by H. L. Logan
I still hadn’t made much headway on my own career. Here I was, a freshly minted Beasley grad, and I was having trouble. It was probably because all the businesses around here were inundated with Beasley grads. It should have been as impressive as a degree from Harvard or Stanford or any of the other Ivies, but not in Rosebridge, apparently.
I was on my laptop, sighing as I looked over my cover letter template for the millionth time. Applying to jobs was the worst, much worse than applying for internships. This time I had to worry about job titles and salaries and benefits and other such details.
I was beginning to worry that I wouldn’t find a job in Rosebridge at all. And if that happened, then I’d have to leave town, and I didn’t know if my relationship with Margie would survive. I also hated to think of leaving her here. Sure, she had friends, but… I still felt protective.
Reluctantly, I’d started applying to jobs in New York City, Boston, and other places all across New England. It was driving me crazy that I hadn’t gotten much interest from potential employers. Maybe I should have started job hunting much earlier.
My parents would support me as long as I needed them too, but I didn’t want to be a mooch. I hated the idea of continuing to live off their money longer than was necessary.
I was looking over my cover letter until the words got fuzzy and all looked the same. I had to stop. Instead, I closed my computer and got up, wondering what to do with myself.
No classes. No tests. No homework. No job.
It was weird.
The only thing I could do was practice for the Shadetree show. Kaitlyn was good at doing covers, and she’d picked out some songs that would benefit from added violin. I supposed I could practice them.
Playing the violin usually got me out of my rut, but today, I was too consumed by anxiety.
What would happen if I couldn’t find a job at all? I knew my parents would let me move back in with them—but I didn’t want that. They had a pretty big house and I would have room to myself, but that wouldn’t stop my mother from overseeing every detail of my life. I’d gotten used to a lot of freedom in college, and I wasn’t prepared to give it up. And they lived far enough away from Rosebridge that my relationship with Margie would become long distance.
Margie was out with some EAC people, so I wouldn’t see her until later. I looked out the window, seeing the golden sunlight paint everything in yellow. It was weird, but for the first time in a while, I felt a little lonely.
I decided to fix that by calling Annie. Now that we were both adults, maybe we could have more of a closer relationship. I normally didn’t talk with people on the phone at all unless I needed something, so it wasn’t my style, but…
She picked up after a couple of rings. “Hey, girl, what’s up?”
“Not much,” I said, feeling a little silly for calling at all. “I just called to chat. It was nice to see you at the wedding.”
“Yeah! I missed you,” said Annie. “What are you working on nowadays? Any plans for the summer?”
I hesitated. Should I tell her about my problem with finding a job? Maybe she could help, somehow, even though she didn’t live in the area. It was worth a try, at least.
“I’m having trouble finding a job,” I said. “It’s harder than I expected. I guess all the Beasley grads were my competition, and now it’s too late.”
“That’s tough,” said Annie. “You’re majoring in marketing, right?”
“Right,” I said. “But I’m not too attached to it anymore. I don’t even know what I want to do, to be honest.”
“Well, that’s a pretty versatile degree. All kinds of organizations need marketing help. Have you looked outside of marketing and PR agencies? Because you could be the marketing expert for a nonprofit, or something like that,” said Annie.
This was exactly what I needed to hear. I immediately thought of Leah Hensley’s animal rescue and wondered if she needed a marketing assistant. Helping to promote the welfare of animals would be a very worthwhile use of my skills.
“That’s a great idea,” I said. “I guess Mom and Dad got me stuck on the idea of doing something prestigious…”
Annie laughed harshly. “Eh, forget what they think. It’s your life. You have to do what you want to do. I mean, you’re a college grad now. You’re an adult. You can do whatever you want to do. You can even abandon marketing altogether and go into another field.”
“Without a degree?”
“Degrees matter less and less the older you get. You’ll see. I bet with all the extracurriculars you’ve done, you have skills that can apply to all kinds of other jobs,” said Annie.
I wished someone had told me all this much earlier. At least someone was telling me now. I was increasingly feeling better and better about my situation. Not only would I avoid getting stuck in a stuffy cubicle job—like Nicole, I thought smugly—I would also be able to do work that actually mattered, if I could a worthwhile nonprofit.
“That’s really good to know,” I said. “Thanks, Annie.”
“Of course! That’s what big sisters are for. Career advice.”
I laughed. “How are things in Pittsburgh?”
“Good,” she said. “Noah and I might adopt a dog soon.”
“That’s exciting,” I said. Our parents hadn’t been keen on pets growing up, so that was an experience we’d both missed out on.
“Yep. We’re getting the dog of our dreams. We’ve been to a few shelters and rescues recently, and it’s hard not to just bring one of the dogs home with us right then and there.”
“I can imagine.”
“And what about you?” asked Annie. “What about Margie?”
“We’re living together now,” I said, feeling like a mature adult suddenly. “Just for the summer, though I hope she decides to stay on past that.”
“If it goes well, then why not?”
“She has one more year to complete at Beasley, so I think she’ll want to,” I said, my heart warming at the very thought.
