‘I know that. I vividly remember the first time I met you and the filthy looks you kept giving me.’ It had been Sarah’s second term at Manchester University and I’d finally agreed to visit for a weekend. She’d met me from the train station, taken me to her flat to dump my bag then on to meet Clare in a local pub. Sarah had been so excited about introducing us that she seemed oblivious to the snarls from Clare the second she saw me. I’d never felt so uncomfortable or unwelcome in my life. It had deteriorated from there with Clare sneering at me for marrying so young and me defending my actions, swearing that we may be young, but we knew it would last. Hmm. Didn’t manage to prove her wrong on that one.
‘That was because you’d upset Sarah,’ Clare said.
‘What? How?’
‘By not visiting her sooner. It had been a big thing for her moving from somewhere like here to a huge city like Manchester. She was homesick for her family and for you and she was worried about the two of you drifting apart by living at other sides of the country, not to mention her being single and you being married. A visit from you in her first term would have reassured her that everything was okay. You kept promising you’d visit and you never followed through. She was devastated, you know. She thought there was no space for her in your life anymore now that you were a mature, married woman.’
Oh the irony! She was right about me deliberately avoiding Sarah and her new life, but not about the reason. ‘I didn’t know she felt that way,’ I said. ‘Do you want to know why I didn’t visit in her first term?’
‘Enlighten me.’
‘I was scared to. I’d just married my childhood sweetheart, I was renting a flat in the only town I’ve ever lived in, was studying here, and planned to teach here when I graduated. My life wasn’t exactly filled with adventure. By contrast, my best friend who was originally going to do teacher training in Whitsborough Bay with me had decided it wasn’t the career for her, had changed to Business Studies at Manchester, and was about to start an exciting new life without me. I was scared of visiting her in case she saw me as the boring, unadventurous person I was, sticking out like a sore thumb against all these exciting new friends with whom she was living.’
Clare stared at me for a moment, her green eyes soft with understanding. ‘That’s pretty ironic,’ she said eventually. ‘What a pair of eejits you two were.’
‘Tell me about it!’
Clare sipped on her coffee. ‘I’m sorry I judged you. I never paused to think there could be another explanation for you not coming.’
‘Thank you. And thanks for telling me about Sarah. I only thought about myself, not how it affected her.’
‘What made you visit in our second term, then?’
‘We spent time together over the Christmas break and I realised she was still the same Sarah, but if I didn’t make an effort to fit into her new life, our relationship might not stay the same. I was dreading meeting you, though.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you were the new me. You were the person with whom she did everything. Up until that point, it had been the two of us against the world.’
Clare shook her head. ‘You’re saying you were jealous of my friendship with Sarah?’
‘If you want to put a label on it…’
Clare laughed. ‘Yet more irony because I was jealous of you too.’
I smiled. ‘Really? Why?’
‘I’ve already said I don’t make friends easily, but there was something about Sarah. I warmed to her the minute I met her. She’s the only person I’ve ever fully trusted. She’s also the sort of friend I wish I’d had when I was younger to support me through…’ She tailed off and stared out of the window.
I cleared my throat slightly. She looked back at me, a distant look in her eyes, then continued. ‘She was the friend I’d have wanted and, childish as I can see it is now, I was jealous that she’d had you and you’d had her at a time when I hadn’t had anyone. I wanted to make the most of my time with her and not share her with you.’
‘Wow!’ I said. ‘So we were both jealous of each other and we’ve let it drag on for twelve years. Pretty stupid, eh?’
Clare rolled her eyes. ‘Eejits. I don’t think that’s all, though. I think we’re very different personalities so we clash. Sarah’s somewhere in the middle.’
‘True.’ I held out my hand. ‘Do you think we can call a truce for Sarah’s sake?’
‘I’m willing to give it a go if you are.’
