by Leigh Bale
Andie listened to this conversation with dread. On the one hand, Matt seemed calm and collected. The experienced wildfire fighter who knew his business. But what if he got up on the mountain and froze up? Once the chopper dropped him off, he’d need to hike across rocky terrain to the fire crew. He’d be all alone. No one to help him. If he panicked or lost control, he could become disoriented and die.
On the other hand, if she objected strongly enough, it might come out that Matt had frozen up during a simple training operation and wasn’t of sound mind. Not only would that embarrass him, but it could also destroy his career, not to mention any reconciliation with Andie. It’d devastate him and he’d hate her. She couldn’t do that to him. Yet she couldn’t let him endanger his life, either.
She didn’t want him to go.
“When can you leave?” Hank asked.
“As soon as I get to the helipad,” Matt said.
No! This was moving way too fast.
“Matt, can I speak with you privately for a few moments?” Andie’s voice wobbled.
“Sure.” He rounded the table and followed her a short distance away where they could speak without someone listening in.
She took a breath and started to cough, the smoke-filled air burning her eyes. She rubbed them, hoping to ease the gritty feeling.
“What’s up?” he asked.
She faced him, meeting his gaze. He looked so handsome in his fire uniform. Handsome and strong. “Matt, don’t do this. You’re not ready to go.”
He smiled. “Sure I am. I’ve been training and preparing for this all my life.”
“But what about the wildfire when you were injured? I know that scarred you on the inside as well as on the outside. You haven’t dealt with it yet.”
He licked his lips and rested his hands on his lean hips. “I’ve been dealing with it in my own way. You’ll be happy to know I saw a psychologist.”
“You did?” Could she believe him?
“Yes, and I confided what happened on the wildfire. You were right. It felt good to talk about it and get it off my chest. I know I have a purpose in life. It’s not my time to go yet.”
She peered at him, feeling skeptical. “How many times have you seen this doctor?”
“Once, yesterday morning. I have another appointment next week. But it’s the Lord who’s really given me the therapy I need, Andie. I can’t explain it, but He’s been there for me like my best friend. I know He loves me. He’s watching out for us always.”
She snorted, lifting a hand to brush a wisp of hair out of her eyes. “One visit to the doctor isn’t going to make you whole again. You need time. It’ll take a lot of work.”
“That’s just it, Andie. I’ve been working on this problem for months now. And I don’t want it to ruin my life.”
“Then don’t go up on that mountain.”
“Now isn’t the time for this, Andie. But the point is that I’ve talked about what happened. To you and to my doctor. It hasn’t been easy, but I feel better already. And I finally understand why God spared my life.”
“You do?”
“Yes. So I could come home to you. To tell you how sorry I am and to be a father to Davie. It’s so clear to me now. And I’m awed by the Lord’s kindness. I regret that Jim died, but I made a promise to myself that I’d honor his memory by being the best man I possibly can. So he wouldn’t have died in vain.”
The conviction in his voice touched her like nothing else could. “I’m glad to hear you say that. I’m so glad you’ve developed a close relationship with God.”
“Then you’ll understand why I’m going up to Echo Lake.”
She flinched. “Please don’t.”
“I’ll be okay, hon.” He squeezed her hand.
When he turned his back and headed toward the command tent, he didn’t limp at all. She almost burst into tears. But she couldn’t. She was the ranger and must be an example to the people around her. She must remain strong and focused.
Matt picked up his fire pack and slung it over his shoulder as though the heavy weight was light as a daisy. She stared at him from head to toe, the fire-resistant shirt and wildfire boots with heavy lug soles and nine-inch tops extending up his calves.
She followed him, not ready to give in. “Matt—”
He spoke low so other people wouldn’t hear him. “I can’t hide just because I was hurt, Andie. They say when you get bucked off, you get right back on and ride again.”
“You were more than bucked off, Matt. One of your men died in that fire. I saw how you reacted during the training exercise. Someone else can go up to Echo Lake. Even me.”
