by Leigh Bale
“You bet. Am I on the list at school as someone who can pick him up?”
“Yes. I just went by and took care of it, so they shouldn’t hassle you. But they may ask you for ID.”
Wow! Maybe she was finally starting to trust him after all. “Thanks—any idea how long you’ll be gone?”
“It shouldn’t be more than a day. It’s just two hundred acres, but you know how small fires can escalate into big ones. You can stay at my house, if that’d make things easier for you. All of Davie’s clothes and toys are there. There’s plenty of food. Can you fix him a decent dinner?”
“Of course. Pizza hits all the main food groups.” He chuckled, unable to ignore a buzz of excitement. This was the first time she’d let him visit Davie without supervision, and he was determined not to let her down.
“I don’t think so.”
“Sure, pizza has pineapple, which is fruit, and onion and peppers, which are veggies.”
“Davie will just pick all of that off. How about adding a can of string beans?”
“I was thinking about eating in a restaurant. Will the salad bar work if I talk him into eating some carrots?”
She hesitated before relenting. “Well, it is a Friday night. I’m sure Davie would love to get pizza with his daddy.”
He caught a bit of humor in her tone and couldn’t help feeling like they’d made a lot of headway today. He was going to enjoy a boys’ night out with his son. “Don’t worry, Andie. I’ll take good care of our boy.”
She paused. “If you have an emergency, our list of doctors is on the corkboard by the phone in the kitchen. They have my insurance information on file. I’ve got to go.”
“Okay. And Andie? You take care out there, will you? I want you to come home safe.”
“Of course.”
“Good. I’ll see you when you get home.”
“Bye.”
He waited for her to hang up before he did so. He’d wanted to tell her he loved her, but figured that was pushing things. He didn’t want her to go. A feeling of absolute terror clogged his chest, making it difficult to breathe. What if something went wrong? What if she were hurt out there?
As it was, he couldn’t wait to pick up Davie. Looking at the clock again, he realized he had just enough time to finish the report he’d been working on, let Cal and the front receptionist know why he was taking off a bit early today, then drive over to Davie’s school.
Maybe they’d catch a movie tonight. He wondered what was playing at the theater in town. If it was a grown-up picture, he might take Davie over to the video rental store to pick up something for kids. If all else failed, pizza and a baseball game always hit the spot. He’d been working hard on the treadmill and figured he could afford one day off from his exercises to spend time with his son. His work-capacity test was in two weeks and he’d be ready.
After turning off his computer, he walked outside to the parking lot. No cane. Barely a limp. Not much pain. Truly God had blessed him in his recovery. He felt euphoric, like he could conquer the world. The Lord had performed a miracle for him, bringing him home to his family. Now if he could just forget about the wildfire and win over Andie, he’d be a happy man.
The drive to Davie’s school took less than ten minutes. He arrived just as the final bell rang. Inside the office, he reported to the receptionist.
“So you’re Davie’s father. Your wife told us you’d be by. Let me call Davie for you.” She picked up the phone and dialed what Matt assumed must be Davie’s kindergarten room.
Had Andie told the receptionist she was his wife? Or was the receptionist assuming? He almost asked, but didn’t want to create fodder for gossip.
Matt stepped over by the door to wait. He felt nervous, unable to get Andie off his mind. He hated the thought that she might be hurt on the wildfire. He flipped open his cell phone, thinking to call her just to check in, but knew now wasn’t the time to distract her from her job. She was a highly trained professional and knew what she was doing. But he’d been highly trained also, and look where that had gotten him.
No, he couldn’t bother her right now. He pocketed his phone, determined to be patient. But he couldn’t help saying a silent prayer and holding it there in his heart until she came home safe.
Children swarmed the hallway, some dragging their jackets behind them, others carrying lunch pails and books. Their happy chatter filled the hall. It felt odd, yet comfortable to be in a school waiting for his son.
“Dad!”