We shook on it. As I sat back in my chair sipping my tea, I realised that I’d finally seen something vulnerable about Clare and instantly I didn’t feel threatened, inferior, ugly or undesirable next to her. How could I? She was just as insecure and messed up as me. Something had clearly happened to her when she was younger that had scarred her for life. I suspected we’d draw a line in the sand and tolerate each other going forwards — too much water under the bridge to become friends — but I wondered if she’d ever fully open up about her past to Sarah because it sounded like she had demons to face. Only time would tell.
Chapter 26
‘I really appreciate you helping me to re-stock.’ Sarah set a box of gifts down on the shop floor next to me. ‘I know it’s not the most exciting way to spend a Friday evening. Especially when we were meant to be going out for a meal instead.’
I smiled. ‘I don’t mind. Honestly. It’s quite exciting that you’re having to re-stock out of hours because it means that business is thriving.’
It was Sarah’s turn to smile. ‘It is. Better than I ever imagined. To be fair, we can do some re-stocking during opening hours, but I’ve got so many new gift lines in this delivery that I need to do a major change around and there’s no way we can do that when customers are in. Speaking of which, let me put off the lights nearest the window so nobody can see us.’ She wandered over to the door and flicked a couple of switches. ‘That’s better. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m still open. Probably shouldn’t take too long with two of us. We could go for a curry afterwards if you like.’
It was nearly two weeks since I’d been sick in Minty’s following my altercation with Clare and I hadn’t felt right since. In fact, I’d felt ill on and off since Sarah’s engagement party. Sarah had said that some of her customers had found the bug sticking around for weeks. It hadn’t wiped me out for long, but it had certainly stuck around.
‘Maybe not curry,’ I said, pulling a face.
‘Are you still feeling sick?’
‘It comes and goes. I think it’s that gastric flu thing that I had last summer. That’s the problem with being a teacher — you work so hard and so intensively all term then you take your foot off the pedal in the holidays and wham! If I don’t feel better when I start back at school next week, I’ll make a doctor’s appointment. Mind you, I need to find a new GP. I don’t want to go to Gary’s surgery.’
‘Can’t say I blame you. Could be awkward.’ She ripped the tape off the box and pulled a few small boxes out. ‘If I give you one of each type of gift, can you unwrap it and put it on the counter? Then we can decide what to move to make way for the new stuff.’
‘Fine by me.’ I did as she asked. My phone beeped and I fished it out of my bag. ‘It’s Daniel. Apparently he misses me and wishes he could see me tonight. He hopes we enjoy our meal and think of him with beans on toast and a DVD for one.’
‘Didn’t you tell him we’d ditched the meal?’
‘Must have forgotten to mention it.’
‘How’s it going after the incident with Stevie?’
Good question! ‘It’s not the same. To be honest, we’ve not seen much of each other. He’s been extra attentive when we’ve been together, but I’m just not feeling it.’ I knew exactly what the obvious next question would be.
‘Then why not just end it, Elise? What’s the point in stringing it out when your heart’s not in it?’
Another good question! I switched my phone to silent and put it in my bag, then busied myself rearranging the boxes on the counter into a straight line to avoid looking at Sarah. ‘I don’t want to end it. I know I should and I will, but not just yet. I’m not ready. I will be soon. I’m just… Actually, can we change the subject? You wanted me to unwrap each of these, yes?’
‘Yes please.’
We both worked in silence for a while. I knew she’d be desperate to challenge me more about Daniel, but I hoped that I’d been forceful enough in my request for a subject change that she’d know not to push it. I didn’t want the conversation. Stevie and I had spoken on the phone a few times and he’d challenged me too… but he’d also known when to drop it. I’d even had a lecture from Curtis: “No shag’s that good. Dump the tosser!”
‘Clare told me she’s got a promotion and is moving to Leeds.’ I called down the shop. ‘Is it this weekend that she moves?’
‘Yes. She’s been doing part of her old job and part of her new job for a month or so, but she officially starts the new one full time on Monday and makes the move. She’s staying with my brother while she looks for somewhere to rent.’ She wandered over to the counter with a few more gifts and started unwrapping them.
‘How is Ben?’ I asked. ‘I didn’t get a chance to speak to him at your engagement party with going home early.’