“No, absolutely not. You’re not going.” He shook his head, his bloodshot eyes narrowed with determination. As part of the command team, they’d been living on four hours of sleep for the past three days.
“Why not? I’m not as experienced as you are, but I have the training.”
He reached out and brushed his knuckles against her cheek, looking deep into her eyes. “I know, sweetheart, but Davie needs you. Thank you for worrying about me, but I’m gonna be okay. Have a little faith.”
“No. Let’s wait another hour and see if we hear from the crew. Maybe they’re just busy and not paying attention.”
He shook his head, his stubborn jaw locked hard. “By then, it could be too late. If they don’t have an escape route, they’ll need time to clear an area. I’m going in to warn them now, before we lose any lives. I won’t lose another man on my watch. Not if I can help it.”
“Matt, please—”
“I’m happy, Andie. For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. It hasn’t been easy, but the Lord’s helped me realize that I can choose to be happy in my life regardless of what happens to me. I’ve chosen to be happy.”
What was he talking about? “What does that have to do with fighting wildfire?”
“I’m not afraid anymore, babe. I’ve turned my life over to the Lord. I can accept whatever He plans for me. Besides, I outrank you.”
A sick feeling washed over her. “You wouldn’t pull rank on me.”
“Try me.” He tilted his head, a lopsided grin curving his mouth.
She didn’t see anything humorous about the situation. “That’s really low.”
“Sorry, but I’m going in. Now do your job and pray that I reach them in time.”
He turned to walk toward a green Forest Service truck. She knew he’d drive to the helipad they’d set up half a mile away and fly up on the mountain where he’d be dropped off at a remote site and hike down to the hotshot crew.
She clasped his arm and pulled him back, glancing around to see who might be watching their exchange. In the sea of fire personnel, equipment and smoke, it seemed she and Matt were all alone. An island unto themselves. “Is that what this is all about? You feel you need to prove yourself by rescuing that crew?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t need to prove myself. But someone needs to go in, Andie. And I’m the operations chief. It’s my job to ensure the safety of my people above all else.”
She stared at the bright red neck shroud he wore around his throat. During heavy fire, he could pull it up to protect his face and lungs. “Where are your goggles?”
“Right here.” He patted one of the deep cargo pockets on his Nomex pants.
This couldn’t be happening. “You’ll be all alone up there. If you get into trouble, there won’t be anyone to help you.”
Her voice rose to a shrill whisper. Panic dotted her skin. She couldn’t let him go. She couldn’t lose him. Not again.
He brushed his fingertips against her lips, soft and loving. “I won’t be alone, Andie. The Lord will be with me, and so will you.”
If only she could have as much faith as he did. “Matt, please—”
He kissed her, soft yet urgent. She gripped folds of his shirt with her hands, not wanting to let him go.
“I love you. So much. I’ll be back.” He spoke against her hair.
&nb
sp; I love you. The magic words she’d longed to hear.
She didn’t think to react until he’d pulled away. Her head spun dizzily, and she couldn’t digest what was happening. Then he was gone. She went still, her breath coming in shallow gasps. She barely had time to gather her wits before he climbed inside the truck, started the engine and drove away.
He looked back at her in his rearview mirror. She jogged after him, wanting to stop him somehow. Did he have a death wish? Just how stable was he? Maybe she was worried about nothing. And yet, she couldn’t take the chance. Not when it might mean his life.
She glanced at another truck, tempted to chase after him. But she couldn’t. She was needed here at the command station. She couldn’t leave her post. And she couldn’t stop him, either.
If only Matt hadn’t passed the arduous level of his work-capacity test, he wouldn’t be able to go. But he had. She had no right to question his authority. No right to worry about him now. He was a trained professional, and she had to let him go.
She pressed a hand to her mouth, biting down on her index finger. Any number of things could go wrong.
