by Ryan McCord
it’s right over there.” They ran through to a door, it was surprisingly easy to open. Would it be so easy to open again? They entered and before they introduced themselves one spoke up, “We three here have our own room. Satan favors us for our work on Earth. I am the accursed Genghis Khan, this is Alexander the great, and this is Vlad the impaler, and you are in our room.” “ The world needs your help it has become dull without you. We need you to fight a rock and roll battle with the four horseman of the apocalypse, for all humanity, and to fight to stop the end of the world.” “If you get us out of Hell we will not take up our old ways.” said Vlad” There are better careers for people like us now. I want to be a lawyer, Genghis wants to become a conservative candidate for Billericay and Alexander the great wants to enter the banking industry. We will swear an unbreakable oath to this effect. We want another chance to bugger up everyone’s life in a socially acceptable way.” “Well you can’t say better than that.” said Dave. They made the oath the magic produced by all three insane titled people. They travelled back to Earth in the fiat panda, now the paintwork a little worn. “Well we have three problems”, said Alexander” We need instruments, and we need to summon the horsemen to a battle, of rock.” “That’s only two” said Bob “Well”, said Genghis Khan” We must also win”
They travelled to the Metre centre.” This place is great”, said Genghis Khan “I would have liked to conquer this” They walked into a music shop at first pretended to be trying the instruments. With Genghis Khan on guitar, Valdo the impaler on bass and vocals, and Alexander the great on drums they ushered to Malk and spoke,” Do you know the rite? They rite to bring the horsemen” “I do. I will do it now.” There was a chanting and the building burst into flames. The Earth split and the horsemen came out of the ground, each holding an instrument. The horseman spoke, “Will we duel now. Play for the Earth.” “Sod that”, said Genghis “I’ve never done anything fairly I my whole life and I are not going to start now” and with a leap he jumped up to one horseman: who was holding a guitar. He left the guitar where it was, kicked the horseman in the testicles and grabbed the guitar. Alexander the great head butted the other while Vlad the impaler broke the others arm. They took the three and threw them into Hell. “Sorry”, they all said “You know, the old red mist, it was just like the old days. We have to cheat it’s in our nature” “Well you did save the world”, said Dave. They all decided they deserved another chance at dominating the world and ruining others life in a more socially acceptable way. Genghis Khan did get to be a conservative politician for Billericay, under a false name. He was very dishonest but thought this was a good career as if anyone noticed they would just think it was a typical politician’s behavior. Alexander the great ended up as a stockbroker, and Vlad the impaler had to make do as a slum landlord. The two descendent of Malks family tree, thought bugger the space time continuum. They live happily with Mad Malk in South Stanley. Completely insane Brian works in the DHSS office. Mad Mabel sells cookery books online. Mad Malk can be seen most days in the pub or the betting shop, and occasionally he saves the world.