“That’s good to hear. And how are Mom and Dad? How was graduation?”
I ended up on the phone with Annie for another half hour, telling her all about the mundane details of my life. And she told me the mundane details of her. It was nice to have such a pleasant conversation with her. I could see us getting closer over the years, as the difference in our ages mattered less and less.
When we hung up, I felt a lot better. And I was immensely grateful for the advice she’d given me. Bolstered by her encouragement, I opened my laptop again, looking for jobs in fields I hadn’t considered before, especially nonprofits. I liked the idea of spending forty hours a week actually doing some good in the world.
I stumbled upon one that looked interesting, which was located right here in Rosebridge. It was called Human Nature and it basically helped schoolchildren learn more about nature and conservation. I explored their website and liked what I saw.
They were looking for a part-time marketing assistant to help more families in the area learn about their programs. It also seemed like they wanted to expand beyond the Rosebridge area and start growing the scope of their organization.
I decided to apply—why not? I liked the organization’s mission. Even though it was part-time, that was fine. I could look for other part-time gigs. If anything, it was definitely worth applying.
When I broadened my search, I found even more opportunities. A small bakery called Cake My Day was also looking for marketing help—someone to handle their social media, specifically. There were a lot of part-time offerings from small businesses. If I combined enough of them…
I wondered if I could even start my own little marketing consulting firm. A one-woman operation that handled different tasks for organizations too small to hire a full-time marketing manager.
Annie had been completely right. My opportunities had widened considerably when I looked beyond my initial parameters. I felt much more optimistic about this, especially because I knew a lot of other Beasley busin
ess school grads were even more ambitious than me and wouldn’t be going for these small, part-time jobs.
Satisfied, I closed my laptop. I’d needed this surge of confidence.
I heard the door open and Margie stepped in, a smile on her face. I went up to kiss her, hugging her tightly.
Things were looking up.
16
MARGIE
Working at Leah Hensley’s animal rescue was an absolute blast. It was a no brainer, of course—I basically just had to take care of animals all day. It was hard work, but it was important. I learned a lot about caring for special needs animals, as well as some of the wildlife we cared for before transferring them to wildlife rehabbers.
Leah and Jean were easygoing and fun to hang out with, since they weren’t that much older than me, and Jean herself had gone to Beasley. It helped that they were also queer ladies, so that was something we’d bonded over early on.
I was still getting used to the whole “being gay” thing. Or bisexual, I supposed, though no label felt truly correct. Someone suggested that I was asexual, or demisexual, and though they kind of fit, I wasn’t sure about them, either. I supposed that words were at best, approximations for how I really felt. What really mattered to me was that I was in love with a woman, and that made me not-straight.
I was just finishing cleaning the bird cages. I’d managed to bond with Denise, an Amazon parrot, pretty early on, which had impressed Leah because she’d been previously abused and didn’t like humans much. She watched me as I scrubbed the bars of her cage, gently letting out soft squawks.
“Cleaning up after you is hard work,” I said, though I felt good about what I did. I loved all the animals here. I couldn’t have been happier.
After I finished making sure they had fresh food and water, I left the birds and made my way down to the living room. The funny thing about this rescue was that it was in Leah and Jean’s house. It was strange that my workplace was someone else’s house, but I liked how casual it was.
Leah was sitting on the couch with a cat on her lap, scratching its ears and checking her cell phone. She looked up when she saw me.
“Taking a break?”
“Yeah,” I said, sitting down next to her. “Just finished up with the birds.”
“Nice. I’m still amazed that Denise likes you so much.”
I shrugged. “Me too.”
“It’s probably your demeanor,” said Leah. “I think birds are particularly sensitive and like people who are gentle and predictable.”
“That makes sense,” I said, always glad to get into animal talk with Leah. It was great to have another animal nerd to nerd out with.
Jean walked into the room just then, along with another Beasley student who helped out part time, a girl named Maureen. Maureen was sweet, and we’d chatted a bit. She was a potential friend.
Right now, though, she was gathering her things, ready to head out. We waved at her, and Jean sat on the couch opposite us.
“The heat really gets to me,” she said.
“Totally,” said Leah.
There was a comfortable silence as we all enjoyed the air conditioning. The barn out back, where a lot of other animals were kept, was cool enough for them, but didn’t have A/C. But I liked being there. It was nice to be surrounded by all the animals. I found the sounds and smells comforting, somehow. I was one of those people who clearly liked animals better than people, or at least, was more comfortable with them than my own species.
I closed my eyes and leaned back, listening to Jean and Leah talk about some event they were planning. I realized they sounded just like any married couple.
Part of the reason I liked working here was because I got to see an actual married gay couple being happy and doing their own thing. I knew plenty of other queer people my age, but actual grown-up adults, who had jobs and paid bills… I didn’t run across them that often. It helped me see a possible future for myself, one where I was as happy with my life as they were.
Though I was pretty happy with my life to begin with. Living with Brianne was a blast, and my life at Beasley had improved dramatically. I loved this job, and would probably try to continue working part-time with them during the school year. Life was great.