“Hey, Andie, you okay? You look white as a ghost.” Phil, her fire assistant, entered the open-air tent, staring at her face.
“I’m fine.” She looked away so he wouldn’t see the alarm in her eyes. Or the tears. Forest rangers didn’t cry. Not about this. And yet, she had so much to lose. Just when she and Matt had found each other again, he might be taken away. She and Davie loved and needed Matt so much.
Davie! What would she tell her son if something bad happened to his father?
Please, Lord. Please watch over Matt. Keep him safe and bring him home to me.
The prayer filled her heart. Never had she prayed so hard in all her life. All she could rely on now was her faith in God.
Another man came inside the tent and Andie recognized him as Alex Merritt, the branch director working underneath Matt. “You know we’ve got a hotshot crew working up above that buttonhook fire. We need to reestablish communication with them.”
Phil jerked his thumb toward Andie. “The forest ranger’s husband just flew in to locate and warn them.”
Andie flinched, staring at Phil in surprise. The forest ranger’s husband. Her husband.
Alex smiled at her. “You’re Mrs. Cutter?”
She nodded, unwilling to trust her voice right now.
“Well, Matt’s the best man we have for the job. If anyone knows how to hike in during an emergency like this, it’s Matt.”
There was no denying the tone of trust in Alex’s voice. Andie picked up her binoculars and stared at the mountain. Thick smoke the color of gray slate hovered above the canyon. Beneath the haze, red flames flickered upward, eating at the fuel. Superheated flash fuels surrounded the steep slopes, fanned by erratic winds. An extremely volatile situation. And that was where her husband was going.
Into the fire.
And then Andie realized something she hadn’t thought of before. This was what Matt did. What he was good at. Because of his training and experience, he was a valuable national resource. She had hated his career with a vengeance. Hated it because it had taken him away from her. She hadn’t realized how much he loved his job. How good he was at it. How much the Forest Service needed qualified men like him to save other people’s lives and property.
She’d been selfish, loving a man, yet not wanting to let him be who he had to be. But no matter what, she wanted him back. For good this time. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and she might never get the chance to tell him how she felt.
Andie went through the motions of working at the command station, but her insides felt like jelly. She felt completely helpless and alone. All she had was prayer and faith to get her through. She carried both silently within her heart. Watching and waiting for her husband to come home safe.
Chapter Sixteen
Matt trained his binoculars on the fire crew working below him. Sitting in the small spotter chopper high above, he scanned the rocky crevices of the mountain below and felt a sense of relief. He’d found them. Now he had to get down to them and help them evacuate as quickly as possible.
The whir of the chopper blades overhead brought their attention, and they looked up from their work. One of the men waved, looking like a small stick figure from Matt’s vantage point. If only the man knew the danger he was in, he’d be running for his life.
Thick streams of smoke wafted toward the east. The chopper circled around, staying back far enough that it didn’t become engulfed by the smoke and lose visibility. From this angle, the fire seemed harmless. But Matt knew up close, it was an inferno, the temperatures more than five hundred degrees. Hot enough to melt flesh, scorch lungs, and kill a man before the flames even touched him. And the hotshot crew of men and women were working down there, not even realizing what they would soon be facing.
“Eight, nine, ten…” Matt counted off the twenty-man crew, then scanned the area for the helicopter to land. Verdi Peak was too far away, and it’d take him too long to hike in to the crew. They needed another place.
“What about that higher, flat area over there?” The pilot pointed above the ridge where the crew was working.
Two bighorn sheep ran west across the open area, fleeing the fire. On any other day, Matt would have scrambled for his camera.
The landing place wasn’t far from the fire crew. From the looks of the steep cliffs and loose boulders, Matt knew the hike down into the canyon would be difficult. “It looks like the closest spot. Set her down.”