‘I haven’t seen him since then, but I’ve spoken to him a few times. Nick’s asked him to be an usher and he’s well chuffed with that, although Lebony can’t come to the wedding, of course.’
‘They’re still going strong?’
She shrugged. ‘If you can call a distance relationship of thousands of miles where they never see each other strong, then I guess they are.’
I unwrapped another gift. ‘You really don’t like her, do you?’
‘No. Actually, that’s a lie. There’s nothing to dislike about her. She’s a really lovely person, but she never seems to have time for Ben and it winds me up. I get that she goes abroad a lot with her various humanitarian endeavours and I think it’s amazing that someone can be so giving, but she comes back home often too, and she doesn’t always bother meeting up with Ben. How can you call that a relationship?’ She looked at what I’d unpacked and frowned. ‘I’m missing some. Can you do me a favour and go into The Outback and see if there’s another box in the store cupboard? I’m just going to check that I’ve definitely got one of each out of this box.’
I headed into The Outback — a storage area out the back of the shop — and found a taped-up box dumped on the floor. ‘Found it! Or at least I think this is it.’ I placed a smaller box on the floor beside Sarah, but she wasn’t paying attention. She was staring out of the window. ‘What are you looking at?’
She turned to me, eyes wide. ‘Oh, Elise, don’t…’
I looked out of the window to where a young blonde woman and a dark-haired man were passionately kissing and groping each other in the middle of Castle Street. ‘Wow! They should get a room!’ It was only when they moved slightly that I was able to see him clearly. I gasped. ‘That’s Daniel. That’s Daniel kissing another woman.’
‘I know. Oh Elise, I’m so sorry.’
I felt the energy drain from my body as I witnessed, once again, an act of complete and utter betrayal. I caught hold of Sarah’s arm to steady myself.
‘Are you going to confront him?’
I let go of her arm, stood tall, and shook my head. ‘What’s the point? What could he possibly say that would make this situation any better?’ I turned away from the window, teeth grinding. ‘Let’s get on with the re-stocking. Shall I open this box?’
‘We can do this later,’ Sarah said. ‘It’s not important.’
‘It is. I promised I’d help get the stock out for your weekend trade and that’s what I’m going to do.’ I knelt down, ripped the tape off the top, then looked out the window again. They’d set off down the street, arms round each other. ‘So it turns out that, as well as thumping people, Daniel can add being a two-timing cheating little shit to his CV, just like my ex-husband, although I think Gary’s revelation still trumps what I’ve just witnessed. I picked myself up after that. I’ll pick myself up after this.’
‘You’re not upset?’
Was I? I was upset that I’d been lied to. Again. But was I upset at seeing Daniel with someone else. Not really. Just a bit resigned. ‘I don’t think I am, Sarah. I don’t think I’m in a place where I trust men at the moment. I think part of me expected this to happen.’
‘Not all men are like that, you know.’
‘I know. Nick isn’t. Stevie isn’t. Our Jess’ Lee isn’t. Unfortunately I seem to be a magnet for them.’ I started removing the contents of the box.
‘Elise…’
I sat back on my heels and looked up at her. ‘Do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says, ‘Please betray me’? What’s wrong with me?’
Sarah sat down beside me and gave me a gentle nudge. ‘You know it’s them and not you. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been really unlucky.’
‘I won’t rush out and buy a lottery ticket then,’ I said. ‘Look, Sarah, I’m actually okay with this. It’s not like I was head over heels in love with him, is it?’
Poor Sarah looked like she was about to cry.
‘Honestly. I’m fine. I don’t really want to talk about it now, although I may do later. I need to think it through in my own mind and work out how I feel first. Right now I have no idea if I’m angry, upset, or relieved it’s over.’
‘It’s definitely over?’
‘Definitely. I know you and Stevie must think I’m crazy to have stayed after the incident and maybe I was, but he seemed so genuinely sorry and I never, ever felt threatened by him or I’d have been out of there like a shot. This time, I don’t care what excuses he has, it’s over. Can you just promise me one thing?’
