by Nina Levine
She stared at me for a long few moments before exhaling a long breath. “Fuck, Havoc! I try to do something for you and you don’t like it. I thought you loved blondes with big boobs.”
“Jesus, you changed for me?”
“Yes, well, sort of, for you and me.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s your type. And I’ve always wanted to try being a blonde. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone.”
“The only type I have is you. And I never want you to change anything about yourself for me.”
“But you used to like blondes with big tits. Why did you even sleep with me that first night? And why did you keep seeing me if I didn’t fit what you liked?”
Her hand was still against my chest, holding me back. I forcefully removed it, scooped her around the waist and pulled her to me. “Number one, I slept with you that first night because you turned me the fuck on. Number two, I kept seeing you because you kept turning me the fuck on. Number three, I will admit I used to love big tits, but now the only tits I want in my hands and in my mouth are yours, and I don’t give a fuck if they are an A cup or a fuckin’ F cup. Number four, I will also admit I like blonde hair. But again, the only hair I want to be pulling or getting lost in is your hair. Blonde, brunette, red, purple, what-the-fuck-ever colour you want, I’ll happily get lost in it. Number five, never, ever, change yourself for anyone. Not for me, not for anyone. You are perfect the way you are. Sure, you might argue too much with me, and you might talk my fuckin’ ear off most of the time, and you might not suck my cock as often as I’d like, but I wouldn’t have you any other way. You got all that or do I need to repeat myself? Because I’m happy to repeat myself over and fuckin’ over until that sinks in. I love you, for you.”
She stared at me with wide eyes while I made my declaration. And then she said, “You want me to suck your cock more than I already do? Fuck, Havoc, I’ve got that thing in my mouth daily. Sometimes twice a day.”
I raised a brow. “That’s what you took from that?”
Her smartass attitude that I loved returned. “Well, it seems pretty important. I don’t think I can suck it any more than I already am.”
“Carla, I just fuckin’ told you that I love you and you wanna stand here and argue about blow jobs?”
“For the record, you don’t go down on me often enough. I’d like more of that.”
I raked my fingers through my hair. “Are you fuckin’ with me here or what?”
Her lips curled into a grin and she threw her arms around my neck. “I love you, too, Mr Bossy Pants.” She kissed me before pulling away and adding, “I do stand by my last request though. There should always be more of that.”
“Duly noted.” I dropped my gaze to her body. “Babe, this dress is too short. We need to take it off and find you a new one.”
“Good try, but all my dresses are at my place, so you’ll have to live with this one tonight. And besides, there’s no way I’m fucking you before we go out, which I know is what would happen if this dress came off. It took me forever to get my hair to look this good. I’m not wrecking it with sex.”
I smirked. “I promise not to wreck it while you suck.”
She smacked me. “Suck your own damn dick. I’m going to wait outside for you because I can’t trust you at the moment.”
“Why can’t you trust me?”
“Because you have ways of convincing me that sex is always a good idea.”
“It fuckin’ is.”
She pointed towards the lounge room. “I’ll be waiting out there.” She paused for a moment and the vulnerability returned to her eyes. “Thank you for loving me the way I am,” she said softly. “I’ve never had a man do that, well, except for my brothers, but that’s different. As much as it probably doesn’t seem like it, I struggle a little with believing in myself so you accepting me means more than you’ll ever realise.”
“You put on a good show, darlin’, but I can see that your father leaving screwed you over. For the record, I like the blonde on you, but I like what’s in here,” I placed my hand over her heart, “more than your hair. Don’t ever forget that.”
Her lips curled up in a smile. “You’ve got all the right words today. Keep that shit up and I might just be the one to bring heaven to your door.”
I pressed a kiss to her lips. “You already did, angel,” I murmured, not wanting to leave this room for the night.
She held my gaze for a few moments, her eyes glazing over with desire, before turning and leaving.
I tracked her ass as she exited my room.
I loved that ass.
Almost as much as I loved her.
* * *
“You’re looking better than the last time I saw you,” Velvet remarked when she and Nash caught up with us at the clubhouse later that night.
I chuckled before taking a mouthful of beer. “I hope so.” I hadn’t seen her since a couple of days after I left the hospital when she dropped over with a casserole she’d cooked.
“He’s feeling better too, Vi. Never lets up about wanting me to suck his c—”
I cut Carla off as I took in the scowl that flashed across Nash’s face. I pressed my lips to hers in an effort to shut her up. When I pulled away, I muttered, “Fuck, woman, are you trying to cause the shit to hit the fuckin’ fan?”
She grinned and whispered, “Just keeping you on your toes.”
I shook my head and promised on a whisper-hiss, “I’m gonna take that out on your ass later.”
“Havoc!” someone yelled out, interrupting us.
I turned at the familiar voice.
King.
He grinned as he approached. “Good to see you up and about, brother. I’ve got shit for you to do in Sydney. When do you think you can get back down there?” His gaze landed on Carla and his grin grew. “You must be the woman I’ve been hearing about. I’m King.”