The pilot steered the small spotter plane, capable of carrying just four people at a time. They’d come full circle and now flew above the smoke, which was so thick they couldn’t see the ground below. Farther out, Matt could see the blackened ruins of what had already been consumed by the flames. Smoke streamed from numerous spot fires across the mountain—like steam from a teapot. A fierce gust of wind buffeted the plane, and Matt slammed back against his seat.
“Whoa! Glad we’ve got our seat belts on,” the pilot said.
The chopper bumped down on the flat rocks, and the pilot held it still while Matt picked up his gear and got out.
“I’ll fly back to command and refuel, then return by the time you’ve got the crew here to fly them out,” the pilot said.
“Okay.” Matt reached for his radio as the chopper lifted off in a whir of wind and dust.
“Cutter to Olston. Come in.” Matt pressed the button on his radio, calling in his safe landing to command first thing.
A brief pause of static followed.
“This is Olston, go ahead.”
“I’m on the ground west of Verdi Peak. Heading down to Echo Lake now. Copy?”
“Affirmative. Let us know when you reach the crew.”
“Will do. Over.”
Matt stowed his radio and waved at the pilot, then turned his gaze down the mountain. He knew exactly where he was. The chopper would return in about an hour, with the hope of ferrying the hotshot crew to safety just as soon as Matt could move them to the landing site.
Matt started out at a fast walk, but paced himself so he didn’t tire prematurely. Every fifteen minutes, he reached for his canteen, taking a long drink without breaking stride. In this heat, he needed to remain hydrated. It could mean the difference between collapsing and survival.
As he passed Echo Lake, he could imagine the Mackinaw Lake trout just waiting for a fishing line. Maybe he’d bring Andie and Davie up here to camp out sometime. Although he’d rather come from the opposite direction, riding horses up the canyon.
Thinking about Andie caused him to focus his attention on the task at hand. He’d talked big for her benefit, to reassure her and help her not to worry. But as thin streams of smoke billowed past him, he started to doubt his own faith. He must be crazy to be up on this mountain. What if the winds changed on him? What if he couldn’t get the crew out in time?
No! People were depending on him, and he mustn’t let
them down. To fail might mean death, for them and for him.
Instead of worrying, he prayed. Silently in his heart, asking God to be with him. To help him stay strong, no matter what he faced. Talking to his Father in Heaven helped him be spiritually strong, and he grasped a heavy stick to help him walk across the sharp rocks.
He skirted thick clusters of dwarf willow bushes, thinking it’d take less time to go around than to try to hack through the dense brush. They also might be filled with snakes and hornets.
The steep cliffs high above the lake forced him to weave past loose boulders. The sharp rocks of the canyon rolled beneath his feet, but he could make quicker headway traveling down to the fire crew than hiking up.
Looking up, he saw a mountain goat hurrying past the razor-sharp ridge. Even the animals had enough sense to flee, but not him. He kept going, scrambling across the steep scree fields. He lost his balance and slid on his stomach several feet before regaining his hold. A whoosh escaped him as the air was knocked from his lungs. His body scraped against the prickly rocks. Thank goodness he wore his Nomex gloves to protect his hands from being sliced up.
He lay there, panting heavily to catch his breath. “Now I know why nothing but bighorn sheep and mountain goats live up here. Nothing else can negotiate the rugged terrain.”
He turned his head and blinked. Right in front of his face, a delicate yellow primrose sat tucked back between the rocks. Reaching out, he picked the flower and sat up, tucking the blossom inside his shirt pocket. He’d give it to Andie when he saw her again.
He wiped his sweaty brow, determined to forge on. Instead of climbing back up the cliff, he stood and skirted the edge. A hard fall could break his legs or worse. He must be careful. Too many people’s lives depended on his success.
After a half hour of strenuous hiking, the smoke became thicker and he felt the heat like a blasting furnace to his face. Staying away from narrow draws and chutes, he followed the trailhead and passed a high, rocky ridge. The sound of chain saws breaking up fuel filled his ears. The fire crew was working just below him. He breathed a deep sigh of relief.