‘Anything?’
‘After Rob and now Daniel, promise me you’ll never introduce me to any more of your friends.’ I winked at her so she could be assured that I wasn’t angry with her.
‘I promise.’
The re-organising took us a lot longer than expected so I dipped out and got a couple of bags of chips when Sarah’s stomach rumbled loudly. It was a relief to escape from her sympathetic glances and unspoken questions.
It was past eleven when I got back to Smuggler’s View, but Kay still wasn’t home. She’d gone to Philip’s for a lesson in processing photos so presumably she was still there. The empty cottage seemed to amplify my troubled thoughts. I sat in the lounge in darkness trying to make sense of what I’d seen that evening and, more importantly, how I felt about it.
Deep down, I’d known it was over when he punched Stevie. I’d been having doubts anyway, and that was really the final straw, yet I hadn’t ended it. I’d steadily pulled away, though. We’d kissed, but I’d managed to avoid going any further. I’d wanted to be clear in my mind whether I really enjoyed Daniel’s company or just our sex life. I’d been fairly sure it was the latter. My resigned reaction to Daniel’s PDA outside Flowers & Gifts confirmed my suspicions that I wasn’t into him anymore. As I’d said to Stevie before Daniel thumped him, he wasn’t my soul-mate and, having had that with Gary (despite how it ended), I wanted that again. I wasn’t prepared to compromise and settle for ‘like’ instead of ‘love’.
I took my Blackberry out of my bag and switched it off silent. It instantly beeped. Six missed calls and three texts from Jess all insisting I ring her whatever time I picked up the message. My pulse raced. Had something happened to the twins?
I paced the lounge floor as I waited for the phone to connect.
‘Are you okay? Are the twins okay?’ I cried as soon as she answered.
‘We’re all fine. Sorry for scaring you. I should have said it wasn’t baby-related.’
Phew! I slumped on
to the sofa. ‘Thank goodness. So why the urgency?’
Jess sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Elise, but there’s no easy way to say this other than to come straight out with it.’
I sat forward, my heart racing. ‘Come out with what?’
‘I only found out tonight and, believe me, I’ve given her a right mouthful.’
‘Who?’
‘Izzy. I’m really sorry, but she had sex with Daniel at my wedding.’
I think Jess was more upset than me, but the news hadn’t really surprised me after what I’d witnessed earlier. I was angry with him — with them both — and I felt sickened that he’d returned to our room for sex with me too. I bet he’d loved that conquest. Two bridesmaids in one night? Sick.
I stood up with the intention of going to bed to put a close to a hideous day, but my Blackberry beeped again.
* From Daniel
Hope you had fun with Sarah. Nice meal? I pushed the boat out and had spaghetti on toast LOL! Watched the last Hobbit film again, but would have rather been snuggled up with you. Missed you loads xx
You lying little… Right, that’s it! I grabbed my bag and keys and stormed out of the cottage. I don’t think I’ve ever driven so fast in my whole life or ground my teeth so much. My jaw hurt by the time I screeched to a halt outside Daniel’s cottage. I leapt out of Bertie, ran to the front door, and banged on it just like I’d done after the incident with Stevie.
Michael opened the door. ‘Elise? What are you doing here?’
‘Is he in?’
Michael shrugged. ‘I’ve just walked through the door myself. Are you okay?’
‘No. I’m very angry with Daniel right now. Can I come in?’
‘Of course.’ He stepped back to let me pass then closed the door. ‘He hasn’t thumped another of your friends, has he?’
‘No. Worse. Well, maybe not worse. Different. Still bad.’
‘Do you want to go up to his room?’
Did I? A flashback of Gary and Rob in the shower entered my mind. I really didn’t want to add Daniel and Whoever She Is to that album of images I’d rather forget. ‘No. Can you shout him down? Don’t tell him I’m here, though.’
Getting over Gary (Whitsborough Bay Trilogy Book 2) Page 20