She cocked her head. “What exactly have you been hearing?”
“Only good things, I promise. But I’ve gotta say, I’ve never seen Havoc look as fucking relaxed as he does right now. He’s usually wound so tight that even I would hesitate to take him on. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.”
“I’m glad to hear that but I’m fucking exhausted by his demands, King. Maybe you could take him off my hands for a little while,” she quipped. The sexy smile I loved lit her face as she spoke. “I’m Carla by the way, nice to meet you.”
King laughed before raising his brows at me. “I see why you look so damn relaxed.” Giving his gaze back to Carla, he said, “I’ll leave him with you for awhile longer, but I’ll need him in a couple of weeks.”
I eyed Nash while King spoke with Carla. He watched her with a look I couldn’t place. The scowl had disappeared and in its place sat a pensive stare. I had no clue what his thoughts were except he still held his grudge towards our relationship. He’d made that clear over the last month.
King slapped me on the back. “I’ve gotta go see Marcus, but I’ll catch up with you later for a drink.”
After he left, Velvet and Carla took over the conversation, discussing a girls’ night out they had coming up. J entered the room and I excused myself to go talk with him.
“Hey, brother,” he greeted me with a jerk of the chin.
“Madison not coming tonight?”
“Yeah, she got stuck talking with some of the girls. She’ll be in soon. How are you doing? Did the doc clear you to ride?”
I nodded. “He did. I headed out for a couple of hours today, down to the Coast. It’s been too fuckin’ long.”
He reached for the beer Harlow passed him on her way through the crowd and thanked her before turning back to me. “So are you thinking of sticking around or are you itching to get back on the road?”
“Not sure yet.”
He watched me thoughtfully. “Would you be more sure if Carla wasn’t around?”
I looked over at where she stood laughing with Velvet and Nash. “Yeah.” Shiftin
g my gaze back to J, I shared the thoughts I’d been keeping to myself for weeks. “I want to make a life with her but I’m not sure how to do that. She’s just getting started in a new job and it’s going well. I won’t ruin that for her by asking her to come on the road with me.”
“So what, you’ll do the long distance thing with her and just see her every couple of weeks?”
I raked my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, I don’t know. I’m still figuring shit out. I’ve also got Dad to consider in all this. He’s doing better but I want to keep an eye on him for awhile longer.”
He took a swig of his beer. “Life’s never fucking easy, is it?”
I eyed Kelly on the other side of the room.
Fuck.
No, life was far from fucking easy some days.
She was the last person I needed to run into. I hadn’t heard from her since the day I’d slammed the door in her face and I didn’t want to hear from her again.
J followed my gaze. “Shit, she still harassing you?”
“Haven’t spoken with her in weeks. I’m hoping that run of good luck continues.”
Her eyes met mine and she froze for a moment. My night was made when she blinked and kept going without acknowledging me or heading my way. And when she latched onto another club member and he pulled her close for a kiss, as if they were together, I breathed a sigh of relief. Kelly had always had a thing for bikers and it looked like she’d finally found another one.
“Lady luck’s playing nice tonight,” J said with a slap on my back. “I’m gonna go find my woman. Catch you later, man.”
He met Carla as he walked away and after they exchanged some words he kept going and she came to me. Snagging her around the waist, I pulled her close and laid a kiss on her lips. “This dress is causing me some pain, angel,” I murmured into her ear.
She placed her hand on my chest. “The night is only young, romeo. I suggest you pop a painkiller and man up because you’ve got hours ahead of you before you’re gonna get any relief.”
The way Carla used her words turned me on more than any dress she would ever wear. “You keep talking like that and I’ll make damn sure I get some relief a lot fuckin’ sooner,” I rasped in her ear.
Her breathing picked up and heat flared in her eyes. Scanning the room, she asked, “How soon do you think we could get out of here?”
“I’d say less than a minute.”
She frowned. “Don’t you want to stay for a bit and hang out with everyone?”
I grabbed her hand. “Fuck no. The only thing I want to do right now is get inside you. It’s been too long and I’m hard as hell.”
“It’s only been about nine hours,” she said as I led her out of the room.
“That’s nine hours too long, darlin’.”
I fucking loved that she was counting the hours in between having me.
As I led her out to my bike, I recalled my conversation with J and realised a long distance relationship would blow. I wasn’t sure I could do it.
31
Carla
I laid out my new designs on the kitchen table and smiled as I assessed them. Jack, my boss, had seen some of them but I had five new ones for him and was working on a sixth. There had only been two he wasn’t fussed on and I had reworked them. I was confident he would love the changes. Our working relationship was easy so far and I hoped that would continue. I had never felt so happy in my work. To be able to spend my days doing the one job I’d always dreamed of had to be the best thing in the world. The high it gave me cancelled out the stress I felt over not completing my course. Havoc might have been on to something when he suggested I fly by the seat of my pants for a while. I’d been doing that for weeks and had never felt more at peace.
My phone rang and I grinned when I saw it was Jack.
“Hey, Jack, I was just going to call you.”