Matt turned as Davie launched into his arms. At the age of six, Davie wasn’t embarrassed by hugs and kisses. Yet.
Matt squeezed his son, enjoying the show of physical affection while he could. “Hi, hotshot. How was school today?”
“Great! Where’s Mom?” He wore his jacket zipped up to his chin and carried a handful of papers with his name scrawled at the top along with smiley faces and gold stars.
Davie took Matt’s hand as they walked outside. “She’s been called out on a wildfire, so she asked me to pick you up. How do you feel about pizza and a movie tonight?”
“Yeah!” Davie punched the air with his free hand.
The rest of the evening was indescribable for Matt. They laughed, ate pizza and ice cream, played video games and watched a movie. True to his word, Matt ensured Davie ate three carrot sticks and several wedges of apple. Davie fell asleep snuggled beneath a blanket against Matt’s side on the couch in Andie’s living room. Right where Matt wanted to be.
Around midnight, Matt carried Davie to his bed. In spite of the fatigue weighing his body, Matt’s mind remained active. For some reason, Andie being on a wildfire troubled him more than he could say. What if the winds changed and she was caught in the fire? All sorts of horrific scenarios played out in his mind, making him shake with fear. He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not ever.
His thoughts returned to the wildfire that had taken the life of his crewman. Night had become his enemy, haunting him with what had happened and what he should have done differently.
In spite of the cool night air, sweat beaded on his brow and his hands trembled. How he wished Andie was home safe instead of out fighting fire.
He prowled the house, feeling closer to Andie as he skimmed his fingers across her bottles of perfume, hair-brush and pictures of her laughing with their son. Someday he hoped she included pictures of him on top of her dresser. As he concentrated on these tangible items, he was able to calm his troubled mind. Surprised appreciation filled him when he saw the music box he’d given to her sitting on the nightstand beside her bed. At least she hadn’t thrown it away.
In the bathroom, he noticed the laundry basket filled with dirty clothes. Andie worked hard. Since he couldn’t sleep, maybe he could make himself useful.
Picking up the basket, he carried it to the laundry room and started a load of clothes in the washer. By 3:00 a.m., he’d completed two loads and finally felt drowsy. Out of respect for his wife, he opted to sleep on the couch.
Davie awakened him once in the night, asking for a glass of water. While Matt got a cup, the boy stood in his pajamas and bare feet in the glow of the night-light and rubbed his weary eyes. Matt’s heart squeezed. How he loved this innocent child. How he loved his beautiful wife for giving him this wonderful gift.
“Here you go, sweetheart.” Matt handed the cup to the boy, then rubbed Davie’s back while he gulped the water down.
Davie handed the cup back to Matt and murmured sleepily, “Thanks, Dad.”
The boy turned and padded back to his room with Matt following. After Davie climbed into bed, Matt covered him up with a blanket and kissed his forehead.
“Daddy?”
Matt paused at the door, peering at his son through the dark. “Yes, son?”
“I’m glad you’re here.” Davie yawned and rolled over, his gentle breathing filling the silence.
Matt stood frozen, too overcome by emotion to speak for several moments. Finally he whispered, “I’m glad I’m here, too.”
He returned to the couch where he offered a silent prayer of gratitude, then instantly fell asleep. Both he and Davie slept late. In the morning, Matt made pancakes for breakfast. Davie helped Matt wash the dishes and do other chores around the house. Matt had never had so much fun cleaning the bathrooms.
Davie grinned as he swirled the brush around in the toilet bowl. “Won’t Mom be surprised when she sees what we’ve done?” With his little hands, Davie wasn’t very thorough, but Matt thought it important to let him help with the work.
“I think she will.” Matt squirted cleanser into the sink before scrubbing it and then the bathtub. When they finished, he made sure both he and Davie washed their hands good before hanging out fresh towels.
After dusting and running the vacuum, Matt finished folding the laundry. Davie had taken up residence on the couch where he fell asleep watching a kid’s program. The late night before and the chores today had tired him out. The child was there when Andie came home, her ranger uniform smudged with soot and smelling of wood smoke.