But after college seemed like a void, the same void Brianne was facing now. It was hard to imagine the stepping stones that would take me from here to where Leah and Jean were.
I opened my eyes. They’d stopped talking and were on their phones, the only sound being the cat purring like a motor. After a moment, Jean got up to tend to something in another room.
“Leah?” I asked, wondering what I was doing even as I said her name.
“Yeah?” She looked at me with inquiring eyes.
“This is a really random question, but… how did you know when you and Jean were like, really meant for each other?” I asked.
“Well, that’s deep, isn’t it?” said Leah, smiling.
“Sorry. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…”
“No, it’s fine,” said Leah. “I just don’t get asked questions like that very often. I guess… I guess we helped each other grow. And when we saw the people we’d become, we realized we were perfect for each other. We wanted to keep growing together and journeying together.”
I pondered that for a moment. Brianne and I certainly had grown together. She’d helped me grow more than I ever thought possible. I’d completely transformed.
“I guess you have someone in mind? Brianne, right?” asked Leah.
“Yeah. You know her?”
“Our parents are friends so I see her around at events occasionally,” said Leah.
“Ah,” I said. “Well, she’s really helped me grow over the past few months. I started out with absolutely no friends. Zero friends. And now I have so many… I have no idea how it happened. She helped me become more confident.”
“I would never have guessed. You and Maureen got along so easily. In fact, you seem like a really easygoing, affable person,” said Leah.
I nearly blushed at the compliment. It was amazing to me that someone could now perceive me this way. “It wasn’t always like that.”
“Do you think Brianne’s grown too?” asked Leah.
“I think so. She’s become… softer, more relaxed. It’s hard to put it into words. But she’s mellowed out quite a bit, I guess. I don’t know how someone as anxious as me could have had that effect on her, but there it is.”
“Love is a mysterious thing,” said Leah. “Do you love her?”
“Oh, definitely,” I said. “I just… I need to tell her. I don’t know when. I’m waiting for the right moment. I’ve been waiting for the right moment for a long time.”
“Well, here’s my suggestion. Don’t wait too long,” said Leah. “Because the perfect moment doesn’t exist.”
I blinked at her. I hadn’t been expecting her to say that.
“It doesn’t,” she continued. “You just have to say it when you feel it. When you want to say it.”
“I guess you’re right,” I said. There was no good reason for why I’d been putting it off. I should have just told her back at the wedding.
“I know I’m right,” said Leah, smiling. “Because after you say it the first time, you’ll say it every day. Every morning, every night. All the time.”
A warm glow filled me. That sounded lovely. “You’re right,” I said. “I’ll tell her tonight!”
Leah laughed. “Go get ‘em, tiger. You want to tackle the small animal room next?”
I nodded and stood, watching as Leah gently pushed the cat off her lap. Disgruntled, it jumped off and ran behind the couch in a flash of orange.
I followed Leah up the stairs and into the small animal room. She hadn’t yet showed me how to care for them—she’d started me on birds because I was the most interested in working with them—so today was to be another training day.
“God, they’re so cute,” I said, looking at the rabbits, guinea pigs, chinchillas, an
d hamsters who all lived in this room. They were so skittish, but so fuzzy and round and adorable.
“They’re definitely among my favorites,” said Leah. “Here’s the chart for this room.”
She handed me a clipboard. These animals were really easy to take care of, especially since none of them were special needs. It was primarily important to keep their cages clean, though, since they were poop machines.
It was tough work to move the cages around and clean them, but we took breaks to play with the animals—it was important to socialize them. And it was a good reprieve from the manual labor.
When I got back to the house that night, I was exhausted. I hadn’t been the most fit person to begin with, so I was definitely going to develop some muscles by the end of the summer.
Brianne had made dinner for us, and we sat down to eat.
“This is delicious,” I said, digging into the chicken pesto pasta she’d made. “Seriously.”
“Thanks. I’ve been trying to improve my cooking and other skills and it’s been going great. Figure I should use this time to learn more about adulting before I actually do it.” She laughed.
As we continued stuffing our faces, I wondered if this was the right time. But then, of course, the advice Leah had given me was to stop holding out for the “right time.”
“Brianne… I love you,” I said, looking up from my plate.
Her eyes widened slightly, and she broke out into a smile. “I love you, too.”
There. It had happened. And the best part was… It felt absolutely right.
When we’d finished putting our dishes away, we curled up on the couch and put on a show we’d been working our way through. Brianne massaged my shoulders, which I appreciated, and worked her way down to my hands, making sure every muscle was kneaded. I felt boneless in her arms, completely at peace.
Eventually, I started losing the plot of the TV show. It was time for bed. I sat up and kissed Brianne. “I love you,” I said again.
17
BRIANNE
Work was apparently going great for Margie. She always came back with great stories about the animals, telling me I needed to visit the barn sometime. She was also getting along great with Leah and Jean. Bizarrely, she even told me that Leah’s sister-in-law was married to the movie star Callie Hinderbrook, which I found very hard to believe, but I couldn’t imagine why they’d lie about that. When I looked Callie up on Wikipedia, I found out that she was right.