“What’s doing?” His casual attitude made me love working with him even more. It made work fun, which in turn inspired a rush of ideas.
“I’m just going over the new designs and can’t wait to show them to you.”
“Can we meet tomorrow? I’ve got some other things I want to go over with you as well.”
“Tomorrow would be perfect.”
“Your place?”
“Sounds good. Have you got a minute now to talk about something I want to run by you?”
A knock on the front door interrupted my thoughts and I traipsed down the hall to answer it.
“Sure. Shoot,” Jack said as I opened the door to Velvet.
I ushered her into the kitchen and mouthed, “I won’t be a minute.”
She nodded and took a seat at the table, eyeing my designs.
“I wanted to discuss my working arrangements. As in, where I work. Would you be okay if I didn’t always work from home in Brisbane?” I bit my lip waiting for his response, hoping he would give me the go-ahead to work from wherever I chose.
He was silent for a moment and I held my breath.
Please say yes.
“Are you thinking of travelling?” he asked.
“Maybe, but only if you are okay with it. Work is my number one priority, always, so I don’t want you to think it isn’t.”
“I don’t see why you can’t work from wherever you go. I’d need to see you every now and then, so as long as you make yourself available when that is, everything should be good.”
“Awesome. I’ll keep you updated with my plans. I don’t have anything organised yet because I wanted to run it by you first.”
“Carla, I just want to create a business that people love to work with so if you’re happy, I’m happy. And if you keep creating designs like the ones you have been, I’m bloody ecstatic.”
I wasn’t used to praise like his when it came to work. Waitressing had always been a hard slog and I’d often completed eight-hour shifts feeling exhausted and unappreciated. Working with Jack was a whole new experience.
“Thank you, Jack, that means a lot.” If he could see the grin on my face, he would have understood just how much.
“Okay, I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you early tomorrow, say nine?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed and we ended the call.
I placed my phone on the kitchen table and turned to face Velvet. “My boss loves me,” I blurted out, still grinning. My body buzzed with excitement at not only his praise, but also at his permission for me to work from anywhere.
Velvet smiled. “I kinda got that impression. What was that all about? Are you thinking about leaving town?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m not sure, Vi, but I want to be with Havoc and his life is on the road. I figured I should work out what my options are.”
Her brows lifted. “Wow, I’m surprised.”
I shrugged. “Well, he might not even want me on the road with him, so it may never eventuate. And I wouldn’t even consider it if Jack wasn’t good with it. Work is my top priority.”
Her mouth spread out into a smile. “I didn’t mean I was surprised in a bad way. I’m happy for you that things are falling into place. And I’m really happy that you’re okay with your plans being altered. The way you’re rolling with the changes and making new plans without losing your cool is awesome. Even Nash mentioned it.”
“Really?” Nash and I hadn’t spent a lot of time together since Havoc left the hospital. All I knew was that he was still against our relationship.
She nodded. “Yeah, he watched you guys together at the clubhouse the other night and mentioned that you seemed really happy. Well, after I prodded him to admit it, that is.”
I sighed. “Of course he would need you to drag it out of him. I wish he would just get over himself and accept this for what it is.”
“Your brother is a stubborn man, you know that.” She paused and her gaze shifted to my hair. “I love the blonde on you. When did you do that?”
“I saw Roxie a few days ago, on your day off.” I twirled a few strands of my hair. “So you think it suits me?
I’m still getting used to it.”
“It really does. When I saw you the other night, I did a double-take because I hardly recognised you.”
“Thanks, Vi. I’ve often thought of trying it and when Havoc’s sister told me he loved blondes, I figured it was a good time to do it.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You didn’t do this for him, did you?”
“I did it for me. I mean, the fact he loves blondes spurred me on, but I’d never change something about myself solely to keep him happy. I will admit that I was really nervous about his reaction, though.” I paused for a moment as my insecurities heated my face. “I hate feeling anxious about what my man thinks. It’s something I’ve struggled with whenever I’ve dated a guy I really liked and thought could be the one.”
Her face creased in a frown. “Does Havoc make you feel that way?”
“Not at all and that’s what I love about him. Honestly, up until this point I hadn’t felt any of my usual insecurities. His sister threw me off when she told me he had a type and I didn’t fit it. I know it’s stupid, but—”
She cut me off. “But it’s what us women do, right? We second-guess ourselves and we shouldn’t.”
“Well, I’m working on not doing it anymore.”
“So this whole idea to travel with him isn’t just to fit in with what he might want?”
I smiled. “I love how you worry about me. No, it’s about compromise. He doesn’t want me to change for him and I don’t want him to change for me. If he loves the nomad life, I’m willing to make some adjustments to my life for him. But like I said, who knows what he wants because we’ve yet to discuss it.”
She nodded. “Looks like that’s something you guys need to talk about.”
It was absolutely something we needed to talk about and it would be the topic of our conversation when he took me on a date that night.
* * *
I sat cross-legged on my bed and watched as Havoc lifted his T-shirt over his head. “Thank you for dinner,” I said, a little distracted by his muscles.