“Hi,” she greeted Matt with a whisper when she saw Davie sleeping.
She set her fire pack on the floor before gazing at her son, a soft smile gracing her appealing lips. Even with her hair pulled back in a long ponytail and covered with grime, Matt thought her beautiful. Her eyes were bloodshot from smoke and creased with fatigue.
“Hi there. You look tired.” Matt squelched the urge to kiss her hello. It seemed a natural response, but he doubted she’d approve. He had to keep reminding himself that he was only babysitting. He didn’t live here. He still didn’t belong.
She let out a big sigh. “I am tired.”
They moved into the kitchen where they could talk without waking Davie. Matt got her a tall glass of ice water.
“Thanks. How did things go?” She took a sip, her gaze scanning the table where clean laundry lay folded in tidy piles.
“Great. We had a blast together.”
“You washed my laundry?” Her eyes widened.
He shrugged. “I hope it’s okay. I figured I’d make myself useful while I was here.”
She glanced around the room and sniffed. “I smell pine.”
“I mopped the floors.”
From the doorway, her gaze scanned the living room. “And you vacuumed, too.”
“And took out the garbage, dusted and scoured out the bathrooms. Davie helped, of course.”
“Wow! Thanks for being here when I needed you, Matt. I really appreciate it.” She stepped close and kissed him on the mouth, a quick hit-and-run kiss that startled both of them.
When she stepped back, her eyes widened with horror, as if just realizing what she’d done. And then he knew. She felt it, too. The comfortable atmosphere, the spontaneous actions and instinctive relationship they’d shared years earlier. The physical attraction. It was all coming back to them, yet she continued to fight it.
“I’m sure glad you’re home safe.” He’d been so worried about her, pacing the floor, checking the clock. Fearing the worst. Now he could stop fretting. She was fine.
A feeling of jubilation swept him. The chemistry between them was still there. It hadn’t died. Not in all these long, lonely years apart. Surely she still felt something more for him besides hate and anger. Dare he hope she might still love him, at least a little?
She moved away, running her fingertips across the clean countertop and sink. During their marriage, he’d rarely thanked her for cleaning their house, washing their clothes and preparing meals. Why did he deserve her gratitude now when she always did these things without a word from him?
“I never thanked you for taking such good care of our home, Andie. I have a greater appreciation for you now. You were a great wife, and I should have told you every day how much I appreciated the many things you did for me.”
She glanced at him, an endearing smudge of dirt across her chin. “You thanked me sometimes.”
“Not enough. I took you for granted. I’m sorry for that.”
She noticed the toolbox sitting beside the back door and nodded at it. “What else have you been up to?”
“Davie helped me repair the gate in the backyard. I showed him how the latch works and how to fix it. I thought he was old enough to start learning how to take care of those things.”
She glanced out the kitchen window, her mouth dropping open. “That gate has been troubling me for several weeks. I thought I’d have all these chores waiting for me when I got home, and I’m so tired I really don’t feel up to it. You’ve taken care of everything.”
His heart swelled with joy. “It was my pleasure. After you get cleaned up, I hope you can just rest. I’m so glad you’re home safe.”
She looked at his legs. “You’re walking without your cane more and more.”
A smile spread its way across his face. He couldn’t help it. He hated the cane and didn’t miss it one bit. “I’m happy to say I’ve given it up for good. On Thursday, I hiked three miles in forty-five minutes wearing a forty-five-pound pack.”
She gasped. “You passed the arduous level of the wildfire physical?”
He nodded. “Not officially, but I’ll take the test during our fire-training school in two weeks.”
“Oh, Matt. I know that must have been so hard. It’s wonderful.” She rested a hand on his arm, her eyes filled with genuine happiness for his accomplishment.
