic nature, which meant we all blatantly ignored the parts of history we didn’t like.
I’d fixed that problem during my stay in The Infernal Realm, but that hadn’t prepared me for Lyssa’s problem.
“What is Sariel playing at?” Mikael hissed. “Why would he give you a topic different from ours?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it,” Callum said darkly. “Lucifer trusts the Watchers and they helped during Satan’s attack, but they have their own agenda.”
I wanted to confront Sariel at once, but he hadn’t followed us after we’d left the classroom. I wondered if he’d already known what Lilith had planned. He must have. The wards around the school, while weak, were attuned to the Watchers now. He should’ve at least been aware that Lilith was present on the premises in her ghost form.
Had he deliberately kept the information from Lucifer? If so, why? Why had he set up the test like that? It was very strange.
“To be fair, I’m just like them,” Lyssa said. “It’s human nature to follow one’s interests. I guess you don’t have to be a demon to do that.”
No, but she had to be a demon to give birth to our baby safely. What a mess.
This wasn’t the way our plan was supposed to go. She should have had enough time at her disposal to adjust to the idea of a change. Staying in The Infernal Realm had been safe for her, but only because of Lucifer’s intervention. The academy should have given her some clarity and prepared her for her future.
But nothing had gone right for Lyssa at the academy, so maybe it wasn’t so shocking that this plan had backfired too.
And the surprises didn’t stop there. When we left the building, Lyssa changed her mind about listening to Shiro. She headed toward the exit of the academy.
“Lyssa?” I asked. “Where are you going?”
My mate grabbed my wrist and pulled me along, all the while shooting Callum and Mikael a crooked smile. “This is a school, right? We ditched our test because of me, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for someone else to make a decision in my stead. I want you to teach me properly what it means to be a demon.”
It wasn’t a bad idea. Lyssa already had some information on our nature and magic, but she didn’t understand what it was like to have to live with it. If we pulled this off, our plan might still work.
Callum and Mikael embraced the suggestion too. We ended up in the apple orchard, sitting under a tree. Shiro took up position nearby, with TB curled around his neck. The rest of us knelt in a circle, all of us facing Lyssa.
“Okay, so when it comes to humans and demons, you’re already verging toward demonic territory, because of the powers you have,” Callum started. “Your elemental magic might have come from your connection with Shiro, but it’s there now and that leaves traces. Your ‘Vessel of Hope’ abilities are a little more complicated. To tell you the truth, I can’t really understand them, but my hypothesis is that their allure is similar to my aura.”
“That makes sense,” Lyssa said. “But a species isn’t just about someone’s powers. How do I go from being a human with unusual skills to being a demon?”
“There are rituals for that,” Mikael explained, “but it’s not advisable to use magic like that when you’re not ready. Lucifer wanted to use the tests to prepare you for it.”
Lyssa pressed her lips together so tightly they went white. “I see. I guess I can’t blame him for making that decision in my stead.”
Oh, but she could. And she did. She blamed all of us, but she was prioritizing.
“I wish you all had a little more faith in me. I’m not going to argue with your motives, not now. The baby needs me to stay focused. But we won’t be able to have a real relationship if you don’t trust me, at least a little.”
As promised, she didn’t approach the topic again after that and instead threw herself completely into the lesson. My feedback was mostly needed when it came to element
al magic. She was excellent at it, but it wasn’t a part of her, not yet. “To become a demon, you’ll have to assimilate it. You might feel some discomfort at first.”
“Could it be happening already?” Lyssa mused. “Earlier, before I spoke with Lilith, I could’ve sworn I saw my hand grow claws.”
“Claws?” I asked. “That’s great news. It may mean you won’t have to go through any strenuous process.”
“Still, it would be a good idea if we checked you over a little,” Mikael suggested. “Can I touch you with a small healing spell?”
“Of course, Mikael.” Lyssa smiled sweetly. “I’m a little upset with you all, it’s true, but I’m not that upset. I trust you.”
My heart clenched at her enduring warmth and gentleness. Lyssa had always been like this, so generous and kind even when we didn’t completely deserve it.
She’d blamed herself for that whole business with us getting addicted to her ‘Vessel of Hope’ powers. So many times, I’d wanted to tell her that it wasn’t the same. Whatever she’d done hadn’t been on purpose and couldn’t compare to our premeditated actions. But I’d held back, too selfish and afraid that she’d eventually realize she deserved better.
And now, she was going to have our pup, and it was much too late to free her, even if we had wanted to do it.
But we didn’t. We weren’t good people and our love for Lyssa hadn’t changed that. In fact, when Mikael reached for Lyssa, I suspected he had more than healing in mind.
He always did react poorly to Lyssa getting mad at us. I couldn’t exactly point fingers. I’d come very close to losing myself to the beast when our relationship with her had gone south. But Mikael had been Lyssa’s familiar, and while he’d never said it, that severed bond still acted up at times.
“It’s going to be all right, Lyssa,” he murmured as he cupped her cheek.
His hand started to glow with a divine light. When it touched me, it didn’t feel alien or weird. I began to relax and so did Lyssa.