Tremors of awareness shot up his arm. He looked down, then gazed into her eyes and stepped closer. His hands lifted of their own volition, twining around her arms. Pulling her closer. She didn’t fight him. Didn’t look away or try to avoid him. She gazed into his eyes, her mouth softened with a smile. Maybe she could finally forgive him. Maybe—
“Hi, Mommy!” Davie startled them apart.
“Davie! Oh, I missed you.” Andie knelt before her son and hugged him tight.
He pulled back, his nose crinkling with distaste. “You’re squashing my eye and you stink.”
Andie laughed. “I smell like a fire, right?”
“Yes.”
“That’s because I’ve been fighting a wildfire.”
“You need a bath,” Davie said.
“And a change of clothes,” she agreed with a laugh.
Taking her cue, Matt stepped toward the door. He ruffled Davie’s hair as he passed by. “And I need to do my exercises. I’ll be going now. See you around, hotshot.”
“Ah, can’t you stay? Do you have to go?” Davie asked.
“Afraid so.”
“But why can’t you just live here with us?”
Matt didn’t respond, but his gaze locked with Andie’s. An expression of confusion and embarrassment crossed her face, her eyes filled with dread. The physical closeness they’d just shared had taken them both off guard. Now her defenses seemed to have gone back up. He released a deep sigh, knowing she still wasn’t ready to forgive him.
Andie accompanied him out onto the front porch, her arms folded across her dirty forest ranger shirt. “Will you be at church tomorrow?”
He turned on the first step, holding the railing, wishing he could stay. “Yes. Are you worried I might embarrass you?”
She hesitated, then shook her head. He saw sincerity in her eyes. “No, I was just wondering when we’d see you again.”
He smiled. “That’s good. Because I sure want to see you again.”
She turned her head and stared at the grass, her mouth tight. Her shoulders tensed, as if she were about to step off a precipice and fall on the sharp rocks far below. “Sue and Brett are out of town. Why don’t you plan to come over here for Sunday dinner? Davie would like that, and I owe you for all the work you did here at home.”
A long breath escaped his lungs. Finally. Finally she’d invited him over of her own free will. “I gladly accept, but you owe me nothing, babe. Nothing at all. I’m just trying to take care of my family the best way I know how.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her face filled with color, and she turned and went back
inside.
As Matt walked to his truck, his chuckle turned into happy laughter. He’d called her babe and she hadn’t chastised him for it. Just before climbing inside his truck, he raised his hands in the air and yelled, “Yes!”
They’d made substantial headway. She’d trusted him alone with Davie and invited him over for dinner. If only he could forget the nightmares still plaguing him. If only…
He hated thinking about the wildfire, but couldn’t help it. How he wished it hadn’t happened. If only he hadn’t lost radio contact with the lookout. He should have been more vigilant. More careful.
And yet, the wildfire had brought him back home to Andie and his son. It had set him on a path to God. He couldn’t regret the closeness he’d developed with the Lord over the past months. But how could he reconcile what had happened with Jim? He was gone and Matt could never bring him back.
A forlorn ache deep in his soul told him he could never be completely happy again until he resolved the guilt he felt over losing his crewman. He longed for Jim’s forgiveness and felt bereft, knowing he might never have it.
Chapter Twelve
“You’re early.” Matt smiled at Andie when she arrived at Taylor Park at 6:00 a.m. on Monday morning.
“I figured you could use the extra help. We’ve got a lot to do today. How many recruits will we be training this week?” An air of excitement pulsed through her veins as she breathed in the crisp morning air. She tried to tell herself it was because of the many training events she would be teaching and had nothing to do with the handsome man standing beside her.
“About three hundred and fifty new recruits and another eighty men and women needing recertification in various aspects of wildfire fighting.”
Dressed in spruce-green Nomex pants and a yellow wildfire-fighting shirt, she’d pulled her hair back in a ponytail to keep it out of her eyes. With her sunglasses perched atop her head, she folded her Nomex gloves securely inside one of the wide cargo pockets on her pants.